So Twitter is a bit depressing today. One of the trending hashtags at the moment is #LiesToldByFemales and, yes, it’s the misogynistic cesspool that you might expect, a vast assortment of not-very-original stereotypes about women — sorry, females — and their allegedly lying ways. The female-bashing tweeters — some of them female themselves — aren’t even terribly original in their complaints, and most of the tweets seem to be reworkings on a few very basic themes.
We have the good-old fashioned trope of the female-as-narcissist, forever obsessed with how she looks — and given to lying about how much work she puts into her appearance.
#LiesToldByFemales ill be ready in 5 mins -_-
— Ken Speaks (@SpeaksKen) March 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/xstepheezyx/status/441301976781815808
Then, of course, there are the cheating “females.”
https://twitter.com/j4keh4rris/status/441295523610255360
https://twitter.com/ATLREPPA/status/441302902964224000
And the evil, evil females who tell people they’re “fine” when they’re really not so fine at all:
https://twitter.com/steveo396/status/441327634375376896
But most of the Tweets — or at least the most virulent ones — seem to be devoted to not-so-good old-fashioned slut-shaming. A favorite target: the slut pretending not to be s slut:
https://twitter.com/jbdangles/status/441311430319804416
I'm a virgin. #LiesToldByFemales
— Chopstixx (@AsianKenDoll) March 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/jaleenelia/status/441304024969539584
https://twitter.com/Codehhhhh/status/441316300350947328
The strangest variation on this theme is the following:
#LiesToldByFemales I don't suck dick
— mahmood (@MahmoodHawa) March 5, 2014
This particular meme is, for some strange reason, quite popular; versions of it have been Tweeted dozens of times by dozens of different people since the hashtag started up yesterday.
It’s a strangely revealing complaint. There are only two scenarios in which I can imagine a man getting angry about this statement from a “female.” Either he’s angry at a woman who didn’t give him a blowjob (even though she’s allegedly given blowjobs to other men), 0r he’s angry at a woman who did give him a blowjob (even though she said she didn’t do that). Really?
In the first instance, he’s essentially announcing to the world that he’s an asshole who’s jealous that women are having sex with men other than him; in the second he’s basically showing himself to be an ungrateful asshole who never deserves to get a blowjob ever again. Either way, dude, you’re not the one who looks good here.
The one heartening sign in all this: a few intrepid souls have ventured into the swamp to subvert this noxious old meme.
"I love human mating practices, and also I am definitely not three big lizards in a trench coat" #LiesToldByFemales
— Meals (@Eatingmeals) March 5, 2014
#LiesToldByFemales "touch the humming sphere. go on. do not wear gloves. think of your worst fear while doing so. its perfectly safe"
— on bluesky at explod.es (@egg_dog) March 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/nymphofthewoods/status/441304073094983680
We read your last tweet and your father and I are so proud of you, son. #LiesToldByFemales
— i am carbs (@I_am_carbs) March 5, 2014
Give it a shot yourself — I have. At least if you can stand being in some pretty repulsive company.
NOTE TO LARGE CORPORATIONS: I wouldn’t recommend jumping into this particular hashtag if I were you. Might not look so good alongside some of the other Tweets. I’m looking at you, JC Penney.
#LiesToldByFemales I don't need another pair of shoes. http://t.co/TDppxkECQU
— JCPenney (@jcpenney) March 5, 2014
Ooh, that’s original.
@HowardBannister: When I got my copy of Game Informer that had The Remake on the cover, I made a noise the likes of which have not been heard since The Beatles stopped touring.
“I have read the comments policy before posting”
“I have a very important reason for commenting in a months-old thread”
“I understand statistics”
“I do not resent women for not having sex with me”
#LiesToldByTrolls
“We’re a human rights movement.”
@LiesToldByMRAs
@cloudiah BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
‘Our conference of 15 MRA’s is the most important moment of the Men’s Human Rights Movement’s History.’
‘A Voice For Men is rapidly growing in size and strength’.
‘I do a lot of advocacy work’.
‘I’m opening the first Men’s Shelter.’
#liestoldbypaulelam
Ah nuts, low quality trolls. Oh well.
I think it’s funny how the twits betray the posters’ sexual insecurity so well.Good job, boys! Also, what’s with Stephie? She wants a head pat for making fun of makeup users?
I can assure you I won’t rust. #liestoldbyferrousmetals
“I understand how moderation works” #liesToldByHahaha
Oh that’s funny. I’ve been playing an ironman run of XCOM: Enemy Within over the last couple days, so all those comments just came in while I was playing. 🙂
And yes… the new Chrysalid Mission in St. John’s Newfoundland… gurgle, foam, collapse.
Nah, you won’t need a gasket. #liestoldbyflanges
Inexpensive and effective. #liestoldbyferrules
Holds tight, even without lockwashers. #liestoldbyfasteners
“We work 80 hours a week to keep this website running.”
“We need your money to keep this website running. All your money.”
#LiesToldByMRAs
#liestoldbysexists/PUA/MRAs/conservatives:
“I’ll respect you in the morning.”
“There’s no pay wage gap.”
“Women are bad at STEM fields because of BIOTRUTHS.”
“If a woman’s raped and gets pregnant, her body will shut the pregnancy down.”
“There are no women gamers.”
“Women use birth control because they’re sluts.”
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.”
“I’ll write the order legibly.”
“No, I wasn’t picking at my dressing.”
“The ambulance will be here at 3 pm to transfer the discharged patient back to the nursing home.”
“The doctor will answer your page within half an hour.”
“I wasn’t messing with my IV pump.”
“All the patients in your assignment are stable. You should have an easy shift.”
#LiesToldToNurses
JC Penney really needs a new social media director. First there was the flap over the Michael Graves teapot that looked like Hitler, then there were the fake drunk tweets during the Super Bowl that were later revealed to be sent by a staffer wearing mittens, and now they’re jumping on the Female Lies bandwagon. Heckuva job, clownie (whoever you are).
There is the small consolation that they worked with Ellen Degeneres last year and pissed off the right-wing Christians. They just seem to be clueless and colossally tone-deaf about what kind of image they want to present.
“There will be cake” #LiesToldByFemales
Seriously, this tag should just be flooded with GLaDOS quotes. It would be amazing.
I know.. HOW to use an ellipsis CORRECTLY….
#NoYouDont #AllCapsGoneWild
Men invented ALL THE THINGS!!!
There is a vast military-abortion complex.
Government was created for the sole purpose of artificially sustaining unmarried women.
Rape only exists if there are bushes and strangers involved.
Eastern European/Asian women are naturally submissive and compliant.
A woman’s peak attractiveness/fertility is between the ages of 16 and 21.
Every time a girl has sex, she lowers her Market Value for her future owner husband.
#LiesPoopedByMRAs
Alice, I hate the way you think. I’ll never steal your hashtag, ever. #LiesToldByMe
I never do homework in class the day it’s due. #LiesToldByCollegeSudents
I really like the flow of this paper. Their methods section totally made complete sense. #LiesToldByScienceMajors
Crap. Is there a strikethrough monster too?
“I’m not afraid of women”
#liestoldbymras
“I’m coming out exactly on my due date.”
“I’m not kicking your bladder.”
“That pickle craving isn’t my fault.”
#LiesToldByFetuses
I wouldn’t mind taking an 8 AM class.
I’ve only had ice cream for dinner once this week.
I wasn’t the one who set of the fire alarm trying to microwave popcorn.
I’m happy with my room draw number.
I’m taking Human Sexuality because I’m a biology major, not because the textbook has pictures of penises in it.
#LiesToldByCollegeStudents
“It wasn’t me that ate your shoe, it was the cat”
#Liestoldbydogs
“It wasn’t me that threw up on your shoe, that was the dog”
#Liestoldbycats
“I think you’re just upset at me because I’m contradicting your dogmatic feminist ideology.” #LiesToldByMRAs
“This is one of the most thoughtful and interesting comments I have ever seen on Man Boobz.”
#LiesToldByAlly
There are more clever ones, but I enjoy the simplicity of this one. Kudos to sexy horse apocolyps!
#LiesToldByFemales I promise im not going to murder you and turn your body into art