So our dear friend Heartiste, the white-supremacist woman-botherer, has assembled a little “Chateau Heartiste Crib Sheet of Game,” a compilation of some of his best pickup advice, boiled down to a few handy tips and clever one-liners that wannabe alpha males can use on the ladies during conversation in order to get their ginas tingling. (Sorry, that’s the way these guys talk.)
Looking at Heartiste’s list of “lines” I was struck by how generic and, well, frankly unoriginal most of them were, from standard issue negs like “nice shoes. Those are really popular now” and “is she always like this?” to old-school PUA cliches like “I don’t buy girls drinks but you can buy me one” and “what else do you have going for you besides your looks?” both of which come straight from peacocking PUA pioneer Mystery, the guy with the fuzzy hat and the long-ago-cancelled VH1 show.
Indeed, a lot of Heartiste’s “lines” are as old and stale as he is:
Don’t get clingy
Miss me already?
Hey, hands off the merchandise
If i didn’t know any better i’d say you were trying to pick me up
So I thought I’d do Heartiste a little favor and write up some new lines for him and his fans that are both more original and a bit more honest. Next time you’re in “da club,” Heartiste, why don’t you try some of these out? Some of these I made up myself; some are taken, or adapted, from things you yourself wrote.
Hi, I spend most of my life on the internet trying to figure out how to manipulate drunk women half my age into bed.
People on the internet know me as Heartiste. No, not Fartiste. With an H. No, it’s not a joke. I thought it up myself.
I like to call black people “darkies.” No, not to their face. Anonymously, on the internet.
I’m an alluringly savvy man self-assuredly parrying the clit-hardened jousts of intrigued women.
Too much outbreeding decreases charitable kin-feeling and incentivizes a decadent ennui that severs the citizen’s sense of obligation to his nation and co-ethnics.
A gentlemanly selectiveness honed by years of experience and psychological nimbleness has proved adequate at filtering out women likely to lay like dead fish in my roiling sea of sperm.
If anyone can usurp the lawyercunt in cuntishness, it’s the Twittercunt.
The walls are closing in on the lords of lies and their feels army of emotabots.
Whether our ruling class knows it or they bumble along like drug addicts seeking the next pleasurable injection of power at any cost, their sex-swapping project will turn the West into matricentric, female forager Africa.
Every time we had sex over the following weeks, it ended with her tucking her knees under her chin naked on the bed to quietly cry into the wrapped bubble of her body.
The only bond that matters in a woman’s heart is the one you caulk in her cock vault.
The ruling elites despise whites, despise the concept of whiteness, and despise especially the idea that the territory and nation and culture from which they parasitically suck the lifeblood was created and sustained primarily by white men.
The id of the Like Me Generation is a furry suit wrapping a toddler.
Women should avoid trying to be funny altogether and stick to maximizing the return on their authentically valuable assets. That would be your tits, ass, face and pussy, in case you were wondering.
That last bit was pure Heartiste. (As were the previous ten.) Like the women of the world, I can’t hope to attain such pinnacles of wit.
Naw, Ceiling Cat ain’t watching you. He’s asleep.
I can’t speak for Basement Cat, though.
I’ve heard about that brain injury too. I think of it every time the straw-Vulcan brigade (MRAs or otherwise) start waffling on about how everyone but them is so irrational.
@kitteh:
That’s actually what makes it so damn insidious, because it turns into a crutch that you can never lose, and eventually becomes self-defeating.
Also, because no theological discussion is complete without Sithrak, the God Who Hates You:
http://oglaf.com/sithrak/
Hey Binjabreel?
Fuck that “it’s a crutch” and “insidious”. And fuck anyone who’s doing the I’m So Rational and You’re a Weakling shit that implies, and the sheer indifference to other people’s happiness that goes along with it.
While we’re being all rational and shit, the “it’s a crutch” argument could be leveled at practically anything that’s important in your life. My loving spouse is a crutch that I’m dependent on; I’d better get rid of him and sever all relationships and things that might bring me joy!
I have no idea what “eventually becomes self-defeating” is supposed to mean in this context.
Please consider there to be an implied “or lack thereof” after “religious feeling”.
I’m an atheist, and yeah, I do think atheism is better supported by “facts” and “logic” than theism. But I am not an atheist BECAUSE of facts, or logic. I’m an atheist not because of logic, but because of emotion and feelings. I don’t have religious feelings. I never felt gods speaking to me. I never felt magic. Not even when I tried. And as emilygoddess said, some atheists have strong negative feelings about religion that drives their atheism.
These are feelings. And because we are human, we have a strong tendency to use logic in support of our feelings, not the other way around.
Have you ever tried to logic yourself into or out of love? I have. It doesn’t work. You feel the way you feel. Maybe sometimes you can logic yourself into a position and have feelings shift accordingly, but if you decided that it was only logical to not love someone, but you still did, could you say that your love isn’t real?
That’s all I’m trying to say. All the logic ALONE in the world isn’t going to sway you from a deeply held belief or feeling.
::second round of applause for deniseeliza::
katz – yuppers. No loving those kitties, it’s a crutch. No enjoying anything for those emotional feels, it’s a crutch. Anything whose loss you’d grieve for is a crutch. We’re supposed to aspire to being Cybermen.
That was a great comment, deniseeliza.
I’ve been wondering what the hell an “emotabot” is, that Heartiste seems to think the rest of the world is. The walls are closing in on us!
1) Are we inside the trash compacter in Star Wars?
2) Isn’t an “emotabot” a complete contradiction in terms?
3) Why does the Death Star even have a trash compacter? Is there a shortage of space at the local landfill?
RE: Kittehs
Dawww, wookit da cute widdle elder god.
RE: Binjabreel
That’s actually what makes it so damn insidious, because it turns into a crutch that you can never lose, and eventually becomes self-defeating.
Wow, that’s not condescending at all. And folks already pretty much covered how it could equally apply to the irrational emotion of ‘love.’
I do find it amusing how we’re talking about crutches you can never lose when I just talked about how mine have DON’T PRAY FOR ME written on them. (Also colorful rainbows and flames, because I decided that if I’m going to be flaming queer, I might as well SHOW IT.) Seeing how my body is going, it seems that my crutches are indeed insidious. I doubt I will be able to lose my crutches any time soon. *snort*
(Seriously, what is the deal with ‘crutch’ being used in a negative fashion, anyway? My crutches keep me upright! My crutches allow me to go outside, and walk around, and stuff! My crutches have rainbows and flames on them! Crutches are AWESOME!)
Okay, let me back it up:
It’s a poorly designed cognitive-behavioral therapy that gives what appear to be initial results but will ultimately fail and only exacerbate the underlying social anxiety that drove them to try the p.u.a. crap in the first place.
That’s all I mean: you memorize lines and find that women will talk to you, you assume it’s because of the lines when in reality it’s that you’re actually talking to women instead of just standing there scared. Then when the lines don’t end up working the way they’re supposed to, it’s because you’re not doing it right, not that the lines are stupid and don’t actually work. That’s the insidious part.
I do apologize for using crutch that way, though. Can’t come up with a good word for something that means “a temporary aide in the short term that eventually becomes limiting”, and I recognize that for many people a crutch is a fact of life.
Re: the other things that can be crutches-
Yes, and unless it becomes emotionally or mentally destructive for this person, then there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s insidious because it’s not falsifiable. Like any other dogma, PUA can never fail, it can only be failed. Which is easy to believe for someone who’s not socially confident in the first place and maybe a little gullible.
Oh, you were talking about pick-up artistry! We all thought you were talking about religion! Sorry. Ignore everything I said.
You owe me a tuna sammich now. The one I was eating is all over my keyboard.
Re: the other things that can be crutches-
Yes, and unless it becomes emotionally or mentally destructive for this person, then there’s nothing wrong with that.
Then why did you talk about other people’s non-atheist beliefs being insidious and something inherently bad, in response to my comment? I would have thought I’d made it totally fucking clear that my beliefs bring me happiness. That was the whole point of my comment, that the straw-Vulcan asshats don’t give a shit about other people’s happiness and what works for them. Saying it’s insidious and a crutch (apology noted: I use a walking stick too, as it happens) is doing exactly what I was talking about.
Blockquote fail, dammit.
Binjabreel – okay, like katz asked, are you talking about religion/ not-atheist, which has been a chunk of the conversation on this thread, or about PUA stuff? Your comments (and the chance placement) have read far more like you’re talking about people’s inner lives than PUA creepery tactics.
YES! Can I be a high priestess or something?
neuroticbeagle – but of course!
You should be in charge of iconography or something, bein’ queen of finding Furrinati pics on the interwebs.
@ LBT
The wizards are like that, too. Isn’t there a bit where he says the wizards think believing in gods is like believing in the table?
I like the time Ridcully’s talking to his brother Hughnon, the High Priest of Io, and the latter describes the gods’ doings exactly like an ep of daytime soaps.
I thought binjabreel was talking about the “so Vulcan, much logic” posturing as a crutch that ended up being self-defeating. This is why I prefer to quote what I’m responding to: less chance of either addressing the wrong person or appearing to respond to something else because the thread moved on while I was typing (my theories about binjabreel’s miscommunication).
There’s another one about the witches, and how they don’t “believe” in gods because they know gods are real, so believing in gods is like believing in the postman. I think it’s in Equal Rites.
emilygoddess – yes, it’s wise to quote or at least address the person being replied to. That’s three interpretations so far of who/what Binjabreel was addressing.
Cassandrakitty quoted the witches/postman bit above. I don’t know where I got the wizards one from. Confusion, possibly.
I really should pinch that whole thing. “Of course I don’t believe in Mr K.”
RE: Cassandrakitty
Yessssss. That is the kinda atheist I am. Why on EARTH would I encourage gods when so many appear to be assholes?
RE: Binjabreel
Oh, okay, you were talking about PUA. My mistake, carry on.
Yeah, sorry about that. Typing on my phone takes forever and HTML always fails spectacularly whenever I try it on here. I was responding directly to kitteh’s comment about “what hap
Goddamnit phone!
Anyway, I meant to respond directly to kitteh’s question about “what happens when they need to be in a real conversation?”
As far as the whole straw-Vulcan thing, I fuckin hate it. I’m constantly hitting my students over the head with the “logically consistent doesn’t mean it’s not bullshit” idea all the time.
Whew! Sorry for getting that all wrong, Binjabreel. Hiss boo to phone slows!
“logically consistent doesn’t mean it’s not bullshit”
logic has nothing to do with truth value… if your initial assumptions are bullshit, no amount of logic will help.
*stage whisper* … I think he’s talking about taxation!
Re: the atheism topic.
I admit, whenever I hear some white-bread smarm peddler bang on about God’s plan for peoples’ lives I wanna throw facts over the side and shout to the heavens.
Because there is motherfuckin’ child cancer. If God’s plan is so wonderful, why is there child cancer? Why is there any cancer?
… That kind of thing. There’s times when I want to slam Ken Ham of the Creation Museum with facts and there’s times when I want to call him out for scaring children with his “museum.”
And it’s not like facts are going to make a dent anyway. One of my friends was saying that the Earth must only be 6,000 years old because the Pyramids are so exactingly assembled, to tolerances we can’t achieve today, so a big wooden boat full of animals must have been a snap for the ancients. If ever there was a time for this image….
Anyway, atheism’s right for me because I haven’t really felt any kind of religious impulse for years.