Open Thread for Personal Stuff: March 2014 Flying Cat Edition

Ah, thank you for saving me from reading all that!

Okay, I’m not going to read that link!

chimisaur – damn, that sucks having to quit your job, but props to you for doing it, that takes courage. Hope you get something better, soon!

gillyrosebee – just love your cat story. I bet the “change the diaper” yowl was Cat for “OMG will you clear the cloth litter thing I cannot live with this stench one more second!” 😉

neuroticbeagle – I can just see my sister’s Pepe sitting on her or the BiL and saying that.

Sorry about the job Kitteh. Have fun in Chi-town. I’ve only been once (very briefly), but I have a friend there and she loves it.

@kittehs all the hugs re: the job. That sucks.

@Ally if you’re feeling the need to brush up on your coding skills, I’d be happy to share my memberships to 2 online coding schools with you (Infinite Skills & Treehouse). If you’re interested let me know and we can connect via email or something. PHP, JavaScript, Ruby etc. If you’re looking for something specific let me know, I’ll check and see what they have.

@LBT if you visit the vampires again (bloodwork!!), ask if they’ll check your TSH plus the ‘frees’ (Free T4 and T3) and thyroid antibodies. Also ferritin levels (I think??)

OMG that link, why. Why do I click things.

All my sympathy to everyone whose February sucked even harder than mine did.

Kittehs, I’m sorry about the job (and you’re SO right about conservatives–exactly what is it that they’re trying to conserve, is what I wanna know) and WOOT on the e-reader. You’re going to love it when you travel. One little e-reader full of hundreds of books, rather than an extra suitcase. I heartily recommend using Calibre to manage your library. There’s apparently an easy plug-in to strip DRM so that you can actually, you know, READ the effing book you bought, but I haven’t figured it out yet, myself.

Ally, I don’t want to add to your pile of life decisions, but are you sure you want to be a computer programmer? I’m kind of getting the feeling you’re pursuing it because your dad thinks it’s a worthy job. Feel free to ignore me if I’m totally off base, but here’s what I’m getting at:

1) you’re 19 and haven’t quite figured out what you want to be when you grow up
2) you’re just escaping from an abusive parent
3) you’re not quite secure living with your non-abusive parent
4) you’re embarking on transitioning which is a huge life change no matter what kind of support you have
5) you don’t have a lot of support coming from your family
6) you get anxiety attacks about confrontations and even conversations with your dad
7) you’re AMAZINGLY articulate and concise when demolishing trolls, MRAs, and transphobic bullshit, which makes me think you’d fit right into the humanities (as opposed to applied sciences such as computer programming)

Like I said, ignore me if I’m off base or out of line, but my advice would be:

1) Don’t worry about your career right now, just get a job that will give you some financial stability (enough to contribute to the household so your stepfather doesn’t give you grief, and maybe a little extra to sock away in your future / education / surgery fund).
2) Don’t worry about your education right now, just concentrate on your emotional stability so that you feel secure and confident in your next move.

I promise, barring death, there’s always time to pursue your education later. And a career you’re passionate and excited about is a good thing, but most of us just have jobs.

Okay, that’s enough sticking my nose into everyone else’s business.

In other news, I’m going to New Orleans in May for a conference. Anyone from there? Anything I should absolutely not miss?

@Unimaginative

No worries. Feel free to call me Ally still if you like. ^_^

Anyway, I do love the humanities, but because of my interest in language and math, computer programming is also well suited for me. I think I can be sure of that because I genuinely enjoy programming in even very verbose and old languages like Java. I’ve made a lot of progress in Java recently, and though it’s becoming much more complicated, it’s also becoming more enjoyable. I also like learning different programming languages (especially object-oriented ones) so I can improve my overall understanding of coding and hone my skills. It’s true that my major in computer science was influenced by family pressure, but over time I have come to appreciate computer science and computer program for my own reasons.

Nevertheless, sometimes I do consider switching to another major. My other options so far are sociology, social psychology, anthropology, linguistics, feminist studies, and political science. I may also ditch my school altogether and instead try to become a registered nurse or a licensed practical/vocational nurse, although I don’t know if that plan is feasible.

As for your advice:

1) I’ve been meaning to find some decent jobs here in Boulder, but I haven’t done a whole lot of searching. I really want to work at some place like a women’s shelter, but I haven’t had much luck with those places because many require a bachelor’s degree. I’m kind of stuck, unfortunately. X_X

2) Yeah, I don’t want to go back to school until or unless I can avoid being dependent on my dad. Fortunately, I have just found a therapist who specializes in trans youth issues and anxiety disorders, so whenever I stop feeling anxious about picking up the phone, I’ll set up an appointment.

It’s true that my major in computer science was influenced by family pressure, but over time I have come to appreciate computer science and computer program for my own reasons.

That reassures me immensely.

Also, I feel you on the phone anxiety. It sucks. Sometimes I get around it by pretending to be a personal assistant calling on behalf of someone else (who just happens to be me, but the person I’m calling doesn’t need to know that).

Also, on Mythbusters right now, they’re trying to herd cats. It doesn’t seem to be working, for some strange reason.

So yesterday I was doing some work in the backyard with my step-dad. By the time I had finished most of the work, I was covered in scratches and cuts and my clothes were littered with dust and dirt (I even got a gaping hole in my shirt). And then my older sister took a picture of me looking not-so-happy and sent it to my dad.

There’s nothing I can do now, but it really bothered me when she sent it to my dad. I can imagine him looking at that photo while making degendering remarks like “He sure is a hardworking boy.” And because I look serious in that photo, he is probably going to make those dark “jokes” about how I look like “an orphaned refugee boy from a war-torn country” or he’ll say something like “he looks like his mother just died.” He has made these jokes many times before, even in front of other family members. He is the only one who laughs at them, and he knows they make me feel very uncomfortable and hurt my feelings, but he tells them anyway.

The thing is, I wish I could smile more often. I don’t like having a serious, frowning face all the time like I do these days. But it hurts when people ridicule me for not looking happy. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I have no tolerance for emotion-policing.

I actually dropped by this thread to talk about myself a little bit >.> I wanted, once again, to thank everyone who helped me through my (pretty self-involved) period a couple of years ago when I decided to leave full-time school and find a job. That was a really tough decision for me, but it drastically improved my life and my mental health.

Taking one class this semester while working was a scary experiment, but it’s going very well. I feel like I can do this… and that has led me to a whole new path. I am seriously considering becoming a social worker. I have a plan of action that I think can get me there. It’s going to involve trying to find a new job in a shelter, possibly, or maybe government, but I wanted to do that anyway. The worst-case scenario is I get a job in an area I want to work in and I don’t become a social worker, which I would still consider a win. I just want to wait until we get a mortgage before changing jobs.

Anyway, thanks again for supporting me, MBzers. It has made a real impact on my life.

Ally – gah, even when a woman’s misgendered, it doesn’t save her from the shit about how she has to be happy-smiley all the time. Does the biological parental unit pull that shit with your male siblings?

Mum and I have had that garbage all our lives. “Why are you looking so sad, what’s wrong?” People’s faces at rest often are serious or sad looking; it’s why the sitters look mostly serious in early photos, with the long exposure times.

Now that you mention it, he only does it to me. I guess the thing about transmisogyny is that affects us regardless of how well we pass as male. I’ve also been shamed for being more feminine than a lot of family members. The result is that I often feel ashamed of myself when I start dreaming about presenting as myself.

Hey, all. Don’t want to barge into any ongoing conversations, just wanted to share a post I just put up at my blog that some of you might find interesting. It’s called Newsies: Thoughts on Sex Engendered by a PG-Rated Musical. Hope I don’t come off too much like That Guy, stating the obvious as if it was some kind of revelation, but these are just some things that really struck me.

Auggz, how scary! Are you feeling considerably better? No more fainting?