I follow a lot of truly terrible people on Twitter — Manosphere bloggers, white supremacists, Fidelbogen — so it took me a moment to realize that this dopey, backwards tweet didn’t come from some obscure reactionary bigot but from none other than antifeminist celebrity academic Christina Hoff Sommers, inventor of “equity feminism” and the author of the bestselling The War Against Boys.
If "bossy" has to go because it is sexist, then shouldn't we stop using male-vilifying terms like "mansplaining" & "rape culture"? @banbossy
— Christina Hoff Sommers (@CHSommers) March 12, 2014
Oy.
Also, I think she meant to end that with #BanBossy, not @BanBossy.
Interesting that she doesn’t seem to understand hashtags any more than she understands rape culture.
“diva”-that’s a put down?. Maybe it’s because I know a lot of musicians, but again that seemed to be a word embraced in fun by women or trans-people as someone talented, a very charismatic frontperson, fabulous. Though yes, it gets a little silly when everyone fronting a local bar-band is suddenly a “diva”, but like I said, it was in fun. I’ve jokingly referred to myself as a “diva of dive bars” in terms of gigging out. But that’s nothing compared to some of the self-identified divas at Wigstock!
This is a comparison, so naturally I’m using the terms in comparable ways, both as pejorative gendered terms. Reclamation is irrelevant to this conversation. You’re not reclaiming “bossy;” you’re using it in its standard meaning, as a negative descriptor for women who behave in ways you don’t like. So pretend someone is using “bitchy” exactly as you use “bossy,” like so:
Alice: People shouldn’t call women “bitchy.” Insults shouldn’t be based on gender.
Bob: Yeah, umm, you’re trying to police what people are and aren’t allowed to say, based on your tastes and comfort level. Could people possibly think you’re “bitchy” for reasons other than your womanhood?
Would you be okay with that?
Wow, was that a bit of ‘Murricansplaining, or what?
Believe it or not, I do know what free speech means, and more to the point, what it means in its US context, and – what you seem to have missed – that the whole point of mocking the FREEZE PEACH mob is that they don’t have a fucking clue what it means. Save your ‘splaining for them.
@jennydevildoll
Diva has more than one meaning. Are you seriously aware of only one of them?
From urban dictionary:
“a bitchy woman that must have her way exactly, or no way at all. often rude and belittles people, believes that everyone is beneath her and thinks that she is so much more loved than what she really is. selfish, spoiled, and overly dramatic.”
From wikipedia:
A diva (/ˈdiːvə/; Italian: [ˈdiːva]) is a celebrated female singer; a woman of outstanding talent in the world of opera, and by extension in theatre, cinema and popular music.
Shockingly, it is possible for a word to be used in it’s positive/neutral original meaning and still be a gendered slur when it’s used for it’s alternative meaning. Just like it’s perfectly fine to use the word bitch when you’re talking about a literal female dog.
So far we’ve had “I use bossy to mean this and that discounts other people’s understanding of it, and I don’t acknowledge that what gets called assertive in a boy is just as likely to be called bossy in a girl, ‘cos they’re different (subtext: who could possibly be conflating those in a sexist way?)” “I’ve never heard of diva as a negative word, nor the term FREEZE PEACH despite its widespread use on the internet.”
I’m beginning to think this thread has turned into bashing our heads against a brick wall.
Yeah, the confirmation bias is strong in this one.
This is strictly me speaking here, but I’m actually not a huge fan of the concept of reclamation for the reasons demonstrated here: It’s a subtle concept and there are a lot of people who Just Don’t Get It. They use the word the way they always did and then slap the word “reclaimed” on it and think that makes it all better, as if “reclaimed” meant “used intentionally by people who ought to know better.”
I have a similar beef with “deconstruction.”
I use some reclaimed words (like geek and nerd) but not others (gendered terms). I think because being a geek or nerd has mainstreamed somewhat – or maybe I’m just biased because I never felt discriminated against for being geeky/nerdy.
I feel the same way about reclamation, katz. For me, there are words that are just too toxic, now, to be used.
This was my experience with “queer”, actually. Having never really heard the word used as a slur, and having encountered it as the preferred umbrella term around the time I came out, I used it for years without really thinking about it. I’ve since learned that I was simply isolated by a combination of age and geographical region, and that the word is still hurtful to LGBT folks who are either older than me or who live in other parts of the US, and now I’m less comfortable about using it. I definitely don’t refer to anyone individually as “queer” unless they’re OK with it.
That’s the thing, isn’t it. Just because *I* haven’t experienced a word as a slur doesn’t give me the right to dismiss other people who have. Plus, context, like you said. Words that are innocuous in one setting, one country for instance, are loaded in another. There are words I can use here that I can’t use in the US, because they’ve got really nasty baggage there.
I’m okay with the reappropriation of slurs, but it must be done carefully. I’ve seen some men actually try to reclaim the word “bitch”, which I think is really problematic.
It’s not that I’m against the idea of reclaiming, per se, it’s just that I know people are going to do it badly.
I agree, Katz. For example, my really big issue with RuPaul’s Drag Race, despite otherwise being a huge fan, is the way RuPaul and so many of the contestants use feminine-gendered slurs: calling themselves and each other the “b” word, referring to their tucked genitals as their “p*ssy”, or Ru’s insistence that the contestants display their “charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent” in every episode. The assumption seems to be that being drag queens/gay men/frequently the targets of misogyny makes them “honorary women”, and I’ve seen people defend it thusly, but god, it gets old to watch a bunch of men throw those slurs around.
One of my dearest friends, a gay man, uses b**** as a term of endearment. It really is a term of endearment between him and his gay friends, and no matter how many times I’ve explained it to him he just can’t understand why I don’t see it that way. He has stopped using it for me, though, and he is in general a wonderful friend so I’ve made the decision to look the other way.
Also, I’m sure I’m not the only one who is very, very sick of white people who are trying to “ironically” reclaim the n-word. Ew, just ew. X_X
Even if you believe in the idea of reclaiming you can’t reclaim slurs that were never aimed at you.
cloudiah – is there a slur that your friend really dislikes, one aimed at gay men? How would he feel if you and your female friends used that as an endearment?
emilygoddess – that sort of stuff reminds me of why drag queens are often seen as misogynistic themselves.
And not to act like I’m the arbiter of usage here–I don’t personally try to reclaim slurs because I know I’d do it badly and would probably cause more harm than good.
The other tricky thing about reclaiming words is, OK, say you want to reclaim a slur that has been or could be aimed at you. Are you sure that everyone else who that same slur is often aimed at is onboard with this plan? Because if not there may be some problems with this plan.
Most recent example of this that got up my nose was some of the people involved in the Slutwalk movement who declared that they were reclaiming the word “slut”. Um, how many women did you check in with about that? Because I know lots and lots of women who were really not on board with that plan at all.
Slutwalk’s a great example of how wrong that went. It started out sensibly, in reaction to the cop who said “Don’t dress like a slut.” Pictures like the young woman in jeans and tee and a sign saying “This is what I was wearing” made that point well. But then it seems to have got bent into the “Yeah we’re sluts!” and of course the MRM and sundry misogynists took that and ran with it.
C*nt is another word I’m completely not on board with trying to reclaim. My bff and her friends do, but it’s not a word I want to hear. It doesn’t sting me but it makes me angry because it is so misogynistic. Actually any slang for women’s genitals squicks me out.
Reclamation also has (for me) a touch of the “That’s not what gay means!” about it. Yeah, gay’s had other meanings – it was slang for a female sex worker a century ago – but that doesn’t change what it’s widely understood to mean now.
I don’t think the main problem with Slutwalk was that misogynists were able to attack it. After all, misogynists will shame and criticize us regardless of what we do. In fact, things like Slutwalk can actually highlight the misogyny of certain ideologies like the MRM, so in that sense they are helpful for feminism, not detrimental.
I think the main problem with Slutwalk was that it was for white women only. The word “slut” can’t be reclaimed by women of color as it can be reclaimed by white women; for example, it doesn’t target black women. So suggesting that black women can reclaim “slut” just like white women amounts to contributing to the anti-black, misogynistic black-woman-as-hypersexual narrative.
If a white woman wants to reclaim the word “slut”, there’s no reason she should be prevented from doing so. But if she is doing that with the assumption that her sisters of color are affected by that word in similar or identical ways or that somehow her white privilege doesn’t insulate her from some of the most invasive, harmful policing of female sexuality, then she is throwing those women under the bus.
Did you miss the part where lots of white women found the idea of reclaiming that word completely alienating too?
(Not that I don’t agree with your point about how irrelevant the whole thing was for WOC, I’m just not appreciating your handwaving away the fact that many white women took issue with the whole concept too.)
I’m not aware of the criticisms of Slutwalk by white women, but I apologize for sounding as though they had no valid criticisms of their own. That wasn’t my intent. What are some of the criticisms from white women, if someone doesn’t mind letting me know?
Okay, I do see a problem with Slutwalk’s idea that all women who are targeted by the word “slut” are necessarily okay with reclaiming it. That’s not the same as just one white woman reclaiming the word for herself, making no judgments about whether other white women should do the same,