Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.
Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”
In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”
His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.
At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:
The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?
We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.
In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.
Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.
CRUSH MR. RIGHT
Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.
FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS
… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.
PUPPY LOVE
Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.
BLIND DATE
And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)
Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?
—
Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of
… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.
I can confirm that adding walnuts and dried cranberries to the zucchini muffins gives a most excellent outcome.
Oooh, proper sweets. Remember traffic lights – the gobstoppers that you had to keep taking out of your mouth to check the colour?
And lucky bags?
My favourites were sherbet fountains (although not the liquorice) and lemon sherbets (even if they curt into the roof of your mouth as they collapsed). I remember having a sad break-up and a couple of friends cheering me up by buying bags of lemon sherberts & taking me to the cinema to see Gregory’s Girl.
I’m ancient – I remember when wagon wheels first came out 😉
One of my nephews bakes a lush chocolate & courgette (=zuccini) muffin.
Hey, since MRAs did their best to ruin yesterday for everyone, how about something completely different? Check out this speech from Ellen Page, finally coming out at a Human Rights Campaign event.
It’s easy to let these assholes get you down, but remember, love is always stronger than hate.
Oh, that’s easy. Any woman over 25 is an old hag in their (very rheumy) eyes. They keep telling us so. And I just keep nodding my head, grateful that I’m 21 years over the limit, as being pestered for sex by those guys doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun anyway.
And as for weight, I suspect that they can’t handle anything over 115 pounds, tops. It’s quite telling that they need a small, light, frail young thing to make them feel like Big Strong Men.
OMG, cassandrakitty, that IRN BRU ad changed by life. It’s been a trademark of the holidays for me for the last eight years.
mildlymagnificent, glad to hear you’re all okay! Adelaide’s been through the mill a bit, weather-wise, lately.
I’m looking forward to mid-week here when it’s supposed to be 20C. TWENTY! Two days of TWENTY! I’ll be able to wear my beret if I get it finished in time!
Just hope the humidity eases up, though. Late last week was harder to deal with than the 40C days, and it was only 27, but the place was like a sauna.
A proper Valentine video!
http://youtu.be/dK8hVJGnRUU
Ok, Kitteh, now that IS a pussy pedestal.
I feel like these would be relevant to my interests and need to find some.
Cassandra: have you had the Welch’s fruit snacks? I think they’d be really similar to wine gums. Our department buys ’em in bulk, we’re all hooked.
LOL!
Wine gums!
http://www.englishteastore.com/mawi21bag.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=64644956178&utm_content=pla&gclid=CJrO6oPn0bwCFctcMgodHj4ARw
I haven’t had the Welch’s snacks. What’s the texture like?
They’re more solid than gummis, and their mouth-feel is…different. They do have gelatin, but also starch like the wine gums.
Welch’s snacks are fantastic. I enjoy those so much that they don’t make me feel guilty for breaking my former religion’s dietary rules (no gelatin).
Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding, which is pretty much some of the best chocolate pudding I’ve ever had.
We were forced to taste-test Bailey’s, Kahlua, and triple sec to decide which would make the best pudding. It was a real sacrifice.
@Katz
Sounds horrific. 😛 Have some kitties:
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ba/67/d9/ba67d9684c9e56ee153a23f5960e1baf.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/26/c4/b7/26c4b7127882f36c922cd4b2ae00de88.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/84/d9/d9/84d9d98ecc80e64ec1494bc328e53a58.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ea/95/87/ea9587aceb119a0949bbd8b5d7ce81c8.jpg
Bailey’s chocolate pudding sounds delicious.
Ooh, that sounds good. I like the starchy kind of gum better than soft gummy bears.
@katz
In retrospect, I don’t think triple sec would have been appropriate. I mean, I haven’t had triple sec chocolate pudding, but I can’t imagine it working well for some reason. Kahlua would’ve been great, though.
My mother used to make a tofu chocolate mousse with orange liqueur. It was delicious.
RE: cassandrakitty
Not really.
Well, I tried, at least. I dunno whether being a misanthrope is much better than being a misogynist…
RE: Skye
(Although, oddly, this does seem to be an area where he doesn’t have a rigidly gender defined double standard, which is…interesting, all things considered)
I guess it depends if he’s another one of the trolls who really don’t get that I’m male. For some reason, even though I’m pretty open about it, a lot of trolls seem to disbelieve it.
RE: Ally (and katz)
Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding,
My husband demands the recipe. Even though we are not allowed to drink at this time.
Sam is right, the CIA totally created feminism to destabilize the family unit and indoctrinate children and you know, the usual “I could move out of mom’s basement if it weren’t for this evil cabal” stuff.
Sam, thank you for combining two of my favorite conspiracy boogey(wo)men into one glorious LOL. That tinfoil fedora looks very nice on you, by the way.
Is this a portrait of Sam?