Another open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.
As usual for these threads: no trolls, no arguments, supportive comments only!
Categories
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The Mammoth
Sorry to hear that, auggz – well, glad you’re now ok, but sorry you had troubles. Blood pressure medication will mess you up if it’s even a little bit wrong. My father was so nervous on my wedding day that he forgot and took his on an empty stomach, and he had a fainting spell too.
@Ally
Yeah, I’ve been programming for coming up on a decade, and it doesn’t fulfill me.
I have a wide array of more creative pursuits that I’d rather have had a career in, but the programming? That gives me some very nice job security with perks and benefits, so I’m sticking with it.
So everything else gets relegated to hobby or ‘other.’
And some regret on that front is normal–buyer’s remorse. If you choose to stay, there’s alternatives to regret, and if you choose to leave, you’ll probably miss it. Our brains are funny that way.
I don’t have any great advice to throw in except that my brother managed to do a career change (in a similar ‘change my whole life and way of thinking about work way). And he’s pretty happy with that. And I didn’t. I just grinned and bore it and kept on, and now I’m pretty happy with where I’ve ended up.
So I think that in general, whatever you choose to do, you’ll be able to make it turn out okay.
Oh man, the penguin sweater thing. When I heard about that I immediately went “There’s no way that’s an actual need.” We had a similar problem at PHS; a volunteer group was knitting blankets for the kitties, but the shelter had no use for blankets that weren’t machine washable, so they were giving them away with adopted kitties just to get rid of them. I have one somewhere; Motley doesn’t like it. The shelter would have benefited far more from a donation of old towels.
It’s a bummer, but the fact is that knitting, especially beginning knitting, is a skill where supply vastly exceeds demand.
Well, that’s a pain! Thanks for the heads-up, emilygoddess.
@Fib, that is great news. I think you’re underselling it a tad!
@auggz, glad you’re feeling better. That sounds like a bad time.
Just in case anybody needs some, here’s some brain bleach (before I forget where I found it):
http://pixdaus.com/baby-musk-ox-by-randy-kokesch-musk-ox/items/view/632094/
How cuuuuuuute!
Auggz — /).< you know what I get at every meds check? Asked if my cocktail makes me lightheaded or anything (my BP is usually too low for the automatic machine to register it). How in the world that wasn't asked, or at least noticed when it happened in hospital…*shakes head* I'm sorry you spent a week getting poked and prodded and sticky over something that could've probably been sorted in a matter of minutes.
@auggziliary
When privileged people perpetuates oppression that benefits them, they benefit from the oppression. The same cannot be said for underprivileged people who perpetuate oppression that they are affected by.
To use your example, a white person accusing a POC of “acting white” is actively benefiting from white supremacy because white people benefit from the support of social and institutional norms that privilege whiteness. In more specific terms, the white person is benefiting because they are reinforcing the notion that academic success and intelligence are unique to white people.
A POC who makes the same accusation is technically supporting cultural narratives that enable the oppression of people of color, but that POC is unable to benefit from the support of white supremacy because racism oppresses people of color only. There’s more to this than what I’m saying, but what I’ve highlighted is at least one answer to your question. (Honestly, the question you’ve posed is so important that it deserves its own article.)
Also, in your example I said “POC” instead of “black person” because, while I am a WOC myself, I can’t assume that I understand anti-black racism enough to casually talk about it in the context of an analogy. Many black women are tired of non-black WOC ignoring things such as misogynoir, which affects only black women. So I’m just trying to be careful here.
I hope this is appropriate for this thread. I’m looking more for advice than for comfort. I’m about 99% sure that my mother is pocketing a good portion of my educational tax refund.
She’s claimed me as a dependent, so I’m not sure if I’m legally even entitled to the refund. I’m guessing that I am not. If it matters, I pay all of my tuition myself, with no assistance from my parents.
Even if I’m not legally entitled to the refund, I think I can pressure my mother into giving me more of it if I confront her. Is there any way I can access exactly how much was refunded? Would my college’s financial aid office be a good resource?
In Canada, the T2202A (tax receipt) goes to the student, and the student has to sign it over to the parent (in cases where the parent is the one actually paying for school). I can’t really imagine a scenario in which somebody else can claim your tax refund without your participation (although, when it comes to tax rules, I’ve been gloriously, frequently wrong. Because they make no sense).
And yes, check with the Office of the Registrar. You should have access to all your own records, and you should have to sign something giving them permission to share your information with anyone, even your parents.
In fact, if you’re not sure what you’re entitled to, it might be work getting your taxes done by a service, because (provided that you supply all the information they need) they know what you’re entitled to.
Thank you. I’m in the US, and I don’t know how similar our tax laws are. My taxes are done already, so it’s too late to have them done by a service. I’m going to call up my registrar’s office and see if they can help me.
I have finally contacted the therapist to schedule an appointment. I’m waiting until they get back to me, but I’m happy that I finally made the first move to schedule an appointment. ^_^ I just wish things like this weren’t so difficult…
In other news, these days I am becoming increasingly worried about how long it will be until I come out to the rest of the family. I can’t come out to my grandparents because everyone is afraid of them reacting so badly to the news that they might go through some psychological and physical suffering. I know for a fact that stress in my grandfather’s life has been detrimental to his well-being, so I fear that if I come out to him then his health problems will worsen due to the extra stress. And since it will be extremely easy for my grandparents to find about me transitioning if they look at the physical changes, I may not be able to transition until I no longer have any contact with them. I have no idea if that will be possible in their lifetime because I am constantly pressured to be in contact with the rest of the family.
Hey, trans commie, I dropped this in another thread, but you’re more likely to see it here. Just in case it’s helpful to you.
http://fuckyeahlgbtqblackpeople.tumblr.com/post/77619683383/theunforgiven137-ive-compiled-this-list-of
I wish I could make things easier for you. It really sucks to have to make a choice between “Meet my own needs” and “Cut ties with family/wait until family dies before taking any steps to meet my own needs”.
@Unimaginative
Thanks for the link! I’ve seen it before, but I forgot to bookmark it. That list is very helpful.
In fantastic news, I’ve officially set up an appointment with my therapist! And I have enough money, too. ^_^
@auggziliary
You’re right. I think it’s better if I try to look at the situation more positively because thinking about how terrible I am for wanting to come out is nothing more than hateful self-talk.
Ally — idk if this is at all comparible, but when one of my younger (unmarried) cousins got pregnant everyone flipped out that I was not to tell our grandfather because he’d freak out. He was downright giddy about becoming a great-grandfather, maybe yours will be similarly happy for you despite what you’d expect?
@Argenti
[Content note: self-harm]
I wouldn’t say it’s entirely comparable, but you’re right that there’s a chance things won’t go so badly for me. Honestly though I really wish I could just stop thinking about all of this. Ever since I woke up I’ve been having invasive self-harming thoughts and loathing myself more intensely than usual. I think I can stay safe until I see my therapist, but it’s really hard; I’m back in my “Everyone hates me and I deserve to be hated” phase again. :{ At least I actually made the move to set up an appointment…
trans_commie: You most, most definitely do NOT deserve to be hated. And I can’t speak for everyone, but I think I can safely say that there are a lot of people here on Manboobz who not only don’t hate you, but really like you. Speaking for myself, I can say I like you and admire you. You comments are always intelligent and insightful.
Stay safe.
http://www.puppycuteness.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/64-cute-chihuahua-2.jpg
Seconding sparky’s comment!
trans_commie, you are amazing, intelligent, and insightful.
This forum has been wonderful to me, first as a lurker (for a while), and as a newbie commenter.
In particular, Ally, your comments on your experiences have been incredibly helpful. In the last two months, three friends of mine announced that they were transgendered, and seriously considering transitioning to their real gender.
Your comments here have definitely helped me figure out what I should ask, do, and say to best help them, and what things I should totally not say, or do, or ask, in order to be the best friend that I can.
I’m totally not perfect, and I spend lots of time really confused. But you being so willing to talk about your experiences helps so much. They aren’t in your same situation, with all the other craziness going on, so I try not to over-generalize, but at least you give me a place to start.
Seriously. You are a hero to people like me, with the social skills of a gnat.