Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.
Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”
In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”
His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.
At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:
The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?
We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.
In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.
Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.
CRUSH MR. RIGHT
Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.
FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS
… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.
PUPPY LOVE
Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.
BLIND DATE
And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)
Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?
—
Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of
… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.
@kiwi girl
::ack:: ::shock noises:: ::dying noises::
Also, does this mean we’ve got to kick you out of the hivemind now? 😉
@sam
Did sam just say that because many feminists celebrate valentines day it proves we don’t want equality? That’s …kinda hilarious.
And here, we have a stunning example of a troll assuming that, when one critiques social expectations, it means they support these expectations. Thanks for the example, sam!
Citation or it didn’t happen.
Wait. It didn’t happen anyway. But it would greatly amuse me to see you try to find a citation , so you about you go do that.
@brookede
That’s what I thought bonbons were, too.
@cassandra
Oh, well of course I thought of something else, I”m in the US XD
RE: Kittehserf
Please tell me that pun was intentional!
I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. ;p
RE: cassandrakitty
I’m guessing that what Sam was getting at was that you can’t say you were raped unless you have proof of a conviction. Which, yep, should probably be a bannable offense.
At least Sam is a douche about it to male rape victims as well? That’s… less awful?
Not really.
No, it just means we get Kiwi girl’s share of the chocolate!
But of course! They are les bonbons! They arouse in MRAsshats this…how you say?…IRRATIONAL RAGE. Because les femmes are eating le sucre, and everybody knows fat chicks are not allowed in their 1950s fantasyland.
@LBT, it makes him an equal opportunity douche, which is still awful. (Although, oddly, this does seem to be an area where he doesn’t have a rigidly gender defined double standard, which is…interesting, all things considered)
Hey Sam, you’re a dumbarse. First, I was quoting someone else. Second, they were making a point about how *society/media* says that’s what’s supposed to happen and how that sucks. Third, I was saying I knew a woman who does buy into it, and how awful I think that is.
Bina, someone should do a study on exactly which women aren’t allowed in their 50s fantasy land. I’d love to be excluded. (Since I’m well past 20, I should have ‘aged out,’ right? /looks hopeful)
Being excluded from MRAs’ fantasy land is all win. Not that I have to try, since I’m over 20 too.
::adds more sweetener to tea, just in case::
/hands out chocolate but keeps the pear drops and lemon sherbets. And blackballs, because I like those too. I blame my Cornish heritage.
@cassandra: I think they must account for the moisture content of the zucchini as the mixture dropped from the spoon like muffin mixture should. I read part of the comments trail on the recipe and one person asked if they should drain the zucchini first, and the answer was no, so mine went in undrained.
Look, I don’t want to be an arse about this but…THIS:
http://www.oldestsweetshop.co.uk/lemon-bon-bons-2
Is CLEARLY a Bon Bon.
I ‘know’ this ’cause England, History, lovely, lovely sweeties. :p
In essence a hard toffee covered in sherbet (lemon, strawberry etc.)
They is yum.
Let’s be inclusive and call All The Sweets bonbons. Then we can get what we like when we demand them from the hapless menz and complain when they get the wrong ones – win-win.
Also I think someone’s Secret Handshake idea should be made known. 😉
I now suspect that ophelia is a. British and b. somewhere in my age range.
Also, I’ll take any wine gums that anyone feels like passing on.
Bonbons come in too many awesome flavors!!! How do I choose which best go with my champagne and man tears mimosas?! Choices are too hard for my lady brains 🙁
fromafar – easy, make your menz get you one of every flavour.
I am also highly interested in knowing which elite wealthy white men created and funded feminism. Sounds like they should probably have a patent?
@ grumpycatisagirl
“I am also highly interested in knowing which elite wealthy white men created and funded feminism. Sounds like they should probably have a patent?”
It was these dudes. Though I think they were several colors. Possibly a tabby too.
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/333/f/d/cats_in_suits_commission_by_nonsense_prophet-d4hnkoo.jpg
The real secret is that those elite wealthy white men were …
>>
<<
cats in human suits.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH ninjaed!
THOSE CATS, I BOW BEFORE THEIR POWER.
@Kitteh, 🙂
That video, I nearly woke Mr M up with my giggling.
I think the hivemind is ready for the secret handshake/bowler hats and perhaps the intersectional approach to sweeties would be the only real SJW option.
@CassandraSays, 38 (yesterday) and British, although born in South Africa. Strawberry laces, my favourites. Every Saturday; me, 10p mix, The Beano, and a bottle of cherry Corona (remembering to take the bottle back to the shop for 2 pence).
Mmmmm, sweeties, I’m now gonna open my Valentines day chocs that evil feminist me forced Mr M to buy.
Kittehserf, I ninjaed you while you were posting about ninjas in another thread. XD
Wow, the cats in human suits ninja-ness is just spectacular. And leaves me utterly convinced. Cats *pretending* to be wealthy white elite men created and funded feminism. Nothing has ever made as much sense.
Do you remember those weird little chocolate cups that came with a foil bottom? I miss the pick and mix.