And that is just the beginning of a wondrous little exchange between a self-described “nice guy” trying out some bad boy charm on a not-very receptive woman on OkCupid who nonetheless deals with his ridiculous assholery with aplomb.
Note to “nice guy.” You might want to reconsider some of your assumptions. And work on your typing.
I found this on the endlessly fascinating, if often deeply disturbing, CreepyPMs subreddit, one of Reddit’s few redeeming features. You can read the rest of the conversation here, and the CreepyPM post here.
Goddam slutty trees.
Uff da. This dude needs spelling and “how to human” lessons.
Just… whut?
Don’t think it’s a birch, but it’s totes a ho.
http://www.robinsmith.net/Bikini-Tree.jpg
He was from the nice man branch of the family.
Wow… that’s magical.
Trees. MISANDRY.
I’m laughing so hard!! I didn’t realize that “slit” and “birch” were typos and I was wracking my brain trying to make sense of this new misogynistic slang!
Previously in slutty trees.
Kiwi girl
But he isn’t going to be very poplar with that kind of attitude.
Do you think he will eventually fig-ure out why?
I was thinking “slit” could refer to vagina, or that maybe he was trying to say “split ass,” which is apparently a variation on the horrible term “split tail,” which I’ve actually seen horrible dudes use for women before. But, yeah, he probably just hit the I key instead of the U.
Maple if enough people hand him his ash…
(Oh god, I can’t stop.)
Well, when word gets around his chances with females will be kapok.
LOL @ split tail. My mom uses that! I always thought it was one of those quaint older generation southern things, you know, the ones you think are harmless until you know where they came from. Never gave it much thought because I have heard literally no one else use it.
I, for one, am not pining for him.
Not even if he gets left in the larch.
Well, he won’t be getting many dates, yew know.
PS: She only used it to describe cats when they were worked up or acting hyper (ie: “Lookit those split tailed pussy cats!”) Never any other context :/
My Mom is weird…
He needs to spruce up his vocabulary if he doesn’t want women to needle him.
And if he complains he was misunderstood, everyone will see through that old chestnut.
Life with is just no day at the beech.
Life with HIM. Tablet knows a bad pun, acts to prevent atrocity.
/sigh, press him for an apology.
Though I do give credit, that message is in the running for the worst pickup line in all of hickory.
If this approach does work out, someone willow him an apology.