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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: February 2014 Edition

catsdriving

An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.

As usual for these threads: no trolls, no arguments.

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AIT
AIT
7 years ago

I was lurking the hell out of the last thread, so Ally, congrats on getting out, and do what you have to do to stay safe!

All kinds of hugs for anyone who wants them. And a cat who realized this isn’t the mouse it’s looking for.

On a really good note, things are going really well at work, regarding that situation with the misogynistic coworker of mine I mentioned a couple dozen threads back. I haven’t dealt with him in a while, and when I can, I’ll tell you guys more.

AIT
AIT
7 years ago

ARG. I know what I did wrong. Forgot an endquote. Let’s try this again!

kittehserf
7 years ago

I don’t believe it

that is exactly the mouse kitten wanted

that’ll teach the human for paying too much attention to that square thing with the pictures

AIT
AIT
7 years ago

Curses! You saw through my clever ruse!

Ok, I’ll stop looking at other kitties being adorable…

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

When we were in Seattle last weekend, we had dinner with an old friend, and her Bengal is going to be 17 this year! I remember when he was just a little guy. He looks great and is still his salty little self.

Speaking of Seattle, we’re going to move back this summer. This trip was the first time we’d both been back together, and I got to see just how happy Mr. HK is there and how much he hates it here. Our jobs can be as remote as we want them to be, so we’re gonna do it.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
7 years ago

@auggz: mine are always there too. I also hear voices when fans are running, and have to get out of bed to see if I left the TV on. I mostly just ignore them, because years of double-checking has proved to my satisfaction that, no, the TV isn’t on; no, the axe-murderer hasn’t broken in; no, the walls are not forming a vortex into an alternate dimension. You know, the usual suspicions.

I don’t know if it’s healthy, but I’ve just accepted that my senses don’t always tell me the truth. If it’s important, I check with somebody else. It’s really only a problem when I’m super-stressed and anxious (which I’m not much anymore since I’ve stopped eating gluten).

Also, I TOTALLY concur about the chia pudding. I made a chocolate one with coconut milk that I ate with strawberries. Mmmm. In fact, I think I’ll make some of that for tonight 🙂 I saw a recipe recently for chia jam, where you mash up raspberries with chia seeds and let them set. Thick, jam-like texture without all the sugar and cooking.

@HK: Congratulations! It’s amazing what a change in location can do for your outlook.

chimisaur
chimisaur
7 years ago

@AIT – congrats on handling the gross coworker thing! 🙂

@Kiwi girl – I read somewhere once a description of a baby as “tiny Winston Churchill” and now I can’t unsee it. Regardless of a kid’s sex or race I find myself having to resist the urge to refer to zir as “Mr. Prime Minister” up to the age of 1 (or sometimes 3 for the extra-jowly).

The Dominique link was wonderful. What a sweet doggie!

@Auggz – I think I’ll try that pudding thing, and maybe find a way to make it pistachio flavored. ^_^

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

They aren’t bengals? Interesting…I love that pattern but bengals are silly expensive, even retired breeder cats are hundreds of dollars. If tabbies come in that pattern…well, you find tabbies in shelters all the time.

Regarding telling what sex babies are without clothing markers, I saw a study awhile ago (I’ll see if I can dig it up), and people were worse at guessing than if they’d just flipped a coin for each picture! (That is, with any kid you have a 50/50 chance of being right, these folks were right less than 50% of the time)

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
7 years ago

@chimisaur: http://www.autumnmakesanddoes.com/2013/10/17/pistachio-chia-pudding/

I dunno where you’d get pistachio milk, though, unless you made it yourself.

So, I’ve been cleaning out some old files and came across a bunch of exercises I was doing a few years ago to help me stop bouncing off the walls of my life like a paramecium. One thing I found (in retrospect) to be really helpful was to write down what I want.

The actual assignment was, write down everything you want, no matter how far-fetched, in this format: “I want ______ because _________”

Like, I want to make more money because I can’t afford mid-winter tropical vacations on my current salary. I want to slim down because I want to be able to fit in an airplane seat. I want to change jobs because I hate my current one.

When I read over the list when I was done, the patterns became very obvious, and it helped me figure out what I needed to focus on. Looking at it again 5 years later, I’m pleasantly shocked by how many of those “I wants” I’ve achieved. Except for the time-travel one. Haven’t pulled that off yet.

Anyway, I thought I’d put it out there, because a lot of people seem to be having life-stall issues. You’re welcome to try it out and see if it helps.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
7 years ago

And lest you think I’m all self-actualized or whatnot, one of the major patterns that appeared on my list was “because I want to be sexy”. WAY more often than, I want to be healthy. Not quite as often as, I want to be happy.

neuroticbeagle
7 years ago

Except for the time-travel one. Haven’t pulled that off yet.

Yes, you have- just in one direction. 🙂

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/79/90/09/79900939f226f9c5b5b6f32d9cb2a357.jpg

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
7 years ago

Argenti,

Yeah, that pattern is not the most common tabby pattern, but it does exist in pure housecats. It isn’t even breed specific.

As a biologist and cat lover, cat color genetics is kind of an interest of mine:

More here:

http://www.seregiontica.org/Colors/tabby/tabbies.htm

(I think is kind of funny that I have one “fancy” cat (smoke* dilute tortie) and a “dead-standard” cat (brown mackerel tabby with white).

* Jade’s fur isn’t colored all the way down–underneath the tips, it is a pretty peach color. One of my parents’ cats is a smoke, too, but his fur is white underneath.

Ally S
7 years ago

No bad or scary news today. Hooray! /unintentional rhyme

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

Yay, I went to bed and came back to find a wall of positives. 🙂 🙂 🙂

@chimisaur: babies can be hideously ugly too, although not as ugly as baby birds. I was only going to breed if I could have a litter of kittens instead. At least kittens are cute from birth.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

@auggz: I watched this yesterday and had the same feelings. I thought the ending was particularly well done.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Yay, Ally! Yay, hellkell! Yay, everyone!

emilygoddess
7 years ago

I realize that my problems are not very serious… but depression has hit quite hard and I haven’t been able to get out of bed for almost two weeks now.

I know it’s probably partly the depression telling you this is no big deal, but I promise: being too sick to get out of bed is not a minor problem! And yes, being depressed = being sick (if you find it helpful to frame it that way; if not, don’t. It helps me because if I blame myself for being depressed, I just get more depressed, whereas thinking of myself as being sick makes it not my fault. Does that make sense?)

Also, I can’t remember where you live, but if it’s winter where you are or it rains a lot, you might consider investing in one of those solar-spectrum lamps. My depression gets worse in winter and in cloudy weather, and that lamp makes a big diifference.

Ally, I’m sending up thoughts to you in the universe that you stay safe. Remember that abusers are very good at exploiting any weakness they see so he will probably try to make you feel guilty about your family and how you are making him feel.

Indeed, I assumed the whole “I could have been shot!” thing was an attempt to curry sympathy. OTOH, he could have a legitimate fear of racist violence.

@Plausibleflight, your partner is being kind of an asshole right now. That can’t be helpful on top of getting laid off. *hugs* if you want them.

I’m pretty sure he was going on about that mysterious, extra, inhabited planet in eccentric orbit around our sun.

Nibiru?

Dude, that DVD sounds awesome. I love conspiracy stuff. It’s hilarious.

emilygoddess
7 years ago

http://www.greeleytribune.com/news/9218474-113/dominic-haswell-dogs-clinic

Damn, I was gonna post that! Instead, here’s a squirrel trying to bury an acorn in his friend’s fur:

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@chimisaur

::offers internet hugs::

So, I guess I get some kind of (hopefully non-service-industry, although with the unemployment rates in my city and field I am not very hopeful) job and wait for the next round of fall apps.

Good luck + best wishes from me. (and you aren’t taking over the thread, don’t worry :))

@AIT

glad to hear things are going well at work. :3

@Ally

No bad or scary news today. Hooray! /unintentional rhyme

yay! 😀

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Whew! No news is good news, Ally.

As for me, my writeathon seems to be a bit sluggish, which is kinda a bummer. : I guess it’s all part of the process and shit. But in nicer news, I got my disability shit hammered out! It required five different calls to three different people, plus a bureaucratic reshuffling that meant the workers forgot I existed and pre-emptively froze my benefits, but I seem to have gotten that hammered out!

Now all I need is to get my goddamn health insurance and food stamps back, and I’ll be set…

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@LBT

Glad to hear you got your disability stuff hammered out 🙂 And good luck with the health insurance and food stamps.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

@LBT: what great news. 🙂

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

LBT: that’s great news.Hopefully the food stamps and health insurance will go smoothly.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Thanks guys! And it should; I’ve got all my paperwork saying I’m Legally Certified Batshit, I was on food stamps and Medicaid before, I’d be THRILLED to hear their explanation for why I can’t have them.

Also, even if my insurance doesn’t cover, it looks like I might have found a new shrink for the new place? I’m a little concerned at the cost (at my income bracket, therapy could easily cost me about a third of my budget) but I’m not really in a position where I should go without mental health care for long, and I REALLY want to get the fuck off these damn meds.

kittehserf
7 years ago

@chimisaur: babies can be hideously ugly too, although not as ugly as baby birds. I was only going to breed if I could have a litter of kittens instead. At least kittens are cute from birth.

Me too! Kittens or the next king of France, but nothing else.

Hellkell, that’s great news! No more rotten TX summers and general TXRepub extremism.

Ally and LBT, also great news!

That squirrel’s the funniest. I love the What Are You Doing??? look on the dog’s face. 😀

chimisaur
chimisaur
7 years ago

Nth’d congrats to Ally and LBT, and thanks for the recipe and the list idea, unimaginative.

I will take all the hugs, Marie, and any more of the ladytype eye-candy pictures you got (thanks for that on the other thread: I’m not a Benedict Cumberbatch kinda girl either 😛 ) .

@Kiwi girl, Kitteh: Yeahh…I don’t like little Churchills (babies) either, although it’s more to do with the loud and the smells than their goofy looks from where I’m standing. That and the fact my family never really stopped reproducing, so I ended up helping to raise 4 brothers between 2 and 15 years younger and that was more than enough responsible for-a-shrieking-Prime-Minister time for me. (So, no kids, and no personal assitant/life coach work :D)

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@Chimisaur

I will take all the hugs, Marie, and any more of the ladytype eye-candy pictures you got

Well, in that case, Lupita Nyong’o is always pretty. 😀

Oh yeah. And here is a hug.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

Dang, I borked that first link 🙁

trying again.

kittehserf
7 years ago

chimisaur – yeah, the noise and the poop and puke put me off, too (I can take noise, poo and puke from kitties, not humans). Not that I’ve had much to do with it; I’m the youngest and didn’t grow up around other kids except the ones at school. More than that, I just don’t enjoy babies’ or children’s company. I’ve no interest in them, and even if I’d been in a situation where pregnancy was a possibility, I wouldn’t have done it. Not even with Mr K do I want to reproduce. That’s where the crack about the next king of France comes in; if Mr K were here in earthly flesh, I’d still only be breeding with him if we needed an heir. It wouldn’t be about Having A Child for its own sake. Closest I want to get to human babies ever is looking at Falconer’s pics!

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

Baby conversation:

I actually want kids, but probably not til I’m 30. (at least!) cuz trying to raise kids when you’re a depressed teenager sounds fairly less than pleasant. Hopefully I’ll have some idea wtf to do about my depression then.

Though I love hanging around kids, probably why I’d like to raise some. Just not until I figure out how to be a better parent than my parents.

/mommy/daddy issues.

Ally S
7 years ago

This just in from my dad:

<I want to advise to reduce thinking about gender identity. Get your mind busy in other things. This is a private matter and no one needs to be curious about these matters. Find positive company and stay away from negative people because depression can be contagious.

Lol, whatever cis dad who has no idea why I’m depressed.

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
7 years ago

I like kids and think babies are adorable (my second cousin just gave birth and OMGSquee… it helps that when I met the new Churchill, he slept the whole time, only waking up long enough to make adorable squeeking noises and flail a bit) but I’m not sure that I will ever be in a position where I’d want to/be able to take that kind of responsibility. (Not so much mental health issues as extreme introversion + laziness–but then again, I am 23 now, so no rush.) My sister on the other hand, loves kids and will have kids, so my other plan is to be an auntie.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
7 years ago

Find positive company and stay away from negative people because depression can be contagious.

Holy crap, this coming from your dad O.O That’s exactly what you *just* did! And congratulations on that!

I actually want kids, but probably not til I’m 30. (at least!) cuz trying to raise kids when you’re a depressed teenager sounds fairly less than pleasant.

That is VERY wise of you. Being a new parent is hard enough, but to do it when you’re still in the process of becoming an adult? Not something I’d want to try.

Though I love hanging around kids, probably why I’d like to raise some. Just not until I figure out how to be a better parent than my parents.

There are actually a lot of resources out there for people who want to improve their parenting skills, and they ARE skills. One of my co-workers told me she and her husband made a conscious decision to do a better job raising their kids than their alcoholic, abusive parents had done. She recommended Adele Faber (I haven’t checked her out, so this isn’t necessarily a recommendation from me, just something you could look into if you want). Her kids are now in their 20’s, and they are very well-balanced people. The whole family is very close and loving, and are really good people.

Also, a lot of community colleges (in Canada, anyway) have Early Childhood Development programs. Now, these are designed to train people to work in daycares and pre-schools (for less salary than they need to live on), but from what I’ve observed, they teach a lot about managing children.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@unimaginative

Thanks for the info :3 I’ve just had such a terrible track record with resources meant to help parents I’m still suspicious thinking about it. I know (or at least think) that there’s a huge variety in them, but my hair still shoots up talking about this. idk if that makes sense. I’m not being very articulate. Just…parent issues, you know?

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
7 years ago

so my other plan is to be an auntie

My biological clock was ticking pretty loudly in my late 30’s, and then I spent 2 years being nanny to my nephew, from age 4 to 6. Shut that thing RIGHT down. I love kids, and I love my nephews & nieces, but I have absolutely no interest in being anyone’s mother.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
7 years ago

Marie, it makes perfect sense. There are a lot of How to Abuse Your Children guides out there, disguised as parenting guides. You’re absolutely right to be cautious. I just can’t seem to help myself from tossing out information, in case it’s useful to someone.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@unimaginative

yeah, my parents got some books when I was ‘misbehaving’ (aka too depressed to go to school) which even from the title* sent funny alarmed feelings though me.

*didn’t read it/ don’t know where it is. IIRC it was called ‘the explosive child’

and, you guys tell me if I”m taking over the thread. This just really struck a nerve. idk. fuck my brain.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

And, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I decided to look up that book and see what I found.

/bad brain.

katz
7 years ago

My sister on the other hand, loves kids and will have kids, so my other plan is to be an auntie.

Being an auntie is the best! All the fun, none of the diapers!

cloudiah
7 years ago

My best friend is coming to visit next week to cheer me up, with her adorable 6-year-old daughter (who I’ve met a bunch of times) and her brand new baby boy (who I’ve never met) — I’ll spend a week with them doing fun kid-friendly stuff, and it will be a lot like being an auntie.

I wish I could be a real auntie, but my sister and brother-in-law have only acquired an iguana so far. I like lizards, but they aren’t very cuddly.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

Um, I know this is an open thread, so I probably wouldn’t be asking except I’m so fucking nervous, but I’m having trouble understanding some things and was wondering if maybe you guys would mind giving a little advice. :/

Anyway. just checking before I derail even more, cuz I feel like I’m hogging this thread. :/

Ally S
7 years ago

Ask away, Marie! Asking for advice certainly doesn’t count as hogging the thread.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@Ally

Thanks :3

Okay, so my problem: (cn: forced institutionalization?) long story short, when I was about 11 my parents sent me to a ‘kiddie asylum’ (don’t know exactly what it’s called). They both seem to get it was wrong, and have apologized, but for some reason it feels like the more time passes (it’s been almost 8 years by now) the more tense/ anxious/ stressed I feel about what happened. Like, even now, I felt all weird about Unimaginative said, even though zie* was being perfectly nice, because my brain immediately went from “teaching parenting skills” to “something my parents did” even though it makes no. fucking. sense. Like, more and more things bring it back and make me stressed and anxious, and I don’t know what to do about it. Is this normal? Anyway, I was just hoping someone had some advice.

*sorry, Unimaginative, I don’t know your pronouns 🙁 Also, just repeating myself that this isn’t your fault and I’m not trying to blame you, I’ve just got a case of jerkbrain.

tcwill00
tcwill00
7 years ago

I am so glad that Ally had no problems today, and that everyone else seems copacetic.

If folks could spare a thought or two for Beloved’s grandmother, we would appreciate it. She’s fallen on her face three times since Friday morning and the doctors can’t determine why.

It is probably not my place to discuss particulars, but suffice it to say, she’s not being left alone.

tcwill00
tcwill00
7 years ago

And it’s Falconer, btw. For some reason my phone won’t use the proper handle.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Marie, I don’t know that I have any good advice, but I can see how your brain made the connecting leap. Much of the “teaching parenting skills” stuff out there is fairly crappy stuff that ignores the agency of children/young people.

Can you think of any reasons why this is coming up more lately? Are there other ways that they (or circumstances) are making you feel less in control, maybe?

I’m probably way off, though. Here’s a cat hugging a guinea pig.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@falconer

I hope your beloved’s grandmother gets better. Internet hugs from me/ good thoughts going your direction.

cloudiah
7 years ago

And I’m so sorry to hear about Beloved’s grandmother, Falconer. That is scary. I hope they find out soon what’s going on, and it’s something easily manageable.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@cloudiah

Idk, not more or less. I just feel like it’s been growing slowly over time, if that makes sense. Like, until two years ago, I didn’t even get how fucked up the situation was. I mean, I wasn’t happy about it, but I thought it was normal. (I mean, it’s probably way to common, but I thought it was healthy-normal)

And that’s such a cute picture :3

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@cloudiah

though I have been more ansty about lots of things recently, if that’s relevant. Idk why though. Nothing changing besides loosing a temp job aaagggeesss ago.