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Slit Ass Birch Ho: The sad tale of a nice guy thwarted

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And that is just the beginning of a wondrous little exchange between a self-described “nice guy” trying out some bad boy charm on a not-very receptive woman on OkCupid who nonetheless deals with his ridiculous assholery with aplomb.

Note to “nice guy.” You might want to reconsider some of your assumptions. And work on your typing.

I found this on the endlessly fascinating, if often deeply disturbing, CreepyPMs subreddit, one of Reddit’s few redeeming features. You can read the rest of the conversation here, and the CreepyPM post here.

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Kim
Kim
10 years ago

I think there needs to be a Nice Guy meme to go with the Good Guy Greg meme, that points up the differences. It’d be nice if the Good Girl Gina meme could be reclaimed from the sexist jerks as well.

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

Ugh, I just did a search for Good Girl Gina memes and now I want to crawl back into bed and never get out.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

But Viscaria, you’re the ultimate plant pun! (I just woke up, my funny isn’t working yet)

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
10 years ago

From what I recall, Good Guy Greg isn’t that consistent either. Sometimes he’s genuinely altruistic. Sometimes his act would be better described as just common decency. Sometimes he abuses his position by favoring *you* at someone/everyone else’s expense.

Plus there was a huge argument on whether he actually smokes pot or not.

cloudiah
10 years ago

:: waves at Big Momma ::

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Oh, the Youmightbewrong asshole from Kotaku/Gawker/Jezebel. He’s a prize pig.

opium4themasses
10 years ago

Being Nice is about more than common decency. These guys need to learn more about Hume-anity.

The hardest part about reading creepypms is realizing/remembering the asshole I have been in the past, but damn I feel like I was never THIS bad. The worst thing I can wish upon them is self-awareness and the pain of true growth.

deniseeliza
deniseeliza
10 years ago

What bugs about Kotaku is that I feel like I am often linked to really good articles on that site. And then the comments are just…. aopsudilfkjasd;f <- head slamming into keyboard.

takshak
takshak
10 years ago

Of course women are *never* socially awkward, their magical ability to intuit the feelings and motives of others springs fully formed from their menses. I hope these shitweasels get eaten last.

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

But Viscaria, you’re the ultimate plant pun! (I just woke up, my funny isn’t working yet)

XD you’re right! How could I have failed to use the fact that I AM a plant in the plant punning?!

deniseeliza
deniseeliza
10 years ago

Of course women are *never* socially awkward, their magical ability to intuit the feelings and motives of others springs fully formed from their menses. I hope these shitweasels get eaten last.

Just wanted to see it again. *applaud*

Arete
Arete
10 years ago

Jessay

Ngl, I’d rather go on a date with a straightforward asshole rather than one of these, “I’m just being mean so you’ll talk to me but I’m normally nice!” saddos. At least the former is honest. I can only imagine attempting a relationship with someone whose first words word blatant attempts at emotional manipulation. Yeah not gonna waste my sympathy on someone who is cool with being an asshole if it gets him further when the shitty plan doesn’t work.

Yeah, there is no such thing as a genuinely nice person who is ok with being mean for the sake of manipulation. If your outlook is “I’m going to act like an asshole, because then women will do what I want,” you are not a nice guy “acting” like an asshole. You have become the real thing.

kittehserf
10 years ago

::waves::

Hi, Big Momma!

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Update: I replied to OP of that horrible thread on Kotaku. He accused me of trying to make it a gendered thing when it wasn’t.
I tried to explain to him again that women are constantly harassed and by necessity must develop defense mechanism against. I tried to explain that by ignoring the reality of the gendered harassment we constantly receive he is being sexist by empathizing with the harasser whether he means to be sexist or not.
We’ll see if it gets through to him. Probably not.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Sorry to keep harping on about this, but I really want people to see this hilarious exchange. A familiar name will pop up.

Why is she obligated to be nice?

She’s not, of course. But imagine the kind of blow up if this were an article of an unattractive lady internet stalking and admiring a good looking guy, who then proceeded to tell her to seek her Twilight-idolations elsewhere.

Jezebel would blow up in righteous fury about how men are horrible and everyone would get in to defend the lady about how she just wanted someone to return those feelings.

It doesn’t make this case OK, nor the guy’s behavior any less creepster, but it does shed some light on what we’re willing to frown upon. Today 2:31am

weirwoodtreehuggerUCountCagliostro

Citation needed. I have never seen a post on Jezebel about it being OK for women to harass men. 50 minutes ago

CountCagliostroUweirwoodtreehugger

It’s cute that you are asking me for evidence on that, when I never said that they had stated or would state that. Read what I wrote again, and take your time.

Or, if you really want to defend Jezebel, you might want to read these first: http://judgybitch.com/tag/jezebel-ha

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kyria-abrahams

grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago

So the Count never said that Jezebel would have done what the Count says Jezebel would have done? My head hurts.

Chie Satonaka
Chie Satonaka
10 years ago

Gah, that Kotaku thread! Freaky. I know I’ve told this story here before, but I once had a guy use the address information on my check to follow me home after I’d picked up some takeout food. I was only around 20 or 21, and had no idea how to handle it, so I cowered behind my apartment door and waited for him to go away, then ignored the 20 phone calls he made (remember when we used to have our phone numbers on our checks? why did we DO that?!). It really scared the hell out of me.

Now with social media, the creeps can find you almost instantly.

Bina
Bina
10 years ago

If your outlook is “I’m going to act like an asshole, because then women will do what I want,” you are not a nice guy “acting” like an asshole. You have become the real thing.

…or have been all along, more likely, and just looking for an excuse.

And oh, how I love Can’t-Count Cagliostro for referencing Judgy Bozo and Pretentious Twit Catalog…yeah, THOSE are credible sources.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

I had to bail on the Kotaku thread before my head exploded from all the creeper defending going on.

vaiyt
10 years ago

Kotaku is a cesspit even by the usual low standards of gamers. I don’t know how things are now, but even the editors used to be juvenile idiots back in the day, so it’s no surprise to me that they built up a shitty community.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

You mean BALE, hellkell?

And yeah, I have a special grievance against the sad sack geek boys who desperately wanted me to be his Manic Pixie Dream Vagina. I ended up responsible for chasing them away, most of the time, because DAMN, were they intent on reading their crappy “pretty girls never look at me” poetry to us (when we specifically said we don’t like poetry) and hitting on us in D&D and talking about how we weren’t like those OTHER girls…

I have no patience for the “be nice to those guys!” either. I’m a guy. I should be called on when I’m being a creeper. This isn’t rocket surgery.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: auggziliary

Where the fuck are these feminists defending creepy, over imposing women?

Their ass. That’s where they pull everything else, after all.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

LBT: Good one.

I hit eject right when “but he’s on the spectrum” was trotted out to excuse dude’s lack of boundaries and shitty behavior.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: hellkell

I hit eject right when “but he’s on the spectrum”

Every time someone uses this excuse, one of my autistic friends cry. Please, think of the autistic people.

leftwingfox
10 years ago

Is there ANY tech/gaming site that has decent comments? I keep calling them the Pit of Despair (everything sucks, especially you, lol no u).