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CRUSH MR. RIGHT: Is this Google’s gynocentric Valentine’s Day message?

Google, or Gynoogle?
Google, or Gynoogle?

Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.

Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”

In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”

His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.

At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:

The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?

We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.

In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.  

Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.

CRUSH MR. RIGHT

Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.

FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS

… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.

PUPPY LOVE

Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.

BLIND DATE

And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)

Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?

Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of

SARCASM

… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.

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Lids
10 years ago

My preferred way for dating is dutch or one pays once then the other pays on the next date. Or if you go to a movie one person buys the tickets and the other buys drinks and popcorn.

Fromafar2013
Fromafar2013
10 years ago

This valentines, bf and I are making lasagna from scratch together, getting wasted, playing video games and then having the sexy times. Actually, that kinda sounds like most nights… Except tonight it’s wine instead of beer, and the table has scented motherfucking candles on it.

greendaywantsavatars
greendaywantsavatars
10 years ago

Fade …yeah exactly what I meant. If you think of consensual sex in a relationship which hopefully both sides want as one side giving to the other, because of old stereotypes about which gender is to be the sexually “aggressive” one… yeah, that’s sexism.

that’s not what i think; it’s generally the attitudes people who think “guy always pays” hold. They then whine about it being unfair to the guy ignoring that they are expecting the women to “give” him something in return. So when people say “guy always pays” is unfair i’m like “ok but wtf are you expecting the girl to do?” because those attitudes don’t normally develope without some expectation of fucked up rigid gender roles.

catgirl
catgirl
10 years ago

I got chocolate and balloons today from friends and family and I like that. Also I saw hot guy and my ovaries exploded. I like valentine’s day but I like thanksgiving more. I hate the stupid jewelry commercials. Especially those stupid open heart necklaces. They didn’t look like open hearts they look like snakes. I like real snakes not fake ones.

Congrats to everyone celebrating with their loved ones today. Don’t eat too much chocolate. Jk there is no such thing as too much.

Nitram
Nitram
10 years ago

Today at work someone got a singing valentine’s telegram! That someone was a man and it was from his wife. Warmed my heart and everyone else’s! I’m not making any deductions about men women and valentines, just thought I’d put it out there. So cool. If these guys weren’t such insufferable dicks, they might be on the receiving end of a valentine from a loved one. They may want to give one to their significant others out of love and appreciation. How this angry misogynistic slant colors the world so darkly for them. I know valentines day is a hallmark made up holiday that is basically “single awareness day” but it’s certainly not “female entitlement day”.

Lili Fugit
Lili Fugit
10 years ago

I’m making a red velvet cake for Valentine’s Day, because I’m a misandrist. Well, no, the fact I’m not going to SHARE that red velvet cake with any males makes me a misandrist, technically. You can bake a cake without misandry, I think. Not that I’ve ever tried.

House Mouse Queen
10 years ago

@Jonathan,
Nobody needs to look hard for your misogynist drivel. It’s not like it’s hiding in the deep dark Ocean where only Jacques Cousteau could find it.

Oh and I’m the official A Voice for Mice! *squeeeeek!’ All my female house mice are practicing their Gynomus Musculis Valentinus Dominus Day today. They want mancheeze!

kittehserf
10 years ago

I’ve never dated in a paying-way (ie. meals with Mr K are different) and when it comes to eating out with a friend, I pay for what I have, exactly the same as when I’m eating alone.

Amazing how straightforward that is.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

@Octo:

I, uh, would rather obviously count that as being reciprocal for me dressing up as well. Okay, to a degree, such a process is usually more arduous for women, I admit. But then I find most ‘formal’ dresses unnecessary anyway… though yeah, maybe yoga pants and crocs go a bit far, heh.

Anyway, doesn’t this attitude strike you as a bit sexist yourself? It seems like a dressed down variant of “the woman pays with sex”. Kinda. At least attitude-wise. I hope you know what I mean. If people go out, both will (hopefully) pay some attention to how they look. That the man pays and “in return” he gets to look at a beautifully dressed up partner… hm. Yeah, that kinda does seem to rest on some old gender stereotypes. Doesn’t sit comfortable with me.

I only brought it up because your previous comment:

But in this specific case the problem is rather that one side is supposed to give, and the other, well, not. At least, traditionally.

stated that women who were taken out to dinner, etc, didn’t “give”. My only point was that if the man takes the woman out to dinner, the woman is also giving up time and money (outfit, shoes, make-up, products) for this event.

It doesn’t matter whether I think this is sexist or not, all that matters is that you were wrong in your previous comment about women not giving.

Octo
Octo
10 years ago

@Kiwi: All that matters is that I was wrong? Well, okay, if it’s *that* important to you… :p

But I would like to mention that to some degree (I know this is all usually a bit more complicated for women) men invest into this stuff, too, so reciprocality already exists there to a degree. However, eh, that’s technical details. Either way, it backs up my point that traditional Valentine’s Day customs are bad, though maybe not as widespread and hence not as problematic as I might make them out to be here 😉

@greenday Yeah, fucked up gender roles is the point. But you’re right to point that such attitudes often come together. Both sides of the “equation” here are bad, of course.

Shaun DarthBatman Day
10 years ago

Just popping in to say happy valentine’s day to everybody. Hugs for those who want and/or need them. Also my ass seems to be nearly fully healed YAY!

Shiraz
Shiraz
10 years ago

Dear Shitlord,

Your little screed was profound. Some men don’t like fatties. And women being in charge of their own lives is a terrible horror. What else, errr, all women want men to give them ponies. Um yeah, so…(sarcasm off)
Commercialism drives Valentines Day, and yes, it uses sexism to do it — kind of like the wedding industry. How did you miss that? How many ex’s asked you for a pony by the way? I dunno, it sounds like you think all women are whores (that’s fucked) and most men are rich (that’s not factual). What dimension do you live in, little shit lord?

Oh, let us know when you snag your first book deal. *snicker*

Brookede
Brookede
10 years ago

Speaking of the sweeping romance of consumerism, here’s a quote about one of the most unfortunately successful marketing campaigns of last century. Google “don’t buy diamonds” or “blood diamond” if you don’t know why it would be great if diamond engagement rings would go out of style again.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring

In 1938, the diamond cartel De Beers began a marketing campaign that would have a major impact on engagement rings. During the Great Depression of the 1930s, the price of diamonds collapsed. At the same time, market research indicated that engagement rings were going out of style with the younger generation. While the first phase of the marketing campaign consisted of market research, the advertising phase began in 1939. One of the first elements of this campaign was to educate the public about the 4 Cs (cut, carats, color, and clarity). In 1947 the slogan, “A Diamond is Forever,” was introduced. Ultimately, the De Beers campaign sought to persuade the consumer that an engagement ring is indispensable, and that a diamond is the only acceptable stone for an engagement ring. The campaign was very successful. In 1939 only 10% of engagement rings had diamonds. By 1990, 80% did.

Here’s an old but good Atlantic article about diamonds, marketing, gender roles and De Beers.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/?single_page=true

Bina
Bina
10 years ago

I never wanted a pony when I was five, or at any other age, either. And I’ve never expected jewelry, flowers, candy or even a card on this day from anyone, at least since I was 12 years old.

Where are all these “spoiled princesses”, I wonder? Because I haven’t met many women who even remotely fit the description given by our idiotic interlocutor…

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

I had not seen this before until an alt version was linked to me (for Ingress):
http://www.pophangover.com/4641/the-official-internet-butthurt-complaint-form/

Perhaps Jonathan would like to fill it out.

entropistanon
10 years ago

It’s Valentine’s Day? Oh, yeah, I guess it is.

The Significant Other’s birthday is on the 13th, so we always forget this day even exists. We just get all our lovin’ in the day before.

As for this guy’s assumption that the female gender is populated with spoiled little princesses who always wanted their pony, I’m guessing his sample size for that survey was like, 1. The only date he ever had.

jayemgriffin
10 years ago

Fuck, I have to stop assuming that your titles are exaggeration. Some dude literally complained about the Google conversation hearts. Going to curl up and eat chocolate now.

CL
CL
10 years ago

@Octo – Who are you fighting with, buddy? I’m not sure what you want anyone here to say to your ‘points,’ such as they are. You’re not exactly in the hive of scum and villainy when it comes to perpetuating fucked up, patriarchal standards. In fact, I would venture to guess most of us are actively involved in tearing them down. Go harass some lady who is actually having a tantrum over her boyfriend not appropriately showering her in diamonds today or something.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

Today’s random fact — Brilliant Earth sells conflict-free ethically sourced diamonds and diamond rings (some other stuff too, including pearls)

Because yeah, De Beers can fuck off, but OOOOH SHINY!!

House Mouse Queen
10 years ago

@kiwigirl
We need to make a special form for the Manosphere.

Seranvali
10 years ago

Re engagement rings: mine sits permanently in my jewelry box, which is where it’s been ever since I heard about the way they were produced and the ad campaign thingy. As far as I’m concerned the ring isn’t important, the hand that wears it is. So I wear anything pretty on the third finger of my left hand.

Re paying for dates: even when Mr S and I were dating he never paid for my food. I often paid for his because he was a penniless student and I was a student living with parents with a part time job. I always felt that if I permitted a man to buy me dinner he’d expect me to pay him back with sex and there was no way I was playing that game! Some of them would get quite annoyed. One of them actually caused a scene in a restaurant. I walked off and I haven’t seen him since. That was thirty five years ago.

Rilian
Rilian
10 years ago

But the story about Mr right wasn’t about his looks, or even about his money. It was about him being nice and caring.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

If a female gives a male scented fucking candles on valentine’s day, does the universe explode?

And I love some people’s fascination with chocolate – I can only stomach the stuff about once a month. And then I crave dark cooking chocolate. My downfall is Jelly Belly jellybeans (no gelatin, yay!). I wish Bassets would invent the vegetarian jellybaby as I -really- miss those.

Shaenon
10 years ago

It’s pretty misandric to think the male equivalent of “I want a partner who’s right for me” is “No fat chicks.” MRAs have such a low opinion of men.