okay, my body issues were fat related, not dysphoria related, because i’m cis. so take this with like a huge tablespoon of salt or whatever.
but i find i’m a lot more critical of myself than other people. so when i go to body positive blogs/ disabled body positive blogs/ fat positive/ whatever and look through the pictures i can admit that other people who have qualities i have are attractive, just not myself.
do you think it’d be helpful to look around a blog or something dedicated to awesome trans women (or trans women of color in specific) in a positive “we’re awesome/ body positive” way?
/feel free to tell me if this is over the line or inappropriate/minimising, b/c i know this speciic issue is not something cis people really get
I once had a lady offer me one of the budgies she’d just bought from the pet shop.
Apparently most people wouldn’t talk to her when she started chatting to them, but I did (to be honest I was a bit too British to walk away so ended up talking to her about her new flat for about ten minutes.) Anyway, she said she thought I deserved a reward, hence the budgie.
Needless to say, I didn’t accept payment. I don’t get out of bed for anything less than a kitten.
@Ally, I’m not ignoring you, just way too aware of how drunk I am. I don’t think I should give advice on serious stuff right now. However, lots of hugs if you want them. 🙂
Dvärghundspossen
10 years ago
I take issue with treating animals like things… But then again, I don’t think animals should be sold in stores at all.
Marie
10 years ago
@Ally
::offers hugs:: I’m not really sure what to say, sorry. 🙁 I do think you’re pretty, but I’m not really sure how reassuring that sounds.
@opheliamonarch
::offers hugs:: And happy birthday 🙂 It may not be terribly birthday themed, but here’s a baby penguin cake to look at.
my dad used to have budgies, and he always had such a strong bond with them They always got out of cage time and flew to his fingers and let him skritch their neck and pet them or imitate the silly bird dances (he had three; right now i’m remembering the his second one, since it was around the most time that i can remember
so yes they are smart/ have basic emotions. I always hate it when people act like animals can’t form bonds or have emotions, and budgies are no exception to that. 🙁 I don’t even know why you would have a pet you don’t want to interact with or play with or talk with.
so this is kind of a pointless comment except i second everything auggziliary said and budgies are adorable and people who have them should actually pay attention to them and be proper pet parents. (my sister always refers herself as a guinea pig mommy, so but this version is gender neutral, pet neutral, an alliterates!)
I had a really good random conversation on the train yesterday. The lady I sat next to said something about the conductor’s announcements, and for some reason we just kept talking, and got really enthused.
Topics covered:
clothes bought online and swapping of Dangerous Sites (etsy and an Oz one called 00.com.au)
more stuff about clothes
televisions (as in actual sets) and programs (we watch lots of the same British stuff)
aged parents
Alan Rickman
More about Alan Rickman
Shows Alan Rickman’s been in that she hadn’t seen (she was taking notes)
Knitting
We didn’t get onto furry critters, but I gave her my work number if she wants to have coffee sometime, ‘cos we had a lot of fun in that talk, which lasted an hour.
🙂
Unimaginative
10 years ago
Ally, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I imagine that family stress is making it worse.
One of my co-workers mentioned the other day that her cousin’s 16-year-old daughter was heading off for sex reassignment surgery within the next month, and it was a joyous occasion, in no small part to her family’s participation in the Winnipeg Transgender Support Group, which seems to have a very good reputation. Here’s their website: http://winnipegtransgendergroup.com
They have a tab for web and print resources, but they don’t seem to have an on-line forum. If you feel up to it later, check it out and see if maybe they might be useful for you. (I was going to email them for forum recommendations, but I figured that was pushing my nose a little too far into your business.)
Sobered up a bit after having a kip, thanks for putting up with my moaning folks.
@marie, so sorry you’ve been poorly lately. And thank you for the lovely penguin. Didn’t mean to be selfish and not comment on other people’s problems, just don’t think I’m the best person to offer advice right now.
@neuroticbeagle, you always cheer me up, thank you.
And may I just say it’s lovely to see Marie and Fade commenting together again, you’re both so nice.
Gonna go to bed, and pretend the world doesn’t exist. I hate birthdays anyway, they’re always depressing. At least it’s easy to pretend it didn’t happen this year I suppose.
Nighty, night everyone.
Marie
10 years ago
@opheliamonarch
And may I just say it’s lovely to see Marie and Fade commenting together again, you’re both so nice.
aww, thanks :3 And don’t worry, you aren’t being selfish.
greendaywantsavatars
10 years ago
@opheliamonarch
Thank you, you are awesome too. :blush emoticon:
(this is fade btw. WordPress just hates me)
I generally comment when Marie is commenting cuz I get lots of my internet interaciton thru tumblr. She doesn’t get as much thru tumblr and feels more at home w/ manboobz, so she gets the idea to go back and them i’m like “Waaaait i miss everyone from manboobz too i’m coming back too!”
Public Service Announcement because I’m still sort of freaked out by this.
So last night spouse and I went out for a nice dinner but got a bit sidetracked pulling into the parking lot when we passed a car that had smoke pouring out from under the hood. We park, I run towards the restaurant to have them call 911, spouse grabbed the fire extinguisher out of the trunk. While all this was happening the driver decided to try to open the hood to see what was happening and a gigantic fucking fireball shot out. Thankfully he was fast enough to jump back and while the hair on his face & head was burned off he was overall ok. One of the passengers also had their hair burnt because they went back to the car to grab their bag. Paramedics checked both of them out & they were able to go home, thank goodness for that.
So the PSA portion of the post:
If the engine of your car is on smoking or on fire get away from the car and call emergency services. One of the worst things you can do is open the hood because that just adds oxygen to the fire.
Carry a fire extinguisher in your car. They make one specifically to be mounted in the car. I’ve carried one since I’ve started to drive & have never had to use it prior to last night but paying for a new one every 4 yrs when I haven’t used it isn’t a waste if there is ever a situation you need one. If need be you can aim the extinguisher through the front grill to keep the fire mostly under control until emergency services get there.
There is nothing in your car that is more important than a living thing. Get people and animals out & leave EVERYTHING else behind. Things can be replaced, living things can not.
And once all was settled I did get a chuckle out of the fact that while most others who saw what was going on called 911 or grabbed something to help put it out there was in fact one chuckle-head who said “Holy crap, I’ve got to get this on video” So yes, there is probably a video somewhere on youtube 🙂
@Argenti re: the bed – BIL bought one for her the day she told us about it – ordered it online and had it delivered, and it was there when she got home. His parents kicked in too. When I got to their place for xmas, that’s what they were doing – really upsetting to walk into.
I think that’s why she broke down and finally told us what else was going on – she mentioned the bed and the situation was fixed quickly and with care, which is something she isn’t used to with her mum. We suspected things weren’t good, but it’s difficult to really know unless she tells us.
@Kiwi girl, she does have an ipod with a camera that she bought herself over the summer – good idea.
@neuroticbeagle – never thought of that, I’ve found the resources for Canada – will show BIL today (it’s Family Day here on Monday, a stat holiday, so we’re having a family weekend at his parents). Thank you!
I know when I’ve been in similar states, any nice things people say about me are easily brushed off – oh, they’re just being nice. So for what it’s worth to you at the moment, I always read your comments because you’re so articulate and intelligent. You seem to really absorb and reflect on things, and know how to unravel them and parse them in a way that is brilliant, but also accessible to people reading. (if only it were so easy to untangle our own ‘stuff’)
And I saw the pic you posted, and I think your face is lovely.
I really liked that song! Thanks for posting it; it looks like I have a new musician to check out!
RE: Ally
All I can really say is: I know how you feel. Also, that awful as these feelings are, they will pass. You do not know what the future holds. You don’t know where you will be in ten years, or what you can or can’t afford then. Just try to hang on and stay focused as best you can. I have faith that you can make it.
Ally — I’m an abundant lack of anything useful at the moment, but wanted to at least tell you that you’re being harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. If nothing else, at least try and treat yourself as kindly as you treat everyone else!
Also, makeup can go a long way to change your features, f’ex blush just a shade or two darker than your skin under your cheekbones, and a shade or two lighter on them, can make them look higher than they are. You can do similar tricks for noses and jaws too, hit up youtube 🙂 (and avon sells cheap makeup that isn’t total shit quality, I’ve never replaced my avon blush in ten years cuz they stopped carrying the color and everything else makes me look like a clown >.< )
Tracy — glad to hear she's got a bed at least, and knows BIL's family supports her. Love the idea about her taking pics, particularly since digital ones will be time and date stamped to prove they're recent.
Dvärghundspossen — I'm torn on animals being sold in stores. I despise petco and will NEVER buy fish there, they act like only selling cats and dogs from shelters (more like a meet and greet the Furrinati than sales) makes them so ethical, but the way they treat their fish…
Otoh, Pittsburgh has this awesome fish store (Alan's Pets and Plants on Murray for you yinzers), and he genuinely cares about the fishes. Breeds the piranhas, actually knows about the fish and their needs, etc.
But it's a lot easier for a fish breeder to set up shop than a cat or dog breeder, simply because you can breed most fish in little more than twice the room it takes to house the parents. (Also, baby piranhas are cute enough that I seriously considered if I had room for a species tank for them. I did not, and they play with their food, it's creepy. Puff eats live snails but they're dead in an instant, no playing with them first.)
TW: suicide. I’m sorry if this isn’t really relevant to anyone’s current issues, but if anyone would like to talk about something like self-harm to someone but feel too weird to talk on the phone a friend suggested me a site called crisischat.org. I think they’re open from 2am-2pm. If someone thinks it doesn’t help or have alternative sites then please let me know b/c no matter what i can’t go through another awkward phone conversation and be painfully aware of how loud i breathe over the line.
Also, just because I am more of a burden than of any real help, does anyone know of any hotlines/online support groups for asexuals? I’ve tried LGBTQ resources in general but so far a lot of them haven’t helped so much (this doesn’t mean I disregard the safe spaces for anyone else at all).
We Hunted The Mammoth
Or he could have been trying to do something nice for someone who could be alone on Valentine’s Day.
You could put it down to the fact that you clearly stand out from the crowd and were the *obvious* choice to get hit on. 🙂
Dunno. But if that’s the new PUA tactic, at least it appears to be polite.
@ally
okay, my body issues were fat related, not dysphoria related, because i’m cis. so take this with like a huge tablespoon of salt or whatever.
but i find i’m a lot more critical of myself than other people. so when i go to body positive blogs/ disabled body positive blogs/ fat positive/ whatever and look through the pictures i can admit that other people who have qualities i have are attractive, just not myself.
do you think it’d be helpful to look around a blog or something dedicated to awesome trans women (or trans women of color in specific) in a positive “we’re awesome/ body positive” way?
/feel free to tell me if this is over the line or inappropriate/minimising, b/c i know this speciic issue is not something cis people really get
Random dude is random.
I once had a lady offer me one of the budgies she’d just bought from the pet shop.
Apparently most people wouldn’t talk to her when she started chatting to them, but I did (to be honest I was a bit too British to walk away so ended up talking to her about her new flat for about ten minutes.) Anyway, she said she thought I deserved a reward, hence the budgie.
Needless to say, I didn’t accept payment. I don’t get out of bed for anything less than a kitten.
@Ally, I’m not ignoring you, just way too aware of how drunk I am. I don’t think I should give advice on serious stuff right now. However, lots of hugs if you want them. 🙂
I take issue with treating animals like things… But then again, I don’t think animals should be sold in stores at all.
@Ally
::offers hugs:: I’m not really sure what to say, sorry. 🙁 I do think you’re pretty, but I’m not really sure how reassuring that sounds.
@opheliamonarch
::offers hugs:: And happy birthday 🙂 It may not be terribly birthday themed, but here’s a baby penguin cake to look at.
And, i borked that link.
Oh well, I think an actual baby penguin would work better for cheer ups :3
my dad used to have budgies, and he always had such a strong bond with them They always got out of cage time and flew to his fingers and let him skritch their neck and pet them or imitate the silly bird dances (he had three; right now i’m remembering the his second one, since it was around the most time that i can remember
so yes they are smart/ have basic emotions. I always hate it when people act like animals can’t form bonds or have emotions, and budgies are no exception to that. 🙁 I don’t even know why you would have a pet you don’t want to interact with or play with or talk with.
so this is kind of a pointless comment except i second everything auggziliary said and budgies are adorable and people who have them should actually pay attention to them and be proper pet parents. (my sister always refers herself as a guinea pig mommy, so but this version is gender neutral, pet neutral, an alliterates!)
@Auggz
🙁 Poor budgies.
I had a really good random conversation on the train yesterday. The lady I sat next to said something about the conductor’s announcements, and for some reason we just kept talking, and got really enthused.
Topics covered:
clothes bought online and swapping of Dangerous Sites (etsy and an Oz one called 00.com.au)
more stuff about clothes
televisions (as in actual sets) and programs (we watch lots of the same British stuff)
aged parents
Alan Rickman
More about Alan Rickman
Shows Alan Rickman’s been in that she hadn’t seen (she was taking notes)
Knitting
We didn’t get onto furry critters, but I gave her my work number if she wants to have coffee sometime, ‘cos we had a lot of fun in that talk, which lasted an hour.
🙂
Ally, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I imagine that family stress is making it worse.
One of my co-workers mentioned the other day that her cousin’s 16-year-old daughter was heading off for sex reassignment surgery within the next month, and it was a joyous occasion, in no small part to her family’s participation in the Winnipeg Transgender Support Group, which seems to have a very good reputation. Here’s their website: http://winnipegtransgendergroup.com
They have a tab for web and print resources, but they don’t seem to have an on-line forum. If you feel up to it later, check it out and see if maybe they might be useful for you. (I was going to email them for forum recommendations, but I figured that was pushing my nose a little too far into your business.)
@opheliamonarch
Have some birthday kitties!
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/c4/8d/5e/c48d5e611bc7bff5a563954b24969b37.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/34/9e/44/349e445d2a2851f73cb6fa98112d9f7f.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/84/f3/16/84f316888d30b555e6c025856da52db8.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e7/5f/20/e75f2063ea1e7f679b9074a58b48d07c.jpg
Sobered up a bit after having a kip, thanks for putting up with my moaning folks.
@marie, so sorry you’ve been poorly lately. And thank you for the lovely penguin. Didn’t mean to be selfish and not comment on other people’s problems, just don’t think I’m the best person to offer advice right now.
@neuroticbeagle, you always cheer me up, thank you.
And may I just say it’s lovely to see Marie and Fade commenting together again, you’re both so nice.
Gonna go to bed, and pretend the world doesn’t exist. I hate birthdays anyway, they’re always depressing. At least it’s easy to pretend it didn’t happen this year I suppose.
Nighty, night everyone.
@opheliamonarch
aww, thanks :3 And don’t worry, you aren’t being selfish.
@opheliamonarch
Thank you, you are awesome too. :blush emoticon:
(this is fade btw. WordPress just hates me)
I generally comment when Marie is commenting cuz I get lots of my internet interaciton thru tumblr. She doesn’t get as much thru tumblr and feels more at home w/ manboobz, so she gets the idea to go back and them i’m like “Waaaait i miss everyone from manboobz too i’m coming back too!”
“WordPress just hates me”
WordPress hates everyone:
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e3/6b/2a/e36b2a1cb3b0a1fc3845562502a93ea2.jpg
@neuroticbeagle
ok, that made me laugh…XD you always have awesome animal pic links
Thanks. The Furrinati have me well trained. 🙂
You are one of their senior agents. 🙂
Public Service Announcement because I’m still sort of freaked out by this.
So last night spouse and I went out for a nice dinner but got a bit sidetracked pulling into the parking lot when we passed a car that had smoke pouring out from under the hood. We park, I run towards the restaurant to have them call 911, spouse grabbed the fire extinguisher out of the trunk. While all this was happening the driver decided to try to open the hood to see what was happening and a gigantic fucking fireball shot out. Thankfully he was fast enough to jump back and while the hair on his face & head was burned off he was overall ok. One of the passengers also had their hair burnt because they went back to the car to grab their bag. Paramedics checked both of them out & they were able to go home, thank goodness for that.
So the PSA portion of the post:
If the engine of your car is on smoking or on fire get away from the car and call emergency services. One of the worst things you can do is open the hood because that just adds oxygen to the fire.
Carry a fire extinguisher in your car. They make one specifically to be mounted in the car. I’ve carried one since I’ve started to drive & have never had to use it prior to last night but paying for a new one every 4 yrs when I haven’t used it isn’t a waste if there is ever a situation you need one. If need be you can aim the extinguisher through the front grill to keep the fire mostly under control until emergency services get there.
There is nothing in your car that is more important than a living thing. Get people and animals out & leave EVERYTHING else behind. Things can be replaced, living things can not.
And once all was settled I did get a chuckle out of the fact that while most others who saw what was going on called 911 or grabbed something to help put it out there was in fact one chuckle-head who said “Holy crap, I’ve got to get this on video” So yes, there is probably a video somewhere on youtube 🙂
@Argenti re: the bed – BIL bought one for her the day she told us about it – ordered it online and had it delivered, and it was there when she got home. His parents kicked in too. When I got to their place for xmas, that’s what they were doing – really upsetting to walk into.
I think that’s why she broke down and finally told us what else was going on – she mentioned the bed and the situation was fixed quickly and with care, which is something she isn’t used to with her mum. We suspected things weren’t good, but it’s difficult to really know unless she tells us.
@Kiwi girl, she does have an ipod with a camera that she bought herself over the summer – good idea.
@neuroticbeagle – never thought of that, I’ve found the resources for Canada – will show BIL today (it’s Family Day here on Monday, a stat holiday, so we’re having a family weekend at his parents). Thank you!
@Ally I don’t know if any of these will help?
http://www.glbtcolorado.org/transgender/transgender-resources-support/
http://www.gicofcolo.org/
I know when I’ve been in similar states, any nice things people say about me are easily brushed off – oh, they’re just being nice. So for what it’s worth to you at the moment, I always read your comments because you’re so articulate and intelligent. You seem to really absorb and reflect on things, and know how to unravel them and parse them in a way that is brilliant, but also accessible to people reading. (if only it were so easy to untangle our own ‘stuff’)
And I saw the pic you posted, and I think your face is lovely.
RE: leatapp
I really liked that song! Thanks for posting it; it looks like I have a new musician to check out!
RE: Ally
All I can really say is: I know how you feel. Also, that awful as these feelings are, they will pass. You do not know what the future holds. You don’t know where you will be in ten years, or what you can or can’t afford then. Just try to hang on and stay focused as best you can. I have faith that you can make it.
Ally — I’m an abundant lack of anything useful at the moment, but wanted to at least tell you that you’re being harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. If nothing else, at least try and treat yourself as kindly as you treat everyone else!
Also, makeup can go a long way to change your features, f’ex blush just a shade or two darker than your skin under your cheekbones, and a shade or two lighter on them, can make them look higher than they are. You can do similar tricks for noses and jaws too, hit up youtube 🙂 (and avon sells cheap makeup that isn’t total shit quality, I’ve never replaced my avon blush in ten years cuz they stopped carrying the color and everything else makes me look like a clown >.< )
Tracy — glad to hear she's got a bed at least, and knows BIL's family supports her. Love the idea about her taking pics, particularly since digital ones will be time and date stamped to prove they're recent.
Dvärghundspossen — I'm torn on animals being sold in stores. I despise petco and will NEVER buy fish there, they act like only selling cats and dogs from shelters (more like a meet and greet the Furrinati than sales) makes them so ethical, but the way they treat their fish…
Otoh, Pittsburgh has this awesome fish store (Alan's Pets and Plants on Murray for you yinzers), and he genuinely cares about the fishes. Breeds the piranhas, actually knows about the fish and their needs, etc.
But it's a lot easier for a fish breeder to set up shop than a cat or dog breeder, simply because you can breed most fish in little more than twice the room it takes to house the parents. (Also, baby piranhas are cute enough that I seriously considered if I had room for a species tank for them. I did not, and they play with their food, it's creepy. Puff eats live snails but they're dead in an instant, no playing with them first.)
TW: suicide. I’m sorry if this isn’t really relevant to anyone’s current issues, but if anyone would like to talk about something like self-harm to someone but feel too weird to talk on the phone a friend suggested me a site called crisischat.org. I think they’re open from 2am-2pm. If someone thinks it doesn’t help or have alternative sites then please let me know b/c no matter what i can’t go through another awkward phone conversation and be painfully aware of how loud i breathe over the line.
Also, just because I am more of a burden than of any real help, does anyone know of any hotlines/online support groups for asexuals? I’ve tried LGBTQ resources in general but so far a lot of them haven’t helped so much (this doesn’t mean I disregard the safe spaces for anyone else at all).
hannasoumaki – AVEN is a big online network for asexuals, you might try there.