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Attention-seeking manosphere douchebag offers how-to guide for abusive boyfriends

Not the model for a happy and successful relationship
Not the model for a happy and successful relationship

Apparently hoping to gin up another flood of hate-traffic to his blog, the attention-seeking human stain whose name rhymes with Batt Gorney has posted what is essentially a how-to guide for would-be abusive boyfriends under the charming title “How to Crush a Girl’s Self-Esteem.”

“Gorney” has conveniently arranged his suggestions into a numbered list, so let’s proceed through them one by one. (If you’re triggered by explicit discussions of psychological and physical abuse, please stop reading now.)

Step one, in “Gorney’s” not-so-unique 6-step-plan: “Constantly make her feel inadequate.”

And how do you do that? Easy as pie.

Every time she does something for you, find out what she did wrong and remind her of it. If you can’t find any problems, make some up.

And try some mild gaslighting while you’re at it.

[Y]ou should always sound calm and collected, like you’re talking about the weather. Denigrating her in a neutral-but-firm fashion will trip her submissiveness circuitry, making her think about how she can better serve you. And every time she reaches the goalposts, you move them, forcing her to play an eternal game of catch-up.

Like the salesmen in Glengarry Glen Ross, you should Always Be Criticizing:

The concept is that if you criticize girls for minor mistakes, they’ll be less likely to commit major ones, as their mental energy is expended on dealing with your every complaint. For example, if you constantly critique the way she dresses, you won’t be arguing with her over whether she should get a tattoo or nose piercing to express her “individuality.”

In step 2, “Dominate her physically and sexually,”“Gorney” encourages his readers to violate their girlfriend’s personal and sexual boundaries at every chance.

Repeatedly violate her boundaries in small, petty ways, small enough that she’ll feel petty for complaining to you.

That’s right: abuse her strategically, and in such a way that she feels crazy for complaining about your abuse. “Gorney” is thinking like a true abuser.

For example, if you’re into anal sex and she’s not thrilled about it, the next time you take her from behind, stick your finger into her asshole. If she doesn’t like facials, cum in her hair instead. Lightly clasp your hand around her throat during sex like you’re going to choke her. (Do not actually choke her. That is dangerous.) Smack her on the behind when you’re out in public. The possibilities are endless.

The message you want to send her is simple: it’s not her body anymore.

This is all textbook abusive behavior.

“Gorney” follows this with a lovely bit of rationalization:

Most girls want you to dominate them anyway, but the rationalization hamster and their conscious minds prevent them from articulating this desire.

And then it’s back to more strategic abuse:

[I]f she lets you get away with minor violations of her boundaries, she’ll accede to your bigger demands later on, letting you mold her into the perfect plaything. If she doesn’t violently resist getting her anus fingered, a little more pressure and you’ll be full-on sodomizing her, grinning as she whimpers between each thrust.

Apparently the only sexual pleasure “Gorney” can imagine from anal sex is the pleasure he evidently gets from forcing women into it against their will.

Oh, and make sure you never give her the chance to say “no.”

Never ask her for anything, because asking is begging, and begging is contemptible.

Yep. Avoid the thorny issue of consent by never asking, and assuming that anything other than violent resistance is a “yes.”

Step 3 in “Gorney’s” program takes the creepiness into overdrive: “Isolate her from her friends and family.”

I don’t have much to say about this one; there’s a reason this is a favorite technique of cults and domestic abusers alike. Here’s Gorney’s take on it:

You need to be the primary emotional influence in her life, and you can’t do that if she’s leaning on anyone else for support. Gradually wean her from contact with anyone other than you.

What’s in it for you?

Not only will this increase her emotional dependence on you, it will make her more willing to please you; she’ll be less likely to wreck the relationship if she knows she’ll be all alone if it goes south.

For step 4, “Gorney” puts away the stick for a moment and pulls out a carrot, urging his readers to “Reward her at random intervals.”

But his emphasis is as much on the random as on the rewards; this is yet another gaslighting trick.

If you reward her every time she does good, she’ll see the pattern and use it to manipulate you. But if you reward her at random, her little hamster brain will run itself ragged trying to figure out your endgame.

Step 5 carries the slightly misleading title “Give her an emotional release.” In fact, what he suggests is that you physically “discipline” your girlfriend when she does “wrong” in your eyes.

By spanking a girl until she starts crying and sobbing, you give her an emotional release, turning her into a soppy puddle of goo and making her more inclined to serve you. As a friend of mine put it, all girls crave spankings; it’s their way of making up for Eve’s sin.

“Gorney” seems to be confusing consensual BDSM — which can bring bottoms or submissives intensely emotional releases — with domestic violence.

In step 6, “Gorney” tries to convince his readers — and himself — that it’s an abuser’s incredible sexual prowess, and not his manipulative abuse, that allows him to keep control over an abusive relationship.

You absolutely must have good cocksmanship if you want to ruin a girl’s self-esteem. Girls are enslaved to their vaginas as much as men are to their penises …  Girls will do anything for a man who can fuck them good … .

Your dick is heroin, she’s the junkie and you’re the dealer.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

If you can make her cum on a regular basis, she’ll side with you over her parents, her friends, everyone.

Really? I hate to break it to you, dude, but “[m]aking her cum on a regular basis” is not really an extraordinary achievement, dude. It’s not a sign that you’re some sort of exceptional “cocksman” with a dick of pure heroin. It’s actually kind of, you know, basic? Expected? Also, most women can give themselves orgasms on a regular basis.

Additionally, don’t make her cum every time you have sex. Think like a dealer: you give the customer the pure stuff when you want to get them hooked, and when they’re addicted, you sell them shit that’s been cut with rat poison to increase your bottom line.

Somehow I don’t doubt that sex with guys like this would be a lot like taking drugs laced with rat poison.

[R]ationing out her orgasms at random will keep her on her toes trying to satisfy you.

Or send her off in search of someone who’s not such a complete asshole in bed?

“Gorney’s” advice is so over-the-top awful — it sometimes reads like he’s literally copied it from some textbook on domestic abuse — that it’s hard not to wonder if he just trolling. And to some degree, I’m sure he is. But he also clearly believes a lot of the shit he posts, and so I can only assume he believes, and possibly follows, at least some of his “advice” here.

This is a guy, after all, who admitted plainly to hitting a previous girlfriend, in a post in which he also declared that

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Actually, that’s not true. In fact, there’s some research that suggests male chimps terrorize female chimps — and beat them with branches —  to punish them for mating with other males. So men who abuse women are in fact the ones behaving like chimps.

Every time I think that the manosphere can’t sink any lower, something comes along and proves me wrong.

NOTE: I don’t want to give “Gorney” any traffic for his terrible post. But I also feel obligated to link to my source. So I have. I’ve just hidden the link randomly in the middle of the post.

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Tzeenj
Tzeenj
10 years ago
Reply to  fromafar2013

Oh, I know. I’m one of those men-who-are-not-like that. They just seem to be a minority in my world and I’m sick of being one of the maybe three or four “good” ones that I know.

Thanx for the Adventure Time .gif. I’m saving that one. It’ll come in handy. 🙂

cupisnique
10 years ago

Ohhh this comment is delicious:

“The only notion I disagree with is that being a submissive, feminine woman is equivalent to having low self-esteem. Quite the opposite, it’s the mannish, career-driven feminists who have no fundamental sense of their worth as women, which is why they seek to fill the void with pursuits and ideologies.”

Yeah, fuck your pursuits! You’re just filling a void with all those things you’re pursuing! Because obviously a career and self-fulfilment do not compare to being owned by a horrendous piece of garbage like these shitstains.

buttboy69
buttboy69
10 years ago

Oh, I know. I’m one of those men-who-are-not-like that. They just seem to be a minority in my world and I’m sick of being one of the maybe three or four “good” ones that I know.

Most of the men in your world are like Matt Forney’s attention-seeking internet persona? Do you live in a cartoon?

AbsintheDexterous
10 years ago

I hope that my hair will be good for taking dye, I’ve heard that sometimes if you go gray, it might not work. And if it doesn’t, I’ll just do what I do now and wear wigs.

fromafar2013
10 years ago

@ buttboy

“Anyway, he’ll regret this whole charade when he gets older and realizes that it’s all he’ll ever be remembered for.”

I hope you are right. I never wish harm on folks like this, but I remember reading somewhere a really great response to equally hateful shit being something along the lines of “I wish you all of the self realization and consequences of your actions and words and all of the shame and regret that comes with it.” Now I need to find that article… -_-

kittehserf
10 years ago

And hats, if you like hats! 🙂

kittehserf
10 years ago

(The hats comment was in reply to AbsintheDextrous. I wasn’t wishing hats on Forney. Let his head get cold or sunburnt, I say.)

cupisnique
10 years ago

It’s probably harder to keep the dye in with gray hair. But I’ve had premature gray hair since highschool and it does dye.

Marie
10 years ago

@absinthedexterous

I hope that my hair will be good for taking dye, I’ve heard that sometimes if you go gray, it might not work. And if it doesn’t, I’ll just do what I do now and wear wigs.

Aww, didn’t know it doesn’t always work with gray :/

@Tzeenj

Oh, I know. I’m one of those men-who-are-not-like that. They just seem to be a minority in my world and I’m sick of being one of the maybe three or four “good” ones that I know.

I usually come down to the comments to get my ‘not all men are like that’ does, since there’s a decent number of male posters here. But if you want to meet people like that in meat-space, I’m not sure what to do.

Tzeenj
Tzeenj
10 years ago
Reply to  buttboy69

No, thankfully, I don’t know many guys that are that bad, but not really all that “good” either. Not a lot of misogynistic shitebags, but lying, cheating, overly-obsessed-with-being-“Macho” condemning things for being “female”, or constantly bitching abut women. yeah, all over the place.

Marie
10 years ago

@cupisnique

It’s probably harder to keep the dye in with gray hair. But I’ve had premature gray hair since highschool and it does dye.

Well, that’s good news :3

AbsintheDexterous
10 years ago

Hahaha, Kittehserf, I have a ton of those too, some really fun. My favorite thing to do is go to the bar and wear them like I was wearing a baseball cap – totally unassuming and not a big deal, just a person sitting there with a hat that has variously colored horns or a sparkly silver Santa hat. The best moment I had doing that, I was also reading “The Communist Mannifesto”, and some guy was like, “OH PLEASE CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE THIS IS TOO AWESOME”. I take my silliness very, very seriously. 🙂

kittehserf
10 years ago

I am loving that image, AbsintheDexterous! I love hats too and have more knitted berets than I’ll wear all winter. 😀

Lili Fugit
Lili Fugit
10 years ago

Random thoughts:

This asshole thinks 50 Shades of Gray is a How-to, apparently. Cuz um dude, SO not original.

Biologists have found that in spite of male chimps smacking female chimps around to keep them in line, roughly 70% of female chimp offspring was sired by non-smacking or stranger males, so, yeah. Real effective comparison there.

The criticize the clothes so they don’t get piercings/tats thing works pretty much in 0% of all cases, because there’s not a female on earth (probably) who isn’t criticized 24/7 for her clothes and appearance, frequently by males, and yet, somehow, piercings and tats manage to get done.

And finally, um, SO not original. Not an original thought in there. So sad.

cloudiah
10 years ago

Even if he is trolling, he is providing receptive men with a step-by-step guide to emotionally, physically, and sexually abuse women, which makes him loathesome. I hope he is continuously vomited upon by dyspeptic llamas who follow him and chew on his hair, as he (barefoot) tries to navigate a dark room filled with LEGOs. And when he finally gets out of that room, he finds out that all of his bedsheets and carpets have been replaced with slime mold. And then he discovers that he has to repeatedly undergo nasogastric intubations for medical reasons, which are not painful but are VERY UNPLEASANT. And then other bad things happen that I can’t think of right now. And finally, he has a big blast of self-awareness and realizes he has wasted the one life he has on this earth making things worse for people, including himself.

(Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.)

buttboy69
buttboy69
10 years ago

I hope you are right. I never wish harm on folks like this, but I remember reading somewhere a really great response to equally hateful shit being something along the lines of “I wish you all of the self realization and consequences of your actions and words and all of the shame and regret that comes with it.” Now I need to find that article… -_-

It’s not even that, though. Forney’s problem is that he’s not really intelligent enough, or a good enough writer, to do anything of note beyond successfully pissing a lot of people off. Which means that his name will forever be associated first and foremost with stuff like “The Necessity of Domestic Violence” and “The Case Against Female Self-Esteem”.

Maybe he’s okay with that now, on whatever weird high he’s getting off the attention. But in ten years, when he’s trying to build a life and career beyond this shit? Google won’t let him.

cloudiah
10 years ago

Forney’s problem is that he’s not really intelligent enough, or a good enough writer…

You read that, and your conclusion is that Forney’s problem is that he’s not smart enough, or a good enough writer? That’s your conclusion?

Tzeenj
Tzeenj
10 years ago

@Marie.

You sed:” eh. Nothing wrong with feeling done with your gender b/c sexism, but this is just a reminder that has sperm =/= is a man and has eggs =/= is a woman.”

This, as a somewhat genderqueer male, I know. However, biologically speaking, the male of the species is still the only one who produces sperm, which is pretty much the only thing that biological males can do that biological females can’t.

Tzeenj
Tzeenj
10 years ago
Reply to  buttboy69

That said, to give you an example, one guy that I know (not “like”, not “willingly spend time with”), upon hearing a woman scream not too far away, not knowing anything about the situation, turned and yelled “Yeah! Yeah! Hit her again!”

(before anyone asks, my own reaction was to quickly head over to investigate. The lady in question was just startled by a large object falling near her)

It’s moments like this that cause me to wander from “Valerie Solanas was a total nutcase” to “Valerie Solanas may have had some good points.”

Thankfully, I never stay at that point for very long, but still, egads!

But maybe I hold my standards way too high?

BreakfastMan
BreakfastMan
10 years ago

Mr. Forney, I have a message for you…

http://chezapocalypse.com/2012/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/gfydisney.gif

Seriously, though. Go do it. Then find some offal to drown in you horrible little shit.

Robert
Robert
10 years ago

Full disclosure – I was in an abusive relationship about twenty years ago, between the death of my first husband and meeting my second. Fortunately for me, he did not have any of this expert advice, just his own personal damage, as a guide. It lasted about nine months. I shudder at the thought of heterosexual versions of him reading this and thinking “oh, yeah, this sounds good!”. That anyone is so vicious and evil as to encourage this behavior is dismaying.

The author of this bitter, twisted guide to abusing other people will, almost certainly, grow old alone and hating it, himself and life in general. That is the only consolation I can see in all this.

Tzeenj
Tzeenj
10 years ago

All I’m saying is, if I hated anything as much as these guys seem to hate women, I wouldn’t be wanting to spend any time around it, or give it this much thought and effort, y’know?

Really, why do they bother? Really, just stay away from them. You’ll be happy at not having to be around them, they’ll be all too happy at your not being around them, everybody wins.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Oh, hey, I guess it is time to write that Borg post about red flags. To summarize – if someone you’re involved with does any of this stuff, it’s a red flag, and you should DTMFA.

Sredni Vashtar
Sredni Vashtar
10 years ago

@cloudiah: I’m a big softy so I tend to favour the ‘villain has a change of heart’ ending – forney is visited by three ghosts, wakes up in horror at the wet shitstain that is his life and corpus of accomplishments so far, publicly apologises on his blog and lists in detail the highly specific personal insecurities that underlay his entire shitty ‘philosophy’, begins to take part in feminist discussion groups in his area, (just listening and asking questions at first, while he learns what the fuck the score is), and becomes a valuable ally to women, lgbt people and ethnic minorities. And that he lives a happy and productive, positive life.

Still hopes he steps on a fair few Legos before that happens though.

Brooked
Brooked
10 years ago

@bb69

Anyway, he’ll regret this whole charade when he gets older and realizes that it’s all he’ll ever be remembered for.

Luckily very few people currently know who the hell he is and his shitty blog is going to make a brief stop at obscurity before being permanently relegated to non-entity status. Google the guy and the first things not written and pimped by him that come up are Manboobz posts, then it’s mostly manosphere shout-out and a few random bloggers momentarily horrified by an awful article of his that somehow came to their attention.

He gets all of my distain and none of my outrage because he is so clearly begging for the latter.