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CRUSH MR. RIGHT: Is this Google’s gynocentric Valentine’s Day message?

Google, or Gynoogle?
Google, or Gynoogle?

Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.

Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”

In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”

His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.

At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:

The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?

We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.

In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.  

Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.

CRUSH MR. RIGHT

Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.

FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS

… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.

PUPPY LOVE

Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.

BLIND DATE

And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)

Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?

Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of

SARCASM

… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.

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Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
6 years ago

I can confirm that adding walnuts and dried cranberries to the zucchini muffins gives a most excellent outcome.

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

Oooh, proper sweets. Remember traffic lights – the gobstoppers that you had to keep taking out of your mouth to check the colour?

And lucky bags?

My favourites were sherbet fountains (although not the liquorice) and lemon sherbets (even if they curt into the roof of your mouth as they collapsed). I remember having a sad break-up and a couple of friends cheering me up by buying bags of lemon sherberts & taking me to the cinema to see Gregory’s Girl.

I’m ancient – I remember when wagon wheels first came out 😉

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

One of my nephews bakes a lush chocolate & courgette (=zuccini) muffin.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Hey, since MRAs did their best to ruin yesterday for everyone, how about something completely different? Check out this speech from Ellen Page, finally coming out at a Human Rights Campaign event.

It’s easy to let these assholes get you down, but remember, love is always stronger than hate.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Bina, someone should do a study on exactly which women aren’t allowed in their 50s fantasy land. I’d love to be excluded. (Since I’m well past 20, I should have ‘aged out,’ right? /looks hopeful)

Oh, that’s easy. Any woman over 25 is an old hag in their (very rheumy) eyes. They keep telling us so. And I just keep nodding my head, grateful that I’m 21 years over the limit, as being pestered for sex by those guys doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun anyway.

And as for weight, I suspect that they can’t handle anything over 115 pounds, tops. It’s quite telling that they need a small, light, frail young thing to make them feel like Big Strong Men.

marinerachel
marinerachel
6 years ago

OMG, cassandrakitty, that IRN BRU ad changed by life. It’s been a trademark of the holidays for me for the last eight years.

kittehserf
6 years ago

mildlymagnificent, glad to hear you’re all okay! Adelaide’s been through the mill a bit, weather-wise, lately.

I’m looking forward to mid-week here when it’s supposed to be 20C. TWENTY! Two days of TWENTY! I’ll be able to wear my beret if I get it finished in time!

Just hope the humidity eases up, though. Late last week was harder to deal with than the 40C days, and it was only 27, but the place was like a sauna.

kittehserf
6 years ago

A proper Valentine video!

http://youtu.be/dK8hVJGnRUU

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

Ok, Kitteh, now that IS a pussy pedestal.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Also, I’ll take any wine gums that anyone feels like passing on.

I feel like these would be relevant to my interests and need to find some.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Cassandra: have you had the Welch’s fruit snacks? I think they’d be really similar to wine gums. Our department buys ’em in bulk, we’re all hooked.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Ok, Kitteh, now that IS a pussy pedestal.

LOL!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago
hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

They’re more solid than gummis, and their mouth-feel is…different. They do have gelatin, but also starch like the wine gums.

Ally S
6 years ago

Welch’s snacks are fantastic. I enjoy those so much that they don’t make me feel guilty for breaking my former religion’s dietary rules (no gelatin).

Ally S
6 years ago

Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding, which is pretty much some of the best chocolate pudding I’ve ever had.

katz
6 years ago

We were forced to taste-test Bailey’s, Kahlua, and triple sec to decide which would make the best pudding. It was a real sacrifice.

leatapp
leatapp
6 years ago

Bailey’s chocolate pudding sounds delicious.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Ooh, that sounds good. I like the starchy kind of gum better than soft gummy bears.

Ally S
6 years ago

@katz

In retrospect, I don’t think triple sec would have been appropriate. I mean, I haven’t had triple sec chocolate pudding, but I can’t imagine it working well for some reason. Kahlua would’ve been great, though.

leatapp
leatapp
6 years ago

My mother used to make a tofu chocolate mousse with orange liqueur. It was delicious.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: cassandrakitty

Not really.

Well, I tried, at least. I dunno whether being a misanthrope is much better than being a misogynist…

RE: Skye

(Although, oddly, this does seem to be an area where he doesn’t have a rigidly gender defined double standard, which is…interesting, all things considered)

I guess it depends if he’s another one of the trolls who really don’t get that I’m male. For some reason, even though I’m pretty open about it, a lot of trolls seem to disbelieve it.

RE: Ally (and katz)

Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding,

My husband demands the recipe. Even though we are not allowed to drink at this time.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

Sam is right, the CIA totally created feminism to destabilize the family unit and indoctrinate children and you know, the usual “I could move out of mom’s basement if it weren’t for this evil cabal” stuff.

Sam, thank you for combining two of my favorite conspiracy boogey(wo)men into one glorious LOL. That tinfoil fedora looks very nice on you, by the way.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Is this a portrait of Sam?

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
6 years ago

I second the requests for the alcoholic chocolate pudding. Is it like a mousse and, if so, is it gelatine free (I miss chocolate mousse so much)?

Chocolate mousse is an acceptable form of chocolate. 🙂

katz
6 years ago

LBT: It’s just a small quantity of Bailey’s, no different than adding vanilla to a recipe, and if you kept it on the heat for a bit longer and/or add the Bailey’s earlier, you’ll quickly boil off all the alcohol. So it should be 100% OK for a no-alcohol diet.

The recipe:

Combine in medium saucepan:
2 C cold milk
1/3 c sugar
2 T cocoa
2-3 T cornstarch

Whisk until combined. Heat on medium heat, stirring constantly, until pudding begins to thicken, about 15 minutes. Reduce heat to simmer. Add:

2 T butter
1 T Bailey’s (or Bailey’s to taste)

Stir until butter is melted. Serve hot or cold. Also makes a great pudding pie or pudding pops.

katz
6 years ago

And yes, it’s gelatin-free and it would work great as a vegan recipe if you made it with margarine/peanut butter and soy/almond milk.

I’m a total proselyte for this recipe. Got it out of a Mennonite cookbook.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
6 years ago

that sounds yum! Re the milk, I have full cream homogenised milk* in the house. Is there anything I need to worry about re the fat content of the milk?

* I add milk to my tea, so the final fat content of my drinks is well below 1%. Apparently each cup of tea is around 35 calories too. I’m not worrying about those either. 🙂 Just put here in case anyone is a rampant nutritionist.**

** I also drink milo (gasp!) 🙂

katz
6 years ago

Nopers, higher-fat milk will simply dissolve the cocoa better and make a richer pudding (but we’ve also made it many times with skim milk). It’s a very versatile recipe: You can substitute any liqueur (or 1 T vanilla or any extract) for the Bailey’s, or 1/3 C peanut butter for the butter, or add more or less cornstarch to make it thinner or thicker.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
6 years ago

is cornstarch the same as cornflour?
http://www.edmondscooking.co.nz/baking-ingredients/fielders-cornflour-300g

At least this recipe is easy if you’re not using metric cups (don’t North Americans use a different cup size, I think your litres per gallon are different too, so different gallons measure)? I’m positive I have had at least one baking failure due to not doing the North American-to-metric volume correction. But I can’t remember what it was, now.

katz
6 years ago

Appears to be the same.

Conversions for those using any other measurement system~
15 parts milk:
5 parts sugar:
1 part cocoa/cornstarch/butter:
1/2 part Bailey’s

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
6 years ago

Thanks Katz, ratios are helpful 🙂

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

My husband has now written down this recipe. Thanks, katz! I look forward to being able to try it at some point.

Sam
Sam
6 years ago

I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly.

So your one of those creeps we year so much about.

Sam
Sam
6 years ago

I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly.

So you’re one of those creeps we hear so much about.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Your grammar correction didn’t help the content, Sam.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Auggz: he could just go look in a mirror.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Aw, hellkell, but he’s trying so HARD! Don’t-a wreck/shun his clever comeback! That’d be such a dick thing to do!

(I can keep this up for as long as Sam keeps being boring.)

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Am I being penile?

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

Again, you don’t sarcasm, do you, Sam?

Now some unfinished business you’ve yet to address:

1. Why did you ask LBT for a citation when ze* was relaying zir* personal experience?

2. What rich white men created and funded feminism? Why and to what purpose?

*I’m sorry LBT, I’ve forgotten which pronouns you prefer so I went gender-neutral to be safe!

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: hellkell

Well, urethra being very childish, or just plain silly. Look at you ejaculating all those awful wordplays!

RE: sparky

I’m male. Don’t worry, lots of people get confused. It seems to have confused Sam as well.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Well, exscrote me!

That was just bad, sorry.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

I think we drove him off this thread! Success? *cautious party hat*

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