So tomorrow night I’m going to the trans support group in downtown Boulder. Hopefully through people in the group I can find therapists that people trust and would be good for helping me with my own issues.
I need a therapist not only because I need to improve my overall mental well-being but also because I need someone to help me organize my life and analyze my priorities. I am so stressed out and afraid that I have no idea what to do these days. I just sit around, dreading the day I come out to everyone else, the ever increasing pressure to move back to California this year, the tendency among family members to stop me from transitioning, and so on. At this point in my life I already feel dead inside. Like I’ll always be stuck in this awful shell because of people shaming me for “mutilating” myself and “using drugs” in order to transition. I just want to get away from everyone, transition quietly and peacefully, and get on with my life.
My sister asked me to write her academic report for her. It’s a necessary component of the programme she’s in, and required for partaking in upcoming exams. No report, no exams.
I can write it just fine (You may have had occasion to acquaint yourselves with my verbosity), but…
… yeah. How do you respond to that? My first instinct is of the “Go to hell” variety, but on the other hand, there’s little point in doing something that could potentially cripple her current academic trajectory when it’s a matter of me taking 4 hours to do a thing I find fun.
But…. on the other hand, last time I saw her, she told me I was a fat lazy dirty creepy molester of children who would never amount to anything and should just go suck on a glock and or hang myself, preferably both, because christ was I just annoying what with my insistence on having milk for breakfast (so there was less milk for her morning milkshake, see).
Forgiving and forgetting is one thing, and stuff, but… at what point does mere forgiving someone’s rage impulse sniffle into being not having boundaries? Maybe being forced to do a few all nighters to catch up on her workload would be good?
Sigh.
@Ally S; Therapy is good. Therapy is lovely. Therapy is helpful. I am not sure if therapy is also the same as a coach, and a prioritizing helper, but I think some of them can be. Good luck with the group!
@titianblue; glad to hear Maisie is back. That’s one hella cute kitten. Wow.
titianblue
10 years ago
Hope the trans support group goes really well, Ally. You deserve to be happy and it sounds like you are doing all the right things to get the support you need from people who understand.
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
@Ally good luck!
@Fibinachi: what’s an academic report? Is it supposed to be written by the student themselves? How long has it been since you last saw/had contact with your sister?
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
@Fibinachi, just read my post and it sounds confrontational. Not meant that way, just trying some more information about your situation as I don’t completely understand it.
Kim
10 years ago
@fibinachi
She doesn’t deserve your help. Someone saying stuff like she said means they forfeit any favours from the person in perpetuity.
@Kiwigirl: It’s just me being vague. It’s just your average essay, on a book. No big deal, except its part of the requirement for some assement of a subject and due tomorrow.
Anyway, I didn’t find that particularly confrontative.
And yes, it’s supposed to be written by the student themselves, as a way to exhibit their mastery of a foreign language and critical thinking skills, all that stuff that’s in the vogue. Academic fraud! I’m practically a highroller of crime.
@Kim: Yeah, that’s what I keep defaulting to.
titianblue
10 years ago
@Fibinachi Sounds like you every reason to refuse to do your sister’s work for her and only one (familial guilts)to help her. It is, of course, your choice but my vote is with the noes.
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
@Fibinachi: we can set aside how horrible your sister has been to you, and she has been downright nasty, and use professional ethics to decide. As you have said, her report is a student assignment, that contributes towards her grade. It is cheating if someone else (particularly someone incredibly intelligent, *you*!) writes that report. She is the one studying, if she wants the credit for producing work then she needs to be the one to actually produce it.
I’m with the noes, and an “ethics” perspective allows me to reach this same conclusion. (I also don’t like arseholes to prosper, so it’s potentially a win-win here.) If she was found out, she would run the risk of getting a 0 for the report and other sanctions. She would be highly likely to be found out, as there is no way that something you write will sound anything like she writes.
Good luck with what you decide to do. I’m sorry you have such a horrible family member.
So’re you! 😀 This is my normal time in the mornings. I get up at 5. 🙁
gillyrosebee
10 years ago
@titianblue, I am SOOO HAPPY that Maisie is home (and boy, wow, what a cutie!)!
@Fibinachi, if it were me, I’d laugh in her face and then say “No!” or maybe “Hayle No!” but hey, that’s me, and I’m not a very nice person. You, on the other hand, are a wonderful person and deserving of much better treatment. I hope you get that better treatment in the future!
hellkell
10 years ago
Fibi:
How do you respond to that? My first instinct is of the “Go to hell” variety, but on the other hand, there’s little point in doing something that could potentially cripple her current academic trajectory
She’s already crippled her trajectory by having the sheer effrontery to ask you to do this. It’s cheating.
So she’s only nice to you when she wants something? Tell her HELL NO.
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
Completely off all topics, but a thank you to whoever recommended Community to me. We’re about a third of the way through season 1 now and finding it very funny.
Fibi – quote back at her the horrible things she said to you and then say you don’t help cheats anyway, but you really don’t help nasty abusive cheats.
(I am also not nice. My reaction is “give her a serve” and, if possible, never speak to her again: blood is way thinner than water in my view.)
gillyrosebee
10 years ago
but on the other hand, there’s little point in doing something that could potentially cripple her current academic trajectory
She’s already crippled her trajectory by having the sheer effrontery to ask you to do this. It’s cheating.
I’m with hellkell here, in spades. Having someone ghostwrite your academic work is beyond the pale for most reputable academic institutions. I’ve seen situations where people were expelled with prejudice (no appealing, no fleeting hope of being readmitted to finish) for such practices, so refusing her request is actually helping her. Better that she seek extra help or extra time if she needs it (most unis will have some mechanism to allow you to appeal for either or both) is better than committing academic fraud and potentially getting caught.
Don’t be guilted, it’s not you who is endangering her academic progress.
I guess I’m just so used to being the go to “How do I solve this assignment?” person that I actually didn’t really think through the further chain, because I was defaulting to “Well, it’s just another time-wasters assignment about the images of adolesence in Alice in Wonderland because I guess paper has to be used for something”, thinking it was actually a question of whether I should allow myself to remain somewhat hurt about really harsh words or not.
But it’s not, is it? It’s actually an academic report meant to be sent of and reviewed by people in order to judge for a substantial part of the subject grade, and this is a question about literally ghost-writing someone’s academic work.
Thank you, everyone (I especially like the all caps hell no option, as presented)
… I think I’ll stop doing the work of people who tell me to go kill myself, and then I’ll further be continually baffled as to why that wasn’t a foregone conclusion in my mind. Family does weird stuff, woah. After 22 years of this stuff you just kind of forget sometimes.
We now return to your regularly scheduled rhyming.
( Wait, no – we’ll return to that just after I managed to sneak in a: “And you are all lovely people, and I wish you the best of good things that you might want to have, seriously, thank you”)
We Hunted The Mammoth
Maisie says hi back.
I’m having to type one-handed ‘cos a certain kitty needs to be constantly tickled. Not a metaphor. 🙂
She is so pretty, both of them are. 🙂
OMG Maisie is back, that is such good news!
Wickedwickedwickedwicked kitty making your mother so worried.
I’d forgotten that these two are tuxedos – how weird is it that it’s not just the name, it’s the colouring with Maisie and Mamie?
@kittehs, it’s obviously obligatory to call any any tuxedo cat a name with the format M—-ie. I’m sue there’s a law about it somewhere.
So tomorrow night I’m going to the trans support group in downtown Boulder. Hopefully through people in the group I can find therapists that people trust and would be good for helping me with my own issues.
I need a therapist not only because I need to improve my overall mental well-being but also because I need someone to help me organize my life and analyze my priorities. I am so stressed out and afraid that I have no idea what to do these days. I just sit around, dreading the day I come out to everyone else, the ever increasing pressure to move back to California this year, the tendency among family members to stop me from transitioning, and so on. At this point in my life I already feel dead inside. Like I’ll always be stuck in this awful shell because of people shaming me for “mutilating” myself and “using drugs” in order to transition. I just want to get away from everyone, transition quietly and peacefully, and get on with my life.
My thought exactly, titianblue.
It’s obviously also a requirement for tuxedo kitties to be bad and wicked and disappear!
Ally, so glad there’s a support group you can see. I’ll bet lots of people there will recognise what you’re going through all too well.
My sister asked me to write her academic report for her. It’s a necessary component of the programme she’s in, and required for partaking in upcoming exams. No report, no exams.
I can write it just fine (You may have had occasion to acquaint yourselves with my verbosity), but…
… yeah. How do you respond to that? My first instinct is of the “Go to hell” variety, but on the other hand, there’s little point in doing something that could potentially cripple her current academic trajectory when it’s a matter of me taking 4 hours to do a thing I find fun.
But…. on the other hand, last time I saw her, she told me I was a fat lazy dirty creepy molester of children who would never amount to anything and should just go suck on a glock and or hang myself, preferably both, because christ was I just annoying what with my insistence on having milk for breakfast (so there was less milk for her morning milkshake, see).
Forgiving and forgetting is one thing, and stuff, but… at what point does mere forgiving someone’s rage impulse sniffle into being not having boundaries? Maybe being forced to do a few all nighters to catch up on her workload would be good?
Sigh.
@Ally S; Therapy is good. Therapy is lovely. Therapy is helpful. I am not sure if therapy is also the same as a coach, and a prioritizing helper, but I think some of them can be. Good luck with the group!
@titianblue; glad to hear Maisie is back. That’s one hella cute kitten. Wow.
Hope the trans support group goes really well, Ally. You deserve to be happy and it sounds like you are doing all the right things to get the support you need from people who understand.
@Ally good luck!
@Fibinachi: what’s an academic report? Is it supposed to be written by the student themselves? How long has it been since you last saw/had contact with your sister?
@Fibinachi, just read my post and it sounds confrontational. Not meant that way, just trying some more information about your situation as I don’t completely understand it.
@fibinachi
She doesn’t deserve your help. Someone saying stuff like she said means they forfeit any favours from the person in perpetuity.
@Kiwigirl: It’s just me being vague. It’s just your average essay, on a book. No big deal, except its part of the requirement for some assement of a subject and due tomorrow.
Anyway, I didn’t find that particularly confrontative.
And yes, it’s supposed to be written by the student themselves, as a way to exhibit their mastery of a foreign language and critical thinking skills, all that stuff that’s in the vogue. Academic fraud! I’m practically a highroller of crime.
@Kim: Yeah, that’s what I keep defaulting to.
@Fibinachi Sounds like you every reason to refuse to do your sister’s work for her and only one (familial guilts)to help her. It is, of course, your choice but my vote is with the noes.
@Fibinachi: we can set aside how horrible your sister has been to you, and she has been downright nasty, and use professional ethics to decide. As you have said, her report is a student assignment, that contributes towards her grade. It is cheating if someone else (particularly someone incredibly intelligent, *you*!) writes that report. She is the one studying, if she wants the credit for producing work then she needs to be the one to actually produce it.
I’m with the noes, and an “ethics” perspective allows me to reach this same conclusion. (I also don’t like arseholes to prosper, so it’s potentially a win-win here.) If she was found out, she would run the risk of getting a 0 for the report and other sanctions. She would be highly likely to be found out, as there is no way that something you write will sound anything like she writes.
Good luck with what you decide to do. I’m sorry you have such a horrible family member.
Seconding what everyone said, Fibi.
You’re up early! 🙂
So’re you! 😀 This is my normal time in the mornings. I get up at 5. 🙁
@titianblue, I am SOOO HAPPY that Maisie is home (and boy, wow, what a cutie!)!
@Fibinachi, if it were me, I’d laugh in her face and then say “No!” or maybe “Hayle No!” but hey, that’s me, and I’m not a very nice person. You, on the other hand, are a wonderful person and deserving of much better treatment. I hope you get that better treatment in the future!
Fibi:
She’s already crippled her trajectory by having the sheer effrontery to ask you to do this. It’s cheating.
So she’s only nice to you when she wants something? Tell her HELL NO.
Completely off all topics, but a thank you to whoever recommended Community to me. We’re about a third of the way through season 1 now and finding it very funny.
Fibi – quote back at her the horrible things she said to you and then say you don’t help cheats anyway, but you really don’t help nasty abusive cheats.
(I am also not nice. My reaction is “give her a serve” and, if possible, never speak to her again: blood is way thinner than water in my view.)
I’m with hellkell here, in spades. Having someone ghostwrite your academic work is beyond the pale for most reputable academic institutions. I’ve seen situations where people were expelled with prejudice (no appealing, no fleeting hope of being readmitted to finish) for such practices, so refusing her request is actually helping her. Better that she seek extra help or extra time if she needs it (most unis will have some mechanism to allow you to appeal for either or both) is better than committing academic fraud and potentially getting caught.
Don’t be guilted, it’s not you who is endangering her academic progress.
Huh.
I guess I’m just so used to being the go to “How do I solve this assignment?” person that I actually didn’t really think through the further chain, because I was defaulting to “Well, it’s just another time-wasters assignment about the images of adolesence in Alice in Wonderland because I guess paper has to be used for something”, thinking it was actually a question of whether I should allow myself to remain somewhat hurt about really harsh words or not.
But it’s not, is it? It’s actually an academic report meant to be sent of and reviewed by people in order to judge for a substantial part of the subject grade, and this is a question about literally ghost-writing someone’s academic work.
Thank you, everyone (I especially like the all caps hell no option, as presented)
… I think I’ll stop doing the work of people who tell me to go kill myself, and then I’ll further be continually baffled as to why that wasn’t a foregone conclusion in my mind. Family does weird stuff, woah. After 22 years of this stuff you just kind of forget sometimes.
We now return to your regularly scheduled rhyming.
( Wait, no – we’ll return to that just after I managed to sneak in a: “And you are all lovely people, and I wish you the best of good things that you might want to have, seriously, thank you”)
Yay, a prodigal kitty returned!