Nth’d congrats to Ally and LBT, and thanks for the recipe and the list idea, unimaginative.
I will take all the hugs, Marie, and any more of the ladytype eye-candy pictures you got (thanks for that on the other thread: I’m not a Benedict Cumberbatch kinda girl either 😛 ) .
@Kiwi girl, Kitteh: Yeahh…I don’t like little Churchills (babies) either, although it’s more to do with the loud and the smells than their goofy looks from where I’m standing. That and the fact my family never really stopped reproducing, so I ended up helping to raise 4 brothers between 2 and 15 years younger and that was more than enough responsible for-a-shrieking-Prime-Minister time for me. (So, no kids, and no personal assitant/life coach work :D)
Marie
10 years ago
@Chimisaur
I will take all the hugs, Marie, and any more of the ladytype eye-candy pictures you got
chimisaur – yeah, the noise and the poop and puke put me off, too (I can take noise, poo and puke from kitties, not humans). Not that I’ve had much to do with it; I’m the youngest and didn’t grow up around other kids except the ones at school. More than that, I just don’t enjoy babies’ or children’s company. I’ve no interest in them, and even if I’d been in a situation where pregnancy was a possibility, I wouldn’t have done it. Not even with Mr K do I want to reproduce. That’s where the crack about the next king of France comes in; if Mr K were here in earthly flesh, I’d still only be breeding with him if we needed an heir. It wouldn’t be about Having A Child for its own sake. Closest I want to get to human babies ever is looking at Falconer’s pics!
Marie
10 years ago
Baby conversation:
I actually want kids, but probably not til I’m 30. (at least!) cuz trying to raise kids when you’re a depressed teenager sounds fairly less than pleasant. Hopefully I’ll have some idea wtf to do about my depression then.
Though I love hanging around kids, probably why I’d like to raise some. Just not until I figure out how to be a better parent than my parents.
<I want to advise to reduce thinking about gender identity. Get your mind busy in other things. This is a private matter and no one needs to be curious about these matters. Find positive company and stay away from negative people because depression can be contagious.
Lol, whatever cis dad who has no idea why I’m depressed.
wordsp1nner
10 years ago
I like kids and think babies are adorable (my second cousin just gave birth and OMGSquee… it helps that when I met the new Churchill, he slept the whole time, only waking up long enough to make adorable squeeking noises and flail a bit) but I’m not sure that I will ever be in a position where I’d want to/be able to take that kind of responsibility. (Not so much mental health issues as extreme introversion + laziness–but then again, I am 23 now, so no rush.) My sister on the other hand, loves kids and will have kids, so my other plan is to be an auntie.
Unimaginative
10 years ago
Find positive company and stay away from negative people because depression can be contagious.
Holy crap, this coming from your dad O.O That’s exactly what you *just* did! And congratulations on that!
I actually want kids, but probably not til I’m 30. (at least!) cuz trying to raise kids when you’re a depressed teenager sounds fairly less than pleasant.
That is VERY wise of you. Being a new parent is hard enough, but to do it when you’re still in the process of becoming an adult? Not something I’d want to try.
Though I love hanging around kids, probably why I’d like to raise some. Just not until I figure out how to be a better parent than my parents.
There are actually a lot of resources out there for people who want to improve their parenting skills, and they ARE skills. One of my co-workers told me she and her husband made a conscious decision to do a better job raising their kids than their alcoholic, abusive parents had done. She recommended Adele Faber (I haven’t checked her out, so this isn’t necessarily a recommendation from me, just something you could look into if you want). Her kids are now in their 20’s, and they are very well-balanced people. The whole family is very close and loving, and are really good people.
Also, a lot of community colleges (in Canada, anyway) have Early Childhood Development programs. Now, these are designed to train people to work in daycares and pre-schools (for less salary than they need to live on), but from what I’ve observed, they teach a lot about managing children.
Marie
10 years ago
@unimaginative
Thanks for the info :3 I’ve just had such a terrible track record with resources meant to help parents I’m still suspicious thinking about it. I know (or at least think) that there’s a huge variety in them, but my hair still shoots up talking about this. idk if that makes sense. I’m not being very articulate. Just…parent issues, you know?
Unimaginative
10 years ago
so my other plan is to be an auntie
My biological clock was ticking pretty loudly in my late 30’s, and then I spent 2 years being nanny to my nephew, from age 4 to 6. Shut that thing RIGHT down. I love kids, and I love my nephews & nieces, but I have absolutely no interest in being anyone’s mother.
Unimaginative
10 years ago
Marie, it makes perfect sense. There are a lot of How to Abuse Your Children guides out there, disguised as parenting guides. You’re absolutely right to be cautious. I just can’t seem to help myself from tossing out information, in case it’s useful to someone.
Marie
10 years ago
@unimaginative
yeah, my parents got some books when I was ‘misbehaving’ (aka too depressed to go to school) which even from the title* sent funny alarmed feelings though me.
*didn’t read it/ don’t know where it is. IIRC it was called ‘the explosive child’
and, you guys tell me if I”m taking over the thread. This just really struck a nerve. idk. fuck my brain.
Marie
10 years ago
And, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I decided to look up that book and see what I found.
My best friend is coming to visit next week to cheer me up, with her adorable 6-year-old daughter (who I’ve met a bunch of times) and her brand new baby boy (who I’ve never met) — I’ll spend a week with them doing fun kid-friendly stuff, and it will be a lot like being an auntie.
I wish I could be a real auntie, but my sister and brother-in-law have only acquired an iguana so far. I like lizards, but they aren’t very cuddly.
Marie
10 years ago
Um, I know this is an open thread, so I probably wouldn’t be asking except I’m so fucking nervous, but I’m having trouble understanding some things and was wondering if maybe you guys would mind giving a little advice. :/
Anyway. just checking before I derail even more, cuz I feel like I’m hogging this thread. :/
Ask away, Marie! Asking for advice certainly doesn’t count as hogging the thread.
Marie
10 years ago
@Ally
Thanks :3
Okay, so my problem: (cn: forced institutionalization?) long story short, when I was about 11 my parents sent me to a ‘kiddie asylum’ (don’t know exactly what it’s called). They both seem to get it was wrong, and have apologized, but for some reason it feels like the more time passes (it’s been almost 8 years by now) the more tense/ anxious/ stressed I feel about what happened. Like, even now, I felt all weird about Unimaginative said, even though zie* was being perfectly nice, because my brain immediately went from “teaching parenting skills” to “something my parents did” even though it makes no. fucking. sense. Like, more and more things bring it back and make me stressed and anxious, and I don’t know what to do about it. Is this normal? Anyway, I was just hoping someone had some advice.
*sorry, Unimaginative, I don’t know your pronouns 🙁 Also, just repeating myself that this isn’t your fault and I’m not trying to blame you, I’ve just got a case of jerkbrain.
tcwill00
10 years ago
I am so glad that Ally had no problems today, and that everyone else seems copacetic.
If folks could spare a thought or two for Beloved’s grandmother, we would appreciate it. She’s fallen on her face three times since Friday morning and the doctors can’t determine why.
It is probably not my place to discuss particulars, but suffice it to say, she’s not being left alone.
tcwill00
10 years ago
And it’s Falconer, btw. For some reason my phone won’t use the proper handle.
Marie, I don’t know that I have any good advice, but I can see how your brain made the connecting leap. Much of the “teaching parenting skills” stuff out there is fairly crappy stuff that ignores the agency of children/young people.
Can you think of any reasons why this is coming up more lately? Are there other ways that they (or circumstances) are making you feel less in control, maybe?
And I’m so sorry to hear about Beloved’s grandmother, Falconer. That is scary. I hope they find out soon what’s going on, and it’s something easily manageable.
Marie
10 years ago
@cloudiah
Idk, not more or less. I just feel like it’s been growing slowly over time, if that makes sense. Like, until two years ago, I didn’t even get how fucked up the situation was. I mean, I wasn’t happy about it, but I thought it was normal. (I mean, it’s probably way to common, but I thought it was healthy-normal)
And that’s such a cute picture :3
Marie
10 years ago
@cloudiah
though I have been more ansty about lots of things recently, if that’s relevant. Idk why though. Nothing changing besides loosing a temp job aaagggeesss ago.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Nth’d congrats to Ally and LBT, and thanks for the recipe and the list idea, unimaginative.
I will take all the hugs, Marie, and any more of the ladytype eye-candy pictures you got (thanks for that on the other thread: I’m not a Benedict Cumberbatch kinda girl either 😛 ) .
@Kiwi girl, Kitteh: Yeahh…I don’t like little Churchills (babies) either, although it’s more to do with the loud and the smells than their goofy looks from where I’m standing. That and the fact my family never really stopped reproducing, so I ended up helping to raise 4 brothers between 2 and 15 years younger and that was more than enough responsible for-a-shrieking-Prime-Minister time for me. (So, no kids, and no personal assitant/life coach work :D)
@Chimisaur
Well, in that case, Lupita Nyong’o is always pretty. 😀
Oh yeah. And here is a hug.
Dang, I borked that first link 🙁
trying again.
chimisaur – yeah, the noise and the poop and puke put me off, too (I can take noise, poo and puke from kitties, not humans). Not that I’ve had much to do with it; I’m the youngest and didn’t grow up around other kids except the ones at school. More than that, I just don’t enjoy babies’ or children’s company. I’ve no interest in them, and even if I’d been in a situation where pregnancy was a possibility, I wouldn’t have done it. Not even with Mr K do I want to reproduce. That’s where the crack about the next king of France comes in; if Mr K were here in earthly flesh, I’d still only be breeding with him if we needed an heir. It wouldn’t be about Having A Child for its own sake. Closest I want to get to human babies ever is looking at Falconer’s pics!
Baby conversation:
I actually want kids, but probably not til I’m 30. (at least!) cuz trying to raise kids when you’re a depressed teenager sounds fairly less than pleasant. Hopefully I’ll have some idea wtf to do about my depression then.
Though I love hanging around kids, probably why I’d like to raise some. Just not until I figure out how to be a better parent than my parents.
/mommy/daddy issues.
This just in from my dad:
Lol, whatever cis dad who has no idea why I’m depressed.
I like kids and think babies are adorable (my second cousin just gave birth and OMGSquee… it helps that when I met the new Churchill, he slept the whole time, only waking up long enough to make adorable squeeking noises and flail a bit) but I’m not sure that I will ever be in a position where I’d want to/be able to take that kind of responsibility. (Not so much mental health issues as extreme introversion + laziness–but then again, I am 23 now, so no rush.) My sister on the other hand, loves kids and will have kids, so my other plan is to be an auntie.
Holy crap, this coming from your dad O.O That’s exactly what you *just* did! And congratulations on that!
That is VERY wise of you. Being a new parent is hard enough, but to do it when you’re still in the process of becoming an adult? Not something I’d want to try.
There are actually a lot of resources out there for people who want to improve their parenting skills, and they ARE skills. One of my co-workers told me she and her husband made a conscious decision to do a better job raising their kids than their alcoholic, abusive parents had done. She recommended Adele Faber (I haven’t checked her out, so this isn’t necessarily a recommendation from me, just something you could look into if you want). Her kids are now in their 20’s, and they are very well-balanced people. The whole family is very close and loving, and are really good people.
Also, a lot of community colleges (in Canada, anyway) have Early Childhood Development programs. Now, these are designed to train people to work in daycares and pre-schools (for less salary than they need to live on), but from what I’ve observed, they teach a lot about managing children.
@unimaginative
Thanks for the info :3 I’ve just had such a terrible track record with resources meant to help parents I’m still suspicious thinking about it. I know (or at least think) that there’s a huge variety in them, but my hair still shoots up talking about this. idk if that makes sense. I’m not being very articulate. Just…parent issues, you know?
My biological clock was ticking pretty loudly in my late 30’s, and then I spent 2 years being nanny to my nephew, from age 4 to 6. Shut that thing RIGHT down. I love kids, and I love my nephews & nieces, but I have absolutely no interest in being anyone’s mother.
Marie, it makes perfect sense. There are a lot of How to Abuse Your Children guides out there, disguised as parenting guides. You’re absolutely right to be cautious. I just can’t seem to help myself from tossing out information, in case it’s useful to someone.
@unimaginative
yeah, my parents got some books when I was ‘misbehaving’ (aka too depressed to go to school) which even from the title* sent funny alarmed feelings though me.
*didn’t read it/ don’t know where it is. IIRC it was called ‘the explosive child’
and, you guys tell me if I”m taking over the thread. This just really struck a nerve. idk. fuck my brain.
And, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I decided to look up that book and see what I found.
/bad brain.
Being an auntie is the best! All the fun, none of the diapers!
My best friend is coming to visit next week to cheer me up, with her adorable 6-year-old daughter (who I’ve met a bunch of times) and her brand new baby boy (who I’ve never met) — I’ll spend a week with them doing fun kid-friendly stuff, and it will be a lot like being an auntie.
I wish I could be a real auntie, but my sister and brother-in-law have only acquired an iguana so far. I like lizards, but they aren’t very cuddly.
Um, I know this is an open thread, so I probably wouldn’t be asking except I’m so fucking nervous, but I’m having trouble understanding some things and was wondering if maybe you guys would mind giving a little advice. :/
Anyway. just checking before I derail even more, cuz I feel like I’m hogging this thread. :/
Ask away, Marie! Asking for advice certainly doesn’t count as hogging the thread.
@Ally
Thanks :3
Okay, so my problem: (cn: forced institutionalization?) long story short, when I was about 11 my parents sent me to a ‘kiddie asylum’ (don’t know exactly what it’s called). They both seem to get it was wrong, and have apologized, but for some reason it feels like the more time passes (it’s been almost 8 years by now) the more tense/ anxious/ stressed I feel about what happened. Like, even now, I felt all weird about Unimaginative said, even though zie* was being perfectly nice, because my brain immediately went from “teaching parenting skills” to “something my parents did” even though it makes no. fucking. sense. Like, more and more things bring it back and make me stressed and anxious, and I don’t know what to do about it. Is this normal? Anyway, I was just hoping someone had some advice.
*sorry, Unimaginative, I don’t know your pronouns 🙁 Also, just repeating myself that this isn’t your fault and I’m not trying to blame you, I’ve just got a case of jerkbrain.
I am so glad that Ally had no problems today, and that everyone else seems copacetic.
If folks could spare a thought or two for Beloved’s grandmother, we would appreciate it. She’s fallen on her face three times since Friday morning and the doctors can’t determine why.
It is probably not my place to discuss particulars, but suffice it to say, she’s not being left alone.
And it’s Falconer, btw. For some reason my phone won’t use the proper handle.
Marie, I don’t know that I have any good advice, but I can see how your brain made the connecting leap. Much of the “teaching parenting skills” stuff out there is fairly crappy stuff that ignores the agency of children/young people.
Can you think of any reasons why this is coming up more lately? Are there other ways that they (or circumstances) are making you feel less in control, maybe?
I’m probably way off, though. Here’s a cat hugging a guinea pig.
@falconer
I hope your beloved’s grandmother gets better. Internet hugs from me/ good thoughts going your direction.
And I’m so sorry to hear about Beloved’s grandmother, Falconer. That is scary. I hope they find out soon what’s going on, and it’s something easily manageable.
@cloudiah
Idk, not more or less. I just feel like it’s been growing slowly over time, if that makes sense. Like, until two years ago, I didn’t even get how fucked up the situation was. I mean, I wasn’t happy about it, but I thought it was normal. (I mean, it’s probably way to common, but I thought it was healthy-normal)
And that’s such a cute picture :3
@cloudiah
though I have been more ansty about lots of things recently, if that’s relevant. Idk why though. Nothing changing besides loosing a temp job aaagggeesss ago.