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Men's Rights Poetry Corner: "Feminists Killed Kurt Cobain."

Kurt Cobain, RIP
Kurt Cobain, RIP

Yesterday, several days after the twentieth anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s suicide, A Voice for Men took a moment to honor the brilliant musician who tragically ended his life at the age of only 27.

Well, not exactly. What they actually did was run a terrible poem using the anniversary of Cobain’s death as an excuse to launch an extended attack on the supposed evils of feminism.

Here’s the opening:

Feminists killed Kurt Cobain
Men my age are all the same
They hate themselves & feel ashamed
For what they are & cannot change

It gets worse. The poem, written by a YouTube MRA calling himself Laudanum Byron, continues on for another 104 lines after this. Only 13 refer to Cobain, and five of these are simply repetitions of the opening accusation: “feminists killed Kurt Cobain.”

The rest of the poem consists of an assortment of Men’s Rights talking points sketched out in the most melodramatic manner possible.

Men chastised, demonized,
Healthy males pathologized
A man is just a dirty ape
Longing, lust, desire: all rape
Your body is a loaded gun
And all that it has done is wrong

Like all too many MRAs, Mr. Byron lets his anger at women get the better of his logic. In the following lines, for example, he lashes out at women both for living off of the earnings of men — and for earning money of their own.

Now the girls get told get what you can
After all, he’s just a man
You’re right to think it’s right to take
Yes you go girl, you make him pay
The girls get taught they must get on
Like work empowered anyone:
To sell your life for dollar bills
Taking calls & stacking shelves
In offices & factories
Fulfilment sought in drudgery

Mr. Byron – no relation, one presumes, to the actual Byron – seems to have only a rudimentary notion of what a poem actually is. While most, though not all, of his lines scan, he has persistent troubles with the concept of rhyme, with his aabb and aabbcc rhyme schemes dominated by half-rhymes and quarter-rhymes and, well, the words have some similar sounds in them.

“Bills” and “shelves” don’t rhyme, or half-rhyme, despite both ending in the letter “s.” “Take” and “pay” aren’t even remotely close.

Admittedly, “chivalry” is a tough one to rhyme. But surely one can do better than “steeds.”

White knights, on their hobbled steeds
Still cling to laws of chivalry
Passed over by the queens they save
A joke to all the other slaves

When he pulls off an actual rhyme, it comes a surprise:

All of us the sons of Cain
Feminists killed Kurt Cobain.

But while we’re on the topic, it’s worth pointing out that feminists and/or feminism did not actually kill Kurt Cobain. (Nor did anyone else; the conspiracy theories suggesting he was murdered don’t make a lot of sense.)

Byron’s only “evidence” linking feminism to the suicide?

He screamed onstage & pierced his flesh
Put on make-up, wore a dress

Look, nobody knows for sure the reason or reasons Cobain took his own life, but he was a troubled man with a history of suicide attempts. He suffered from depression and from a painful, persistent stomach ailment. He was addicted to heroin. And as his suicide note made clear, he found the fame he had achieved to be something of an intolerable burden; he felt like a fake. Like a lot of suicides, Cobain’s could be seen as psychologically overdetermined;  it could have been caused by any or all of these things.

Using his suicide to score cheap rhetorical points against feminism is not only dishonest but highly disrespectful to his memory.

To top off this gigantic platter of disrespect, whoever wrote the headline on AVFM didn’t even bother to spell Cobain’s first name correctly. It’s Kurt, with a K.

avfmCurt

Below, “Byron’s” own reading of his poem. If you can’t bear listening to it — I only made it a couple of stanzas in before I had to shut it off — you can make your way to AVFM, or to YouTube, to read the rest. I feel safe in saying that Kurt, who considered himself a feminist, would have hated it, and A Voice for Men as well.

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leatapp
leatapp
6 years ago

Cobain was a feminist. *eyeroll*

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Betas make noises sensational
and argue about changes generational
They use words like “demographics”, “divergence” and “denominational”

But all true alphas know
that shit’s just a test for show
commies are racists for kyrairchy theory
they’re full of lies and eyes teary
is only a sign you must gaslight some more
manboobed manginas are eerie!
Talk about Crimean history (Putin’s alpha, he’s a deary!)

It’s a white-pocalypse with a risk of genetic drift
you must acquire guns and hatred right swift
if the government cheese didn’t drive women from thrift
they’d surely all be out on the street or in a snow drift

You might find nice people who talk about patience
compassions a virtue they know
they say the rage won’t endlessly grow
be nice, take it slow, listen to your foe
MRA’s are people too, and they’ll undergo
a steady development if you just listen to their woe
When they say things like: “Nice lips, do you blow
you communist racist socialist hypergamous ho”

…. whoa, dude.
Wow.

tesformes
6 years ago

FIBINACHI, YOU BROUGHT WARMTH TO MY HEART AND TEMPORARY RELIEF TO THE RAGE BONERS OF MISOGYNISTS EVERYWHERE. YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT THESE LAVNEDER-SCENTED MISANDRY CANDLES BAD. KEEP GOING FOLKS, MORE POEMS!

jjbeans
jjbeans
6 years ago

Hey, I don’t post very often, I’m just a daily reader. But man, I have to thank you all for the ‘poems’. I laughed out loud on the bus so many times today, people are starting to move away from me.

eseldbosustow
6 years ago

I think Cinzia La Strega already pointed this out, but Kurt Cobain was good friends with the singer from the feminist punk band Bikini Kill who is credited with starting the Riot Grrrls movement, and she was the one who came up with the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” catch phrase. So Nirvana’s most famous song is essentially an inside joke with his feminist bestie. Cobain wouldn’t be happy that anti-feminist misogynists were using him to attack feminism and his feminist friends if he were alive today.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

MRA Pome

Roses are red,
My semen is gold.
Chicks over 18
Are too fucking old.

Roses are red,
My balls are blue.
Misandrous harlot,
Why can’t I fuck you?

therainparade
6 years ago

I’m laughing so hard. I want to frame this entire thread and hang it on my living room wall.

zippydoo
zippydoo
6 years ago

The once was a man from Nantucket
Who lived all his life in a bucket
His woman named Nan
Ran off with a man
And as for the bucket, aw… FUCK IT, THAT MISANDRIC GOLD MINING HYPERGAMOUS FAT B*****!!! I HATE GIRLS! I’M GOING MY OWN WAY! WOMEN HAVE IT SO EASY! SHE GOT THE BUCKET!!!!

*stage dive onto an empty floor, froth at the mouth, and cry like a baby, and stomp feet demanding to know where the promised harem for alphaing is*

Fibinachi
6 years ago

MRA Pome

Roses are red,
My semen is gold.
Chicks over 18
Are too fucking old.

Roses are red,
My balls are blue.
Misandrous harlot,
Why can’t I fuck you?

Hahah! Perfect. Thank you, Bina.

dlouwe
dlouwe
6 years ago

Roses are red?
There’s white roses too!
MRA poetry does not subscribe
To affirmative action

Yutolia
Yutolia
6 years ago

Cobain was a feminist. *eyeroll*

Well, if he was a feminist, and he killed himself… then he was killed by feminists!!! OMG I just vaguely made an MRA argument “sort of” logical… I’m bleaching my entire being now to get that horrible thought out of my head… X(

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

But he was only killed by one feminist, and NAFALT.

tinyorc
6 years ago

katz:

I hope he follows it up with a poem about how feminists killed the radio star.

I was inches away from spraying tea all over my keyboard and then it only got better from there. Top quality thread, Manboobzers!

opium4themasses
opium4themasses
6 years ago

Some of these are scary and hilariously close to the mark. Truly you can’t satirize MRAs Poe-try.

Also, didn’t a laudanum post here recently?

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

Yeah, but that laudanum was the one that came here to yell at David for his male privilege. So most likely very much not the same laudanum.

bluecat
bluecat
6 years ago

OK, I’ll have a bash, though the standard is daunting.

MRA haiku:

I hate women and
expect to shag them. If not
I haz angry feels.

I know a haiku should have a seasonal reference but MISANDRY IS ALL YEAR ROUND!

katz
6 years ago

Ladies, they knew their place way back in ’52
If there were choices to be made, they looked to you
They all wore dresses, no one had a short hairdo
Oh ah oh

Men made the art and they wrote every symphony
And they invented all the new technology
And so you see that you must show respect to me
Oh ah oh

I met your children
Oh ah oh
Who’d you spermjack then?

Feminists killed the radio star
Feminists killed the radio star
Friendzones came and broke my heart
We must have sex we’ve gone too far

Oh ah oh oh oh
Oh ah oh oh oh

One time we met in an abandoned Toronto
That was our rally, come on, why didn’t you go?
Still that was quite a big success, I’ll have you know
Oh ah oh

Farrell’s the first one
Oh ah oh
He’ll be the last one

And now we meet in an abandoned studio
You hear the playback and it seems so long ago
And you remember, the jingles used to go,
oh-a-oh
You were the first one
oh-a-oh
You were the last one

Feminists killed the radio star
Feminists killed the radio star
In my mind and in this bar
We must have sex we’ve gone too far

Oh ah oh oh oh
Oh ah oh oh oh

Feminists killed the radio star
Feminists killed the radio star
In my mind and in this bar
We must have sex we’ve gone too far
Men invented the VCR

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Sorry guys, all my writing skill points got dumped into fiction; I can’t do poetry to save my ass. Instead, please accept my contribution of an animated Marilyn Manson singing about the Food Pyramid.

RE: Zach

Maybe we should have some compassion instead of more hate.

I do feel compassion… for Kurt Cobain. If I’d committed suicide and had poetry like this written about me, I’d be a poltergeist. Also, just because this dude hates himself doesn’t mean I have to feel sorry for him. Also, if you think THIS is hatred, you really haven’t hung around here long.

tinyorc
6 years ago

@katz I AM DEAD.

Also, more generally, I had no idea that Kurt Cobain was such an ardent feminist. Like most nineties kids, I loved Nirvana’s music but I never really got behind the Kurt Cobain personality cult, though I read some of his diaries later in life. Anyway, he sounds like he was a great ally. Awesome. Thanks to MRAs, I have learned something new about feminism!

katz
6 years ago

…Oops, the original 2nd stanza sneaked in there after my version. Sorry.

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
6 years ago

I can’t write poetry, but I CAN rip off Tom Jones songs! Let me see…

WHATS NEW MRA?
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH,
WHAT’S NEW MRA?
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH

WHATS NEW MRA?
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH,
WHAT’S NEW MRA?
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH.

cloudiah
6 years ago

Still tired and stressed, but I figured that the least I could do is contribute a revised ad jingle:

I wish I were a men’s rights advocate
That is what I truly wish to be
’cause if i were a men’s rights advocate
Everyone would be so bored
Oh everyone would be really bored
Everyone would be so bored with me

I thought it might look more poetic if I translated it into Italian, so:

Vorrei che fossi un sostenitore dei diritti degli uomini
Questo è ciò che veramente voglio essere
Perche ‘se fossi un sostenitore dei diritti degli uomini
Tutti sarebbero così annoiato
O tutti sarebbe davvero annoiato
Tutti sarebbero così annoiato con me

Note that I don’t actually speak Italian, so I blame Google translate for any errors. I’m a woman, so it’s all about female hypoagency.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Ladies, they knew their place way back in ’52
If there were choices to be made, they looked to you
They all wore dresses, no one had a short hairdo
Oh ah oh

That is just perfect, Katz. Perfect.

blackmetalvalkyrie
blackmetalvalkyrie
6 years ago

What an ego maniac to use the name of a great poet for this drivel. Most times I can’t even read man boobz bc I am disgusted by mra misogyny but this is so bad that its hilarious.

leftwingfox
6 years ago

Auggziliary: If it’s short for Curtis, perhaps.

Katz: OMG, You killed me! Laughed to Death! Misandry! I has been slain by feminists!

blackmetalvalkyrie
blackmetalvalkyrie
6 years ago

“persistent troubles with the concept of rhyme” it doesn’t have to rhyme to be poetry!

Falconer
6 years ago

I have heard the boners calling, each to each
I do not wish that they should call to me.

Falconer
6 years ago

“persistent troubles with the concept of rhyme” it doesn’t have to rhyme to be poetry!

No, but if you have a rhyme scheme you should stick to it unless you want to jar the reader by breaking your scheme.

cloudiah
6 years ago

I don’t want to interrupt the poetry, but wanted to note this week’s MRA doxxing/harassment of a young woman, which the r/mr mods left up for 14 hours until someone posted about it on r/amr and messaged their mods to tell them to take it down. (Mod response: “I took it down, but not because you told me to take it down I had my own reasons STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO MOM!!! I HATE YOU!!!”)

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
6 years ago

I think that I shall never see,
An MRA who’s smarter than a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth will ne’er,
Blame feminism for bad weather.

A tree doesn’t look at screens all day,
Vowing some random actress will pay.

A tree won’t ever peacock,
(Even with an actual peacock)

On a tree’s website has never lain,
The same sad jingles of misandrist refrain.

A tree can be grown by any idiot like me,
But you’d have to be even dumber to think MRA’s aren’t already free.

AL3H
AL3H
6 years ago

I have a different radio star parody, although katz’s one is truly excellent.

Hehe … this is fun!

I first saw you in the summer of ’02.
My telefocal lens was zooming in on you.
Your shirt wet from rain,
I hoped for nipples showing through.

Oh oh

They convinced you to be “who you want to be”.
Filled your pretty head with words like “misogyny”,
and they’re the reason you won’t shag Nice Guys(TM) like me.

You weren’t the first one.
You’re not the last one.

Feminists “killed” the video star.
Feminists “killed” the video star.

The breasts in my mind,
are in your bra.
Feminism’s gone too far.
It confused your mind
and stole your heart,
and gave us Nice Guys(TM) bad P.R.

Oh video star. Oh video star.

As you walk, breast movement it begins to show.
I helped you move, no sex?!?! Not how it’s supposed to go!
You ugly, alpha-f*cking, hypergamic ho.

You aren’t the first one.
You’re not the last one.

Feminists “killed” the video star.
Feminists “killed” the video star.

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

Just heard that Joan Jett is likely to front for Nirvana at their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Ha ha, MRAs.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

Gold Digger for the World,
Boner Maker, Evil Noncompliant Western Land Whale,
Slutty Divorce-Causer and the Nation’s Cum Dumpster;
Emotional, conniving, inferior,
Bitch of the Big Bazongas,
Why won’t you sleep with me?

….euw. Now I need to go take a shower.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

I know a haiku should have a seasonal reference but MISANDRY IS ALL YEAR ROUND!

The four seasons of misandry are Valentine’s day, International women’s day, Mother’s day and Breast cancer month. For example:

Box full of chocolate
for the entitled princess-
anticipates blowjob

One big-ass red rose
has wilted by tomorrow:
You had feminism

No woman ever
raised her children without man
paying his tax money

As the leaves turn pink
outside my rectal sanctum:
What about prostate?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

Don’t forget Black History Month (for the racist segment of MRAs)

Whitepocalypse
Is upon us. Solution:
Marry an Asian.

Yutolia
Yutolia
6 years ago

@grumpycat

But he was only killed by one feminist, and NAFALT.

I know! 🙂 It was a poor attempt at a joke. Sorry!

Yutolia
Yutolia
6 years ago

Grrr! blockquote fail…

Alex
6 years ago

And this thread and others like it are why MRAs need to write bad poetry more often. 😀

ceebarks
ceebarks
6 years ago

BINA!!!!! I can see that cross stitched on a sampler. Magnificent.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Just heard that Joan Jett is likely to front for Nirvana at their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Ha ha, MRAs.

Oh awesome! I wonder what they’ll play. Whatever it is, I just know it will have these fools eating their hateful hearts out.

tesformes
6 years ago

THIS IS THE FIRST POETRY SLAM I’VE EVER MC’ED AND I GOTTA SAY, ALL THIS MISANDRY AND UNCHECKED FEMALE PRIVILEGE JUST WARMS THE COCKLES OF MY HEART. IT’S GOING TO BE IMPOSSIBLE TO PICK A WINNER, BUT THEN AGAIN, SO IS WOMEN BEING GOOD AT SCIENCE, AND MOTHAFUCKIN ROSALIND FRANKLIN WANTS A WORD! LET ME TRY MY HAND AT A COUPLE HAIKUS!

Messages from the AVFM mailing list
by tesformes

Thirty feminists
armed with sharpened box cutters
No, for real, thirty!

I don’t hate women
I just think they’re kinda dumb
And kinda worthless

I’m not like most girls
I’m a rape apologist
A special snowflake

The thing I hate most
Is false rape accusation
Unless I do it

I love Sodini
Not because he killed women
I just like his hair

That bitch Sarkeesian
Why can’t men have a safe space?
Like the Internet?

Rape jokes aren’t cool
Oh, you’re a male feminist?
I hope you get raped

Give money to Paul
He spends it on his porn bills
And not on bon-bons

and, finally…

Misandry is real
A woman on the late bus
Didn’t talk to me

CAN WE KEEP THIS POETRY SLAM ROLLING? FIBINACHI IS STILL IN THE LEAD FOR WINNER, BUT SINCE EVERYONE HERE IS A SOCK OF DAVID’S, WE’RE ALL WINNERS! KEEP ON POURING YOUR IRRATIONAL, NON-STEM EMOTIONS ONTO THE PAGE, AND THE MEN WILL CORRECT YOU AND TELL YOU HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL.

katz
6 years ago

*snap snap snap*

Shaenon
6 years ago

I have eaten
the rights
of the mens

and the boners
you were probably
saving
for a boner thing

forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and full of boner

Fibinachi
6 years ago

One

Two

one-two-three

(Try to sing along)

I realized today

With a terrible thought

that all of my rhyming
….. has gone quite for naught

To eternally lambaster
these assfax masters
spurred on by a frail web that faaaaaaails
No wit or grace or clever phrase
no smile or glint or hard-fact-flint
Can seem to dent
their ig-nor-ance
or make a break in their pretense
So hence, my innocence is gone in a sense
and I have a decision I feel will meet some derision…

….

….

…. Dear Manboobz, Sir Furtrelle
the posters, the others, I wish you all well
But I fear
this ends here
For I’ve got a thing to tell

Iiiiii’veee goooneeeeee:

Over to Roosh’es
I’ve joined with Douches
My morals made a woosh
As I kicked them with a swoosh
Down the drain where my empathy went!
I relent on my yammering, I’m done with the hammering, these days all I’ll do is…
All I’ll do is…
Fart around with the FartisteHeartiste
whine about about the lack of nazi’s
Sure could use some segregation in this nation
Though I think it’s a bit odd, the conjecture’s pretty broad
and wait how will that help me get laid OH NEVERMIND–

I’ve got an admission, I’ve made subscription
to a mailing list of which the gist is to make a fist and be all pissed at those that bitch so my day consist of making lists of things to say to assist my way to get the lay and to persist till I get kissed ‘cuz at some point they can’t resist and I’ve only been maced eight times so I won’t desist! I must say; because

Not caring is almost easy, my hair is all greasy and though I feel queasy when I’m being sleazy it’s not so bad to kill yourself a tad for a single smile full of pity from some lady slut who thinks my prepared lines are witty (They’re designed by commitee of posters online, and I write Field Reports in my spare time to fill my mind with… with… the information I have been assigned. Find: NicePerson, delete, be unkind - access Soul.exe
replace with debris
Initiate GrowGoatee
My humanity is now a detainee

I’ve invested my stocks in not giving fucks
I’m done with all the beta-bucks!

But sometimes, in my new haircut of fried oil and a whisk of MAXMANLY DANGER
When I walk down the street and shout “SPINSTERS!” at some stranger
I feel perhaps my dance with a social advance has gone askance

My Axe body-spray is a forcefield of fragrance
my slicked up hair is stony, like pavement
and my rhyming has lost all cadence

Oh Manboobz, please take me back
I’m no good at negging; I lack the knack for giving strangers flack
I miss not causing a chemical alarm when I enter a bank
It’s so lonely communicating only in grunting, my hair is all rank
and I ended up in jail for real
HAH IT’S A PRANK
No seriously, I caused someone to faint because my pores have begun literally leaking Axe body spray and I think perhaps it’s displacing the oxygen in the rooms I occupy.

And no one wants to listen about how Asians are the best
And I don’t understand how demographics about white-pocalypses help me make small talk with friendly folks in bars

Women aren’t from Venus
But MRA’s should move to Mars.

tesformes
6 years ago

Ok, forget the all caps lock thing for now. Fibinachi, do you write raps or poetry in your free time? No offense to anyone here, but you are far and away the best poet here. have you ever seriously devoted a lot of time to it?

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

MOAR POTERY!!!

Roses are red,
Boogers are greeny —
Why won’t you bitches
Suck my sad wienie?

Roses are red,
Armor is white,
I hate nothing more
Than a mangina knight!
(Except bitches, of course. If I didn’t hate them the most, my Man Card would be revoked.)

katz
6 years ago

No offense to anyone here, but you are far and away the best poet here.

I highly doubt anyone else here would contest that fact. I wouldn’t.

cloudiah
6 years ago

I highly doubt anyone else here would contest that fact. I wouldn’t.

Nor I, and we have some very fine poets here.

kittehserf
6 years ago

I wouldn’t contest that fact, either!

Also I love this:

Sir Furtrelle

barrakuduh
6 years ago

Just reading this now (and I’ll definitely have to read your guys’s poems later). Clicked on the link for the video and wow, holy shit, those are some of the most respectful YouTube comments I’ve ever seen. O_o