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Dating by the Numbers: Why “hacking” OkCupid is a waste of everyone’s time

This data point is an outlier.
This data point is an outlier.

Is there no problem out there that can’t be solved by SCIENCE? Apparently not. Indeed, it has recently come to my attention that one heroic nerdy dude actually used MATH to get a girlfriend. No really, an actual girlfriend. As in, a living human female that he’s seen naked. (We can only presume.)

Wired magazine found the story so astonishing that they devoted an entire 3000 word feature to it.

The piece tells the tale of Chris McKinlay, then a grad student in mathematics at UCLA, who went searching for love on OKCupid, a dating site that uses daters’ answers to various questions, ranging from silly to profound, in order to calculate a “match score” that supposedly measures your compatibility with a potential date. But McKinlay wasn’t getting as many dates as he wanted.

So he decided to “reverse-engineer” OkCupid. As McKinlay — ever the romantic — explains on his own blog, he used his mathematical skillz to analyze the “high-dimensional user metadata in [the] putatively bipartite social graph structure [of] OkCupid,” and adjust his own profile accordingly.

Basically, he crunched a lot of numbers to figure out how the kinds of women he was most interested in — in particular one data “cluster dominated by women in their mid-twenties who looked like indie types, musicians and artists” — tended to answer questions. And then he fiddled with his own answers — and his choice of which questions to answer — so he would score higher match percentages with them. Ta da! Suddenly he had more matches.

He claims not to have answered any questions dishonestly, but as Wired notes “he  let his computer figure out how much importance to assign each question, using a machine-learning algorithm called adaptive boosting to derive the best weightings.”

It doesn’t take a math degree to figure out that fudging your answers so they’re more like those of the women you’re targeting will make it look like you’re more like them. You can pull this same trick in real life by pretending to agree with everything a person says.

But you don’t have to be a psychologist to see that doing this kind of defeats the purpose of OKCupid’s match algorithms in the first place. You’re creating the illusion of chemistry where there may be none. Essentially, you’re cheating, but in a really self-defeating way.

And by focusing so intently on statistically crunchable data, he also ignored a lot of the more intangible “data” that the profiles provide if you actually sit down to read them. The numbers don’t reveal anything about a person’s verbal charm, or their sense of humor. They don’t tell you about the interesting little details of the person’s life.

As Katie Heaney notes in a Buzzfeed piece on McKinlay’s strange quest:

[M]uch of the language used in the story reflects a weird mathematician-pickup artist-hybrid view of women as mere data points … often quite literally: McKinlay refers to identity markers like ethnicity and religious beliefs as “all that crap”; his “survey data” is organized into a “single, solid gob”; unforeseen traits like tattoos and dog ownership are called “latent variables.” By viewing himself as a developer, and the women on OkCupid as subjects to be organized and “mined,” McKinlay places himself in a perceived greater place of power. Women are accessories he’s entitled to. Pickup artists do this too, calling women “targets” and places where they live and hang out “marketplaces.” It’s a spectrum, to be sure, but McKinlay’s worldview and the PUA worldview are two stops along it. Both seem to regard women as abstract prizes for clever wordplay or, as it may be, skilled coding. Neither seems particularly aware of, or concerned with, what happens after simply getting a woman to say yes.

And that’s where McKinlay’s system seems to have fallen down entirely. Though Wired is eager to present his “hacking” as a great success, it took McKinlay more than 90 dates  — 87 of them first dates with no followup — before he found his current girlfriend.

In other words, his wondrous system produced a metric shit-ton of “false matches” and wasted a lot of people’s time, including his own.

And in the end it wasn’t his data crunching that brought his girlfriend to his door; as Wired notes, she found him on OKCupid after doing a “search for 6-foot guys with blue eyes near UCLA.” Happily for him, McKinlay already matched her preferences in these areas. In addition to appreciating his height and eye color and location in physical space, she apparently was also charmed by his cynical approach to OkCupid dating, so maybe they are a match made in heaven, if not in his data crunching techniques.

While McKinlay was going on first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date after first date, people I know have found wonderfully compatible matches — and long-term relationships — through OkCupid without having to date dozens of duds along the way.

How? Partly because OkCupid’s match algorithms led them to some interesting candidates. But mainly because they read profiles carefully and looked for compatibility in the words, not the numbers.

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cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I’ve heard that the pill-based method is even more unpleasant than the surgical one. The idea that getting an abortion is as easy and fun as going to get a latte is just flat-out misogyny.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

I was given half of the drug combo used in the pill-based abortions before my ablation to dilate me, and HOLY FUCKING HELL I wanted to die from the pain and nausea. I can’t imagine those are a breeze to go through.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

I think I heard that too. Words, what do they mean?! But yes, that’s what I was failing to say.

I can ask my pharm student if you want to know the official answer on Plan B without any of the rhetoric. It’s nice having my own personal nearly a pharmacist on call 🙂

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I’ve taken the morning after pill and even that made me puke like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. When people are all, “women have abortions just for fun!” they’re pretty much admitting that they have no idea how any of this stuff works.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Ugh, that sounds awful. The morning after pill just made me spot heavily for two weeks.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Taking hormones doesn’t seem to agree with me even in very small doses. Tried 3 different versions of the pill, each made me miserable in unique and unpleasant ways. I’d take the morning after pill again if I had to, but given the choice I’d prefer never to ingest any prevention-of-babymaking hormones ever again. Yay condoms, that’s what I say.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

I couldn’t do hormonal BC all. Fat, greasy and anixous was no way to live.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

The one time I used emergency contraception it gave me a nearly instantaneous period. It was really heavy instead of the light periods I usually have. It was also black. That kind of freaked me out but the same thing happened to a friend so I guess it’s normal. The cramps were also brutal compared to what I usually get.

I hope one of our trolls read this post. Period talk seems like one of the many female things that scare the shit out of them.

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
10 years ago

When people are all, “women have abortions just for fun!” they’re pretty much admitting that they have no idea how any of this stuff works.

Well, in all fairness, the people who seem to talk the most about this stuff say so many blisteringly stupid things about it (rape kits “clean out” rape victims, making pregnancies impossible; women’s bodies have a way to “shut that whole thing down”, and you need to take one hormonal birth control pill for every single time you have sex), leading me to think that they really don’t have any clue at all about anything that happens to, with, or around “lady parts”.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Who was it again who made the joke that if men could have babies they’d need an epidural to get through the conception? Wise woman, she was.

I’m really not a fan of hormonal contraception at all. There’s also the potential for increasing breast cancer risk, which nobody seems to talk about any more. I really wish we could get to a point where access to the damn thing wasn’t used as a political football so we could have a good public conversation about how bad the side effects are and what that means as far as whether or not it’s worth taking it for any given individual, not to mention why there are still so few alternatives (and why doctors mostly try to steer people away from the alternatives and towards the hormonal options).

kittehserf
10 years ago

I was lucky with hormonal BC. I was on it for twenty-odd years and only had two types. It didn’t mess my moods around, and oddly enough it improved the libido (pity this was before Mr K and I had got together – but hey, artwork and writing). I eventually had to quit when it caused thrush-like symptoms.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

If I ended up pregnant, I’d be the first in line to the nearest abortion clinic, because (A) I’m mentally ill and poor and could never afford a child, (B) in my circumstance, it would have to be rape and I can’t imagine a worse fate than being forced to raise my rapist’s child, with a big helping of (C) I’ve heard horror stories about the adoption system and don’t feel comfortable putting a child in it.

RE: Argenti

Otoh, you’re not going to get pregnant on testosterone.

Not true! I was still viable for quite some time while on testosterone. Our body really, REALLY wanted to make babies; it’s just that I disagreed with it. (Seriously, I think it took me three months or more before my period finally stopped, and it was back within a couple weeks of going off.) And I was advised to not do any sort of pregnancy-making activities, because just because my period stopped didn’t mean pregnancy wouldn’t happen, just made it more likely to go hellbent wrong.

RE: kittehserf

Yep, the tell-tale is when they use the term you made the choice to have sex.

Yeah, and seeing as I come from the Family of Rape and Pedophilia, this just makes me laugh bitterly. Choice. Ha. Sure. The children in my family had so much choice…

RE: leftwingfox

If life is so important, rather than punishing sex, then there’s no rape/incest exception, since the fetus is not responsible for the actions of the rapist.

Yes! And if it is indeed the rapist’s actions that create the child, by Hector logic, the rapist should HAVE to raise the child! Gee, I can’t imagine that going wrong at all! I’m sure the child would be a humanizing influence.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I really hope doctors aren’t telling people that they can’t get pregnant if they’re on testosterone, because not only would it be a really good idea for people to know that they still might be able to, I’d think an accidental pregnancy could seriously fuck with your head at that stage.

kittehserf
10 years ago

LBT – I’d be down to an abortion clinic SO FAST. Apart from the mentally ill element, A, B and C go for me, too. Plus D, I’m fifty and not physically up to raising a child, and E, I have an eighty-plus parent to worry about.

Hell, I couldn’t keep up with a kitten (as distinct from an adult cat) now, and I’d LOVE to have a kitten. I ache for moar kitties the way I never could for children.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

The thing about saying “I’d go directly to the abortion clinic” is that if you live where I do then that’s actually an option, but in some other parts of the US? Not so much, which again complicates the conversation about hormonal contraception because we can’t even have an honest public conversation about the pros and cons of that when a significant percentage of the people who have to make a decision about whether or not to use it no longer have abortion available as a back-up if their birth control fails, and there are people within the pro-life movement who think all hormonal contraception is a form of abortion. I really hate being forced to actively defend a drug that I don’t like and that would never use mysef, but in the US, that’s pretty much where we are right now.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: cassandrakitty

I really hope doctors aren’t telling people that they can’t get pregnant if they’re on testosterone,

Mine was very clear that I should still use forms of contraception. Of course, she also handed me an enormous PDF on Everything Testosterone Might Possibly Do To You, so she was pretty thorough.

RE: Kittehs

Bingo. I have a hard enough time just dealing with my system, and I still have collapses like today when I’m too weak to leave the house. (Damn third-floor walk-up! *shakes fist*) No way in hell I’d give a good upbringing to a kid.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

That’s another thing I resent about the anti-choice people, their complete refusal to acknowledge the fact that sometimes choosing not to reproduce is an ethical decision made because the person in question knows damn well that they wouldn’t be able to do right by their child if they had one.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: cassandrakitty

Pretty much. I’m in a state that has abortion clinics, thank god, but I’d still have to bus my ass over there, and then possibly get a nice heaping helping of shit over being visibly trans. (Can’t really conceal that I’ve had surgery and been on hormones at this point.) It’s a huge fucking mess that would probably cost me an immense amount of money, time, and sanity points.

Sometimes I really want to weep for my country, that Dirty Dancing seems so incredibly radical when viewed nowadays.

kittehserf
10 years ago

We don’t have the extreme public anti-choice stuff here, but it lurks under the surface. Semi-related, a pharmacist in a big country town (Albury iirc) has spent years putting notes in hormonal BC packets saying that if the customer was using them primarily as birth control, they should go elsewhere, ‘cos he’s a Catholic and it’s against his beliefs. Trouble is this charmer runs the only chemist in that outer suburb.

One satisfactory part is that Soul Pattinson, the chain he was with, gave him the heave because they’ve no time for this shit.

This jackass also runs another pharmacy that refused the morning after pill to a woman, and didn’t tell her about the 72-hour grace period. She ended up pregnant and had to have an abortion – nice one, bigots, happy now?

Source

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
10 years ago

the fact that sometimes choosing not to reproduce is an ethical decision made because the person in question knows damn well that they wouldn’t be able to do right by their child if they had one

But you see, if you aren’t willing to have lots and lots and lots of babies, you’re supposed to go live in an attic and wear sackcloth, while regularly rubbing ashes into your hair. You aren’t supposed to feel proud of it, or go out in public like a NORMAL person. And you shouldn’t think you have some kind of right to use your sanctified baby-making parts to have non-procreative sex, you disgusting perv!

I really do want to meet the anti-abortion person who is pro-contraception (the single most effective tool we have to reduce abortions), because their anti-abortion stance is solely about reducing abortions, not about patrolling sexuality and controlling women’s freedom to determine how to use their bodies. I’m told constantly that they exist, but I’m not buying it.

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
10 years ago

And in other plate of shrimp news, did everyone see this?

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/02/21/3318141/informed-consent-hospice-care/

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

LBT — fuck, I was under the incorrect assumption that no period meant you couldn’t conceive. My sincerest apologies for my error!

kittehserf
10 years ago

gillyrosebee – holy shit. It really is about traumatising and punishing women as much as possible, isn’t it? Don’t let her avoid the trauma of labour, don’t let her make her own decision about how to deal with a dreadful situation with a wanted pregnancy, oh no.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: Argenti

fuck, I was under the incorrect assumption that no period meant you couldn’t conceive. My sincerest apologies for my error!

No worries! It’s an easy enough mistake to make. But yeah, different bodies take to testosterone differently. Some people, it hits right away and their period stops, while our body went kicking and screaming and reverted right away. But yes, fertilization apparently can still happen, and even if you’ve been on testosterone a really long time, that doesn’t mean your reproductive process is totally shut down! Anyone thinking of going on T, talk to their doctor about it.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

Unfortunately, in the experience of one of the authors, when questioned about preservation of reproductive potential, many transmen report little or no discussion by their providers and a few are even surprised to learn that preservation of reproductive potential is possible.

To complicate matters, some jurisdictions unfortunately require surgical sterilization to alter identity documents (especially birth certificates.)

If a transgender man has not undergone oophorectomy, he may regain fertility on cessation of testosterone. If a patient has not had a hysterectomy, pregnancy may be possible and transmen have successfully given birth to children after hormonal transition was started. However, with the ovarian changes produced by long-term androgen therapy it may require months of cessation of testosterone and possibly assistive reproductive technology to regain fertility and if desired, become pregnant. For transgender men desiring pregnancy, testosterone must be withheld prior to and for the duration of pregnancy.

From Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men: A Guide For Health Care Providers, by R. Nick Gorton MD, Jamie Buth MD, and Dean Spade.

Okay, so it looks like testosterone does, generally, shut your reproductive system down, but not necessarily permanently, and how long it’ll take to get shut down may vary from person to person. Really, just to be safe, it’s probably best to use barrier protection.