So Twitter is a bit depressing today. One of the trending hashtags at the moment is #LiesToldByFemales and, yes, it’s the misogynistic cesspool that you might expect, a vast assortment of not-very-original stereotypes about women — sorry, females — and their allegedly lying ways. The female-bashing tweeters — some of them female themselves — aren’t even terribly original in their complaints, and most of the tweets seem to be reworkings on a few very basic themes.
We have the good-old fashioned trope of the female-as-narcissist, forever obsessed with how she looks — and given to lying about how much work she puts into her appearance.
#LiesToldByFemales ill be ready in 5 mins -_-
— Ken Speaks (@SpeaksKen) March 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/xstepheezyx/status/441301976781815808
Then, of course, there are the cheating “females.”
https://twitter.com/j4keh4rris/status/441295523610255360
https://twitter.com/ATLREPPA/status/441302902964224000
And the evil, evil females who tell people they’re “fine” when they’re really not so fine at all:
https://twitter.com/steveo396/status/441327634375376896
But most of the Tweets — or at least the most virulent ones — seem to be devoted to not-so-good old-fashioned slut-shaming. A favorite target: the slut pretending not to be s slut:
https://twitter.com/jbdangles/status/441311430319804416
I'm a virgin. #LiesToldByFemales
— Chopstixx (@AsianKenDoll) March 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/jaleenelia/status/441304024969539584
https://twitter.com/Codehhhhh/status/441316300350947328
The strangest variation on this theme is the following:
#LiesToldByFemales I don't suck dick
— mahmood (@MahmoodHawa) March 5, 2014
This particular meme is, for some strange reason, quite popular; versions of it have been Tweeted dozens of times by dozens of different people since the hashtag started up yesterday.
It’s a strangely revealing complaint. There are only two scenarios in which I can imagine a man getting angry about this statement from a “female.” Either he’s angry at a woman who didn’t give him a blowjob (even though she’s allegedly given blowjobs to other men), 0r he’s angry at a woman who did give him a blowjob (even though she said she didn’t do that). Really?
In the first instance, he’s essentially announcing to the world that he’s an asshole who’s jealous that women are having sex with men other than him; in the second he’s basically showing himself to be an ungrateful asshole who never deserves to get a blowjob ever again. Either way, dude, you’re not the one who looks good here.
The one heartening sign in all this: a few intrepid souls have ventured into the swamp to subvert this noxious old meme.
"I love human mating practices, and also I am definitely not three big lizards in a trench coat" #LiesToldByFemales
— Meals (@Eatingmeals) March 5, 2014
#LiesToldByFemales "touch the humming sphere. go on. do not wear gloves. think of your worst fear while doing so. its perfectly safe"
— on bluesky at explod.es (@egg_dog) March 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/nymphofthewoods/status/441304073094983680
We read your last tweet and your father and I are so proud of you, son. #LiesToldByFemales
— i am carbs (@I_am_carbs) March 5, 2014
Give it a shot yourself — I have. At least if you can stand being in some pretty repulsive company.
NOTE TO LARGE CORPORATIONS: I wouldn’t recommend jumping into this particular hashtag if I were you. Might not look so good alongside some of the other Tweets. I’m looking at you, JC Penney.
#LiesToldByFemales I don't need another pair of shoes. http://t.co/TDppxkECQU
— JCPenney (@jcpenney) March 5, 2014
Ooh, that’s original.
I totally trolled manboobz with my lies about being in a Polish jail. #liesPUAstellthemselves
“I believe women’s schedules and priorities should be based around my whims.”
“I demand that women meet a very specific standard for looks, but I am deeply invested in the illusion that “my” women meet this standard effortlessly. It makes me angry when women do not maintain this illusion well enough for me to maintain my blissful ignorance.”
“Someone cheated on me once, so now I believe women I am with should not be permitted to have friends who make me feel threatened. I think women are all essentially the same person.”
“I consider women’s emotions to be a needless distraction from my much more important life. I am annoyed when they do not conceal them from me effectively enough.”
“I am angry that women are allowed to choose their sexual partners. If a woman has had sex once, I believe she should be obligated to service me sexually.”
#TruthsInadvertentlyRevealedByMisogynists #IdgafAboutYourCharacterLimits
I found the first tweeter in this meme.
I totally meant to fall off the couch #LiesToldByFelines
I is bestest writer ever.. brief and to the point..never contradicting myself..always understandable with excellent reading comprehension..grammer excellent. Also, I am a marine and NOT a sock.
#Liestoldbymanbooztrolls
Wow, JC Penney, really?
If you let me sleep in the bedroom, I will not get up in the middle of the night and decide to A) cry til you let me back out or B) sit on your head and lick my butt. #liestoldbyfelines
My paws aren’t wet because I was playing in the potty. Let me sit in your lap. #liestoldbyfelines
I wasn’t trapped because I locked myself in the room playing with the door again. #liestoldbyfelines
Welp, time to boycott JCPenney.
“I don’t know where your favorite sweater went.”
“I did’t make that mess in your slippers.”
“I didn’t jump up on the table while your back was turned and start eating the ham you spent hours cooking.”
“I haven’t had a nap all day.”
“I hate being snuggled up in soft, warm blankets.”
#LiesToldByChihuahuas
I want you to pet me #liestoldbyfelines
I don’t know why that thing fell down, it was a total shock to everyone #liestoldbyfelines
You haven’t fed me in weeks and I’m starving #liestoldbyfelines
I haven’t had any love ever, so you should pet me forever #Liestoldbydoggies
I won’t try to eat your hair if you let me sleep in your bed #Liestoldbyfelines
I won’t itch and scratch at all #Liestoldbyalpaca
Jade is currently planning to attack Pan, but she forgot to put her tongue back in her mouth, so she’s doing the little butt wiggle thing with half an inch of tongue sticking out of her mouth. It is so cute
The weirdest thing about that JC Penney tweet is that they are obviously trying to appeal to women with it. I’m sure there are a few women contributing to or enjoying that tag (Stephanie from the OP, f’rex) but, like… not a lot of us.
I don’t know who made that smell.
I have nowhere to sleep.
I wasn’t stropping my claws on the chair.
I didn’t rub white fur on your black trousers.
You need to clean that mess someone else made in the litter.
Why are you changing the litter now when I need to go, I haven’t had a chance all day.
#evenmoreliestoldbyfelines
I won’t lay eggs in your torso #LiesToldByFemales
For those who are interested in joining in, I’m trolling the tag with literary-related tweets.
It’s just a pretty light. I won’t eat you #LiesToldByFemaleAnglerfish
Hyena Girl: That was a lie? Oh sh*caff*
*thud*
spurt.
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I want to do a bunch of other animal species.
“I promise I won’t eat your head off and use your dead body to fertilize my eggs”
“I’ll save you half of the gazelle if you just keep distracting the lions.”
“I think of my hundreds of daughters as happy workers, not slaves!”
@leftwingfox
Oh I like you! (Thus the eggs in the torso, sorry about that…)
“What do you mean I just galloped under a low branch?”
I’ve often wondered about the fedora-Nice Guy connection. I think it has to do with hearkening back to a bygone era when guys were guys and dolls were dolls. Along with the “milady” form of address, it’s meant to signal that the wearer is dashing, chivalrous, and romantic. Nice Guys and socially awkward geeks gravitate to the past out of longing for simpler rules and clear gender roles. What they don’t get is that the era they’re trying to evoke was really pretty shitty for women. Most of us know that being put up on a pedestal leads to Bad Times.
Fedoras are also supposed to signify that the wearer has finally come to terms with Big Boy clothes. Except that they’re usually worn, not with a suit, tie, and overcoat, but with sneakers, cargo jorts, random facial hair, and a stained wizard T-shirt. It’s kind of like if women went around wearing a tiara and housecleaning sweatpants.
Here’s a simple flow-chart to determine whether you should wear a fedora:
Are you Frank Sinatra? ———-Yes———> Ring-a-ding!
|
|
No
|
/
omg what are u thinking
It’s time to get up and pet me even though your bedside clock says it’s only three a.m. #LiesToldByFelines
Oh god oh god oh god chrysalids oh god oh god oh god high tail it to the skyhawk!
Purge the thread! Purge the site.
Purge the continent for gods sake
Fibinachi rolls around on the ground, having Xcom: UFO Defense flashbacks.
I can’t think of all that many animal species that are recognizable by the diffference between their sexes.
@ Kim
Yeah, most of the ones I can think of are insects and birds.
Ooh! Bird one.
“No really, your plumage is so much more interesting than the food I’m eating.”
So, I lack twitter, but I could add a few! Just not human ones…
I won’t eat you after copulation.
That fly you brought me is really impressive.
I totally didn’t cache anything over there. Don’t even look.
I’m the same species of firefly as you! Really! I’m not secretly going to eat you, promise!
I’m so poisonous! Eating me would totes kill you.
My eyes are totally down there.
I’m a tree!
I’m a stick!
I’m not here. At all. You see nothing.
I’m just a flounder, cruising along.
I’m so totally dead right now. That’s my guts over there. Really. I’m dead!!
My tongue is totally a tasty grub. Come closer….
I’m really just some seaweed.
Ow, ow, ow! It’s broken! Really!
I KILL YOU!!!!
It’s really fun having you constantly on my side. #liestoldbyfemales