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Sperm Banks: Prelude to male enslavement?

Not a real sperm bank
Not a real sperm bank

So manosphere dudes have a theory of sorts about young women that they frequently boil down to the handy catchphrase “alpha fucks, beta bucks.” The idea is that women — oh, you evil women! — have an insatiable desire to mate with and capture the sperm of hot but unreliable alpha males, and an equally innate tendency to try to con some hard-working beta schlub into paying the bills, with his beta bucks, for the resulting alpha spawn.

There are a few problems with this theory. First of all, this DOESN’T HAPPEN. Ands second,it makes no fucking sense. Why would the invisible hand of evolution want to reward the genes of Alpha men with no interest in caring for their kids and punish the betas who (at least in the manosphere version of the world) actually keep those kids alive?

But I digress. Because one clever Manospherian commenter — recently featured in a post on Rollo Tomassi’s Rational Male blog — has discovered yet more proof of the evil alpha fucks-beta bucks theory in action: Sperm banks.

Let’s let him explain, because I sure can’t:

Let’s look at this abstractly. Man and woman marry, find that she isn’t getting pregnant, determine from medical testing that his swimmers aren’t winning the race. So they pay for another man to impregnate her, although via a medical go-between. The original sperm banks screened donors and pretty much limited them to med students and other college men.

This is “Alpha Sperm, Beta Provisioning”, and nothing less. Putting a tech or a doctor in the middle wearing gloves and a lab coat, and injecting semen with a syringe rather than the usual method doesn’t change that.

Uh, aren’t sperm banks a way for couples who want babies and can’t have babies themselves to have babies? The guy in this scenario has no way to pass on his genes.  That’s not an option. He wants a baby, too.

Sperm banks are therefore a clinical version of AF-BB, and as such clearly serve the Female Imperative in the same manner as a married woman having an affair while she’s ovulating … .

Uh, BUT THE MAN WANTS THE BABY TOO. Men can love children who are not biologically theirs. Families adopt children. They love them too.

[T]he whole idea of a sperm bank is a clear, medicalized, fully legal example of the Female Imperative of AF-BB … today we all accept it because teh wimmenz deserve their own bay-bee if they want one (or more), no matter the cost to anyone else.

What cost? WHAT COST? THE MAN WANTS THE BABY TOO.

“Rollo Tomassi” adds some conspiracy theorizing to the mix:

On virtually any post I’ve made about feminism … one or more commenters invariably post the youtube video about how feminism was conceived to destabilize western society (by the Rockefellers?). …. the fact that sperm banks were an unheard of development prior to the sexual revolution does give me pause to think that they were a need anticipated to better facilitate and perpetuate a future feminine-primary society.

Yes, that’s right. Feminism + Sperm Banks x Rockefellers = MALE ENSLAVEMENT

Indeed, he points out, some of the women who go to sperm banks DON’T EVEN HAVE HUSBANDS.

Almost as if in anticipation for the unfettering of women’s hypergamy, the facility of insuring a woman’s best optimized hypergamy was institutionalized and normalized. This may sound like conjecture (since the socially proposed purpose was to facilitate pregnancy for an infertile man), but the utility of sperm banks quickly shifted to facilitating the pregnancy of women who wouldn’t be married or had no intention of marrying to start a family.

Unmarried women having sperm bank babies. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

This was the first institution, legalized and normalized that laid bare feminism latent purpose – strong independent women® could remove the man from the equation of effecting an optimal hypergamy, while at the same time effecting future legislation and social engineering to enlist men (either publicly or privately) in the provisioning of this new breed of motherhood. And with every guy dutifully jerking off into a petrie dish, they effectually contribute one more element to institutionalized Alpha Fucks / Beta Bucks.

And so a dude getting paid to masturbate into a cup — they don’t use petri dishes, dude — becomes yet another brick to the wall of the manosphere’s imagined oppression of men.

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vaiyt
6 years ago

The MRA logic goes like this.

1) MRA thinks about something. Anything.
2) “How can we spin this into women being horrible?”
3) Profit!

Nepenthe
Nepenthe
6 years ago

Why would the invisible hand of evolution want to reward the genes of Alpha men with no interest in caring for their kids and punish the betas who (at least in the manosphere version of the world) actually keep those kids alive?

So, this is a pretty backward view of the selection going on in this sort of situation. It’s not about rewards and punishment, it’s about who’s genes make it into the next generation. Evolution doesn’t care why the offspring survive; the individuals who provided the gametes are the winners, not the caregivers.

The best illustration of this situation is brood parasitism, where animals like cowbirds and cuckoos will get other birds to raise their chicks at the expense of the hosts’ own offspring. The genes getting passed on are the cuckoos’ and the cowbirds’, not the poor sapsucker tricked into raising the murderous little imposter.

However, brood ‘parasitism’ can pretty much only work when you get another species to raise your offspring. Let’s say, just for the purposes of reasoning this through, that the “alpha” and “beta” strategies are inherited. Then the “alpha” strategy of having a lot of offspring raised by others is most successful, given a population of “betas” who will raise those offspring, probably a lot more successful. Then “beta” behavior is being strongly selected against; there will be very few “beta” males in the next generation. And in a species like humans, your offspring have a much better chance of being successful if they’re being cared for. If “beta”s disappear, the “alpha” strategy is terrible; you may have a lot of offspring, but they aren’t likely to survive. I don’t know how exactly the math works out, but in this case you’d probably get to an equilibrium of relatively rare “alphas” being brood parasites and a lot of “betas” raising their own offspring.

Of course, “alpha” and “beta” traits are almost certainly not simply genetically inherited, so evolution really doesn’t have much to say on the matter.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

– I thought the same things. His reasoning is that “caucasian” includes his ethnicity (South Asian/Indian). But he was counting on none of the men in the Manosphere not ever having been to a sperm bank or seen the forms and their questions and thus uninformed enough to not question him. Neither have I but its immediately obvious that when it comes to reproduction, there’s going to be a lot more options to check off besides white, black, hispanic, other. Or caucasian, non-caucasian. Or to take us way back “caucasoid”, “mongoloid”, and “negroid”.

Exactly. Sperm donors are required to provide their ethnicity, and this information is shared with the recipients. That’s one of the search criteria on the form – if you want, you can look for a donor who’s Italian, Norwegian, Filipino, whatever you’re trying to match. He’s not gonna be surprising anybody with an unexpected “brown baby” (lovely bit of racism on his part).

Aside from that, one of the required questions is “Why do you want to donate sperm?” (Sperm banks use that question to weed out jerks and frat boys looking for beer money).

Acceptable answer: “To help people who want to start a family.”

Unacceptable answer: “To get revenge on all those chicks who won’t fuck me.”

I’m pretty sure MRAs are unable to say the word the word “help” without choking.

He must really take the Manosphere for fools, and can you blame him?

I know…they’re so gullible, and have so little real-world experience, they’ll believe just about anything. Their stories are so preposterous, so self-serving, and so blatantly untrue to anyone with even the tiniest BS detector.

It makes them ripe targets for scammers, grifters, and schlocky PUA ebook peddlers promising to make their lives better. All these “gurus” ever do is encourage them to keep blaming all their problems on other people. Hate sells.

vaiyt
6 years ago

Betas seem to be the poor hapless people who women leech money from to raise children.

But money and worldly success seem to be an essential component of alpha-ness.

Except when it isn’t, and women prefer to marry up to Betas.

Except when it is, and money allows an Alpha to “get” as many women as they want.

And so on.

Pointing out holes in MRAgic is like shooting fish in a barrel.

kittehserf
6 years ago

I suspect the One True Sign of being a beta is that you see women as people.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
6 years ago

Did they stop with beta because learning the other 22 letters is too difficult? I wonder how many of them can identify the lower-case examples of the letters.

No wonder they can’t do maths, statistics, or economics.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

Well, they also recognize the so-called Phi Male.

(Ok, Wikipedia implies that only pedants pronounce the Phi that way.)

kittehserf
6 years ago

I read Phi as in “fie, for shame!”

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

@Arctic Ape, pedants and mathematicians.

@Kiwi Girl I’ve seen MRAs use Gamma and Delta before, and more than one blogger lamenting his Omega status (or, in one case, his Zeta* status, because learning another alphabet is hard)

*PS, David, the “Rise of the Zeta Male” link from the Boob Roll isn’t working. The blog seems to have vanished.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

Heh, maybe if the Zeta guy was Scandinavian, he would have assumed that the last letter of the Greek alphabet was the Ömega.

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

…there’s another way to pronounce it?

kittehserf
6 years ago

I’d guess “fee” from Arctic Ape’s joke about phi-males.

Ömega, I like that. 🙂

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

No, I meant besides that.

Howard Bannister
6 years ago

Pointing out holes in MRAgic is like shooting fish in a barrel.

A teeny-tiny barrel. And the fish is a killer whale.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

I’m not even sure; I’m really a novice in spoken English and I can’t read the fancy phonetic symbols they show on Wikipedia. In Finnish we certainly do pronounce the Phi as “fee”.

Ömega would be pronounced kinda like “eh-mega”.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

@Argenti, the way Kittehs said it above (“fie”) is how I’ve heard it pronounced by non-math, non-classics people.

kittehserf
6 years ago

“Fie” is how I’ve always thought of it (actually saying it isn’t something I do, lol).

I thought of Ömega sounding like er-mega, but without an actual R sound in that first bit (dim and distant memories of German lessons in high school emerging here).

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

Yeah, that’s actually a better approximation. Now I should really stop discussing this because English sound to spelling conversion seems challenging to even native speakers 🙂

kittehserf
6 years ago

You’re not wrong! 😀 And that’s before we get to the matter of accents.

James
James
6 years ago

“Uh, aren’t sperm banks a way for couples who want babies and can’t have babies themselves to have babies? ”
Not solely. A LOT of women these days prefers having the baby on their own. Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child..and there’s no women available because they all went to the baby wending machine. Of course he could wife up one of them..and pay for someone else genetics.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

A LOT of women these days prefers having the baby on their own. Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child..and there’s no women available because they all went to the baby wending machine.

Behold! The most perfectly ironic sentence in history. How dare the baby vending machines refuse to produce babies for men who want children? BTW sperm banks just hand you a fully formed baby, no gestation or birth involved on the part of the client.

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

A LOT of women these days

Citation needed!

Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child

How dare women treat men so unfairly as to not produce babies on demands for them! The poor menz have no other options – like adoption or surrogacy via, you know, those egg donation clinics that we were talking about up-thread. Oh, no, the only solution is to stop women using sperm banks & make them bear children at the command of men.

Of course he could wife up one of them..and pay for someone else genetics.

Yep, cos every man is hetero, women are interchangable and all want marriage & babies and every husband is cuckolded. /sarcasm

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I’m seriously in love with the sentence about baby vending (well, “wending”) machines. The best part is that the dude who wrote it will have no idea why all the women (and men who aren’t idiots) reading it are pissing themselves laughing.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

That’s some serious “how is babby formed” shit right there.

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

I think baby vending machines needs to be included in the bumper book of knowledge (or whatever it’s called).

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

The baby vending machines are visiting the sperm bank, which is also a baby vending machine, to have babies vended to them. It’s babyception.

Malitia
Malitia
6 years ago

A LOT of women these days prefers having the baby on their own.

I really hope I’m mistaken but If my bullshit detector functions correctly trolly means single mothers by this. As if raising a child alone because “fathers” refuse to take responsibility is something those mothers actually want. :/

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

Not solely. A LOT of women these days prefers having the baby on their own. Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child..*

Oh, do you believe we should make parenthood more accessible to cis men where you live? Okay, that’s a reasonable goal. What strategies would you like to explore? Could we make surrogacy more affordable to the average person by way of some sort of financial aid program? Do you want to look at reforming the adoption system, so that fewer men who might otherwise be completely qualified are turned away because of their marriage status?

..and there’s no women available because they all went to the baby wending machine.

Ah, okay. So your suggestion is limiting the options available to cis women who want to be parents, so that they are forced to choose between childlessness or entering into a relationship with a man they don’t want. Say, have you MRAs ever noticed that you tend to propose similar solutions to almost every problem you identify?

*MRA double-period preserved for authenticity.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child

There are 400,000 children in the foster care system in the United States; 70,000 in the UK; 40,000 in Australia; 50,000 in Canada; and so on. Find your country and take your pick, dude.

IMO, the fact that so many kids are without a family is pretty unfair. But maybe if I had the painfully self-centered outlook of the average redpiller, I could see a woman living her own life without worrying about same random dude who might want to use her uterus is also unfair, somehow.

cupisnique
6 years ago

MRAs are so all over the place, I mean seriously. You guys get angry when women sperm-jack you (as if that’s even real) and also when they don’t pick on a poor wittle man and go to a sperm bank. You don’t actually want to marry a woman because they become used up hags, but you don’t want them to be single either because they ride the cock carousel. You decry the vilification of fatherhood while denouncing the payment of child support as a form of slavery and rather than try to reform the system so that men who want to have children without the need for a mother you’d rather just force women to have to have children with a man.

Did I get that right? . . . . my female hamster brain has trouble keeping track of the superior Male Logic(tm)

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Think of it this way. Does the woman who’s doing (thing) seem happy? Then it’s wrong and she’s oppressing men by doing it.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Baby “wending” machine? Thanks for the unintentional humor, James. You sound like Udo Kier in Andy Warhols’ Dracula, always looking for “wirgins.”

cloudiah
6 years ago

For some reason I was hearing Madeline Kahn, but Udo Kier works too.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

I’m hearing Chekov, from the original Star Trek, saying “baby wending machines.”

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

Say, have you MRAs ever noticed that you tend to propose similar solutions to almost every problem you identify?

When all you have is a nail, every broblem* looks like lack of someone hammering for you.

*accidental misspelling, mighty appropriate.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

A LOT of women these days prefers having the baby on their own.

Subject-verb agreement is MISANDRY!

Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child..

Not really…unless nobody bothered to talk out their intentions beforehand. Which is pretty stupid, seeing as this is a living human being (or the prospect of bringing one into this world, at any rate) that they are supposed to be talking about.

Also, note the MRA two-dot ellipsis at the end…because correct punctuation is also MISANDRY!

and there’s no women available because they all went to the baby wending machine.

Dude…this presupposes an awful lot. Like, for instance, that all women would rather cut out the middle-man, or in this case, the boingy-boingy, and pay a few hundred dollars (which is hard to budget on the average woman’s income) to a donor clinic instead. And no, it is NOT a baby VENDING machine. You don’t just stick a few coins in the slot and get a baby to pop out. You actually have to plan and be screened too, and if the clinic is at all ethical, they should reserve the right to turn away women who can’t demonstrate that they can adequately care for and support a child, whether alone or with an existing partner (of whatever sex).

Also, LOL, “wending” — because correct spelling is MISANDRY!

Of course he could wife up one of them..and pay for someone else genetics.

“Wife up”? You make it sound like single women are messy spills on the floor, requiring a nice absorbent paper towel to mop them all away.

Also, LOL, “someone else genetics” — because proper phraseology is MISANDRY! And so’s an apostrophe-S combo.

And apparently, so is understanding the concept of infertile males who nevertheless would like to raise children. Or women whose husbands have a genetic disorder making reproduction inadvisable. Or voluntarily single mothers who don’t want to be “wifed up” by the Paper Towel Man. Or stable lesbian couples.

Clearly, thinking things through is MISANDRY!

kittehserf
6 years ago

Kind of unfair for for the man who wants a child..and there’s no women available because they all went to the baby wending machine. Of course he could wife up one of them..and pay for someone else genetics.

So he doesn’t actually give a shit about being a loving parent to a child, he’s just interested in passing on his oh-so-important genes?

Guess what, he’s not fucking fit to be a parent then. Works out rather neatly imo.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Also, dude. Surrogacy is a thing. I should know; I considered being one when I was short on cash and hadn’t transitioned yet. And even Japan, Land of Vending Machines, hasn’t mastered the art of a baby machine yet.

kittehserf
6 years ago

I like the idea of wending machines. Teach your baby to wend zir way around! Get those flexible moves happening!

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

We already have wending machines, Kittehs! They’re called rollerskates!

kittehserf
6 years ago

Nah, those are crash-in-a-tragic-heap machines.