Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.
Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”
In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”
His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.
At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:
The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?
We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.
In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.
Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.
CRUSH MR. RIGHT
Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.
FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS
… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.
PUPPY LOVE
Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.
BLIND DATE
And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)
Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?
—
Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of
… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.
Yes, for entertainment purposes, citation needed.
Out of curiosity, do you say things like this to people you socialize with and, if so, what’s their reaction?
I’m guessing that if Sam socialized with people, no matter how odd those people were, he’d have had some of the dumbassery knocked out of him a long time ago.
@Cassandrakitty
Those look like truffles. I thought a Bon Bon is chocolate covered treat, with a variety of fillings, including ice cream.
This is the MRAs version of a bonbon:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xofz20EMI1E/TpH2OnKRFAI/AAAAAAAAB-g/tF4oZWOgjns/s1600/most_expensive_chocolates_5.jpg
In the UK it usually means the things I linked to. I’ve never actually seen anything with a chocolate coating marketed as a bonbon in the UK, so presumably this is one of those words that’s been adapted to mean different things in different places.
Take two nougat-filled chocolate seashells and call me in the morning!
Well, I suppose I’d classify the Milky Bites/Schoko-Bons from Kinder Chocolate (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qnh_Dxet9GE/T4EeIp4ajHI/AAAAAAAABII/-GaYAy2Anm0/s1600/kinder-schokobons2.jpg) as bonbons, too… but they wouldn’t be the first thing I think of when hearing the word.
It sounds like you’re describing Jordan Almonds, but I may be projecting because I love Jordan Almonds.
@Bina: that’s it, you’re my doctor now. 🙂
I always thought of these as bonbons: http://thumb7.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/1310416/158051009/stock-photo-colorful-candies-collection-set-158051009.jpg
I’m still sad that jellybabies and dolly mixture aren’t vegetarian.
I’ve never thought what might actually be inside … my mental picture of bonbons is always something wrapped in paper or cellophane twists, possibly foil wrapped, and maybe boxed. Whether the sweets themselves are chocolate or hard candy or a soft jube type thing has never occurred to me.
Oooooooo Bassett’s makes fruit bonbons: http://corporate.cadburygiftsdirect.co.uk/products/453-bassetts-fruit-bonbons-200g.aspx
I really like these: http://corporate.cadburygiftsdirect.co.uk/products/461-bassetts-sherbet-lemons-200g-box-of-12.aspx
and these: http://corporate.cadburygiftsdirect.co.uk/products/460-pear-drops-200g-box-of-12.aspx
Pascall’s Fruit Bonbons!!!!
http://bulklolliesonline.com.au/product/pascall-fruit-bon-bons/
I’d forgotten they ever existed. I used to love them. And they had really nifty, neat, paper wrappers.
Hey, how are you after the flood there, mildlymagnificent? Did it hit your area?
Bonbon just means good x2, so it is a box of candy of whatever kind. Double plus good.
I’m out to do an Ingress mission tonight, so I have made these to take: http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/zucchini_muffins/
After I pulled out my muffin tins, I realised that this recipe assumes Texas muffin proportions. I have made “normal” muffins instead. And yes, mine include the optional cranberries and walnuts. And I substituted oil for the melted butter as stuff melting butter when oil’s already in the correct state. 🙂
I shall let you know how they turn out.
RE: takshak
Well, for Valentine’s Day I made stuffed heart for dinner.
…I did not know that was commercially available. Was it good?
RE: auggziliary
Sam are you actually going to address LBT? How is he supposed to give a citation for a personal experience?
I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly. Or maybe he’s pulling an orion and just can’t fathom the idea of a gay male feminist who’s experienced rape, so ONE of them has to be a lie!
ADDRESS LBT.
HE NEVER WILL. ADDRESSING ME IS MISANDRY.
RE: Sam
I guess the idea of obligating someone to buy you gifts while not feeling the same obligation to that person is wrong and NOT equality.
It’s true, you know. I TOTALLY make my husband buy me shit. I just glare and glare until he buys me something sparkly. And then I resentfully allow him to fuck me.
Oh, wait, no I don’t. Because we buy shit because we want to, and fuck because we want to. It’s almost like we care about each other and find each other sexually attractive!
Yes, wealthy, elite white men, the same type who created and funded feminism.
OMG SAM NEVER CHANGE. YOU ARE DARLING IN YOUR STUPIDITY. Seriously, I’m sure Sojourner Truth and Ida B. Woodward would be absolutely SHOCKED that elite white men created feminism.
Do they end up sweet, like most muffins, or more like a savory bread?
These are sweet, so it’s a sweet muffin that happens to include zucchini (sp). Just had one to test my baking time reduction from the one for the Texas muffins. It was delicious.
As far as I can tell, my main requirements for something to be a bonbon are that it be individually wrapped and appropriate to serve in a cut-glass candy dish. That is, m&ms are not bonbons. All of the things you can buy out of the little bins at Lindt chocolate stores are bonbons. Those fruit-flavored hard candies with the softer inside that come in pineapple, cherry and so forth are, I think, my essential bonbon.
Fun fact: Johann Strauss II wrote a waltz titled “Wiener Bonbons”.
From memory, applesauce can be used as a replacement for egg as a binding agent, and there’s also a product called “no egg”. For oil/butter, you need to replace the fat content with an alternative. Oil can be subbed for butter, which means dairy-free/vegan. A lot of the science is around trying to make sure there is still the same wet/dry ingredients ratio and the mouth-feel is the same. Biggest issue I have encountered is getting a sugar substitute (for people with sucrose allergies), but I have an alternative now that can be used as a one-for-one replacement with sugar (hooray). The artificial sweeteners tend to be concentrated, so they reduce the dry ingredient volume, and you’re back to a food science issue. 🙂
So does it end up with a carrot cake-like texture? Seems like the zucchini might help keep things moist.
I know this has already been thoroughly and well-mocked, but:
Sam:
Pleas elaborate. What wealthy, elite white men created and funded feminism? Seriously. Who and when? To what purpose?
As for the OP:
Y’know, being physically attractive to someone is not a prerequisite to being treated decently as a human being. No feminist is holding a gun to man’s head to force him to date a fat woman. No one ever shames a man for having preferences or “standards” in regards to women’s appearance. Quite the opposite, really; beauty standards for women are so pervasive it’s impossible to get away from them. And efforts to broaden those narrow standards, to take the focus off appearance as the most important thing about a woman, is met with all this resistance.
But still, just because Taylor doesn’t want to date the 35 year old diabetic woman doesn’t mean that the 35 year old diabetic woman is “worthless,” or undeserving of basic respect and decency. /rant over
But seriously, the Google candy hearts is what set Taylor off? Really?
Please tell me that pun was intentional! 😀
Misandry! (No, I’ve no idea how it could be either, but hey, you’re a feminist, so it must be.)
I’m guessing that what Sam was getting at was that you can’t say you were raped unless you have proof of a conviction. Which, yep, should probably be a bannable offense.
That’s my impression. Sam’s no less creepy for being a complete idiot.