So our dear friend Heartiste, the white-supremacist woman-botherer, has assembled a little “Chateau Heartiste Crib Sheet of Game,” a compilation of some of his best pickup advice, boiled down to a few handy tips and clever one-liners that wannabe alpha males can use on the ladies during conversation in order to get their ginas tingling. (Sorry, that’s the way these guys talk.)
Looking at Heartiste’s list of “lines” I was struck by how generic and, well, frankly unoriginal most of them were, from standard issue negs like “nice shoes. Those are really popular now” and “is she always like this?” to old-school PUA cliches like “I don’t buy girls drinks but you can buy me one” and “what else do you have going for you besides your looks?” both of which come straight from peacocking PUA pioneer Mystery, the guy with the fuzzy hat and the long-ago-cancelled VH1 show.
Indeed, a lot of Heartiste’s “lines” are as old and stale as he is:
Don’t get clingy
Miss me already?
Hey, hands off the merchandise
If i didn’t know any better i’d say you were trying to pick me up
So I thought I’d do Heartiste a little favor and write up some new lines for him and his fans that are both more original and a bit more honest. Next time you’re in “da club,” Heartiste, why don’t you try some of these out? Some of these I made up myself; some are taken, or adapted, from things you yourself wrote.
Hi, I spend most of my life on the internet trying to figure out how to manipulate drunk women half my age into bed.
People on the internet know me as Heartiste. No, not Fartiste. With an H. No, it’s not a joke. I thought it up myself.
I like to call black people “darkies.” No, not to their face. Anonymously, on the internet.
I’m an alluringly savvy man self-assuredly parrying the clit-hardened jousts of intrigued women.
Too much outbreeding decreases charitable kin-feeling and incentivizes a decadent ennui that severs the citizen’s sense of obligation to his nation and co-ethnics.
A gentlemanly selectiveness honed by years of experience and psychological nimbleness has proved adequate at filtering out women likely to lay like dead fish in my roiling sea of sperm.
If anyone can usurp the lawyercunt in cuntishness, it’s the Twittercunt.
The walls are closing in on the lords of lies and their feels army of emotabots.
Whether our ruling class knows it or they bumble along like drug addicts seeking the next pleasurable injection of power at any cost, their sex-swapping project will turn the West into matricentric, female forager Africa.
Every time we had sex over the following weeks, it ended with her tucking her knees under her chin naked on the bed to quietly cry into the wrapped bubble of her body.
The only bond that matters in a woman’s heart is the one you caulk in her cock vault.
The ruling elites despise whites, despise the concept of whiteness, and despise especially the idea that the territory and nation and culture from which they parasitically suck the lifeblood was created and sustained primarily by white men.
The id of the Like Me Generation is a furry suit wrapping a toddler.
Women should avoid trying to be funny altogether and stick to maximizing the return on their authentically valuable assets. That would be your tits, ass, face and pussy, in case you were wondering.
That last bit was pure Heartiste. (As were the previous ten.) Like the women of the world, I can’t hope to attain such pinnacles of wit.
misery: To me, that sounds like “practice makes perfect” or “fake it ’til you make it.” Only written in an overly “scholarly” and jargon-y way, to make it sound more “scientific.”
“Once you learn to fake sincerity, you’ve got it made.”
“Charisma clues”
ROFL
Yeah, charisma it totes something you learn by rote. Trufax.
Ugh, me too.
I like to read Quora sometimes and there’s a rich tradition of atheists and theists arguing with or trolling each other. There will be some sort of theist asking “Why did you become an atheist” and all the atheists will jump all over each other to find the wittiest way to say “I’m an atheist because I’m a Super Logical Genius and religion just Doesn’t Make Sense!”
And it’s just so obnoxious because religious feeling isn’t really about logic. Very few people logic themselves into or out of deeply felt emotions and beliefs. It’s like anything really: most people have a deeply held opinion about a thing and then gather facts to attempt to justify their opinion and make it look “objectively correct”. Changes to those deeply held opinions either never happen, or happen after a really decisive, emotional event. Like: “I was pro-life until I had an unintended pregnancy” or “I was pro-choice until I suffered with infertility” or “I was anti-gay-marriage until my cousin came out of the closet”.
If they do happen gradually, it’s probably equal parts “I was convinced by facts” and “I gradually began to get less emotion from my previous position”. For instance, you could have the most convincing anti-religion arguments thrown at you, but if God is talking to you every night when you say your prayers, you’re not going to renounce theism no matter how “illogical” your experience is. Or you could be told the most wonderful things about the benefits of a religion and want very badly to believe, but if you never feel the touch of the divine, you’re not going to convert.
Anyway I’m an atheist not because I’m smarter, but because I never really felt any religious feelings at all.
The idea is that memorizing “clever” lines to use is a way of overcoming social anxiety by giving you small “victories” with the opposite sex.
They’re channeling some Pavlovian shit, where the unconditioned stimulus is “you failing”, the unconditioned response is “anxiety”. If you fail in front of women enough, just the presence of the woman becomes a conditioned stimulus, and the condioned response becomes just anxiety when trying to talk to women.
There’s some actual psychology behind there, and they do actually have a point (there’s some behavior-modifying principles buried in there), but the question of whether canned lines will actually provide an end to the aversive stimulus of a woman’s disapproval is an entirely different question.
Re: movement atheism-
There’s a great fist fight going on right now at FTB over the president of American Atheists trying to show up at the conservative political action event and giving some interview where he spouted off about the “secular argument against abortion”.
The consensus over there is, “being an atheist isn’t enough, try not being a shitty human being too”. I’m glad the movement has progressed to the point where we can start telling these fuckin’ Penn Jillette libertarian scumbags to get their own fucking movement.
One thing that was drilled into my head when I was first starting to really work with dogs is that every dog will bite in the right circumstances. And IME that is true. You can take the nicest friendliest dog in the world and if you scare it or hurt it enough, eventually it will snap and bite. It’s really a testament to how tolerant dogs are that there aren’t more serious bites considering what so many of the poor things have to put up with.
I realized I mistyped my response post: “I would, but i don’t have a crane big enough to life your massive ego.”
As for libertarians, I find for every half-way decent one, there’s at least three I want to punch in the face.
I don’t even know whether I COUNT as an atheist anymore, since I have absolutely no problem believing that gods exist… for other people. I just want to have nothing to do with them. It’s like not wanting to be on a mailing list.
Also, Kittehs, was it you who posted that music vid for ‘Puppet on a String’ a while back? Because I inflicted it on my roommate and we just stood there slack-jawed and guffawing. I CAN NOT STOP IT IS ADDICTIVE AGH.
“And it’s just so obnoxious because religious feeling isn’t really about logic.”
Well, yeah. But that’s exactly the problem. And I don’t think religion’s lack of logic should be accommodated.
Now, people like Hitchens and Harris (I never got Harris’ appeal anyway…) have said some awful things, that’s true, and they should be called out on that. But calling them out on being open and assertive about their atheism seems wrong to me. We let religious people go on and on about their faith and experiences of faith and how great that all is, after all. So, in the same vein, why can’t atheists go on and on about how logical and rational and so on atheism is?
Octo, at least with Hitchens and Harris they’re not being called out for being open and assertive about their atheism. They get called out for lots of other things.
Regarding how people find their way to atheism, there’s the old saw: “you cannot reason your way out of a belief you did not arrive at by reason.” For some people, a thorough reading of the Bible was the first step to unbelief.
Because one of these is a personal experience and the other carries an implicit judgment on everyone.
If you’re just saying “atheism appeals to me because I think it’s very logical,” then fine, that’s your experience. But once you get into “atheism is the rational thing to believe,” well, then you just called everyone else in the world irrational, and that is not very nice of you.
You leave my cat out of it. And don’t call me Shirley!
Octo, I’ve known some very irrational atheists. The only thing atheists have in common is lack of a belief in a god. (Or is it a lack of belief in religion? The two are very different.) So you have atheists who believe in hard science and atheists who believe that the world is controlled through TV commercials and Ed Wood movies. Atheists who are religious (see Buddhists, Jews, UUs), and atheists who believe in gods as creations of communal psyche (one of my friends). And then you’ve got me, who believes in gods as things for other people, not something I want any personal dealings with.
You seem to be under the impression that atheists are a group with common goals, when in fact, the only thing that binds them together is the LACK of belief in something. It’s like claiming that all people who don’t wear hats have things in common because they don’t wear hats.
Also, atheism appeals to me because I’ve yet to meet a god I liked and agreed with. *snrk* Ergo, atheism is really the only practical choice for me.
deniseeliza – great comment!
What, not even Ceiling Cat? ::faints::
Binjabreel – I wonder how the socially anxious dudes who’ve fallen for using these lines are supposed to cope if they do get into an actual conversation? Once there’s no script …
Though of course, PUA isn’t about conversation but about bullying women into sex, so I suppose it isn’t such an issue.
Not guilty yrhonor!
If you mean in the public sphere, in education or government, in denying people human rights, then absolutely.
If you mean in people’s inner lives, then nope. Humans aren’t purely rational. We can’t function without emotions; they go into all our decisions. Acting like something’s bad purely because there’s no “logic” (are we talking formal logic here, or what?) is like saying it’s bad to have a preference for strawberries over apricots.
I’ve also found the “but it’s so irrational/illogical” crew have a nasty tendency to devolve to the “you’re mentally ill” line to anyone not-atheist. That’s unadulterated asshatism.
Also there’s the fact that it precludes any possibility that one might be wrong about what’s rational or logical (or that there might be a range of rational/logical beliefs); in other words, one is appointing oneself the judge of rationality and then seeking to penalize people who don’t pass one’s own judgments.
katz, yes! So much this. So much straw-Vulcaning goes on with this sort of thing.
It’s a bit like some character who came onto Pharyngula spouting nihilistic stuff about how of course life is meaningless and terrible and that happiness is subjective and isn’t real – yet all this dismal blather was every bit as subjective, as plenty of people pointed out.
(NB I don’t associate atheism with nihilism, not for a millisecond! If anyone did, the responses on that thread alone would dismiss the idea.)
@deniseeliza, there’s also the fact that a lot of atheists I’ve come across are anti-theist because religion has been used to hurt or even traumatize them. That’s a completely valid reason, but it’s still got as much to do with emotion as with superior atheist logix.
@binjabreel
I’d prefer it if atheism wasn’t politicized at all (and I don’t blame movement atheism for this, I know it was forced on them). The fact that I haven’t seen any convincing evidence of a god shouldn’t lead to people trying to pigeonhole me into this or that political box. My liberalism, my feminism, my preference for church-state separation and deep terror of what certain Christian factions want to do to my country, all have diddly squat to do with my theological opinions.
@AK (et al)
Also, based on my totally unscientific assessment of the last year’s worth of patients, dogs from the famously “vicious” breeds (pit bulls, rottweilers, dobermans, etc) also tend to be the most nervous.
@LBT
This reminds me of that one Terry Pratchett quote about how witches don’t believe in gods because it only encourages them. Or Harry Dresden of The Dresden Files, preferring not to choose any gods lest he anger the ones he didn’t pick, and referring to himself as “theological Switzerland”.
@octo
Well, telling religious people how stupid they are has worked wonders thus far…
I couldn’t care less about someone’s faith, or lack thereof, as there are decent people and assholes of all creeds.
I did however once get into a really weird conversation where a guy said he was agnostic when he was younger, but became atheist as he matured. That statement in and of itself isn’t too weird, beyond the fact that I didn’t care. It gets weird with context:
-This was a person who had my contact info from a science conference. I’m quite friendly with fellow scientists, but when contacted outside of the conference I felt obligated to be polite, as he had a degree higher than mine and could potentially be the reviewer for papers I write in the future.
-The conversation became about my boyfriend, because in an attempt to politely not talk I said that I was apartment hunting with my boyfriend. He took this as an opening to ask questions about my boyfriend, and then would tell me how he was himself. Hence his statement about his religion, even though I didn’t ask.
-I only answered that my boyfriend was ‘agnostic’ because this guy made assumptions that he was heavily religious based on ethnicity, but agnostic isn’t accurate either. He also made a lot of other assumptions about what my boyfriend was like, possibly reading wikipedia on the fly.
The entire conversation felt ‘off’. And it was the religion question that tipped the whole thing into the territory of feeling like an OKCupid Q&A. In the past, before my boyfriend, I remember a few douches who made a big deal out of being ‘atheist’ as if it was somehow a trump card for winning a date with a woman in science.
QFT. I mean, love isn’t really about logic, so I guess love’s lack of logic shouldn’t be accommodated, either. BRB, I’m going to go quit my church and break up with my partner.
Like you said, if we’re talking about public policy or human rights, then yeah, we shouldn’t let people trample all over each other in the name of religion or love. But in individual, private lives? Who the hell even cares?
zippydoo – eww. Creepy dude is creepy.
emilygoddess – I love that line about “it only encourages them”. Makes me laugh every time. 🙂
The whole “but logic!” thing makes me wonder what the straw-Vulcans actually want. How will it help them, or anyone, if I say, okay, my beliefs are irrational, there’s no afterlife, the person I love doesn’t exist and I’ll never see him, all the things that have brought me joy for the last seven years didn’t happen?
What satisfaction would that give them? Because that would cause me deep distress and do nothing to improve anyone else’s life. Yet this seems to be the thing that some asshattish types think would make the world better.
Movement atheism has been undergoing a schism ever since Elevatorgate. I find it utterly fascinating to watch.
RE: Kittehs
What, not even Ceiling Cat? ::faints::
IT WATCHES ME. IT AIN’T RIGHT I TELL YOU.
Also, regarding irrational stuff–I seem to recall there is a form of brain injury that negates folks’ ability to use emotions in their decision-making, and it’s EXCRUCIATING. You can’t just decide on a red or blue pen because you prefer the color, you have to weigh every piece of reason trying to decide which pen is superior. It’s AWFUL.
RE: emilygoddess
This reminds me of that one Terry Pratchett quote about how witches don’t believe in gods because it only encourages them.
Yup, that’s basically my stance. It’s also why I have DO NOT PRAY FOR ME written in Sharpie on my crutches. It’s like, no, you fool, I’m being stealth! Don’t let them know I’m here!