@Marie, something is bothering you about what happened, and receiving an apology from people does not automatically make shitty stuff go away. Is there a counsellor you can talk to about this? Something sounds unresolved and a counsellor would be the best person to go to for resolution – and you sound like you want resolution.
@tcwill00, I’m sorry to hear about the grandmother. 🙁 I assume the doctors have done hearing and neurological testings, and blood work. Not to derail, but in my mid-20s I ended up going to the ED (referred by a doctor, got offered an ambulance) for suspected Guillain-Barre, although none of us thought it was really that. I had unexplained sudden dizzy spells, occasionally the horizon would “jump” vertically on me, and I felt like I had no legs for about an inch above the knee. When this happened I would almost fall, and I voluntarily quit driving. After undergoing a multitude of tests at the ED, including a lung x-ray as well as reflexes and blood work, the doctors decided it was probably “food poisoning” (yes, that’s what they told me it was, with a straight face, and about the only samples not taken from me were CSF, faeces, and urine). Even though I had been suffering off-and-on for 6 months with the same symptoms. So they may not be able to tell what the issue is. 🙁
chimisaur
10 years ago
@ Marie: Well, no one can really diagnose you over the internet, and I’m not a doctor in any way, just someone with a kind of similar symptomology, so take what I say here with a grain of salt, but that sounds a LOT like my stupid runaway brain symptoms when I was really bad and untreated. I’ve got some pretty bad general anxiety, and drugs+therapy, while time consuming has been a lifesaver for me. If you don’t want to rush into a situation like that, I would talk to an internal medicine doctor about what you’re experiencing if you go to get an annual physical or anything, since they can prescribe something to help if they judge you to be in need and figure out other kinds of treatment plan/references. Sorry about the long spiel, It’s just you sound so much like I used to (am, kind of still, occasionally) and I didn’t even quite realize how much living like that was wearing on me until I stopped it, and it kind of makes me really really want to help because no one should have to deal with being trapped in their own stupid head. Not that your head is stupid; I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice head. Turn of phrase. You know what I meant, I hope. >_<;
Once again, feel free to disregard any or all of this if I am completely off base. I do not want to be bossy at all. Find what works for ya, and best of wishes on that count!
tcwill00
10 years ago
Whoa, hey, let’s hear it for reading the whole thread before commenting, how bout?
Ally, I can’t even with your dad’s latest, except of course he obviously thinks this is a phase. Probably he still wants those library books, too, dark lol.
Marie, I think waiting until you’re at least 30 is a great idea. I am way over 30 and I still don’t know what I’m doing half the time.
As for child rearing books, avoid Rev. Dobson and Michael and Debbi Pearl. Basically abuser apologists and instructions.
As for your brain, I am sorry your parents had you confined against your will. For what it’s worth, I get reminded about my past often, in my case stupid shit I have done or said, by stuff that shouldn’t relate at all. It’s like my brain is waiting for opportunities to beat me up. It’s not remotely likely what you’re experiencing, but I want you to know, it’s not just you.
Marie
10 years ago
@kiwi girl
Thanks for the advice 🙂 I’ve been trying to find a psych for almost a year for mental health stuffs, but first we didn’t have insurance, and now that we do, I just have such a hard time telling which ones would work. I’ve also had a bad experience with former psychs, so I’m somewhat suspicious.
Not to derail, but in my mid-20s I ended up going to the ED […]
That sucks. Did you get better?
@chimisaur
And thank you for the advice, too. I’ve been wondering if I had anxiety for a while now, and am supposed to be seeing a doctor about that on monday, so hopefully that goes down well. I just didn’t connect bad feelings about this to possible anxiety. um, rambles. NEway, thanks.
@falconer
Thanks for telling me who to avoid.
And I want the record to reflect all of my thankyous are sincere. I just am in a weird headspace and am worried about coming off wrong.
Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago
Marie — you mentioned a doctor appt on Monday? If I’m remembering right, why not bring it up then and see about a psych referral? Or, if you’d be more comfortable with someone who isn’t a psych, are you religious enough to have someone there you could talk to? (Sorry if that’s way off base, I have no idea if you’re still religious or it’s a cultural thing or what)
At a guess? Adult brain is being adulty. You grow, you learn, you realize how fucked up shit was. One from the useful psych I had when I went through that period — what would you say to them if you could say anything without repercussions? Just a thing to ponder, maybe pondering it will help you figure out why it’s bugging you.
Marie
10 years ago
@Argenti
Thanks :3 Yeah, I’ll try to bring it up then, I’ve brought it up to my previous doctor with little success, but this doctor is, in theory, better knowing about mental health stuffs.
I’m agnostic, but was raised culturally orthodox-christian. Talking with someone who’s religious wouldn’t be bad per say, but the church my dad goes to is run by homophobic, sexist asshats.
Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago
Falconer — best wishes to your beloved’s grandmother!
Ally — lol! Stop thinking about that gender identity stuff! Cuz it totally works like that…well, I guess it does, once you sort shit out, which you certainly seem to have…so you’ve already done what he told you to do!
Seriously though, the fuck? It reads like he’s saying you shouldn’t be around people who will let you ID as female.
Frankly, what he says indicates (at least to me) that he doesn’t even want me to be trans. He talks about it as if it’s something I should never think about for any reason ever. I shouldn’t have trusted him.
Marie
10 years ago
@argenti
No apologies necessary. :3
@Ally
It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known how he’d react if you told him. (I mean, you probably know that, but it bears repeating.) anyway, more jedi hugs from me, if you want them.
Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago
I didn’t come across how I intended? I missed a step I think. I was trying to say that he thinks you’d magically stop being trans if no one would “indulge” it. Don’t think about it, don’t talk about it and certainly don’t hang out with people who recognize you a woman. (Do the opposite of that, as you see fit)
As for trusting him, I wouldn’t count coming out to him as trusting him, but whether you were trusting him is obviously not for me to judge.
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
@Marie, I have been helped in the past by primarily “lay” counsellors (i.e. accredited/ registered professionals who don’t have formal psychology or psychiatry qualifications). The main thing is to find someone you can confide in and trust. 🙂 It’s all about rapport, so if you get referred to someone where you think “nah”, get another referral. 🙂 🙂
And yeah, I got better, but it still happens occasionally so I feel for the grandmother. Thanks for the thoughts. 🙂
Falconer
10 years ago
If anybody sees the Sandman, could you please ask him to come visit my house? I have a young man here who just isn’t sleeping.
For all those talking about Auntiehood: I also love being an Auntie. I get to do all the fun without the stress. My bio clock was ticking too but I just love my single life too much to try and find some dude who probably would make more problems for me. I’m just too damned independent. I also have a disability and my first marriage ended due to that so I just also think I don’t want to get into another relationship and have that person get overwhelmed and hence more problems.
I feel pretty good about living here in Canada because we do have good social systems when they function correctly. I’ve kinda fallen through many cracks here but I’m on my way now after having a severe accident a couple days ago. I rolled off my bed and kicked some glasses on the floor and then landed on them. I cut myself up so much the paramedic said I looked like I was bitten by a shark. I broke my clavicle and a couple ribs. However, I DO get a wonderful home nurse named Anna who is wonderful!
XO to all my fellow Manosphere critics! Mocking them sure is fun!
Ally – I’d guess it’s your own kindness and wish to have some sort of decent relationship with your father playing into this, but I also think you know very well you can’t trust him. Not ever, not about anything. You have been physically and emotionally abused by him since forever, and his knowing you’re trans (not that he seems to have the slightest clue what that means) is just one more reason for you not to trust him. If anything, I’d say once he does grasp what it means, it’d put your life in real danger if he finds you.
I was reading the Feministe open thread yesterday, and was horrified that you’d considered maybe going home sometime. Please, please, don’t ever think of going back to that house.
Put it this way: would you want someone else he’d been abusing to put themselves back in his power? Or would you advise them to stay the hell away, forever, because he can never be trusted and has the worst fucking history? I’m guessing the latter, and the same advice applies to you.
He’s had his chances. He’s chosen to do these horrible things. He’s not worth shit.
Heh. Your dad and my dad should hang out, Ally. They seem to have read the same book on responding to their trans kid! *snrk*
And actually, if you’re interested in book recs, try and get your hands on a library copy of Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. I don’t agree with any of it, but when you’re lost and confused and can’t tell which way is down, it can help get your feet on the ground.
RE: House Mouse Queen
OUCH! D: Man, that bites. I also feel slightly envious of the Canadian system; I just had to have a full-out donnybrook to get my benefits reinstated after they froze them due to bureaucratic error. I’m STILL trying to get my health insurance back up and running.
We need a Dirtbag Parent Island, like Reddit Island.
I can think of a few who should be there. It’d make a great reality TV series, too.
Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago
As my brother it put it, about our father — “only way anyone would ever vote for him would be to vote him off the island”. In this case it’d be more like voting them off the mainland!
Just as long as they don’t go too far and end up on our mainland. ::shudder::
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
a tale of a fateful trip,
that started from this tropic port,
aboard this tiny ship.
The MRAs were mighty sailin’ men,
Paul Elam was blase and sure,
the passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour,
a three hour tour.
The weather started getting rough,
the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
the Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.
The ship’s aground on the shore of this
uncharted desert isle
with Dean Esmay,
Paul Elam too.
The MRAs and the FeMRAs,
the PUAs,
the toxic parents and other bigots,
here on Redditor’s Isle.
(Ending verse)
So this is the tale of our castaways,
they’re here for a long, long time.
They’ll have to make the best of things,
it’s an uphill climb.
No phone, no lights, no motor car,
not a single luxury
like Robinson Crusoe,
it’s primitive as can be.
We Hunted The Mammoth
@Marie, something is bothering you about what happened, and receiving an apology from people does not automatically make shitty stuff go away. Is there a counsellor you can talk to about this? Something sounds unresolved and a counsellor would be the best person to go to for resolution – and you sound like you want resolution.
@tcwill00, I’m sorry to hear about the grandmother. 🙁 I assume the doctors have done hearing and neurological testings, and blood work. Not to derail, but in my mid-20s I ended up going to the ED (referred by a doctor, got offered an ambulance) for suspected Guillain-Barre, although none of us thought it was really that. I had unexplained sudden dizzy spells, occasionally the horizon would “jump” vertically on me, and I felt like I had no legs for about an inch above the knee. When this happened I would almost fall, and I voluntarily quit driving. After undergoing a multitude of tests at the ED, including a lung x-ray as well as reflexes and blood work, the doctors decided it was probably “food poisoning” (yes, that’s what they told me it was, with a straight face, and about the only samples not taken from me were CSF, faeces, and urine). Even though I had been suffering off-and-on for 6 months with the same symptoms. So they may not be able to tell what the issue is. 🙁
@ Marie: Well, no one can really diagnose you over the internet, and I’m not a doctor in any way, just someone with a kind of similar symptomology, so take what I say here with a grain of salt, but that sounds a LOT like my stupid runaway brain symptoms when I was really bad and untreated. I’ve got some pretty bad general anxiety, and drugs+therapy, while time consuming has been a lifesaver for me. If you don’t want to rush into a situation like that, I would talk to an internal medicine doctor about what you’re experiencing if you go to get an annual physical or anything, since they can prescribe something to help if they judge you to be in need and figure out other kinds of treatment plan/references. Sorry about the long spiel, It’s just you sound so much like I used to (am, kind of still, occasionally) and I didn’t even quite realize how much living like that was wearing on me until I stopped it, and it kind of makes me really really want to help because no one should have to deal with being trapped in their own stupid head. Not that your head is stupid; I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice head. Turn of phrase. You know what I meant, I hope. >_<;
Once again, feel free to disregard any or all of this if I am completely off base. I do not want to be bossy at all. Find what works for ya, and best of wishes on that count!
Whoa, hey, let’s hear it for reading the whole thread before commenting, how bout?
Ally, I can’t even with your dad’s latest, except of course he obviously thinks this is a phase. Probably he still wants those library books, too, dark lol.
Marie, I think waiting until you’re at least 30 is a great idea. I am way over 30 and I still don’t know what I’m doing half the time.
As for child rearing books, avoid Rev. Dobson and Michael and Debbi Pearl. Basically abuser apologists and instructions.
As for your brain, I am sorry your parents had you confined against your will. For what it’s worth, I get reminded about my past often, in my case stupid shit I have done or said, by stuff that shouldn’t relate at all. It’s like my brain is waiting for opportunities to beat me up. It’s not remotely likely what you’re experiencing, but I want you to know, it’s not just you.
@kiwi girl
Thanks for the advice 🙂 I’ve been trying to find a psych for almost a year for mental health stuffs, but first we didn’t have insurance, and now that we do, I just have such a hard time telling which ones would work. I’ve also had a bad experience with former psychs, so I’m somewhat suspicious.
That sucks. Did you get better?
@chimisaur
And thank you for the advice, too. I’ve been wondering if I had anxiety for a while now, and am supposed to be seeing a doctor about that on monday, so hopefully that goes down well. I just didn’t connect bad feelings about this to possible anxiety. um, rambles. NEway, thanks.
@falconer
Thanks for telling me who to avoid.
And I want the record to reflect all of my thankyous are sincere. I just am in a weird headspace and am worried about coming off wrong.
Marie — you mentioned a doctor appt on Monday? If I’m remembering right, why not bring it up then and see about a psych referral? Or, if you’d be more comfortable with someone who isn’t a psych, are you religious enough to have someone there you could talk to? (Sorry if that’s way off base, I have no idea if you’re still religious or it’s a cultural thing or what)
At a guess? Adult brain is being adulty. You grow, you learn, you realize how fucked up shit was. One from the useful psych I had when I went through that period — what would you say to them if you could say anything without repercussions? Just a thing to ponder, maybe pondering it will help you figure out why it’s bugging you.
@Argenti
Thanks :3 Yeah, I’ll try to bring it up then, I’ve brought it up to my previous doctor with little success, but this doctor is, in theory, better knowing about mental health stuffs.
I’m agnostic, but was raised culturally orthodox-christian. Talking with someone who’s religious wouldn’t be bad per say, but the church my dad goes to is run by homophobic, sexist asshats.
Falconer — best wishes to your beloved’s grandmother!
Ally — lol! Stop thinking about that gender identity stuff! Cuz it totally works like that…well, I guess it does, once you sort shit out, which you certainly seem to have…so you’ve already done what he told you to do!
Seriously though, the fuck? It reads like he’s saying you shouldn’t be around people who will let you ID as female.
Marie — so noted, my apology for my error.
@Argenti
Frankly, what he says indicates (at least to me) that he doesn’t even want me to be trans. He talks about it as if it’s something I should never think about for any reason ever. I shouldn’t have trusted him.
@argenti
No apologies necessary. :3
@Ally
It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known how he’d react if you told him. (I mean, you probably know that, but it bears repeating.) anyway, more jedi hugs from me, if you want them.
I didn’t come across how I intended? I missed a step I think. I was trying to say that he thinks you’d magically stop being trans if no one would “indulge” it. Don’t think about it, don’t talk about it and certainly don’t hang out with people who recognize you a woman. (Do the opposite of that, as you see fit)
As for trusting him, I wouldn’t count coming out to him as trusting him, but whether you were trusting him is obviously not for me to judge.
@Marie, I have been helped in the past by primarily “lay” counsellors (i.e. accredited/ registered professionals who don’t have formal psychology or psychiatry qualifications). The main thing is to find someone you can confide in and trust. 🙂 It’s all about rapport, so if you get referred to someone where you think “nah”, get another referral. 🙂 🙂
And yeah, I got better, but it still happens occasionally so I feel for the grandmother. Thanks for the thoughts. 🙂
If anybody sees the Sandman, could you please ask him to come visit my house? I have a young man here who just isn’t sleeping.
For all those talking about Auntiehood: I also love being an Auntie. I get to do all the fun without the stress. My bio clock was ticking too but I just love my single life too much to try and find some dude who probably would make more problems for me. I’m just too damned independent. I also have a disability and my first marriage ended due to that so I just also think I don’t want to get into another relationship and have that person get overwhelmed and hence more problems.
I feel pretty good about living here in Canada because we do have good social systems when they function correctly. I’ve kinda fallen through many cracks here but I’m on my way now after having a severe accident a couple days ago. I rolled off my bed and kicked some glasses on the floor and then landed on them. I cut myself up so much the paramedic said I looked like I was bitten by a shark. I broke my clavicle and a couple ribs. However, I DO get a wonderful home nurse named Anna who is wonderful!
XO to all my fellow Manosphere critics! Mocking them sure is fun!
@house mouse queen
Owwww. *sympathy wince*
@house mouse queen: ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow
Hooray for community nursing!
Nthing the wincing in pain.
Whoever saw the Sandman: Thanks! My baby’s sleeping like a, well.
Nthing +1 the OW OW OW!
Ally – I’d guess it’s your own kindness and wish to have some sort of decent relationship with your father playing into this, but I also think you know very well you can’t trust him. Not ever, not about anything. You have been physically and emotionally abused by him since forever, and his knowing you’re trans (not that he seems to have the slightest clue what that means) is just one more reason for you not to trust him. If anything, I’d say once he does grasp what it means, it’d put your life in real danger if he finds you.
I was reading the Feministe open thread yesterday, and was horrified that you’d considered maybe going home sometime. Please, please, don’t ever think of going back to that house.
Put it this way: would you want someone else he’d been abusing to put themselves back in his power? Or would you advise them to stay the hell away, forever, because he can never be trusted and has the worst fucking history? I’m guessing the latter, and the same advice applies to you.
He’s had his chances. He’s chosen to do these horrible things. He’s not worth shit.
Heh. Your dad and my dad should hang out, Ally. They seem to have read the same book on responding to their trans kid! *snrk*
And actually, if you’re interested in book recs, try and get your hands on a library copy of Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. I don’t agree with any of it, but when you’re lost and confused and can’t tell which way is down, it can help get your feet on the ground.
RE: House Mouse Queen
OUCH! D: Man, that bites. I also feel slightly envious of the Canadian system; I just had to have a full-out donnybrook to get my benefits reinstated after they froze them due to bureaucratic error. I’m STILL trying to get my health insurance back up and running.
We need a Dirtbag Parent Island, like Reddit Island.
I can think of a few who should be there. It’d make a great reality TV series, too.
As my brother it put it, about our father — “only way anyone would ever vote for him would be to vote him off the island”. In this case it’d be more like voting them off the mainland!
Enh. Dunno if ‘dirtbag’ is the right word for my folks. Just… passive. Very passive.
On the plus side, it made them the easiest people in the world to escape from.
Voting them off the mainland wins for me!
Just as long as they don’t go too far and end up on our mainland. ::shudder::
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
a tale of a fateful trip,
that started from this tropic port,
aboard this tiny ship.
The MRAs were mighty sailin’ men,
Paul Elam was blase and sure,
the passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour,
a three hour tour.
The weather started getting rough,
the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
the Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.
The ship’s aground on the shore of this
uncharted desert isle
with Dean Esmay,
Paul Elam too.
The MRAs and the FeMRAs,
the PUAs,
the toxic parents and other bigots,
here on Redditor’s Isle.
(Ending verse)
So this is the tale of our castaways,
they’re here for a long, long time.
They’ll have to make the best of things,
it’s an uphill climb.
No phone, no lights, no motor car,
not a single luxury
like Robinson Crusoe,
it’s primitive as can be.
LOL, Kiwi Girl. I sang it out loud. XD