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a new woman to hate a voice for men antifeminism atheism atheism minus bullying creepy douchebaggery emotional abuse empathy deficit evil fat fatties harassment hypocrisy men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA threats

How Melody Hensley is putting the bullies to shame

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Yesterday, a message arrived in my email inbox with the title “Are you happy to die a virgin,” a somewhat unusual question, I felt, not just because of its faulty premise but also because of its lack of the conventional question mark at the end. The email itself was equally blunt and illiterate:

You sound like a 40 y/o FAT VIRGIN living in a basement rotting away. Is manboobz.com your way of hide behind your own internal issues u refuse to face? Father issues???

Ah, here’s where the missing question mark went, along with some friends.

The sender appended a photo of an extremely obese Asian man at least 20 years my junior, mostly if not completely nude, along with the question (and I quote verbatim) “This this photo you??”

As hate mail goes, this isn’t particularly interesting and original. What got my attention was the sender: it came from the admin account at mensrightsmelbourne.com, an Australian Men’s Rights site taking much of its inspiration from Men’s Rights Edmonton (its website design) and A Voice for Men (its propaganda). So this wasn’t simply some anonymous internet troll sending me puerile hate mail: this is one of Australia’s most visible MRAs.

On the front page I noticed something else: A post with the title: “‘Twitter gave me PTSD’: Woman claims mean comments and ‘cyberstalking’ gave her an illness usually suffered by WAR VETERANS.”

The post – most of which is plagiarised directly from The Daily Mail, including the title itself – is an attack on Melody Hensley, a feminist and skeptic who is the Executive Director of Center for Inquiry in Washington DC. Hensley, who in the past suffered intense harassment from misogynists in the skeptic movement and other assorted assholes, is now facing a second wave of harassment as a result of saying publicly that the earlier harassment had given her Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

That’s right: she’s being harassed for saying that harassment so fucked up her life that it gave her PTSD.

While much of the most vicious harassment this time is coming, as it did last time, from the misogynist wing of the atheist/skeptic movement, MRAs are jumping on board as well.

The “argument” of Hensley’s enemies? That she couldn’t possibly have gotten PTSD from “mean words” online. Men’s Rights blogger The Native Canadian put it this way:

PTSD from being a feminist on the internet? Yeah I bet she wakes up screaming at night because of all the mean words! Must be hard going day to day with flash backs of your friends being called “femnazi’s” right in front of you! How ever do you handle life? Fucking disgraceful b****. Let’s see her tell that to someone who really knows what living with PTSD is like. …

I’m sorry but I am totally shocked, I don’t know what else to say, other than, is there nothing sacred to these cat lovers?

And that’s pretty much the argument all of them make: based on nothing but their own vague notion that PTSD is a serious thing that only happens to soldiers, they’ve decided she’s a lying “b****” who is trying to steal the sympathy that rightly belongs to men. (Never mind that her comments on Twitter about veterans suffering from PTSD are always respectful.)

As Hensley has made clear, she’s not claiming that a few mean tweets gave her PTSD. On a page she’s set up to help raise money for research into PTSD she notes:

In July of 2013 I publicly disclosed that I had been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to more than a year of online harassment and abuse. The abuse -including death and rape threats- occurred on numerous websites and via email, phone, online postings, images, and videos.

Is it possible for this sort of harassment to cause PTSD? Well, according to someone who knows a lot more about the subject than me or The Native Canadian or the dude at Men’s Rights Melbourne or the staff writers at The Daily Mail, the answer is a clear yes. Caleb W. Lack, a licensed clinical psychologist and psychology professor who writes a blog called Great Plains Skeptic, and who is an expert on anxiety disorders, writes in a recent post on the Hensley controversy that

Bullying has long been known to have a severe impact on mental health, particularly if the bullying is repeated and prolonged. While research has traditionally focused on youth (as briefly reviewed here), more recent work has examined it’s impact on adults. as well, particularly in the workplace. Research focusing specifically on cyberbullying has found very similar results to “traditional” bullying, in terms of increased risk of depression, suicide, and anxiety. In youth, around a third of bullying victims display quite high rates of PTSD symptoms and rates are perhaps even higher in adults who are bullied.

So, given what we know about PTSD, and given what we know about the effects of bullying (cyber and otherwise) on mental health, I think it’s relatively safe to say that “Yes, you can ‘get’ PTSD from Twitter.” One needs to be careful, though, to be specific about this: it’s the bullying and harassment that could lead to PTSD or PTSD symptoms (as well as depression, increased suicidality, and so on), not anything inherent to Twitter itself. Twitter and other forms of social media are just a new tool to use to bully and harass others, but the underlying mechanisms and the results are the same as if these interactions were face to face.

The internet isn’t somehow apart from the “real world.” It’s a part of it, and actions on the internet have real world consequences. Unfortunately, the internet seems to magnify the power of bullies. But it may also magnify the power of bullying victims to fight back.

Of course, the bullies don’t want to acknowledge that what they are doing is bullying. Indeed, many of the worst bullies in the skeptic and Men’s Rights movements consider themselves “activists” — even though the bulk of their “activism” may consist of nothing more than harassing individuals. That may be part of what is driving the widespread refusal to accept that online harassment can lead to real trauma, including PTSD.

And that may be why the guy at Men’s Rights Melbourne — that is, a guy who sent me a crude, bullying email calling me a “FAT VIRGIN” — felt the need to weigh in on the Hensley’s case, and to insinuate ( in one of the few portions of his post that wasn’t plagiarised) that she’s making it all up.

But on some level the bullies know that they’re bullies. There’s no question that the new wave of harassment against Hensley is driven by one of the central dynamics of bullying — offline and on. Bullies love to pounce on anyone who shows signs of vulnerability, and Hensley’s announcement that she suffers from PTSD is a sign that the first wave of bullying got to her.

Happily, that’s not the whole story. What really seems to infuriate Hensley’s enemies is that she’s not acting like they think a victim should. She’s not shutting up and going away. She’s back on Twitter and responding to critics, because doing so gives her a sense of control over her bullies. She’s taking power away from them.

On A Voice for Men, Dean Esmay tries his best, in a barely coherent post, to paint her as a “professional damsel in distress” who deserves to be distressed some more. But the tweets of hers he reposts aren’t very damsel-like; they’re blunt and direct and they call out bullies by name. And when she posts them she knows she has the support of a lot of people who are as disgusted by the bullies as she is.

And while the bullies fulminate, she’s raising money for PTSD research. Because she’s an actual fucking activist, not a bully with a Twitter account, or a website, or a YouTube channel.

EDIT: There has been a lot of really good stuff written about Hensley and PTSD, particularly on Freethought Blogs. Here are some links to interesting, useful, insightful posts.

How could Twitter possibly cause PTSD? by Stephanie Zwan, documents some of the harassment.

What Melody Hensley Has to Teach You About Professionalism, an older (2013) piece by Zvan

Your Uninformed and Incorrect Opinions About Psychology, by Miri Mogilevsky

A Voice for Me – AVfM and Thunderfoot on PTSD, by Avicenna

PTSD and Me(lody), by Avicenna

Feel free to post more links in the comments!

NOTE TO DRIVE-BY ASSHOLES: If you want to talk about what a liar you think Melody Hensley is, don’t bother trying to post comments here. I mean, you can if you want; it’s just that it takes me a lot less time to throw them in the trash than it does for you to write them.

 

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bluecat
bluecat
10 years ago

“Cat lovers” is an insult now? Good grief.

Xen
Xen
10 years ago

“I’m sorry but I am totally shocked, I don’t know what else to say, other than, is there nothing sacred to these cat lovers?”

Shocked? That PTSD can happen to anyone? Poooooor man. Also, the Egyptians were major cat lovers who could have kicked your sorry ass.

I like how these losers try to associate one animal with feminists then hate said animal. How immature and unscientific. I guess cats are “evil” to them. Nope, not how that works. You guys have the minds of a medieval peasants. Animals cannot be evil; they have no set morals to begin with.

But hey, you guys would try to argue with Caleb W. Lack on how this woman cannot have PTSD. Why bother explaining something to you that you’d probably not understand anyway?

AK
AK
10 years ago

I like how they always try to water it down to simply being called mean names on Twitter. No kidding no one gets PTSD from being called a feminazi a few times. But living in fear due to countless rape and death threats for a year or so? Yeah, that’ll do it.

AK
AK
10 years ago

Xen, I don’t think cats are evil to them so much as they’re not masculine pets (in these guys’ minds, anyway). So of course they’re the pets of lonely, bitter feminists who can’t get a man.

Xen
Xen
10 years ago

Yeah, it’s just I remember this discussion elsewhere on Manboobz

“I theorize that women like cats because they have to work for a cats attention. If anything, cats embody the dark triad. I have never seen a cat give a fuck, and from the field reports you guys post, you people give very few either.”

Dark triad? What? But I’m off topic here, sorry XD.

grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago

If only this horridness was limited to the manosphere. I’m seriously dismayed that even the mainstream attitude is to blast her for even daring to say she has PTSD. Sometimes people are horrible. 🙁

tamofironhooks
10 years ago

I’ve known people have PTSD from being in the forces, from childhood experiences… The clue is in the name: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It doesn’t specify exactly what flavour the ‘traumatic stress’ has to be. *sigh*

grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago

Didn’t David once mention someone found this blog with the search term “men should not own cats?” Of all things. . . .

bluecat
bluecat
10 years ago

Sorry, my first post seems a bit trivial, set against the MRA hideousness. (I’ve just googled Melody Hensley and my goodness, the stack of abuse and diagnoses-at-a-distance. Kudos to you David if you can wade through it with your faith in humanity untarnished).

I don’t really feel able to engage with the ghastliness at the mo. Just that plangent “Is nothing sacred to these cat lovers?” amused the bathos-lover in me. Especially as Hensley is a skeptic. “Is there nothing sacred to these skeptics?” err, um…

chimisaur
chimisaur
10 years ago

It’s so nice to see people like Melody and you call them on their shit, David. They’re terrified of the loss of power that comes of being identified at the childish harassers that they are, which is why they’re resorting to attacks outside of public forum. Keep it up! They deserve to have their borderline illiteracy, ad minimum, exposed to the world and mocked.

Z
Z
10 years ago

BTW, Caleb Lack’s post is notable for another reason: that blog is on Skeptic Ink, a blog network that was started at least in part by people pissed off at Freethought Blogs and the (for the lack of a better term) “feminist” side of Elevatorgate and related controversies.

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

“The Native Canadian better not be some fucking white guy. There’s nothing on his site that makes it clear if he is or not.

leatapp
leatapp
10 years ago

Thanks for writing about this, David. Yes, this is the real world, just like phone calls and mail happen in the real world. Of course, these asshats know that the constant stream of threats, lies, bigotry and harassment is damaging to people. That’s why they do it.

Complaining about being treated that way shows that you haven’t been scared silent. It shows you don’t believe you deserve the abuse. It’s backtalk and they hate being sassed by their uppity targets, so they redouble there efforts.

If this is how they treat women online, how do you think they treat them in person? They aren’t afraid of women holding them back or abusing them. They’re afraid of us talking back. They are afraid of being held accountable. They’re afraid of being seen for the tragically stupid, tantruming, bitter, bigoted, abusive low lifes they are.

There is nothing wrong with being fat. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin or liking cats. There is nothing wrong with being unhappy. Happiness isn’t mandatory and the range of human emotions includes the ability to feel dissatisfied or to grieve over loss or injustice. There is nothing wrong with being poor or unable to live independently of family. None of those things suggest that a person is a bad person. None of those things should be considered shameful.

What is shameful is being so full of hate that you join in vicious efforts to make a traumatized person feel worse, all the while gaslighting them and clearly enjoying it.

AK
AK
10 years ago

@Xen, OMG I forgot about that “cats have dark triad traits” thing. That was hilarious. 😀

dustydeste
dustydeste
10 years ago

It always really bothers me how, when PTSD is brought up, it always goes straight to “MEN ONLY BECAUSE MANLY MAN SOLDIER DISEASE.” It’s just, argh, you know who get PTSD at high rates? Rape and abuse victims. Of whom there are a lot more than soldiers, I’m pretty sure.

Attitudes like this hinder compassion, diagnosis, and treatment for those who suffer from PTSD stemming from events that aren’t specifically serving in combat. It’s a tremendous disservice to sufferers, and the amount of callous disregard for the wellbeing of others that is involved in attempting to diminish and delegitimise what a victim of harassment has endured, while at the same time piling on more harassment, boggles my mind.

In other news, I need to remember what info I was using for my login, because I miss my kitty avatar D:

Miri
10 years ago

Thanks for writing about this. I’ve written two posts on it now, but it’s nice to see it get wider exposure. This whole thing is ridiculous and disgraceful and basically everything that’s wrong with both organized atheism and organized “men’s rights.” (I throw up a little in my mouth whenever I have to put those two words together.)

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

dustydeste:

Attitudes like this hinder compassion, diagnosis, and treatment for those who suffer from PTSD stemming from events that aren’t specifically serving in combat. It’s a tremendous disservice to sufferers, and the amount of callous disregard for the wellbeing of others that is involved in attempting to diminish and delegitimise what a victim of harassment has endured, while at the same time piling on more harassment, boggles my mind.

Yes, this.

Who the hell harrasses someone who has PTSD from online harassment? That’s like, taking a crowbar and beating on the cast of someone with a broken leg.

An the arrogance of those who think they know better about PTSD than Ms. Hensley’s psychiatrist and and Prof. Lack, the clinical psychologist.

These people disgust me. They are nothing but bullies.

Cinzia La Strega
10 years ago

My my, they’re not doing a very good job of making their victims shut up, are they? In fact, as you point out, being bullied seems to amplify the victims’ voices. Yay for Melody!

chimisaur
chimisaur
10 years ago

It always really bothers me how, when PTSD is brought up, it always goes straight to “MEN ONLY BECAUSE MANLY MAN SOLDIER DISEASE.” It’s just, argh, you know who get PTSD at high rates? Rape and abuse victims. Of whom there are a lot more than soldiers, I’m pretty sure.

Also they’re effectively erasing female soldiers, many of who’s experiences include those of rape, abuse, and PTSD. 🙁

historophilia
historophilia
10 years ago

Melody is a freakin’ trooper and this proves once again that MRA’s don’t actually care about vulnerable men (in this case soldiers with PTSD), they just want to use them as a stick to beat women with.

If they actually care so much about veterans with PTSD why aren’t they raising funds for them or boosting information about the symptoms of PTSD and resources for getting diagnosis or care?

MrFancyPants
MrFancyPants
10 years ago

As soon as I heard about this, I immediately donated to her PTSD research fund. The bullies and MRA’s are just shooting themselves in the feet on this, and it’s just going to get worse for them.

Luzbelitx
10 years ago

If they actually care so much about veterans with PTSD why aren’t they raising funds…

… like, you know, they very person they’re harassing!!

Ophelia Benson (@OpheliaBenson)

Yes, for some reason cats have become yet another handy code for hating women with. I didn’t know that until last year sometime when one of my many harassers commented on my blog to ask if I’d been eating too much cat food lately. Wut?

historophilia
historophilia
10 years ago

Or if they don’t want to donate to an icky woman’s fund raising efforts there are prominent men who campaign for awareness of PTSD in veterans, like Patrick Stewart.

Except he is a vocal campaigner against domestic violence against women who has openly acknowledged his privilege and uses it to great effetc and thus is probably a “mangina white-knight”.

ash serban
10 years ago

(They think men who treat women like humans will die virgins? This logic escapes me… Than again, nothing they’ve ever said has made sense.)

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