Ok, ladies. Go do some lady stuff, like vajazzling or banning bossy or having pillow fights or whatever it is you ladies like to do, because we have some MAN STUFF to talk about today. Oh, gay guys, you can leave too. We STRAIGHT MEN are going to be talking about how to develop MAD GAME with the ladies so we can become Master Pickup Artists.
I’d like to start by sharing some dope new information I found on the game blog of ALPHA PLAYBOY “Christian McQueen,” who despite the obviously fake name is an actual real game guru taken seriously by dudes who apparently spend considerable amounts of money on his ebooks and “coaching” and whatnot.
But sometimes, in little acts of mercy for the financially challenged, he shares some of his wisdom with the thirsty men of the world for free.
And that’s the case with his brilliant STARBUCKS OPENER which, again, I am not making up. It is an example of INDIRECT GAME, in that you don’t just walk up to a woman and ask her if she wants to have sex with you. It’s a DAY GAME opener, which you use in the DAY and not at a night club.
Anyway, this is what you do. (You might want to write this down.) You walk up to a sexy lady on the street and you say:
“Excuse me. Do you know where the closest Starbucks is?”
BAM! And you’re IN LIKE FLYNN!
Ok, ok, I can sense that some of you may not appreciate the genius of the STARBUCKS OPENER. Some of you even think it sounds a little dopey and not really very sexy at all. Did Casanova go around asking ladies for directions?
Well, let’s let Mr. McQueen explain why his idea is so freaking brilliant:
The Starbucks Opener is absolute GOLD because of a few reasons that I’ll break down right now:
EVERY girl in the world, well 99.9% of girls, LOVE Starbucks. The moment they hear the word ‘Starbucks’, they get happy.
I went and looked for some polling data to support this statement of his and discovered a Rassmussen poll from 2011 showing that 34% of American coffee drinkers have an unfavorable opinion of Starbucks; an earlier Rassmussen poll found that 73% of Americans think that Starbucks is overpriced and 76% say they rarely if ever visit the stores.
I guess they forgot to ask the cute girls what they thought, huh? Probably a bunch of BETAS.
There’s Starbucks all over the world. If you live in Japan and you’re reading this, you can use this line. If you live in Texas or Canada you can use this line. It’s a Global Friendly Line.
Well, pretty much. I mean, Starbucks is in 64 different countries out of 196 in the world, which means that technically speaking most of the countries in the world don’t actually have any Starbucks in them. There are no Starbucks at all in sub-Saharan Africa, or most countries in South America, or much of Eastern Europe or Central Asia. But frankly, most of the countries that don’t have Starbucks aren’t countries that ALPHA PLAYBOYS want to be hanging out in anyway. Just make sure to check to check this map before you try using this line!
‘Starbucks’ equals comfort drinks/food for most people who go there. When a girl hears the word ‘Starbucks’ come from your mouth, she subconsciously goes to that place of feeling happy, safe, comfortable and content. By it coming out of YOUR mouth, she will automatically associate you with those feelings, albeit to a lesser degree. ANYTHING that you can say that gives you an edge from your opening line is good, because it builds comfort in her.
Other “comfort” words and phrases you might want to try to work into your openers: “pillows,” “puppies,” “mashed potatoes,” and “some place far, far away from Chrisian McQueen.”
When you mention ‘Starbucks’, you’re mentioning a globally recognized BRAND. By being a fan of Starbucks and seeking it out, you’re a part of the ‘club’, the fan club of Starbucks that it.
Chicks LOVE BRANDS! Here’s Forbes’ list of the World’s Most Valuable Brands. See how many you can work into your conversations with the babes! It should be easy to incorporate such well-known names as Microsoft, Oracle, General Electric, Samsung, and Frito-Lay. Extra points if you can manage to mention Siemens without giggling.
When you ask a girl where one is, she’ll automatically put you in the ‘normal human being’ category, because ‘normal’ people drink coffee and usually from Starbucks. Any association with something that is popular and normal helps you build comfort.
Asking where the nearest STARBUCKS is, because you want to drink COFFEE, like a NORMAL PERSON, is good. Asking where the nearest GROCERY STORE DUMPSTER is, because you want to EAT FOOD FROM THE GARBAGE like some DAMN HIPPIE DUMPSTER DIVER is not so good. Unless the babe you’re hitting on is a damn hippie dumpster diver.
You can use STARBUCKS OPENER even if you already know where the nearest Starbucks is, because lying is ok if it helps you to get into a woman’s pants. Just don’t use it if you are literally standing in front of a Starbucks, as field-testing indicates that this approach tends to elicit responses like “right fucking here, you asshole,” and “what the hell is wrong with you?”
Now, Christian McQueen’s advice is good for beginners, but if you’d like to learn how to hit up the ladies Man Boobz style, I suggest that you send me $10,000 for my ebook, MAN BOOBZ GAME which I will start writing the moment someone sends me $10,000 for it.
In it you will learn about 100 different INDIRECT KITTY OPENERS from the basic “I have a kitty,” to more advanced versions like “I have two kitties” to others you’ll have to pay me $10,000 to learn and which I haven’t actually thought up yet, but trust me, they’ll be good.
You’ll learn about DIRECT MAN BOOBZ GAME, achieved by taking indirect openers and adding the phrase “in my pants” to the end of them. Thus “I have kitties” becomes “I have kitties – in my pants.”
You’ll learn the fine art of MAN BOOBZ NEGS and how to respond when the woman you’re talking to gets pissed off that you came up to her out of the blue and insulted her. Take this sample dialogue, using my brilliant “that looks infected” indirect opener which I just thought up thirty seconds ago have extensively field tested.
You: “That looks infected.”
Her: “What the fuck are you talking about? What looks infected?”
You: Um, your nose.”
Her: “My nose is fine, you fucking creep.”
You: “Well, I’ve JUST STARTED MEDICAL SCHOOL so I’m not too good at this diagnosis thing just yet. But in a few years, when I’m MAKING LOTS OF MONEY AS A DOCTOR I will be much better.”
Her: “I only just now noticed how charming and handsome you are.”
Just think, fellas, five or six pages more of this sort of wisdom can be yours for only $10,0000!
I really hope no ladies were reading this because I was really hoping to use the “that looks infected” opener the next time I actually leave my apartment.
Superior alpha male of the Manboobz PUA Game:
http://youtu.be/EpT4CXVqAys
WHAT??? Asking directions is so BETA!
Yup, nothing says “confidence” quite like a benign-sounding question that gives one an easy, rejection-free out if the women isn’t available or interested.
Waiting for Roosh to jump in and talk about what an idiot Christian McQueen is for hitting on women who like Starbucks. Coffee drinks have FAT. And CALORIES. And everyone knows it is unpossible to occasionally ingest a treat, the first fun size bag of Doritos is ALL IT TAKES to become a shambling feminist horror. Like an ent, but naturaler (/shudder).
Behold: modern days love:lust potion : http://ow.ly/vc7D4
Ask her for directions to Starbucks? Foolproof!
‘Cause, y’know, the first I thing want to do when random strangers ask me for directions is to give them my phone number.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Starbucks had 81 stores in Australia. They closed 64 of them back in 2008 because most of us don’t want to drink their godawful muck. So imagine the negging a Melburnian – a city of really good coffee – could give some PUA loser if he tried that line?
As for the “that looks infected” line – what a dead giveaway. First response I can think of now is to say “Nah, it’s just a booger” and shove my finger up my nostril. Given some dude was whining online about that being MISANDRY, it’d be a double-win.
David – This post is completely and totally brilliant, from start to finish. Standing ovation.
So, asking for directions to Starbucks makes women subconsciously associate you with the Starbucks brand, which equals happy, comfortable and normal. This will then make the woman want to have sex with happy, comfortable normal you. (At least, that appears to be the train of thought there).
I’m wondering, does this associations of brands and businesses with people work with other things? Like, for instance, does asking directions to the nearest bank make people want to give you money?
Isn’t it a little a creepy the way McQueen is basically saying to trick women into thinking a man is a “normal human being*?” Like these PUAs think they’re some species apart from the women they’re trying to pick up.
*Not that “normal” is a real thing that can be concretely and narrowly defined to the exclusion of those who don’t fit into a culturally approved category. It just seems like he’s using “normal human being” as opposed to “predator that is trying to manipulate.”
I’ve had Starbucks before. Yet somehow, I don’t think of myself as being part of some special Starbucks drinking club. Why? Because it’s a ubiquitous fucking chain store. If some idiot came up to me in downtown or a mall to ask for directions to Starbucks I would think he’s an idiot because you can literally start walking in any direction and run into a Starbucks within a minute.
Not long ago a guy pulled up next to me in his car to ask for directions. I made him yell because I don’t walk up to strangers cars for safety reasons. He asked for directions to my heart. We did not have sex. In fact, I walked away with no comment. Day game fail!
… aren’t they?
Eh, I see I missed that the infected nose bit was a Manboobz Neg – which kinda shows how hard it is to parody PUAs.
(That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. But the booger response would still work.)
…
…
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Okay done. No wait. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Okay, now done with laugh.
I like Starbucks, because I have no taste in coffee and therefore like to drink Frappuccinos and skinny mochas. But this is just too funny. It’s like they think women are puppies. “Here, girl, here’s the latte, gimme a kiss!” Pfft.
And in this area, asking where the nearest Starbucks is would just be dumb, ’cause it’s like ‘Walk two blocks in any direction you want. You’ll find one.’ Or, as I would answer, “There’s an app for that.”
Just out of curiosity, were there further instructions What are you supposed to say after asking for directions?
Speaking of kitty game, I’m actually surprised to have not heard of PUAs adopting cats to lure women or make them feel more comfortable once they’re lured into their homes. Not they should. Cats deserve better than these assholes and PUAs just don’t deserve the favor of the furrinati world order.
For me, in that conversation, you wouldn’t even get the opportunity to talk about medical school for I would have already jumped on you because of the incredible neg you just landed on me, making me realize what fucking hot ass alpha male you are, one in which I must win the approval of and screw, like yesterday.
He really thinks women are not bright children. If I guy asked me where a Starbucks was, I’d tell him, but I’d also think he’s a person who doesn’t like coffee very much.
DUNKIN DONUTS 4 LYFE.
weirwood, there were further insturctions, I just got bored with it. He explained how it was a great “builder” line because … she would have to give you directions, so you could keep on talking.
ANd so forth.
PUAs trying to use any of the Furrinati to attract women would be a massive fail. They have no empathy, so would never pull off the pretense of being a nice person with a dog/cat/whatever. If anything, they’d be reported for neglect.
I’m wondering what the follow-up is supposed to be, too. Do they think someone giving directions is going to say much more than “It’s two blocks away” or “Sorry, no idea”? It’s not a conversation starter. At most, it’s the sort of conversation that’s a few brief sentences before the askee goes on her way. The minute some dude started a recognisable chat-up routine (and it’d be so fucking recognisable coming from these losers) he’d be getting the side-eye, whether laughed at or creeping someone out.
LOL that shit in the further instructions would just get a “Oh, you’re a PUA, aren’t you? You are a sad, strange little man, but I don’t pity you. Now fuck off.”
Hellkell, you’re not alone. From that first Rassmussen poll I mentioned:
Unfortunately there’s only one DD here in ATX, and it’s way the hell up north. When I go home and visit my parents I always go to the one by their house, and come home with at least two bags of beans, because the ones in the grocery store don’t seem to be quite the same.
Another thing PUAs don’t seem to get: a woman who’s walking down the street is going somewhere. Sure, she might just be window-shopping, but she has things to do. She’s not just waiting around for some idiot to chat her up. The way these morons talk, you’d never realise we not only have our own lives, but that our time is limited. If I’m on a lunch break and have to get lunch and do an errand, I have neither the time nor the desire for nonsensical conversations with creepy strangers. Not that the desire would be there in any case, but when I’m pressed for time the tolerance level goes down, and I bet I’m not alone in that.
“…and you have my pity.”
Nope. Got shit to do. With Starbucks being practically on every corner in most cities, most dude would get would be a “go two blocks, hang a right” over my shoulder.
MISANDRY! How dare you be female and have your own interests! When a MAN is talking to you, PAY ATTENTION and BE RESPECTFUL and DEFERENTIAL! WHOOOOOOORE!
The last time someone asked me for directions — well, the last memorable time — was a couple of months ago, at about 1 AM, when I was coming back from the grocery store, when a guy stopped his car and asked if I knew where there were any video stores open at that hour. I said no. He was like, I mean, *adult* video stores. Again, I said no. (Though later I realized that there were some not that far away that probably were open.)
I don’t think he was trying to pick me up but it was weird.