Yesterday, a message arrived in my email inbox with the title “Are you happy to die a virgin,” a somewhat unusual question, I felt, not just because of its faulty premise but also because of its lack of the conventional question mark at the end. The email itself was equally blunt and illiterate:
You sound like a 40 y/o FAT VIRGIN living in a basement rotting away. Is manboobz.com your way of hide behind your own internal issues u refuse to face? Father issues???
Ah, here’s where the missing question mark went, along with some friends.
The sender appended a photo of an extremely obese Asian man at least 20 years my junior, mostly if not completely nude, along with the question (and I quote verbatim) “This this photo you??”
As hate mail goes, this isn’t particularly interesting and original. What got my attention was the sender: it came from the admin account at mensrightsmelbourne.com, an Australian Men’s Rights site taking much of its inspiration from Men’s Rights Edmonton (its website design) and A Voice for Men (its propaganda). So this wasn’t simply some anonymous internet troll sending me puerile hate mail: this is one of Australia’s most visible MRAs.
On the front page I noticed something else: A post with the title: “‘Twitter gave me PTSD’: Woman claims mean comments and ‘cyberstalking’ gave her an illness usually suffered by WAR VETERANS.”
The post – most of which is plagiarised directly from The Daily Mail, including the title itself – is an attack on Melody Hensley, a feminist and skeptic who is the Executive Director of Center for Inquiry in Washington DC. Hensley, who in the past suffered intense harassment from misogynists in the skeptic movement and other assorted assholes, is now facing a second wave of harassment as a result of saying publicly that the earlier harassment had given her Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
That’s right: she’s being harassed for saying that harassment so fucked up her life that it gave her PTSD.
While much of the most vicious harassment this time is coming, as it did last time, from the misogynist wing of the atheist/skeptic movement, MRAs are jumping on board as well.
The “argument” of Hensley’s enemies? That she couldn’t possibly have gotten PTSD from “mean words” online. Men’s Rights blogger The Native Canadian put it this way:
PTSD from being a feminist on the internet? Yeah I bet she wakes up screaming at night because of all the mean words! Must be hard going day to day with flash backs of your friends being called “femnazi’s” right in front of you! How ever do you handle life? Fucking disgraceful b****. Let’s see her tell that to someone who really knows what living with PTSD is like. …
I’m sorry but I am totally shocked, I don’t know what else to say, other than, is there nothing sacred to these cat lovers?
And that’s pretty much the argument all of them make: based on nothing but their own vague notion that PTSD is a serious thing that only happens to soldiers, they’ve decided she’s a lying “b****” who is trying to steal the sympathy that rightly belongs to men. (Never mind that her comments on Twitter about veterans suffering from PTSD are always respectful.)
As Hensley has made clear, she’s not claiming that a few mean tweets gave her PTSD. On a page she’s set up to help raise money for research into PTSD she notes:
In July of 2013 I publicly disclosed that I had been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to more than a year of online harassment and abuse. The abuse -including death and rape threats- occurred on numerous websites and via email, phone, online postings, images, and videos.
Is it possible for this sort of harassment to cause PTSD? Well, according to someone who knows a lot more about the subject than me or The Native Canadian or the dude at Men’s Rights Melbourne or the staff writers at The Daily Mail, the answer is a clear yes. Caleb W. Lack, a licensed clinical psychologist and psychology professor who writes a blog called Great Plains Skeptic, and who is an expert on anxiety disorders, writes in a recent post on the Hensley controversy that
Bullying has long been known to have a severe impact on mental health, particularly if the bullying is repeated and prolonged. While research has traditionally focused on youth (as briefly reviewed here), more recent work has examined it’s impact on adults. as well, particularly in the workplace. Research focusing specifically on cyberbullying has found very similar results to “traditional” bullying, in terms of increased risk of depression, suicide, and anxiety. In youth, around a third of bullying victims display quite high rates of PTSD symptoms and rates are perhaps even higher in adults who are bullied.
So, given what we know about PTSD, and given what we know about the effects of bullying (cyber and otherwise) on mental health, I think it’s relatively safe to say that “Yes, you can ‘get’ PTSD from Twitter.” One needs to be careful, though, to be specific about this: it’s the bullying and harassment that could lead to PTSD or PTSD symptoms (as well as depression, increased suicidality, and so on), not anything inherent to Twitter itself. Twitter and other forms of social media are just a new tool to use to bully and harass others, but the underlying mechanisms and the results are the same as if these interactions were face to face.
The internet isn’t somehow apart from the “real world.” It’s a part of it, and actions on the internet have real world consequences. Unfortunately, the internet seems to magnify the power of bullies. But it may also magnify the power of bullying victims to fight back.
Of course, the bullies don’t want to acknowledge that what they are doing is bullying. Indeed, many of the worst bullies in the skeptic and Men’s Rights movements consider themselves “activists” — even though the bulk of their “activism” may consist of nothing more than harassing individuals. That may be part of what is driving the widespread refusal to accept that online harassment can lead to real trauma, including PTSD.
And that may be why the guy at Men’s Rights Melbourne — that is, a guy who sent me a crude, bullying email calling me a “FAT VIRGIN” — felt the need to weigh in on the Hensley’s case, and to insinuate ( in one of the few portions of his post that wasn’t plagiarised) that she’s making it all up.
But on some level the bullies know that they’re bullies. There’s no question that the new wave of harassment against Hensley is driven by one of the central dynamics of bullying — offline and on. Bullies love to pounce on anyone who shows signs of vulnerability, and Hensley’s announcement that she suffers from PTSD is a sign that the first wave of bullying got to her.
Happily, that’s not the whole story. What really seems to infuriate Hensley’s enemies is that she’s not acting like they think a victim should. She’s not shutting up and going away. She’s back on Twitter and responding to critics, because doing so gives her a sense of control over her bullies. She’s taking power away from them.
On A Voice for Men, Dean Esmay tries his best, in a barely coherent post, to paint her as a “professional damsel in distress” who deserves to be distressed some more. But the tweets of hers he reposts aren’t very damsel-like; they’re blunt and direct and they call out bullies by name. And when she posts them she knows she has the support of a lot of people who are as disgusted by the bullies as she is.
And while the bullies fulminate, she’s raising money for PTSD research. Because she’s an actual fucking activist, not a bully with a Twitter account, or a website, or a YouTube channel.
EDIT: There has been a lot of really good stuff written about Hensley and PTSD, particularly on Freethought Blogs. Here are some links to interesting, useful, insightful posts.
How could Twitter possibly cause PTSD? by Stephanie Zwan, documents some of the harassment.
What Melody Hensley Has to Teach You About Professionalism, an older (2013) piece by Zvan
Your Uninformed and Incorrect Opinions About Psychology, by Miri Mogilevsky
A Voice for Me – AVfM and Thunderfoot on PTSD, by Avicenna
PTSD and Me(lody), by Avicenna
Feel free to post more links in the comments!
NOTE TO DRIVE-BY ASSHOLES: If you want to talk about what a liar you think Melody Hensley is, don’t bother trying to post comments here. I mean, you can if you want; it’s just that it takes me a lot less time to throw them in the trash than it does for you to write them.
Seeing this erasure, mockery, and scorn directed at a mentally disabled woman is actually ruining my mood even though I have chosen to not read any more about this shameful, despicable display of “activism” coming from MRAs and their kind. I’ve been having my own hellish experiences of ableism lately, so it hits extra hard when I hear something like this.
MRAs and others who share their points of view have always denigrated women, being female, and anything women tend to like, along with men who happen to like the same things. It’s fine for men to have interests that are primarily geared toward them, or that most men share, and it’s absolutely fine for them to get together and socialize, but when women do it, we’re “herd animals”. Seriously, can there be bigger herd animals than a group that has extreme masculine/feminine, right/wrong gender traits/roles and can’t deal with life if others don’t adhere to their beliefs? Talk about projection.
As everyone has mentioned, PTSD has never just been about military personnel sufferers. I got mine from having a childhood marred by a chaotic home thanks to having a hyper-controlling, sadistic abuser of a father who is a dead ringer attitude and behavior wise for an MRA. All the abusive bullying they are doing is exactly the shit my father did to people 40+ years ago. They are nothing new or special. Just bullies who have the internet to gather to plan their harassment. And make no mistake, they love it that it hurts people; they live for it.
You should be flattered, David. This is an excellent site that is helping people and getting the word out about abusers and bullies. The smart men and women here are savvy and experienced enough to poke holes in anything the MRM can put out and the MRAs know it. If this site was inconsequential, the loser MRAs wouldn’t be giving you the time of day. Unfortunately, they are just too disturbed to do any of it in a constructive way.
And as long as we are pointing at PTSD resources.
Can we not post links? PTSD.org is doing an indiegogo campaign.
🙁 I’m so sory for Ms. Hensley. Want to offer her all the hugs. <3
@FortyTwoRose
I’m sorry, Rose. Hugs if you want them. I was going to link to the welcome package, but cloudiah is too good at posting the link before everyone else. =P
If one looks at the work of Dean Radin it shows how thought can create energy (ie. energy healing/prayer/etc) and negative energy (hatred/etc) can be felt. We are all connected and sadly the Titanic ship of fools won’t get it but that’s ok. This is their last-ditch attempt to destroy what is good and right. They won’t win. One candle in the darkness is all it takes to diminish them. Men and women everywhere are taking a stand for what’s right. The world is in flux and it’s not easy being a voice in the wilderness but its doable. Keep up the good work! 😀
Welcome, FortyTwoRose – adding to the kitty-or-Furrinait-of-your-choice hugs.
AIT, hi! Good to see you posting again. 🙂
Hi FortyTwoRose! I would love to hear the story behind your nym – I love it but I’m not sure what it means. And thanks for delurking to let us know about you and your story.
It’s been a while since I checked in, but I see the men’s rights movement is back to its favorite form of “activism” again.
It seems to me that if she’s been diagnosed by a psychiatrist any opinion the MRAs have on the subject is completely irrelevant.
And since when was “cat lover” an insult? That’s just daft! They get sillier with every post!
I’d love it if you reviewed some transcripts for Thunderf00tt. I think I’ve mentioned before that I have an MRA friend who’s a fan, and he use to link Thunderf00t videos to me, so would be good to read a critique from someone else without trudging through those horrible videos myself and having to explain to him why Thunderf00t is a horrible, hypocritical bully.
Granted, it’s not dire for me as it use to be. I now refuse to watch his videos after seeing his “Rape-apology 101″…I mean…”Thunderf00t Mansplains Rape Prevention”…I mean…”Teach Them Not To Rape” video. That one actually made me so angry I wanted to break something.
But here’s something fun (drinking game) for people who are bored and don’t mind watching one of his videos. Look up his video “Feminist Logic’ Stay Safe = You Deserve Rape.” It’s a follow-up of his rape video. First, read the description of this video, in which he says things like:
“Yup these articles are pretty much what I remember from ‘freethoughtblogs’ in that they just drip with pointlessly vitriolic invective. ”
“Personally Im stunned anyone turns up to watch him spit poison at people he doesnt like. Do they really think this OTT name calling is a ‘game winner’?”
“The sad thing, is do they really think they are going to change minds by just spitting poison at people?”
“The bizarre thing is these folks dont seem to have realized that if you have a ‘winning argument’, you dont need to say how biased, or how much you hate things, the arguments alone will stand on their merits. Like this video.”
Now, start the video and take a shot every time Thunderf00t insults, name-calls, spits poison, or spouts hateful bias. I promise you you’ll be completely hammered by the end of the video. Hell, you’ll be taking a shot within the first 10 seconds (not kidding.) 😉
Speaking of online bullying: http://www.wpbf.com/news/stalker-targets-local-student-filmmaker-on-youtube/25538296
I donated to her Kickstarter. They’ve threatened to harass her financial backers, but so far they haven’t harassed me. I don’t know if they just haven’t gotten around to financial supporters yet, or if it’s because they don’t have my correct address.
“The Native Canadian”, who doesn’t turn up until the bottom of page three in a Google search, has a bajillion posts hating on women, feminists, cats, and “manginas”– dude has a SERIOUS problem with cats, btw– and seven posts on “Native” issues, including one rather incoherant rant in which he claims Native women hate feminists. Which comes as extreme news to me, but, moving on.
There are numerous plugs on the sidebar of his blog for various First Nations groups, books, and activities, and I didn’t read his “Spirituality” section because anyone who so abjectly loathes cats does not have his spiritual life in order– I mean, you know what, I’m a dog person, I’m not the wildest person in the world about cats, but I certainly don’t hate them, and I’m even mildly entertained by them, and if one wandered up needing something I’d help it, knowing all the while it was a ruse for getting into my house and staying there.
Anyway, he doesn’t say what tribe he is, or rather I didn’t find it, but it’s an unfortunate fact that many a Native man has drunk the white man’s kool-aid, and this guy, alas, seems to fall into that category. That’s embarassing, but I’ve run into them before. (My favorites are the ones who have gone all Christian and try to run women over with that crap while asserting their Indianness all at the same time. Um, noes.)
On the plus side, he seems very concerned about the environment, so. There’s that.
Cloudiah: Thank you so much. I am getting help and I like the welcome package. David, thanks for approving my message so fast and for the welcome. CassandraKitty: (Happily recieves hugs) AIT, Ally S and Kittehserf, thank you
Grumpycatisagirl: Forty Two is the answer to life the universe and everything of course, and Rose is the name of a character in a book I love. 😉
My uninformed musings on cat hatred is that kitties can be therapy cats, especially for women who have experienced some mental illness or are different in their ways of engaging in the world. Because of this, we call these women ‘witches’ and the cats (who help them) ‘familiars’. There just seems to be a connection between neuro-atypical women and cats. Probably men too, I can only go from my experience. And now, new friends, I will go and play with my little furry helper. Thank you again for your kind welcome.
So on the cats, I’ve decided to analyze whether my tabby boy is a dark triad alpha or not. After all, he did end up in my bed the first day I met him.
Dark triad traits:
has a tattoo*
bites and swats at my female cat**
um… used to attack my hair, but has learned not to… this one could could go either way
Beta traits:
Likes grooming himself and his friends
Does not like it when I ignore him/lock him out of my bedroom (neediness is not alpha)
exposes weakness/his spotted belly for petting and raspberry-blowing
gets bitten and swatted at by my female cat**
impatiently paws at my bathroom door while I’m showering
I’m going to go with “not alpha” here.
I don’t think that these guys understand cats any more than they understand people.
*In his ear–it’s a mark that he was neutered.
** Play-fighting.
“I’ve been bullied (offline, and on). It sucks. The sense of dread when one sees the inbox has a sudden influx of mail… It’s taken some toll, there are times I don’t want to speak out, when I use a burner account to make comments (so that the sorts who will bully can’t get to me directly).”
Ugh, I know that feeling so well.
Also, not all men in the military are in combat positions yet they may experience PTSD. Could be from male rape amongst other things. These guys and their limited vision…
A man I once considered a friend broke into my house in the fall of 2012 and attacked me while I was asleep in my bed. He did face multiple charges, and in the interim between the arrest and the trial, I waded through what I could find of his writings online… I didn’t realize what a terrible idea this was, I was looking for some sort of proof that he knew he couldn’t use rape and violent assault as a casual means of communication of his feelings about being rejected by someone.
I found no such thing. What I did find was a lot of victim-blaming, blatant misogyny, retaliation fantasies toward women who are perceived to have wronged men in some way, etc. I found that there were plenty of MRA hate groups willing to support his ideas and conclusions about these things.
Though time has passed and he is serving time, I have come to find that I am triggered by any significant period of time spent reading these kinds of things. Reading Men’s Rights anything leads to PTSD episodes. Reading articles about these things that clearly identify it for what it is doesn’t trigger anything, and I have a pretty decent grasp on it these days. The flashbacks aren’t of the physical attack, though, they’re of those moments where I was processing that he did not even understand that what he did wasn’t his right, it wasn’t fair or OK in anyway, he did not understand that I was not to blame, and at the time, I didn’t understand that I was not to blame. The flashbacks are of me having to consider that maybe he was not mentally capable of understanding that something was wrong and I should’ve recognized that and I should have known he was both capable and willing to harm me or someone else. I go back to that moment and I get sick and shake and I can’t speak.
The PTSD flashbacks are most frequently of words and ideas, not of actual physical experiences, but mental experiences.
It’s “just the internet”, as in, it’s just a medium of communication, that doesn’t make it imaginary or less real than say… talking on the phone, or talking in person, it just makes it a different medium of communication.
To Melody Hensley: I’m sorry for what has been done to you, I’m sorry that you’re having to work through this disorder, ultimately because of the actions of others. But I am extremely grateful to you for turning this into something that will help others suffering from PTSD. Thank you for what you do, thank you for putting yourself out there and getting shit done. Thank you for being someone who inspires others to keep fighting through this.
And thank you, David, for writing about this. This is a pretty shitty situation overall, but the upside of it really made my day much better.
[blockquote]And since when was “cat lover” an insult?[/blockquote]
Makes me wonder what they’d say to Ernest Hemingway.
I’ve always found that the best way to deal with MRA crap is to state simply “I don’t converse with abusers, I will be deleting any abusive messages you send me without reading”. If they continue to post abusive messages or speak about me to other MRA douchbags I just reply “please remove me from this conversation I do not wish to converse with abusers”. If they keep attacking me I just post “please see my previous message”. If it keeps going? I say “please see my previous, previous message”; still going? “Please see my previous, previous, previous message”, and on it goes until the frustrated little cretin finally gets the message and moves on to abuse someone else.
They get zero satisfaction out of the communication and are not able to go away high fiving his cyber-bro’s for slamming another feminist.
I find by labeling them ‘abusers’ you are stripping them of their identity (as they attempt to do to feminists) and lumping them into one basket (as they do to feminists). You are also sending the message that not everyone thinks like they do and that they are actually a specific sub-culture of men (and sometimes women), who are to be ignored, and consigned to the ‘angry troll’ category and forgotten about.
Thanks for taking this on, David. Your courage and journalistic integrity are noted.
Xen, I remember reading somewhere that drone operators have among the highest rates of PTSD in the military even though they are not in any physical danger. The technology lets them see who they’re going to kill up close so it’s much more intimate than killing in a combat situation apparently.
Brandi, I can’t figure out what you did wrong to make the blockquote monster reject you. Do you have short hair? Are you over 25? I think blockquote monster is going BQMGTOW (blockquote monster going their own way) on us.
I think MRAs hate cats because cats can’t be controlled.
I too would like to try and figure out if my tabby boy is alpha or beta.
Alpha points
He is not afraid of anyone
He chases and tackles my female cat
He manipulates me with ease
He punishes me by knocking down the alarm clock or turning the volume on the radio (I sleep with it on) way up or down if I don’t wake up and feed him early enough
He is big and strong
He picks where he sleeps. If the female cat is sleeping where he wants to be, he will knock her down
The second I brought him home, he jumped right in my bed
He can open cabinets and doors because men get shit done
Beta points
High pitched little meow
When he wants something from me, he blinks and rubs his face on my face instead of negging
He lets the female cat steal his food
He greets me and my visitors at the door. Answering the door is girly hostess work
He’s more of an alpha, but not a complete and total alpha.
Ah yeah, I remember that. I think there was a fear that those operating the drones would somehow become less sensitive towards killing people because it resembled a video game or some nonsense. That’s definitely not the case.