If you missed my talk at Northwestern on the Friend Zone, and most of you did, I go over a lot of what I said in it in my interview with Amanda Marcotte here. My segment of the podcast starts about 8 minutes in. (The rest of the podcast is interesting, too.)
The one thing missing from the podcast that my talk had was … a gazillion terrible Friend Zone memes to illustrate all my points. So here are a couple of the ones I refer to in the interview.
I’m happy that we’re not all special pleading creeps like you who try to tone police. So yes.
By the way, fuck you.
… *shudder*
Rancid, don’t act high and mighty. Your posts are fucked. You’re attempting to shame again. It won’t work; you’re wrong-minded here. Stop trying to shame us and women who don’t want to date you.
My defensiveness against men is nothing like reinforcing stereotypes that contribute to the institutionalized oppression of black people of color. Don’t you dare appropriate their experiences in order to make a shitty point about “not all men”.
I know not all men are like that. My brother saved me from a potentially life-threatening situation. I’m grateful for his love and support. But that’s besides the point. I told you bits and pieces of my experiences with abusive men to let you know that the specifics of those scenarios another person provided you are irrelevant. The reason we women tell white lies to certain men and try to speak in ambiguous terms is the ubiquity of male aggression against women. It’s not a non-sequitor, you little shit. It’s an explanation for why so many women aren’t completely honest with all men all the time.
And I can swear as much as I fucking want and it won’t reflect anything about my intelligence. Yet you accuse us of being close-minded and trapped in ideological bubbles. LOL. Give me a break, racnad.
I dated a guy who felt “friend-zoned” by an ex and the rejection he felt as a result of her wanting to maintain the bits of relationship that worked for her while having no interest in intimacy or anythng meaningful resulted in him needing to cut her off entirely. Fair enough. He needed to heal and couldn’t maintain any relationship or contact with her in order to do so. I’ve been there. I get it.
He went on to dump me and was surprised when I told him I’d be cutting him off and, in order to heal, needed him to respect my need and not reach out to me unless absolutely necessary as in he was dying or something. He wanted to know why we couldnt still talk. Um, HELLO! WHEN YOUR EX DID THIS TO YOU YOU CALLED IT FREND-ZONING!
It’s amazing how self-unaware some adults are.
rancad: It looks like all we have left is ad hominem attacks and profanity. Aren’t you all so proud.
Show me one ad hominem attack I’ve made.
Go on. Try it.
You can’t win that one.
And really… all that I wrote, you dismiss as profanity?
Weak Sauce.
And you say you like to be challenged.
You don’t have any arguments, so you hide behind lies about what arguments were made and fall back on, “They said mean things, so they must be wrong”.
As I said, stupid to the point of being witless.
As to profanity… Damn skippy. You have been profane
You have said women who are afraid when they want to reject a man are fools, because they don’t know what sort of rejection “set off” the fuckers who killed women.
You have said women who are abused need to “figure out why they like abusive men”.
You have called people here liars.
And then you get your knickers in a twist because they told you off. You have not been abused. You have been, to some degree, savaged (though you failed to notice most of it). But no one has treated you with any less deference than you earned. You came in, and started being an asshole.
You got called on it.
And you can’t take it.
Wah!
Grow up.
You know, racnad, you’ve addressed none of the points that people here have brought up to.
But, this is a nice little illustration if why you’re a loathsome little creep:
Someone tells you to listen to women about their lives experiences with male violence. You take this as “stereotyping men.”
Telling men to listen to women is just as bad as the racism of KKK.
Fuck off.
I just noticed that he automatically assumed I’m white. lol. What a little shit.
And your cascade profanity at the end of your long non-sequitor post only proves your have nothing intelligent to say.
Witless.
Churchill was fond of profanity. Must mean he didn’t have anything intelligent to say.
OK, he crossed a line. No one here is stereotyping all men, just assholes like rancid. He said Ally had nothing intelligent to say and brought up racism to shame her for having strong opinions based on her own personal experiences. Don’t use social justice language to forward your own agenda, asshat, we see right through that.
And yes, as grown-ups, we can use as much profantiy as we want. The disapproving dad thing is really sexist. You can’t tell us how we feel or how to express ourselves. Who they hell do you think you are, anyway?
NOPE!!!
Haven’t you ever heard of privilege? You are using a marginalized group as a shield to protect assholes in a privileged group. Fuck you very much.
Statistically, people murderers usually kill people of their own race. When white people have a knee jerk reaction of fearing black people, it is racism. Pure and simple. Because centuries of racism in this country has conditioned white people to assume the worst of black people.
Men are not a marginalized group. Men statistically pose a threat to women. Men are a privileged demographic and certain (not all) members of this demographic use that privilege to terrorize women. Because they can. Because they get away with it. That’s what privilege is. Privilege is also what gives you the luxury to not understand why women have a completely reasonable fear of men we don’t yet know and trust. You don’t need to have these same fears of women because you are privileged, you stupid fuckwit.
I’ve heard POC say that they are weary of white people. Because many white people are racist. Some racist white people don’t show their true colors for awhile. Not until a POC lets their guard down around them.
As a white person, it sometimes makes me sad that POC are weary of me because I am not one of those white people who are racist. All the same, I don’t blame them. Experience has taught them to beware of white people. My hurt fee-fees that someone might fear I’m a racist is insignificant compared to the harm that racism does. So I get the fuck over it and just hope I can prove myself trustworthy.
Can you not, as a member of a privileged group, extend that same understanding? It actually isn’t that hard. All you have to do is not be a selfish asshole. Why is that asking so much?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
No, seriously, fuck you and go step on a Lego.
WWTH: All you have to do is not be a selfish asshole. Why is that asking so much?
Because that requires him to do something for himself; he would have to change.
As we’ve seen his desired method is to have women do the work for him.
Sorry if my posts are getting nonsensical and ranty. I had mojitos at dinner and then wine I got home so it’s getting into drunk posting territory at this point :/
Hey Rancid: I don’t know if you specifically meant Ally, or the women here in general, but fuck you anyway. Oh, I’m not upset or angry, saying that, btw: I’m expressing contempt for you.
I’ve not had many bad experiences with men. I’ve never been interested in dating, let alone anything more, because I’ve been in love with the one man since I was a teenager. I’ve had far less harassment than most of the women here, and only one involvement with abuse, as a bystander, more or less. I’ve been lucky, not least because the man I love was a better human being at his worst than you are.
I know a shitfaced, whiney, entitled little wannabe rapist when I see one, and you fit the bill. Gonna get upset about being called a wannabe rapist? Well boo fucking hoo, because your refusal to take any no except the vanishingly small variety you deem acceptable is exactly what rapists do.
May all your chairs be covered in caltrops, and bedbugs infest anything you try to sleep on.
(Yes I am channelling Queen Jadis here.)
When someone does something terrible for the exact reasons that you’re complaining about, you want to write it off as completely unrelated? What a shock.
Racnad- Women don’t know if the man who approaches them is some entitled shitbucket that is going to attempt to physically assault them or murder them for daring to say ‘no’.
What they do know is that the possibility exists, because it has happened multiple times before.
So sometimes women will go the “Oh, I’d love to, some other time” route because they feel UNSAFE and are buying time to get away from the creep and muster some defense against him if he does decide to snap.
And considering how demanding you are of women and how unwilling you seem to be to listen to any of the female posters here or respect their boundaries, I’m not unsure that the above reason is why you’ve been getting ‘lied’ to. Because you’re tripping the danger alarms that women have had to develop as a result of being in a culture that poses a constant underlying threat to them.
So don’t you fucking dare tell me that everything would be better and easier if women would just say ‘no’ firmly and politely and them proceed to be life coaches for every jerkwad who demands their time.
Hey, here’s another one for Rancid. Happened a few months ago.
A chugger (charity mugger) jumped in front of me in the street with the “Hi, sorry to bother you” routine and I said “Don’t worry, you’re not,” and kept walking.
A young bloke walking the same way then asked if I’d be his Valentine. I have no idea whether he was joking or not; I assumed so, at first, thinking it might be a slightly OTT way of saying “Good comeback.” So I said “I don’t think my husband would be too impressed.” See, that was a soft no, and a very clear message that I wasn’t interested in whatever he had in mind, in case it wasn’t a joke.
He then said “He doesn’t need to know.”
That’s fucking creepy in any number of ways. Should I have said “Don’t be a fucking idiot, kid, I’m old enough to be your mother”? Or, “I’m not interested in Valentines or anything else from random strangers?”
Yeah, because there’s no way he might have started to act like a jerk and follow me or pester me, is there? That just never happens.
As it was, I resorted to “He already knows,” which is both true and strange enough to scare pests away.
Rapidly-becoming-nuisance-boy said “That’s okay, I’m used to being rejected” and mercifullly disappeared.
It’s times like this I wish Mr K were visible to most people. If they thought he was corporeal there’d be a better chance the dudes would piss off in case he took his cane to them, and if they realised he was in Spirit, they’d wet themselves with fright anyway, so it’d be a win-win.
You didn’t even ask if we wanted to play your little mind-expanding game with you. You just barged in here, spouting shit that upset people, and then called us “hostile” for not playing a game we never agreed to play. This isn’t a debate club and no one is enjoying having you here.
Tell you what: next time you’re at a basketball game, go start a game of “horse” at one of the hoops. When the refs tell you there’s a game on and ask you to leave, you can yell at them for being hostile, because you’re just trying to keep your skills sharp and your muscles active, and you wish more people could enjoy a nice game of “horse” without being so mean.
Also, you’re still ignoring the part where you were rude first. Why do we have to be nice but you don’t?
Sparky,
People tried touching on it. Racnad moved the goalposts, quelle surprise.
Rancid,
A man just went on a mass murder spree over certain women not falling all over him and you are still moaning about how bad you have it and how women shouldn’t let a little thing like fear of violence stop them from behaving in ways that please you?
There is not enough OFF for you to FUCK.
How dare he compare calling out his sexist shit to racism?
“Wahhh, women not coddling my fee-fees is totes just like race based institutionalized oppression, WAHH!!!!”
I’ve found less repulsive stuff stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Can he be banned for the comment about whether or not the women who Roger murdered gave a direct enough no? That was way over the damn line, imo.
Because Racnad (Aside: Is anyone else reading that as a portmanteau of racist and gonad?) had gone quiet for a while, I assumed he had had a moment of conscience after UCSB and stopped trolling. My expectations were too high. He was merely asleep.
Instead of thinking “OMGs, my words sound exactly like a mass murderer’s manifesto”, all self-awareness escapes Racnad and he continues to mirror a killer’s words because “Meeee! Everything’s about meeee! Look at meeeee!”
Racnad keeps saying he’ll obey hard nos, and yet here he is, still whining about nobody will talk and dissect his genius ideas with him.
Racnad, no means no. So go fuck off.
I mean, generally, if you find yourself sounding like a carbon copy of a recent spree killer that would make you pause and go “huh, maybe I should rethink some of this”, right? For most people that would be the case? But not for Rancid! No, his first instinct is to try to figure out what the women around the killer might have done to make him less murder-prone. You know, like being more/less/whatever the man prefers at the time direct/indirect/asskissy about rejecting him.