Another open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.
As usual for these threads: no trolls, no arguments, supportive comments only!
Categories
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The Mammoth
Ally, n’thing everything everyone has said, especially hellkell’s points about the scumbag who calls himself your father.
He has no more right to a say in your transitioning – or your life, for that matter – than some random stranger on the streets of Boulder. Less, because the random stranger might be a decent sort who wants you free to make your own life. We all know your father doesn’t want any such thing, he wants a permanently terrorised slave.
You folks are right. I’ll just have to keep thinking of other options…thanks, everyone.
[Content note: rape, sexual harassment]
You know what’s a good way to ruin my high? Listen to someone who literally makes jokes about threatening me with rape. I made the mistake of seeing a friend of my brother’s. His “dark humor” lead him to say things such as “I’m going to rape you” and when he saw me lying down on the couch due to being tired he said “As soon as you fall asleep, you’re getting my dick.” Again, as a “joke”. And of course all of them (save for my brother) joked about gang-raping me.
I have never been raped, but for related reasons I find those jokes very upsetting, given my internalized fears of being sexually assaulted for being a trans woman and my history of being sexually abused when I was younger. I remember growing up with a fear of being assaulted because I felt that I was a target, and my feelings have yet to go away. Of course, almost no one cares about those jokes because they’re “just jokes.” I have no reason to believe that that man is sincerely pro-rape because I know that they’re fond of “dark humor”, but he makes me feel so uncomfortable. I wish I could speak up but I know that will never go well, no one will care, and I’m afraid of them bullying me somehow for expressing my disdain. I’m glad my brother is nothing like them, but I really wish he had better friends.
Do these douches know you’re a woman, Ally? Would they say that to a cis woman, or do they think they’re talking to a man?
One wouldn’t have to have been raped or abused to be afraid of a man saying that. Hell, I’d be wanting to put a bullet through him while he slept if he’d made such “jokes” to me.
[Content note: rape, transmisogyny]
They have joked about women being raped, too. I don’t want to tell them I’m a woman because I know they’ll make fun of me and just put a transmisogynistic spin on their rape jokes. It has already happened, in fact – one time when I was high he and another man joked about a man with a trans woman fetish raping me while I’m too high to consent. His “humor” has made me feel very unsafe and triggered. Every time I have heard these jokes from him I get these invasive thoughts about someone abusing me. I wish I could hug someone.
@trans_commie
Pro-rape or not, that guy is an asshole. All the hugs to you.
Ally, all my internet hugs.
These ‘friends’ of your brother’s sound awful. Have you mentioned how their behavior makes you feel to your brother? There is absolutely no reason to let them make you feel scared in your own home, on your own flippin’ couch!
Seriously, you don’t have to let them in. I know saying “No” can be über scary, but those jokes are completely not okay.
If any of my friends said anything like that around, or to, my sibling… They wouldn’t be welcome ever, ever again. Just, nope.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
I’m so sorry this nastiness keeps happening to you, and if you’d rather I stick to offering copious internet hugs instead of long winded rants about the nasty folks, let me know. I don’t want to make things more stressful for you, at all.
Have more hugs.
All the hugs I can give.
And a couple extra, just for kicks.
Do you have a large stuffed animal or pillow you can hug? I have a great white shark pillow, named Saruman, for my dark moments away from home and pups.
Ally – I can’t recall how many siblings you have; is this the brother you’d be living with if you returned to CA?
Because that’s a whole lot more reasons not to go there. Those guys are abusers, whether they think they’re just being uber-edgy or what. They’re into frightening people with oh-so-funny threats of rape, and your brother doesn’t seem to give a single flying fuck about it. You say he’s not like them, but he’s enabling them, and he’s reinforcing rape culture while he’s at it (not that I’d expect him to have a clue about that; I imagine he’d deny it if he did).
Stay in Colorado, or go somewhere else when you’ve earned the dosh, but don’t go near your brother or your father.
The good thing is that my brother really seems disgusted by what happened today. He was talking to me a few minutes ago and said “Man, he went way too far today.” I’m very disappointed in him, but I feel much safer around him because he respects my boundaries well these days. And truth be told, I haven’t really brought up my disdain for his friend’s humor. Maybe if I just find the right time and place I can talk to him about this stuff.
Oh, and while my brother is one of those folks who dislikes the term “rape culture”, he definitely believes it exists, and I know he is against victim-blaming and all kinds of rape apologia – it’s just that he fails to understand how rape-related humor is also harmful in this society. I don’t mean to trivialize that, but I do think there’s hope for him.
I’m glad he was disgusted by that, and I hope he makes it clear that his so-called friend should STFU with that stuff – not just because of you, or because of any single person, but because it is not acceptable, period.
Here is some adorable brain bleach. One of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.
http://news-hound.org/2-months-later-this-toddler-is-still-napping-with-his-puppy/
That is adorbs! There’ll be room for two of Beau on Theo at the rate he’s growing.
Not to take away from Ally — she’s definitely going through rougher shit than me, but we got rejected by a local art collective. Bummer. I’m used to it — product of making stuff in a really niche market, and Sneak’s stuff tends to be unpolished — but Sneak’s a little bummed.
Oh well. I’ve got a fanbase to sell to directly!
Bah, make your own art collective. Or join another one. If they don’t find borg animals to have artistic merit, then they are no artists
( Some salt applies )
RE: Fibinachi
*laughs* I was mostly trying to sell comics and collages, but that works too!
Seconding Fibi!
That art collective needs to be … assimilated.
They didn’t like Sneak’s collages? 🙁
RE: katz
Enh, we hadn’t matted or framed them. (During the Bad Years, the three adjectives we wanted most in possessions were cheap, light, and durable. Frames fail all three criteria.) Also, Scotch tape is visible on some of them, since Sneak never intended to show or sell them. So yeah, just a little too rough.
Really? I always found still lifes to be indescribably dull! *laughs*
And it’s okay, it was Sneak’s first attempt to sell anything, while I accept that I’m a niche market. Stuff like this is just part of the process.
I’ve never liked still-life art, except the occasional look at Dutch/Flemish ones, simply for the paintwork, and one Spanish artist gf and I saw in a special exhibition in LA. Can’t remember his name; he was an eighteenth-century painter, and his work was amazing. It was that level of realism that made us hungry looking at it.
Ah! Got it. Luis Melendez. LACMA had a temporary exhibition on when we went there.
Weird. The art that I have hanging around is… well, okay, nix my work and fanart of mine. Posters of superheroes, dragons, trans people locking arms, newspaper clippings from Hurricane Katrina and a Westboro Baptist Church protest at the VA, postcards of the Museum of Modern Renaissance, a canvas my late grandfather painted of Acapulco…
I note a distinct lack of food. But then, I’m a recovering starver, so maybe that says more about me than the quality of the art…
Oh, I’d never have still-lifes at home (not that we’re allowed to put anything on our walls, grrr). This was a LACMA temporary exhibition gf and I happened to see, and I remembered it as one of the rare times I’ve enjoyed looking at still-life. Portraits of people I know or people wearing gorgeous clothes are much more my thing.
I don’t have any food art. I have an old Buddy Holly last concert poster, a black velvet bullfighter, a triptych of embroidered birds, a Thai rubbing, some Day of the Dead stuff, and my favorite–a Spanish villa with fountain that lights up. It is the best 12 bucks I ever spent at a yard sale. Mr. HK jokes that he really wants a giant wooded fork and spoon for the kitchen, because that’s huge in Filipino households, including his growing up.
I used to have this blacklight poster (a present from my sister). 🙂