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off topic open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff: April 2014 Edition

It's either a hug, or attempted murder. With cats, it's hard to tell.
It’s either a hug, or attempted murder. With cats, it’s hard to tell.

An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.

As usual for these threads: no trolls, no arguments.

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kittehserf
6 years ago

I have a new blog post up at last! Not that there’s anything much people here don’t know already in it, but it was nice to collect my latest pics.

http://vignettesacrosstheveil.wordpress.com/2014/04/19/im-not-dead-yet/

AL3H
AL3H
6 years ago

@Kittehserf

My family was quite authoritarian, so that I grew up learning that people who disagreed with my father were wrong (or at least, not very smart). When I moved out, my housemate introduced me to personality typing as a way to start to understand the motivations behind the way other people act. I found this very interesting as e.g. you could have two people discussing something and both their points of view could be “right”. However, when I had my mental breakdown I was given crap about personality typing myself, so am now a bit touchy on the subject.

I still have two typing systems left to read about, so I can add yours to the list as it sounds similar. No idea if it will help, but no harm finding out. Thanks. 🙂

P.S. Sorry for the delay. I ended up having a fairly long, heated discussion with my friend on this topic, but it was via Skype (so was scheduled), so I was waiting for that to be over. In general, he is a pretty awesome friend so I didn’t really enjoy being in a fight with him.

@Ally_S

My father works for a mobile phone company. Getting a company phone for me was used as a method to try to control me and the way I acted. I now have my own phone and it feels soooooo much better. I don’t feel qualified to comment on the ‘making you “normal” ‘ thing, apart from that it sounds screwed up, but in terms of controlling behaviour I have a little experience. If you can afford your own phone, I strongly recommend it.

kittehserf
6 years ago

AL3H – I’m sorry, you’ve lost me! I don’t know how the personality typing comes into stuff in the thread, whether about attraction or about shittastic parents. I first read “personality typing” to mean typing as in keyboard, as in something along the lines of writing from different viewpoints, which added to the confusion.

I think I need coffee. :/

katz
6 years ago

Whee my squishable vampire bat design is up for vote! If it gets a high enough score it will get made into an actual stuffed vampire bat!

cloudiah
6 years ago

That’s a cute bat, katz. I voted, and I’m commenting so the Open Thread gets visible again in the Recent Comments bar. HEY EVERYONE, GO LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE VAMPIRE BAT.

Ally S
6 years ago

Well, my brother was rejected by UCSC, so he has no motivation to move back to California anytime soon until/unless he gets in. We might decide to start living here in Colorado again. In fact, everyone here is pressuring me to stay here so that my brother has an excuse for the family to live here (he can just say that he wants to stay in Colorado in order to keep an eye on me).

katz
6 years ago

I’m not very confident; there are a lot of really good entries in this batch :/

AL3H
AL3H
6 years ago

@kittehserf

It doesn’t matter so much. The point is that what you mentioned sounds like it might have descriptions in it, and descriptions I can work from. 🙂

Even if it doesn’t help, I can still use the way I currently deal with the situation. Basically, I pick a skill I want to learn, and if I feel mopey, I pour my energy into that skill instead, then at least at the end of it I have gotten somewhere. The only downside to this approach is that it is tiring.

All of this isn’t urgent or anything, I just found the “what is attraction like” discussion personally very interesting … and this is the open thread. 🙂

@Katz

That bat is super cute. If it gets made, let us know as I want one so I can hug it.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Voted for your bat, katz! 🙂

Ally – that sounds good, actually, if your brother comes to Colorado. If nothing else, it’s one more family member away from the male progenitor unit.

I really enjoyed that attraction conversation too, AL3H.

Alice Sanguinaria
6 years ago

Hi guys!

So, if anyone has tried to access any links to /r/againstmensrights starting from around 2:00 UST yesterday until now, you might notice that you’re being taken to a “this subreddit has been made private” screen.

Yes, this is supposed to happen. I’m an AMR mod, I can confirm.

What happened?

AMR got hit with a brigade. Eight straight hours of a non-stop parade of shit and more shit.

So if you’re trying to access it in the next few days, you might be locked out. This is because we had to lock down the entire subreddit so that we could take a breather. Really sorry about the inconvenience.

If you’re an AMR regular, you can message us moderators using this link, and you’ll be added to our approved list ASAP. <3

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

Alice, that sucks. I love how MRAs only respect freeze peaches when they’re the ones being “targeted”.

Alice Sanguinaria
6 years ago

It’s okay, we got to ban a whole bunch of shitheads, and now we’re taking a break and laughing at MRAs again and having fun before we reopen. 😀

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Can I get access despite not being a regular member? I was using the archived bit about Warren Farrel for a project of mine, and I’d like to have access to that.

I’ve created a reddit account as of now, and requested access – the name is Fibinachin – so I’ll hope that gets me in?

Now excuse me while I figure out how reddit works.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Also I should add that I’m nice and charming and will repay you in poetry, fiction, html, css or javascript and or pasta recipes.

seraph4377
6 years ago

Hey, all. My GF and I are participating in the New York AIDS Walk again this year, and we’re looking for sponsors. If you can help, even a little bit, follow this link. If you can’t help with money, it would still be a big help if you could share it as much as you can. Thanks.

cloudiah
6 years ago

@Fibinachi, I PM’d Alice to ask her to get you access. It might be public again soon in any case.

@seraph4377, will try to kick in a few bucks later today.

Alice Sanguinaria
6 years ago

cloudah – I just woke up, and Fibinachi now has access (another moderator granted it through modmail).

Ally S
6 years ago

I’m sorry if this message sounds very dramatic but I’m currenytly experiencing an anxiety attack. There is a significant chance of another flood sweeping this area – the same area that suffered from the September 2013 Colorado floods. It has the potential to be even more destructive because, if it happens, it will be fueled by the snow run-off from the mountains. 7 to 14 inches are expected to fall in the mountains tonight, and the snow will be followed by a sharp increase in temperature – up to the 80s in some areas.

I don’t know how to handle myself right now. I’m having the same stomach-churning anxiety that I only get when I’m fearing for my life and those of others. The exact same anxiety I had during the previous flood. We can’t afford another flood, especially not a more destructive one. Not only is FEMA being completely unreasonable and jacking up my step-dad’s flood insurance to no end, but he is also in a financially tight situation for other reasons. This flood, if it happens, will be completely devastating and have consequences that will potentially harm everyone in the worst ways imaginable.

Any good thoughts, well wishes, prayers, etc. would be appreciated. I’m already consumed by my own mental illnesses right now – one can only imagine how miserable I feel right now with the fear of the flood hanging above my head constantly. I don’t even have an appetite anymore – no doubt a disappointment to my siblings, who are picking up a pizza from a place nearby. I’m sick of everything.

Myoo
Myoo
6 years ago

I hope nothing bad happens, Ally. Hugs.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Ally, consider yourself in my prayers, good thoughts, and well wishes.

You are amazing.
You will survive.
You can do this.

Your siblings aren’t dissapointed in you for not having a grateful appetite. They (if anything) will just be worried about you.

Heck, you’re younger than me, and have dealt with things I can’t even imagine. Compared to me, you are astoundingly strong, mentally and emotionally. It may not feel like it, at the moment, but you are incredible.

I’ll pray, well wish, and attempt to send positive brainwaves your direction.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

cloudah – I just woke up, and Fibinachi now has access (another moderator granted it through modmail).

SOON, MY TAKE OVER-SHALL BE COMPLETE!

Thank you. Thank you fellow moderates from me as well, I appreciate the access. Using it for “good” things.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Well I won’t even pretend to know what happened there – but there was a “Best of luck to you Ally” included in that original message.

Best of luck to you, Ally

katz
6 years ago

Stay safe, Ally. You are going to be OK.

Ally S
6 years ago

Thanks, everyone.

My anxiety attack is finally gone. (And I regained my appetite as well.) I don’t feel bad about having an anxiety attack, but being anxious about floods isn’t going to help me or anyone else. All that may be of use when/if the flood comes will be focusing on getting the hell out of this place. Maybe my anxiety will help me out then; during the previous flood, my anxiety pushed me to run pretty fast while carrying my little brother and one of the cats. I know that sounds kind of like a cheesy escape scene from a action movie, but it actually happened.

If you folks don’t hear from me in two days, please don’t assume the worst; my family and I survived the 2013 floods, and we’ll survive this one, too. Maybe the flood won’t even happen. I mean, there haven’t been any official warnings or anything yet.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
6 years ago

I hate, hate, HATE flood season. Anxiety is almost never helpful, but if you’re finding a way to cope with it and use it, good for you! If you can get your hands on some kava kava (available at health food stores, but sometimes they hide it since it was restricted at one point in the past), I’ve used it to calm down. It stops my anxiety attacks in their tracks. (And makes me unsafe to drive, so plan accordingly.)

I love the image of you outracing the water with a boy and a cat on your back. I’m mentally putting you in a Sailor Moon suit (with added cape) for extra smiles.

Ally S
6 years ago

@Unimaginative

Thanks for the suggestion, but I’ll only reach for that if I find myself completely consumed by anxiety. The 2013 floods taught me that I can try to redirect my anxiety so that it motivates me – most of the time, when it’s at its worst, it just consumes me to the point of making me inert. It’s nothing special, really; it’s just that anxiety induced by the recognition of a dangerous situation tends to be a double-edged sword. Anyway, I’d rather try to focus on my mind entirely without the aid of any anxiety remedies, as helpful as they are, because maybe I can engender some permanent changes in my mind by learning how to cope in the way I’ve described. In some twisted way, I see this as a potential learning experience, and that perspective by itself is a means of coping.

As for your mental image, I’ll note that I didn’t carry those two on my back; I carried my little-brother in my right arm and the cat in my left arm. =P It would have been amusing to carry them on my back, but I didn’t because it would have wasted a lot of time, and the flood waters were too fast.

alternatesteve90
6 years ago

@Ally S: I’m sorry to hear about the bad news. Virtual hugs from me, if you want them, and I wish you luck; you are in my thoughts.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Hm.

In case you ever wanted to read more of my words, which, really, why would you, I can say that I read Warren Farrell’s The Myth of Male Power and his Why Men Are The Way They Are, and now I’ve written a few words about them.

I also included badly made gifs and drawings.

I think I’m going to make more of it all, because it is the only way the keening void that used to be my soul can experience a moment of succor.

http://fibinaut.wordpress.com/series/

cloudiah
6 years ago

Ally, I’m thinking of you too, and trying to ward off any floodwaters with my brainpower — which, given the state of my brain these days … well, you’re probably better off with sandbags.

Fibinachi, I know I owe you a link about the false rape accusation stuff. I have been near my laptop all day, but will try to get to it this evening. I’ll drop it here and in the Off Topic thread. Maybe you don’t even need it any more…

cloudiah
6 years ago

I haven’t been near my laptop…

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Oh, I still need it and I’d love to have it. But not biggie if you’re busy-busy with other things, it’s really not super important.

cloudiah
6 years ago

I will get to it tonight, I promise!

Angelica
6 years ago

Sorry to hear all that, Ally. I hope things work out okay and that you’re alright!

I was a bit of the radar over the last two weeks, because job hunting, among other things. But I found a super chill desk job with two amazingly nice colleagues until at least the end of July, so yay!

That also meant I had a little time to produce new stuff for the Conspiracy; shameless self-promotion in 3… 2… 1…. http://feministconspiracy.weebly.com/1/post/2014/04/feminism-hating-men-and-related-fairy-tales.html

I’ll get back to writing the sexual relationship between a chubby, no-nonsense, fierce red-head and a roguishly handsome assassin. It’s all hot and super consensual. <3

Ally S
6 years ago

Good news! There is no longer a flood threat. The snow will not melt fast enough in the mountains to produce run-off water capable of causing floods; the temperatures here in Colorado are going to hover in the 20s to the 50s over the next several days (with colder temperatures obviously being towards the mountains.) None of that is conducive to rapid melting in the mountains. There is some icky wind right now with gusts up to 60 mph, but it’s nothing too bad. At most we’ll get a power outage or two and I’ll be freaked out by hearing the gusts blowing stuff around outside.

Meanwhile, my step-dad has asked us to do a huge amount of work outside – we have to plant about 237 trees total in the backyard, and we’ve planted about 20 of them so far. Even that small number of trees was enough to make all of us – especially me – extremely fatigued afterwards. I worked nearly constantly two days ago, and the resulting fatigue motivated me to “relax” by smoking weed excessively. Talk about a good recipe for an agonizing headache. X_X I drank some green tea (with jasmine in it, apparently) and fortunately it has helped me escape the worst of the headaches.

At least I’ll be good at planting trees by the time this is all over. We’re going to have to use some more efficient farm equipment to get all of it done, though as 237 trees is just too much to do all by hand.

Angelica
6 years ago

Hahaha, Mammothers. 😀 Can’t we just be Mammoths? Cause, you know… they sort of “hunt” US now?

I almost feel guilty for having perfectly nice, sunny spring weather over here in Belgium.

But yay for no flood, Ally!

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

Hoping any Mammothers in tornado alley are ok.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

Pfft, tornados can’t pick up mammoths!

(But seriously, I hope y’all stay safe)

So I applied for a job in the surgery department last month. The department head e-mailed me back to say I wasn’t qualified, but would I be interested in this other job? I have an interview on Friday. I’ll take any luck you want to wish me, because I need to get out of emergency/critical.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: emilygoddess

Good luck! Fingers crossed for you!

[Warning: rape talk ahead]

And there’s not really anything y’all Mammothers can do for me at this point, but I just want to get it off my chest.

I’ve had some more repressed memories pop up (yaaaaay dissociation) from the Raping Year, so it’s just been kinda a brainhurt day. Like, I’m coping, I’m not in any deep trouble, hubby held me during my little meltdown last night. I guess it’s just that I’m so TIRED of my memory being like, “You think everything’s okay? YOUR HOST WAS RAPED TO DEATH AHAHAHAHA! ALSO YOUR PARENTS PUNISHED YOU FOR THIS AHAHAHA!”

Like, for years, I wanted to be one of those multiples WITHOUT the horrible operatic trauma history, and now I’m realizing, no, I really am just like those multiples in the trauma-porn books I read when I was twelve. We just hid it better.

I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY? Can I have NORMAL trauma now, like getting hit by a car or having my house flooded or something? Can I STOP having rape and homelessness and shit now?

Please? I’m only twenty-six. I want a chance to live WITHOUT looking like someone on the losing end of a morality play.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Ally, glad to hear you’re out of flood danger. Everyone in Tornado Alley, batten down whatever hatches you can, and stay safe. And LBT, hang in there. All the hugs…

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

It’s okay, Bina. I’ve had a lot of practice at this. Just I’m reaching the point where I’m like, “I get it! I GET IT! Enough already!”

pecunium
6 years ago

Side note. I’ve been in touch with Argenti, and zie is doing well. Busy with other aspects of life, and so not possessed of much time to hunt mammoths.

cloudiah
6 years ago

@pecunium, Thanks for letting us know. Please let hir know we’re thinking about hir, and glad to hear zie’s doing well. And your wedding is soon! Yonkers! (I’m trying to get place names as exclamations to be a thing.) All the best to you all!

pecunium
6 years ago

Oi… bought most of the wine, and the booze today. Even on the cheap a party this big ain’t.

cloudiah
6 years ago

I remember two friends had a cheap wine tasting party before their wedding, and even with the best under $6 wine they were buying so many bottles… Big parties are indeed not cheap.

It’s really hot here, so I’m symbolically pouring a nicely viognier out for you and yours.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

LBT, that sucks. I hope you’re feeling better today.

Pecunium, thanks for keeping us updated on Argenti!

Well-wishers, thank you anyway, but my job interview was cancelled. It’s complicated, but basically the woman I was interviewing with decided she didn’t want me after talking to my manager. I’m pretty angrysad about it. Fortunately, my development coordinator is on my side, and she’s going to meet with me about how to get the hell out of this department.

Ally S
6 years ago

[CN: rape, sexual abuse]

Upon waking up this morning, I had a severe anxiety attack (for lack of a better term) due to nothing but invasive thoughts. I have no idea why, but I had these very frightening mental images of being raped. Again. Those invasive thoughts have been getting worse over time. I feel unsafe and unsettled, and most of all I feel mentally broken; I’ve never been raped or even gotten close to being raped, yet I can’t stop being triggered by such thoughts. Maybe it’s because I have been sexually abused before, but I can’t help but feel that I’m only having these thoughts because I’m an attention-seeker. And the sexual abuse was non-contact, so I feel like I have no right to consider it a sufficient explanation. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even have the right to feel hurt by that sexual abuse because I wasn’t touched at all.

IDK. There’s just so much wrong with me. At least I’m seeing my therapist today. I’m sorry if I’m annoying anyone with comments like these.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

TW: rape, victim blaming

Ugh, I just read an article on HuffPo about a rape in which the man confessed, and there are still commenters wondering why we’re “just taking her [the victim’s] word for it” or some such nonsense. And that’s on top of the fact that he was 18 and she was 14, and that’s rape no matter who said what.

For bonus points, the assailant only got probation because the girl, having had three other “partners” and one baby by the age of 14, was “not the victim she claimed to be” according to the judge.

Fuck everyone. I’m done.

cloudiah
6 years ago

@emilygoddess, That story tossed me off the internet for a while. Victim blaming can override a rapist’s confession, even. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.