Huh. The onset of a family argument made me post my post early so as to focus on the shouting.
I apologize, I meant to also add:
That foundation looks neat Ally – Better job than I do most times I wear the stuff (… Then again, most times I wear the stuff the foundation is to add a foundation for the scar make up or the troll mask or the dark elf painting)
Good luck with therapy Leftwingfox – I hope it works out well for you I hear it’s a great thing and can be quite fantastic. It’s interesting you mention fragmentation, as that is often an oddle quibble at the back of the mind: “But I have all these bits of personality! Where’s the largest shard? The me?”
I hope your parents both having jobs DOES mean you can take the pet to the vet and nothing is bad just yet, Fade (And I guess, Marie?)
I second LBT; I am not a violent person by nature, but the one thing that can make me want to scream in rage and frustration is getting hair in my eyes. I love long hair, and I like having it, but that intermediary stage where it’s just 24 hours of pain, screaming and rage is the single most terrible thing I can easily imagine and experience, because it’s… just… so… annoying. Breaking arms and legs is at least painful, but simple. That fucking hair just… argh!
So good luck, to any of you who attempt to grow luxurious curls of resplendent Rapunzel simulacra, your stamin and fortitude does overmath me.
Also the usual bucket of virtual hugs and fond wishes to everyone who might need it, want it or desire it.
emilygoddess — nope, CT, which is too bad, when I had velvet and ich at once…it was bad.
Headbands, srunchi makes some stretchy ones with silicone on them so they stay. They do actually stay!
Ally, I know you’re not really religious, and this may be a horrible idea, but a headscarf would keep your hair tamed and is inherently feminine (ignore me if that’s the worst idea ever!)
Other than hair I have no advice, sorry (mine’s to my waist, there was lots of awkward involved)
Sam-I-Was?
10 years ago
Good luck to leftwingfox. I hope it works out with your therapist but if you don’t think you are meshing properly know that you should look for another. I’m a big proponent of therapy so high five & internet hug if you are interested.
@Ally
I think it’s very wise to block contact with your father for the time being. He’s going to run down the list of abusive responses to try to bring you back “in line” with how he wants you to be and right now you have enough on your plate without dealing with that.
Go to your mother. From what you’ve said about your relationship with her prev it sounds like she is just the person to help you. Don’t feel bad or like you’re dumping on her, as a parent I would do anything to help my children out and it seems like she is the same way. Also she has already dealt with your father and getting out, she might have some advice to help you or at least let you know that it is possible from a been there, done that point of view.
I think your foundation looks outstanding and heads above anything I can do. 🙂
I also wish that I was in some kind of relationship. I wish I could find love and support in a partner, but I’m afraid of unloading my emotional baggage on them unintentionally or becoming a burden to them. And most people have told me that I have to take care of my own issues first or else any relationship I have is doomed to failure.
I’m going to give this a qualified maybe. Even if you are working through issues it doesn’t mean that you won’t find a caring, loving relationship even if it doesn’t lead to the fairy tale happily ever after. Some of my closest friends are people I’ve known when I was going through some messed up times & issues. Concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and you might very well be surprised at what life has for you.
I have an extra box of kitten snuggles I’m just going to leave here for anyone that needs some
Staranise has a great comment which deserves to be read in full about “loving yourself” first:
I take direct exception to the cultural meme, “You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.” Like, nope, sorry, I learned how to love myself after long practice in the art of loving other people, and letting other people love me. It was the last thing that connected. Every time I hear the cultural meme about self-love, I remember that it’s an opinion, not a truth.
Looks as if the genius children of the MRM are going to need a new way to demonstrate their (imminent) astounding achievements. It seems someone has found a lever to pry open The Voynich Manuscript
My little girl has a swollen lymph node. We spent two nights in Children’s Hospital from Sunday to Tuesday. She’s been prescribed Clindamycin, which we have to give her with a syringe 5 mL at a time, three times a day, for 200 mL, which by my reckoning is just shy of two weeks from yesterday evening.
This includes waking her up at 1 a.m. to shove nasty stuff down her throat.
She’s going to recover, she’ll just be miserable for a while.
Beloved’s grandmother keeps falling over for no reason the doctors can find. She just spent a night in the hospital herself. Imaging of her skull and cervical vertebrae reveals that her c.v. are damaged and very fragile. There is a non-zero chance that she could paralyze herself from the the neck down if she falls over again.
If anybody’s got any love left over, send a bit of it our way.
Ally, I know you’re not really religious, and this may be a horrible idea, but a headscarf would keep your hair tamed and is inherently feminine (ignore me if that’s the worst idea ever!)
Sometimes I drape my keffiyeh on my head and it’s kind of like a scarf, so I’ll probably do that more. I don’t like wearing it the hijab way, though, because 1) I’m not a Muslim and 2) in some ways it’s a form of cultural appropriation. Muslim women who wear headscarves are constantly harassed and ridiculed because of what’s on their head, whereas I will never experience that to the same degree as an ex-Muslim.
@leftwingfox
Wow, I’ve never thought of self-love that way before. It makes way more sense. I’ve never quite understood how loving myself could help me love others.
Thank you so much for that link. I’m going to have to hang out at Captain Awkward now.
chimisaur
10 years ago
Seconding Leftwingfox’s thoughts on that whole “love yourself first” cultural meme; it always felt a bit like the relationship-equivalent of bootstrapping to me. In the some-people-can-but-seriously-YMMV-and-that’s-no-reason-to-believe-the-whole-world-has-an-obligation-to way, not the “this is the ideal situation if you’re not lazy!” way – that view of bootstrapping is only for pompous bigots in my experience.
Falconer – oodles of well-wishes for your baby and beloved’s grandma. I’m sorry your week/end has been so hospital-centered, and hope everyone turns out okay. Internet hugs if you want them.
Kiwi girl
10 years ago
@Falconer: I am so sorry for what you’re going through, it sounds bloody awful.
Sending lots of love your way.
Are you thinking of giving your little girl a special treat at the end for being so good while she had the medicine thrust upon her? I’m not sure how old she is, but being woken up at 1am to have horrible tasting medicine is nasty for anyone, let alone a very young(?) child. 🙁
With the grandmother, is there any fall prevention that they can do like (I know this sounds horrible) a walking frame? So at least she would have a chance of catching something before she goes down, and maybe not fall? I have no idea whether that would be a good idea on simple home layout factors, or whether she already has one and it hasn’t helped at all. Are the doctors suggesting anything? In NZ, falls are one of the most common reasons for injury in the elderly (I’m assuming grandmother is in this category, I have no idea of anyone’s ages) so it’s taken very seriously over here.
tcwill00
10 years ago
@chimisaur: Internet hugs are very welcome, thank you.
I don’t believe Internet hugs ever get used up, just passed along. Like yawns: give one and you shall surely receive.
@kiwi girl: My daughter is one year old (her first present for her birthday was release papers) and there’s a bottle on stand by for these occasions. The medicine is watermelon flavored but that’s not quite enough.
grandmother is nearly 90 and has a walking frame, a cane, and a wheelchair. apparently what happens is, she faints, so there is not much she can do to prevent a fall when one occurs. it seems to happen when she stands up, there might be blood pressure issues. she is not living on her own, thank goodness.
Sam-I-Was: Much appreciated. I didn’t mean to snub you back there.
Ally S: Glad it was of help. I can also vouch that the experience of loving and being loved can work wonders in dispelling negative self-image, even if my personal success in the field of romance has been hampered by the social anxieties mentioned above. :/ Love is not a cure-all, and relationships can cave negative side effects, but they can also help you see the value in yourself.
Falconer: Oh man. Best wishes for both your ancestor and descendant. =( Both my grandmothers broke their hips last year. They’re still keeping on though.
Falconer – great big hugs from Mr and me, that’s all-round horrible and scary.
Ally – N’thing the side-eye for the “you have to love yourself” meme. I’m not wild about the “love yourself” phrase anyway – sounds a bit egotistical to me – but I know I am much more content with who I am since I got together with Mr K. Being loved by someone else is very reassuring, though it can take a bloody long time to sink in even when one doesn’t suffer major self-loathing.
Marie
10 years ago
@kittehs
My sister’s getting a new dog!
D’awww it’s so cute! <3
@chimisaur
About awkward hair phase, am I the only one here that dislikes the feel of bangs, but can’t stand barrettes? Hair bands and ribbons FTW (or bandannas when I super don’t give-a-crap)!!
Not the only one, I hate barrettes. I’m super big on hair bands and bandannas though, especially when my hair’s growing out.
fun story: I made the mistake of getting my hair cut short twice in a row each year, convinced I’d be able to go back frequently to get it cut so the bangs wouldn’t bother me. yeah….I’ve kind of vowed against cutting my hair except for split ends since then, because every time I get it cut, I regret it.
@Ally
🙁 ::offers hugs::
Even if you are working through issues it doesn’t mean that you won’t find a caring, loving relationship even if it doesn’t lead to the fairy tale happily ever after. Some of my closest friends are people I’ve known when I was going through some messed up times & issues
Seconding sam-i-was on this. I can see how having your own issues can make relationships harder, but that doesn’t mean they’re destined to not work.
@falconer
She’s going to recover, she’ll just be miserable for a while.
Glad to hear she’s going to recover, though it still sucks 🙁 Sending good thoughts your way. And sending love your way for both your little girl and beloved’s grandmother
Oof, you have my sympathies, Falconer. Poor tiny!Falconer!
And yeah, my experience with the “love yourself” meme was that falling in with hubby was the kick in the ass I needed to start working on that. It was all well and good to hate my own guts when I was single, but I wanted to be the kind of person worthy of him, and though I wasn’t ready to love myself right off the bat, I started actively working on his behalf, because I knew he loved me and wanted me to be happy.
On the hair subject: weather permitting, caps are a great decorative way to keep it under control. Slouch caps in particular – unisex, all sorts available, as plain or decorative as you want.
I saw a guy the other day wearing a gorgeous headpiece. Don’t know what it would be called; it was like a slouch cap that hadn’t been sewn up at the top, so a tube, essentially. It was knitted in multicoloured yarn (like a brighter version of this) and his hair was just long enough to hang out the back of it.
Don’t know what it would be called; it was like a slouch cap that hadn’t been sewn up at the top, so a tube, essentially.
Ooh, ooh, I know this one: It’s a cap comforter, as worn by British commandos. The hat that doubles as a scarf!
AIT
10 years ago
leftwingfox: Best of luck with therapy!
falconer: All the love for your daughter and beloved’s grandmother!
ally: n’thing other boobzers’ support. The foundation looks good!
chimisaur: I know you said something nice at some point, and I lost track and failed to respond. So, thanks!
Sam-I-was?: I can has kitten snuggles?
update on life: I spent the weekend with an amazing woman, whom I am pretty sure was sent by one of the gods, and thanks to her I am slowly starting to believe in polytheism, add in some other otherworldly experience from my past. Unfortunately, the awesome came to a screeching halt when I came down with strep. How she doesn’t have it is miraculous by my account.
So, unfortunately, I have been stuck in bed the past couple days. Caught up on some overdue lurking today. Doc gave me amoxicillin and pain meds, so I am on the mend.
Ooh, ooh, I know this one: It’s a cap comforter, as worn by British commandos. The hat that doubles as a scarf!
Yay, it has a name! It looked like a cowl, only deeper.
AIT
10 years ago
Re hats n’ such:
I personally am a fan of field cap, or patrol cap style hats. Before anyone accuses me of being too military gung-ho for that, I was wearing one before I joined. And that just sounds hipster.
The only problem is, i am fairly picky about my hat, I think the ones with pockets are silly, and most of the ones I could readily find had a logo or branding on them, which I felt unnecessary.
We Hunted The Mammoth
@Robert; very. Very fun. Good luck,.
Huh. The onset of a family argument made me post my post early so as to focus on the shouting.
I apologize, I meant to also add:
That foundation looks neat Ally – Better job than I do most times I wear the stuff (… Then again, most times I wear the stuff the foundation is to add a foundation for the scar make up or the troll mask or the dark elf painting)
Good luck with therapy Leftwingfox – I hope it works out well for you I hear it’s a great thing and can be quite fantastic. It’s interesting you mention fragmentation, as that is often an oddle quibble at the back of the mind: “But I have all these bits of personality! Where’s the largest shard? The me?”
I hope your parents both having jobs DOES mean you can take the pet to the vet and nothing is bad just yet, Fade (And I guess, Marie?)
I second LBT; I am not a violent person by nature, but the one thing that can make me want to scream in rage and frustration is getting hair in my eyes. I love long hair, and I like having it, but that intermediary stage where it’s just 24 hours of pain, screaming and rage is the single most terrible thing I can easily imagine and experience, because it’s… just… so… annoying. Breaking arms and legs is at least painful, but simple. That fucking hair just… argh!
So good luck, to any of you who attempt to grow luxurious curls of resplendent Rapunzel simulacra, your stamin and fortitude does overmath me.
Also the usual bucket of virtual hugs and fond wishes to everyone who might need it, want it or desire it.
emilygoddess — nope, CT, which is too bad, when I had velvet and ich at once…it was bad.
Headbands, srunchi makes some stretchy ones with silicone on them so they stay. They do actually stay!
Ally, I know you’re not really religious, and this may be a horrible idea, but a headscarf would keep your hair tamed and is inherently feminine (ignore me if that’s the worst idea ever!)
Other than hair I have no advice, sorry (mine’s to my waist, there was lots of awkward involved)
Good luck to leftwingfox. I hope it works out with your therapist but if you don’t think you are meshing properly know that you should look for another. I’m a big proponent of therapy so high five & internet hug if you are interested.
@Ally
I think it’s very wise to block contact with your father for the time being. He’s going to run down the list of abusive responses to try to bring you back “in line” with how he wants you to be and right now you have enough on your plate without dealing with that.
Go to your mother. From what you’ve said about your relationship with her prev it sounds like she is just the person to help you. Don’t feel bad or like you’re dumping on her, as a parent I would do anything to help my children out and it seems like she is the same way. Also she has already dealt with your father and getting out, she might have some advice to help you or at least let you know that it is possible from a been there, done that point of view.
I think your foundation looks outstanding and heads above anything I can do. 🙂
I’m going to give this a qualified maybe. Even if you are working through issues it doesn’t mean that you won’t find a caring, loving relationship even if it doesn’t lead to the fairy tale happily ever after. Some of my closest friends are people I’ve known when I was going through some messed up times & issues. Concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and you might very well be surprised at what life has for you.
I have an extra box of kitten snuggles I’m just going to leave here for anyone that needs some
Ally, you may be interested in this thread at Captain Awkward.
Staranise has a great comment which deserves to be read in full about “loving yourself” first:
Looks as if the genius children of the MRM are going to need a new way to demonstrate their (imminent) astounding achievements. It seems someone has found a lever to pry open The Voynich Manuscript
Well I just had a bad weekend.
My little girl has a swollen lymph node. We spent two nights in Children’s Hospital from Sunday to Tuesday. She’s been prescribed Clindamycin, which we have to give her with a syringe 5 mL at a time, three times a day, for 200 mL, which by my reckoning is just shy of two weeks from yesterday evening.
This includes waking her up at 1 a.m. to shove nasty stuff down her throat.
She’s going to recover, she’ll just be miserable for a while.
Beloved’s grandmother keeps falling over for no reason the doctors can find. She just spent a night in the hospital herself. Imaging of her skull and cervical vertebrae reveals that her c.v. are damaged and very fragile. There is a non-zero chance that she could paralyze herself from the the neck down if she falls over again.
If anybody’s got any love left over, send a bit of it our way.
@Argenti
Sometimes I drape my keffiyeh on my head and it’s kind of like a scarf, so I’ll probably do that more. I don’t like wearing it the hijab way, though, because 1) I’m not a Muslim and 2) in some ways it’s a form of cultural appropriation. Muslim women who wear headscarves are constantly harassed and ridiculed because of what’s on their head, whereas I will never experience that to the same degree as an ex-Muslim.
@leftwingfox
Wow, I’ve never thought of self-love that way before. It makes way more sense. I’ve never quite understood how loving myself could help me love others.
Thank you so much for that link. I’m going to have to hang out at Captain Awkward now.
Seconding Leftwingfox’s thoughts on that whole “love yourself first” cultural meme; it always felt a bit like the relationship-equivalent of bootstrapping to me. In the some-people-can-but-seriously-YMMV-and-that’s-no-reason-to-believe-the-whole-world-has-an-obligation-to way, not the “this is the ideal situation if you’re not lazy!” way – that view of bootstrapping is only for pompous bigots in my experience.
Falconer – oodles of well-wishes for your baby and beloved’s grandma. I’m sorry your week/end has been so hospital-centered, and hope everyone turns out okay. Internet hugs if you want them.
@Falconer: I am so sorry for what you’re going through, it sounds bloody awful.
Sending lots of love your way.
Are you thinking of giving your little girl a special treat at the end for being so good while she had the medicine thrust upon her? I’m not sure how old she is, but being woken up at 1am to have horrible tasting medicine is nasty for anyone, let alone a very young(?) child. 🙁
With the grandmother, is there any fall prevention that they can do like (I know this sounds horrible) a walking frame? So at least she would have a chance of catching something before she goes down, and maybe not fall? I have no idea whether that would be a good idea on simple home layout factors, or whether she already has one and it hasn’t helped at all. Are the doctors suggesting anything? In NZ, falls are one of the most common reasons for injury in the elderly (I’m assuming grandmother is in this category, I have no idea of anyone’s ages) so it’s taken very seriously over here.
@chimisaur: Internet hugs are very welcome, thank you.
I don’t believe Internet hugs ever get used up, just passed along. Like yawns: give one and you shall surely receive.
@kiwi girl: My daughter is one year old (her first present for her birthday was release papers) and there’s a bottle on stand by for these occasions. The medicine is watermelon flavored but that’s not quite enough.
grandmother is nearly 90 and has a walking frame, a cane, and a wheelchair. apparently what happens is, she faints, so there is not much she can do to prevent a fall when one occurs. it seems to happen when she stands up, there might be blood pressure issues. she is not living on her own, thank goodness.
Falconer, that all sounds terrible. I’m sorry.
Falconer: Ugh, that sounds miserable! Best of luck!
Sam-I-Was: Much appreciated. I didn’t mean to snub you back there.
Ally S: Glad it was of help. I can also vouch that the experience of loving and being loved can work wonders in dispelling negative self-image, even if my personal success in the field of romance has been hampered by the social anxieties mentioned above. :/ Love is not a cure-all, and relationships can cave negative side effects, but they can also help you see the value in yourself.
Falconer: Oh man. Best wishes for both your ancestor and descendant. =( Both my grandmothers broke their hips last year. They’re still keeping on though.
Falconer – great big hugs from Mr and me, that’s all-round horrible and scary.
Ally – N’thing the side-eye for the “you have to love yourself” meme. I’m not wild about the “love yourself” phrase anyway – sounds a bit egotistical to me – but I know I am much more content with who I am since I got together with Mr K. Being loved by someone else is very reassuring, though it can take a bloody long time to sink in even when one doesn’t suffer major self-loathing.
@kittehs
D’awww it’s so cute! <3
@chimisaur
Not the only one, I hate barrettes. I’m super big on hair bands and bandannas though, especially when my hair’s growing out.
fun story: I made the mistake of getting my hair cut short twice in a row each year, convinced I’d be able to go back frequently to get it cut so the bangs wouldn’t bother me. yeah….I’ve kind of vowed against cutting my hair except for split ends since then, because every time I get it cut, I regret it.
@Ally
🙁 ::offers hugs::
Seconding sam-i-was on this. I can see how having your own issues can make relationships harder, but that doesn’t mean they’re destined to not work.
@falconer
Glad to hear she’s going to recover, though it still sucks 🙁 Sending good thoughts your way. And sending love your way for both your little girl and beloved’s grandmother
Oof, you have my sympathies, Falconer. Poor tiny!Falconer!
And yeah, my experience with the “love yourself” meme was that falling in with hubby was the kick in the ass I needed to start working on that. It was all well and good to hate my own guts when I was single, but I wanted to be the kind of person worthy of him, and though I wasn’t ready to love myself right off the bat, I started actively working on his behalf, because I knew he loved me and wanted me to be happy.
On the hair subject: weather permitting, caps are a great decorative way to keep it under control. Slouch caps in particular – unisex, all sorts available, as plain or decorative as you want.
I saw a guy the other day wearing a gorgeous headpiece. Don’t know what it would be called; it was like a slouch cap that hadn’t been sewn up at the top, so a tube, essentially. It was knitted in multicoloured yarn (like a brighter version of this) and his hair was just long enough to hang out the back of it.
Ooh, ooh, I know this one: It’s a cap comforter, as worn by British commandos. The hat that doubles as a scarf!
leftwingfox: Best of luck with therapy!
falconer: All the love for your daughter and beloved’s grandmother!
ally: n’thing other boobzers’ support. The foundation looks good!
chimisaur: I know you said something nice at some point, and I lost track and failed to respond. So, thanks!
Sam-I-was?: I can has kitten snuggles?
update on life: I spent the weekend with an amazing woman, whom I am pretty sure was sent by one of the gods, and thanks to her I am slowly starting to believe in polytheism, add in some other otherworldly experience from my past. Unfortunately, the awesome came to a screeching halt when I came down with strep. How she doesn’t have it is miraculous by my account.
So, unfortunately, I have been stuck in bed the past couple days. Caught up on some overdue lurking today. Doc gave me amoxicillin and pain meds, so I am on the mend.
Ooh, ooh, I know this one: It’s a cap comforter, as worn by British commandos. The hat that doubles as a scarf!
I had a purple one of those! I loved it and was so sad when I lost it. It was so comfy and so versatile!
Yay, it has a name! It looked like a cowl, only deeper.
Re hats n’ such:
I personally am a fan of field cap, or patrol cap style hats. Before anyone accuses me of being too military gung-ho for that, I was wearing one before I joined. And that just sounds hipster.
The only problem is, i am fairly picky about my hat, I think the ones with pockets are silly, and most of the ones I could readily find had a logo or branding on them, which I felt unnecessary.
Hats with pockets?
O_o
Also, yay for awesome lady and hiss boo for strep.