We are considering a restraining order, but we would rather not get one until/unless it’s absolutely necessary. And just so you folks know, my phone is off and untraceable because I took out the battery and the SIM card.
So if your phone’s off, how did he trace you, Ally? How does he even know what city you’re in?
Could that whole “I was so close” be a bullshit line to scare you? I wouldn’t be at all surprised. If he can’t trace you, how could he claim to be within a few streets?
I think (I hope!) that was just another intimidation tactic.
Definitely agree about the restraining order, though.
I realize that my problems are not very serious… but depression has hit quite hard and I haven’t been able to get out of bed for almost two weeks now. I have been doing some stuff I should, but I stay in bed most of the time. Also, I have not been eaten properly.
I need to find a job, but I cannot get out of bed and stop thinking what a failure I am.
I don’t even know why I decided to share this here since I am not even a regular or anything… but I don’t want to make friends and family worried.
I’m sorry, pineapplecookies. :< Internet hugs if you want them. And please don't worry about posting here – this is a thread for personal stuff, and there are no rules besides not trolling and not arguing.
I understand your fear in not wanting to make your friends and family worried. But in my experience, not telling anyone and bottling up all of your feelings hurts a lot in the long run. Of course, not everyone is the same, but it's something I think you should consider even if you're afraid of them worrying about you.
Pineapplecookies, don’t ever worry about your problems being too unimportant to mention here. This is just a thread for hearing about what is happening in other people’s lives.
@pineapplecookies: Sounds disturbingly familiar. Not knowing your exact situation, I can’t exactly give too much advice, but let me ask you this: Is there something at which you’re personally talented, or want to be? The big problem with unemployment (especially when it’s coupled with an emotional problem) is all the time you have, and if you don’t find something to occupy that time it just becomes another chance to hate yourself. Having a project might not help you find a job (I hate the people who say it does, because it suggests that anyone who doesn’t parley their hobby into a career is a failure), but at the very least you can go to bed without feeling like you’ve wasted the day. It makes a big difference.
pineapplecookies
10 years ago
Thank you, everyone and thank you for the hugs, Ally. I hope everything turns out well for you.
I am studying now, Andrew, so it occupies my mind… or it used to. I am feeling strange these past weeks, no energy, no wish to do anything I enjoy. I like your idea of having a project. I really should try that. =))
I am trying any job, really… I had some money saved, but it will be gone soon. That might have triggered my depression. I also have a broken heart and this makes me feel a little like a teenager…
I don’t know about telling people around me… I am scared they will not understand. I don’t know, when I think rationally, my thoughts of failure and worry seem so silly, but I seem not to be able to control them.
Robert
10 years ago
My eldest son made it to karate class this past Monday, and went to high school exams Tuesday and Wednesday. It wasn’t that long ago that he wouldn’t have left the house that many times in a month. He’s been getting CBT with a counselor who comes to the house twice a week. It does seem to be helping. He’s sixteen, by the way. This is part of an agreement we made with him: if he can modify his behavior sufficiently before the end of the school year, he can continue to be drug-free. If he can’t, he’ll be back on his meds. We’re hoping that the motivation is sufficient to overcome his resistance. So is he.
Younger son, twelve, is at the cusp of adolescence. He veers between using filthier language than I’ve heard from anyone in a while, to saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you ‘ to get his way. He’s completely obsessed with anime, to the point of writing crossover fanfic. Or, as he puts it, “it’s fan FICTION”.
But at least both of them truly enjoy being at home. I liked to think that that is a good thing.
pineapplecookies
10 years ago
@auggziliary: I might try the chats, I never did that before. Maybe it will give me some comfort.
I take meds and see a doctor. I wanted a therapist, but I cannot afford one at the moment and the waiting list for the free one is very long. I am there, but it will take a long time.
My depression is actually quite mild. But I have these moments sometimes. This one is being quite long and annoying….
pineapplecookies
10 years ago
You know, Robert’s post was funny because karate and writing fan fiction were major things that helped me cope with depression. It is good that your sons are enjoying these activities :))
My broken heart thing is quite recent. I know it will go… but this thought is not helping. I just need to try new interesting things to do and think. I should try something creative or craft related. But then I start thinking how much I suck lol it is a vicious cycle! I will write down some plans and try some meditation or relaxing activities.
pineapplecookies
10 years ago
just saw your new comment, auggziliary!
No, definitely not bipolar. My doctor, when she first met me, thought so as well, but it has been discarded. I will see her soon and she might increase my medication. I think this time my depression is being caused by external factors. Sometimes it comes from nowhere, but I believe there is more of a reason now. This makes it a little easier to get over it than those times where they come out of the blue. At least that is the feeling I have.
Sam-I-Was?
10 years ago
Ally, I’m sending up thoughts to you in the universe that you stay safe. Remember that abusers are very good at exploiting any weakness they see so he will probably try to make you feel guilty about your family and how you are making him feel. Please keep trying to move forward you have taken a huge first step. nth’ing what others have said you might want to look at a prepaid. While I don’t think I’m in the same area I found a cheap prepaid that didn’t even have the ability to have gps (no tracking!) on it at my local dollar store for less then $10. It’s clunky and not all that nice to look at but it makes calls and it can’t be tracked.
Pineapplecookies, depression is a tricky thing as you can know in your “rational” mind that what you are thinking doesn’t necessarily make sense but it is effecting you now. I hope that you are able to navigate the list to get a therapist soon but don’t be afraid to lean on your friends and family. Your problems are important and I hope you are able to get help soon.
I am going to leave a big box of internet hugs in this corner if anyone would like some.
Marie
10 years ago
@Ally
Tawny and I say hi! :3
Aww, you and kittens, double adorable! :3
(and, um, tell me if I’m being creepy. I can’t tell)
@pineapplecookies
Depression sucks 🙁 hugs from me, if you want them. And I don’t think you got to worry about posting here even though your not a regular. (tho you post often enough I recognize you.)
@robert
Idk, man, premptive apology, b/c the way I’m reading your comment is affected by my past.
you said ” This is part of an agreement we made with him: if he can modify his behavior sufficiently before the end of the school year, he can continue to be drug-free. If he can’t, he’ll be back on his meds. We’re hoping that the motivation is sufficient to overcome his resistance. So is he.”
And idk. I hope for your son’s sake this is stuff he is okay with. (going on meds, modifying his behavior.) Because my parents put me on meds against my will, (after locking me up somewhere) and that so fucking shattered my ability to trust them and almost our relationship. Idk if this makes sense? And maybe I sound like an asshat, but I’m just worried about your son and hoping you take his considerations in this a lot.
Sorry if it seems like I’m attacking you. I’m just worried, and probably responding more to you like you’re my parents, since I don’t know what your situation is like.
Lol no, there isn’t a single person here I can think of who is creepy (besides some of the trolls). 😛
Marie
10 years ago
@Ally
Just checking :3
PlausibleFlight
10 years ago
So I’m having a really rough day. I got laid off at my job this morning. That’s bad enough, but my partner has been a jerk about it. He yelled at me all day because when I called him to tell him I’d been let go while choking back panic and tears I was “mean.” Later I asked him if he would pick up something from the store for me because I didn’t feel up to going out and he told me no and that I should trying to be quitting sugar anyway. And he bitched because I didn’t do the dishes. I’m at wit’s end here. My life really sucks right now 🙁
canuck_with_pluck
10 years ago
Holy smokes, you guys, hugs to everyone who needs and wants them.
My roommate finally had her baby. He’s actually pretty adorable–and so quiet! I was worried about being able to sleep, but it hasn’t been a problem so far. And it’s really hilarious, because I keep telling people “oh, I have a newborn at home” and people who have seen me in the 9 months and therefore know (or think they know) that I wasn’t pregnant are very confused. It’s pretty hilarious.
Pineapplecookies — the standard response I get from people who’re usually caring has always been true to that, often akin to “why didn’t you say something sooner?”. Does not apply to people who’ve made comments about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and the like.
I’m sorry but that’s the best I have. Once you’re feeling better you may want to pick a close friend or three and tell them that if they don’t hear from you for X time to poke you and see if you’re being depressive. I have Pecunium on orders not to let me disappear again 🙂
We Hunted The Mammoth
We are considering a restraining order, but we would rather not get one until/unless it’s absolutely necessary. And just so you folks know, my phone is off and untraceable because I took out the battery and the SIM card.
So if your phone’s off, how did he trace you, Ally? How does he even know what city you’re in?
Could that whole “I was so close” be a bullshit line to scare you? I wouldn’t be at all surprised. If he can’t trace you, how could he claim to be within a few streets?
I think (I hope!) that was just another intimidation tactic.
Definitely agree about the restraining order, though.
Somehow it accidentally turned on, perhaps because of a power surge when it was still connected to the wall charger.
Oh fuck.
@Ally — seconding/thirding/fourthing/nthing all the yikes. Whatever you decide with the restraining order, good luck.
And @Howard, good on you for the Fire Dept stuff. I’m sure they wouldn’t do that if you weren’t eminently capable.
Tawny and I say hi! :3
Hi Tawny! Hi Ally! Stay safe, okay?
I realize that my problems are not very serious… but depression has hit quite hard and I haven’t been able to get out of bed for almost two weeks now. I have been doing some stuff I should, but I stay in bed most of the time. Also, I have not been eaten properly.
I need to find a job, but I cannot get out of bed and stop thinking what a failure I am.
I don’t even know why I decided to share this here since I am not even a regular or anything… but I don’t want to make friends and family worried.
I’m sorry, pineapplecookies. :< Internet hugs if you want them. And please don't worry about posting here – this is a thread for personal stuff, and there are no rules besides not trolling and not arguing.
I understand your fear in not wanting to make your friends and family worried. But in my experience, not telling anyone and bottling up all of your feelings hurts a lot in the long run. Of course, not everyone is the same, but it's something I think you should consider even if you're afraid of them worrying about you.
Pineapplecookies, don’t ever worry about your problems being too unimportant to mention here. This is just a thread for hearing about what is happening in other people’s lives.
@pineapplecookies: Sounds disturbingly familiar. Not knowing your exact situation, I can’t exactly give too much advice, but let me ask you this: Is there something at which you’re personally talented, or want to be? The big problem with unemployment (especially when it’s coupled with an emotional problem) is all the time you have, and if you don’t find something to occupy that time it just becomes another chance to hate yourself. Having a project might not help you find a job (I hate the people who say it does, because it suggests that anyone who doesn’t parley their hobby into a career is a failure), but at the very least you can go to bed without feeling like you’ve wasted the day. It makes a big difference.
Thank you, everyone and thank you for the hugs, Ally. I hope everything turns out well for you.
I am studying now, Andrew, so it occupies my mind… or it used to. I am feeling strange these past weeks, no energy, no wish to do anything I enjoy. I like your idea of having a project. I really should try that. =))
I am trying any job, really… I had some money saved, but it will be gone soon. That might have triggered my depression. I also have a broken heart and this makes me feel a little like a teenager…
I don’t know about telling people around me… I am scared they will not understand. I don’t know, when I think rationally, my thoughts of failure and worry seem so silly, but I seem not to be able to control them.
My eldest son made it to karate class this past Monday, and went to high school exams Tuesday and Wednesday. It wasn’t that long ago that he wouldn’t have left the house that many times in a month. He’s been getting CBT with a counselor who comes to the house twice a week. It does seem to be helping. He’s sixteen, by the way. This is part of an agreement we made with him: if he can modify his behavior sufficiently before the end of the school year, he can continue to be drug-free. If he can’t, he’ll be back on his meds. We’re hoping that the motivation is sufficient to overcome his resistance. So is he.
Younger son, twelve, is at the cusp of adolescence. He veers between using filthier language than I’ve heard from anyone in a while, to saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you ‘ to get his way. He’s completely obsessed with anime, to the point of writing crossover fanfic. Or, as he puts it, “it’s fan FICTION”.
But at least both of them truly enjoy being at home. I liked to think that that is a good thing.
@auggziliary: I might try the chats, I never did that before. Maybe it will give me some comfort.
I take meds and see a doctor. I wanted a therapist, but I cannot afford one at the moment and the waiting list for the free one is very long. I am there, but it will take a long time.
My depression is actually quite mild. But I have these moments sometimes. This one is being quite long and annoying….
You know, Robert’s post was funny because karate and writing fan fiction were major things that helped me cope with depression. It is good that your sons are enjoying these activities :))
My broken heart thing is quite recent. I know it will go… but this thought is not helping. I just need to try new interesting things to do and think. I should try something creative or craft related. But then I start thinking how much I suck lol it is a vicious cycle! I will write down some plans and try some meditation or relaxing activities.
just saw your new comment, auggziliary!
No, definitely not bipolar. My doctor, when she first met me, thought so as well, but it has been discarded. I will see her soon and she might increase my medication. I think this time my depression is being caused by external factors. Sometimes it comes from nowhere, but I believe there is more of a reason now. This makes it a little easier to get over it than those times where they come out of the blue. At least that is the feeling I have.
Ally, I’m sending up thoughts to you in the universe that you stay safe. Remember that abusers are very good at exploiting any weakness they see so he will probably try to make you feel guilty about your family and how you are making him feel. Please keep trying to move forward you have taken a huge first step. nth’ing what others have said you might want to look at a prepaid. While I don’t think I’m in the same area I found a cheap prepaid that didn’t even have the ability to have gps (no tracking!) on it at my local dollar store for less then $10. It’s clunky and not all that nice to look at but it makes calls and it can’t be tracked.
Pineapplecookies, depression is a tricky thing as you can know in your “rational” mind that what you are thinking doesn’t necessarily make sense but it is effecting you now. I hope that you are able to navigate the list to get a therapist soon but don’t be afraid to lean on your friends and family. Your problems are important and I hope you are able to get help soon.
I am going to leave a big box of internet hugs in this corner if anyone would like some.
@Ally
Aww, you and kittens, double adorable! :3
(and, um, tell me if I’m being creepy. I can’t tell)
@pineapplecookies
Depression sucks 🙁 hugs from me, if you want them. And I don’t think you got to worry about posting here even though your not a regular. (tho you post often enough I recognize you.)
@robert
Idk, man, premptive apology, b/c the way I’m reading your comment is affected by my past.
you said ” This is part of an agreement we made with him: if he can modify his behavior sufficiently before the end of the school year, he can continue to be drug-free. If he can’t, he’ll be back on his meds. We’re hoping that the motivation is sufficient to overcome his resistance. So is he.”
And idk. I hope for your son’s sake this is stuff he is okay with. (going on meds, modifying his behavior.) Because my parents put me on meds against my will, (after locking me up somewhere) and that so fucking shattered my ability to trust them and almost our relationship. Idk if this makes sense? And maybe I sound like an asshat, but I’m just worried about your son and hoping you take his considerations in this a lot.
Sorry if it seems like I’m attacking you. I’m just worried, and probably responding more to you like you’re my parents, since I don’t know what your situation is like.
@Marie
Lol no, there isn’t a single person here I can think of who is creepy (besides some of the trolls). 😛
@Ally
Just checking :3
So I’m having a really rough day. I got laid off at my job this morning. That’s bad enough, but my partner has been a jerk about it. He yelled at me all day because when I called him to tell him I’d been let go while choking back panic and tears I was “mean.” Later I asked him if he would pick up something from the store for me because I didn’t feel up to going out and he told me no and that I should trying to be quitting sugar anyway. And he bitched because I didn’t do the dishes. I’m at wit’s end here. My life really sucks right now 🙁
Holy smokes, you guys, hugs to everyone who needs and wants them.
My roommate finally had her baby. He’s actually pretty adorable–and so quiet! I was worried about being able to sleep, but it hasn’t been a problem so far. And it’s really hilarious, because I keep telling people “oh, I have a newborn at home” and people who have seen me in the 9 months and therefore know (or think they know) that I wasn’t pregnant are very confused. It’s pretty hilarious.
Hugs!
More hugs!
ALL THE HUGS!!!
Pineapplecookies — the standard response I get from people who’re usually caring has always been true to that, often akin to “why didn’t you say something sooner?”. Does not apply to people who’ve made comments about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and the like.
I’m sorry but that’s the best I have. Once you’re feeling better you may want to pick a close friend or three and tell them that if they don’t hear from you for X time to poke you and see if you’re being depressive. I have Pecunium on orders not to let me disappear again 🙂