Check out my interview about the dreaded Friend Zone on Amanda Marcotte's Reality Check Podcast

Rancid doesn’t want to hear “no” period. Rancid doesn’t want to believe he’s the problem.
He’s angry, hostile, petty. He has to concoct a philosophy in which women are doing something wrong, or there’s something wrong with women who tell him “no.” He makes it about honesty — but that’s just a smokescreen. He wants us to believe he wants more hard no’s, but that’s the last thing he wants. He wants us to believe if some woman said, “No, I don’t want to date you. Now stop asking me out — ever.” That this would satisfy him. If women only ever gave you hard no’s you wouldn’t have the excuse to blame women for not being honest. You wouldn’t have a half-assed excuse to bring up mixed messages and labeling women as confusing. What lie would you tell yourself if women ONLY ever gave hard no’s?

You want to hear what you want to hear. You think a woman’s feelings are something you can debate away.

You’re an asshole, dude. Here, let me very honest again, you are an asshole. That’s the problem.

Hey rancid, here’s an honest no.

I wouldn’t fuck you if we were the last humans on earth and you were a dead ringer for Mr K.

Clear enough for you?

Can we ban this PoS already? Has anyone emailed the Dark Lord? I know rancid’s on moderation, but he’s way overdue for the banhammer, imo.

[Content note: male aggression, misogyny, violence, abuse, death threats]

Therefore these links don’t have enough information to conclude if safety concerns justify women giving rejecting men with ambiguous white lies rather than clear messages.

Shut the fuck up with your moralistic nonsense, racnad. (Oh wow, I’m not being “civil”. How fucking awful.) We have damn good reasons to not be completely honest in every interaction with a man who isn’t willing to respect our boundaries.

And those reasons include but are not limited to: men harassing us, men abusing us, men raping us, men assaulting us, men terrorizing us, men humiliating us, men harassing us, and men bullying us. That these things happen as part of a system of male domination is enough for us to not be honest all the fucking time. In the first place there is a power dynamic against us and in favor of men.

You know why I one time lied to a male harasser who was about to stalk me about my current destination? Because if I didn’t get him off my tail, he could fucking follow me to my house, where many family members live, including my 9-year-old and 8-year-old little sisters. Of course I would fucking lie to him, asshole.

One time, my dad asked me to call my own mom and relay to her my dad’s death threat against her, my little brother, my step-dad, and my older siblings’ then-ex-partners. He asked me to describe the gory details of his death wish, involving a fully loaded pistol. He was so angry and furious that he threw his damn phone against the central console of the car and ended up warping the keyboard and permanently destroying the circuitry in the phone. With him threatening to murder my loved ones and demonstrating a willingness to use violence to express his anger, do you still fucking think that the ~right thing~ would be to avoid making a white lie? Had I been honest about my plans to instead call my older siblings and my uncle for help, he would have most likely become furious at me and try to hurt me as well. Yet you think that we women have no fucking reasons to be careful around men.

And you know why I constantly lie to my father? About every little thing. I do it to escape his anger. If I make him angry, he will bully me, manipulate me, and make me feel worthless. He likes to insult my mother and call her a prostitute for not being married to him anymore. He screams and yells into my face until I start sobbing, and then when he sees the tears he tells me to be quiet under his threat of beating me up. On some occasions he has even put me in a headlock while he’s in the goddamn car at a fucking stoplight, endangering both me and himself. And during the last time I made him the most upset, he scratched my face, tore up my shirt into pieces (and so exposing my bare chest), cornered me, screamed at me, and threatened to kick me out of the house. If I had asked him to stop hurting me, perhaps he would stop, or perhaps he would punch me in the face. So I just stood there and took it, and until my brother intervened I thought my father was never going to stop assaulting me.

So yeah. You whiny, privileged, entitled abuse-apologist piece of shit. You completely lack perspective. Stop talking out of your ass and fucking LISTEN to women when they tell you about their experiences with male violence.

/end of very angry rant

@Ally s

it was scary but don’t be sorry for it. it was the truth. I can only say you are one tough person and i hope thing get better for you soon.

Ally – what Ken L. said above.

@Ken L.

Thanks. Things are getting better because I ran away from my dad’s house, but he always has a grasp on me no matter what I do. It’s inevitable.

Damn, I would like to see your father in prison where he belongs, Ally. He’s a fucking criminal and should not be free to walk the streets.

Like nearly all abusers, he will always walk free. I know that for a fact. All I can hope is that he realizes how horribly abusive he is and decides to become a kind, compassionate man. He has done good things, but his abusiveness overshadows all of the good things he has done.

“So yeah. You whiny, privileged, entitled abuse-apologist piece of shit. You completely lack perspective. Stop talking out of your ass and fucking LISTEN to women when they tell you about their experiences with male violence. ”

I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences with men, but they have nothing to do with the point I was trying to make, nor do they justify stereotyping all men this way. If you talked about African Americans like that, people would be looking for your white hooded sheets.

And your cascade profanity at the end of your long non-sequitor post only proves your have nothing intelligent to say.

@Ally
You post is a vivid and chilling example of how children, especially girls, are forced to learn how to appease potentially volatile men. Unfortunately, I doubt racnad will understand your point and I know he’s not worth the grief.

I’ve been re-examining my views on exactly what defines creepiness, soft no’s vrs. hard no’s etc. I feel this helps one arrive a little closer to the truth.

I call bullshit on ranced having ever been “friend-zoned” because I find it impossible to believe that he has or has had actual female friends. I’m guessing he’s been turned down schoolmates, co-workers or very casual acquaintances. No one who has real conversations with women says shit like this.

Ally – damn.

Sigh.

🙁

I call bullshit on ranced having ever been “friend-zoned” because I find it impossible to believe that he has or has had actual female friends. I’m guessing he’s been turned down schoolmates, co-workers or very casual acquaintances. No one who has real conversations with women says shit like this.

Too right. I can’t imagine rancid being anyone’s friend, unless the term’s stretched far enough to include “other dudebros whining about how they’re denied teh secks”.

Funny how the skin-crawling creepiness of “trying to hit on/date/fuck someone who’s not interested” is so hard for scum like rancid (or is that rancid scum?) to understand.

Except it’s not, because they do, they just want to do all the special pleading and wearing down and wearing down until women are forced to be available for them on demand, 24/7.

Yes, “wearing down.” I’ve had that pulled on me. Didn’t work, thank god.

And what kind of asshole is OK with trying to wear down a woman into dating/fucking him?
What kind of asshole puts a woman on the spot and tries to make her feel umcomfortable about giving a soft no? Rancid, that’s who.

Actually, when it comes right down to it, rancid’s dishonest demand for truth, and hatred of soft no’s is a shaming tactic for not wanting to date/fuck him.