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Attention-seeking manosphere douchebag offers how-to guide for abusive boyfriends

Not the model for a happy and successful relationship
Not the model for a happy and successful relationship

Apparently hoping to gin up another flood of hate-traffic to his blog, the attention-seeking human stain whose name rhymes with Batt Gorney has posted what is essentially a how-to guide for would-be abusive boyfriends under the charming title “How to Crush a Girl’s Self-Esteem.”

“Gorney” has conveniently arranged his suggestions into a numbered list, so let’s proceed through them one by one. (If you’re triggered by explicit discussions of psychological and physical abuse, please stop reading now.)

Step one, in “Gorney’s” not-so-unique 6-step-plan: “Constantly make her feel inadequate.”

And how do you do that? Easy as pie.

Every time she does something for you, find out what she did wrong and remind her of it. If you can’t find any problems, make some up.

And try some mild gaslighting while you’re at it.

[Y]ou should always sound calm and collected, like you’re talking about the weather. Denigrating her in a neutral-but-firm fashion will trip her submissiveness circuitry, making her think about how she can better serve you. And every time she reaches the goalposts, you move them, forcing her to play an eternal game of catch-up.

Like the salesmen in Glengarry Glen Ross, you should Always Be Criticizing:

The concept is that if you criticize girls for minor mistakes, they’ll be less likely to commit major ones, as their mental energy is expended on dealing with your every complaint. For example, if you constantly critique the way she dresses, you won’t be arguing with her over whether she should get a tattoo or nose piercing to express her “individuality.”

In step 2, “Dominate her physically and sexually,”“Gorney” encourages his readers to violate their girlfriend’s personal and sexual boundaries at every chance.

Repeatedly violate her boundaries in small, petty ways, small enough that she’ll feel petty for complaining to you.

That’s right: abuse her strategically, and in such a way that she feels crazy for complaining about your abuse. “Gorney” is thinking like a true abuser.

For example, if you’re into anal sex and she’s not thrilled about it, the next time you take her from behind, stick your finger into her asshole. If she doesn’t like facials, cum in her hair instead. Lightly clasp your hand around her throat during sex like you’re going to choke her. (Do not actually choke her. That is dangerous.) Smack her on the behind when you’re out in public. The possibilities are endless.

The message you want to send her is simple: it’s not her body anymore.

This is all textbook abusive behavior.

“Gorney” follows this with a lovely bit of rationalization:

Most girls want you to dominate them anyway, but the rationalization hamster and their conscious minds prevent them from articulating this desire.

And then it’s back to more strategic abuse:

[I]f she lets you get away with minor violations of her boundaries, she’ll accede to your bigger demands later on, letting you mold her into the perfect plaything. If she doesn’t violently resist getting her anus fingered, a little more pressure and you’ll be full-on sodomizing her, grinning as she whimpers between each thrust.

Apparently the only sexual pleasure “Gorney” can imagine from anal sex is the pleasure he evidently gets from forcing women into it against their will.

Oh, and make sure you never give her the chance to say “no.”

Never ask her for anything, because asking is begging, and begging is contemptible.

Yep. Avoid the thorny issue of consent by never asking, and assuming that anything other than violent resistance is a “yes.”

Step 3 in “Gorney’s” program takes the creepiness into overdrive: “Isolate her from her friends and family.”

I don’t have much to say about this one; there’s a reason this is a favorite technique of cults and domestic abusers alike. Here’s Gorney’s take on it:

You need to be the primary emotional influence in her life, and you can’t do that if she’s leaning on anyone else for support. Gradually wean her from contact with anyone other than you.

What’s in it for you?

Not only will this increase her emotional dependence on you, it will make her more willing to please you; she’ll be less likely to wreck the relationship if she knows she’ll be all alone if it goes south.

For step 4, “Gorney” puts away the stick for a moment and pulls out a carrot, urging his readers to “Reward her at random intervals.”

But his emphasis is as much on the random as on the rewards; this is yet another gaslighting trick.

If you reward her every time she does good, she’ll see the pattern and use it to manipulate you. But if you reward her at random, her little hamster brain will run itself ragged trying to figure out your endgame.

Step 5 carries the slightly misleading title “Give her an emotional release.” In fact, what he suggests is that you physically “discipline” your girlfriend when she does “wrong” in your eyes.

By spanking a girl until she starts crying and sobbing, you give her an emotional release, turning her into a soppy puddle of goo and making her more inclined to serve you. As a friend of mine put it, all girls crave spankings; it’s their way of making up for Eve’s sin.

“Gorney” seems to be confusing consensual BDSM — which can bring bottoms or submissives intensely emotional releases — with domestic violence.

In step 6, “Gorney” tries to convince his readers — and himself — that it’s an abuser’s incredible sexual prowess, and not his manipulative abuse, that allows him to keep control over an abusive relationship.

You absolutely must have good cocksmanship if you want to ruin a girl’s self-esteem. Girls are enslaved to their vaginas as much as men are to their penises …  Girls will do anything for a man who can fuck them good … .

Your dick is heroin, she’s the junkie and you’re the dealer.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

If you can make her cum on a regular basis, she’ll side with you over her parents, her friends, everyone.

Really? I hate to break it to you, dude, but “[m]aking her cum on a regular basis” is not really an extraordinary achievement, dude. It’s not a sign that you’re some sort of exceptional “cocksman” with a dick of pure heroin. It’s actually kind of, you know, basic? Expected? Also, most women can give themselves orgasms on a regular basis.

Additionally, don’t make her cum every time you have sex. Think like a dealer: you give the customer the pure stuff when you want to get them hooked, and when they’re addicted, you sell them shit that’s been cut with rat poison to increase your bottom line.

Somehow I don’t doubt that sex with guys like this would be a lot like taking drugs laced with rat poison.

[R]ationing out her orgasms at random will keep her on her toes trying to satisfy you.

Or send her off in search of someone who’s not such a complete asshole in bed?

“Gorney’s” advice is so over-the-top awful — it sometimes reads like he’s literally copied it from some textbook on domestic abuse — that it’s hard not to wonder if he just trolling. And to some degree, I’m sure he is. But he also clearly believes a lot of the shit he posts, and so I can only assume he believes, and possibly follows, at least some of his “advice” here.

This is a guy, after all, who admitted plainly to hitting a previous girlfriend, in a post in which he also declared that

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Actually, that’s not true. In fact, there’s some research that suggests male chimps terrorize female chimps — and beat them with branches —  to punish them for mating with other males. So men who abuse women are in fact the ones behaving like chimps.

Every time I think that the manosphere can’t sink any lower, something comes along and proves me wrong.

NOTE: I don’t want to give “Gorney” any traffic for his terrible post. But I also feel obligated to link to my source. So I have. I’ve just hidden the link randomly in the middle of the post.

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cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Also! My granny knitted me a replica of the scarf, because she’s awesome.

kittehserf
10 years ago

cassandra – similar story here. I watched Peter Davison, but didn’t think much of those stories (and thought he was too young). Didn’t see more than a couple of Colin Baker or Sylvester McCoy, hated what they did with the film – and I’d looked forward to seeing McGann – but 10 was worth watching.

Silence in the Library, one of the scariest and saddest stories …

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

@Marie and @ContraPangloss, yes. 🙂

And I just remembered, I also liked Avon in Blake’s 7. I *am* that old. 🙂 I also remember videotapes, and television broadcast in black and white, and NZ having a nationalised tv service that used to shut down for the night (11pm?) They ran this cartoon then:

For Marie, and she is hot with short hair (IMO obvs):
https://www.google.co.nz/search?q=blakes+7+servalan&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=MyD0UsbjEIe6lAXtnoHgAQ&ved=0CDEQsAQ&biw=1918&bih=841

ContraPangloss
ContraPangloss
10 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

Is your granny still around, and could I adopt her as my granny? 🙂

Neither of my grannies liked knitting, although one was fairly wicked at embroidery.

Marie
10 years ago

@kiwi girl

For Marie, and she is hot with short hair (IMO obvs):

Well, you’re not wrong 😀 (imo)

::chills quietly while all of the Who-talk flies straight over my head::

kittehserf
10 years ago

A friend of mine knitted me a scarf, too! Very useful in an unheated schoolroom in winter.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

Ah, Peter Davidson, had recently watched him as the annoying younger brother in the TV adaptation of All Creatures Great and Small, and couldn’t get past that. Stopped watching at that point.

Last year, I made three of the Dr Who scarves, all done in a nice LionBrand acrylic as I’m allergic to wool. My one is …12′ or 15′ long? I have saved the pattern for tardis socks, but have yet to do intarsia for socks yet.

leatapp
leatapp
10 years ago

Anthony Stewart Head is known for playing Giles from Buffy, Frankfurter in Rock Horror on stage and being the Taster’s Choice Man. He also stared in Repo! the Genetic Opera. His IMDB page has him listed as working on several shows I haven’t seen, but might have to check out now that I know he’s in them. I find him dreamy.

No love for Lux either? Awww, but he’s the hottest thing from the north to come out of the south. He passed away just a few Februarys ago. I’m always reminded of him this time of year. He and Ivy are like psychobilly fairytale royalty to me. Forget Prince Charming. Lux was The Most Exalted Potentate of Love. 😉

leatapp
leatapp
10 years ago

ContraPangloss,
Anytime someone in my house says, “I have a theory” we’re always answered by someone else responding, “Is it bunnies?”

kittehserf
10 years ago

And I just remembered, I also liked Avon in Blake’s 7. I *am* that old.

I liked Blake and Vila! 🙂

I also thought Servalan was gorgeous, if horrible.

Hey, trivia: Servalan (Jacqueline Pearce) was in a couple of Hammer horror films in the 60s – Plague of the Zombies and The Reptile.

I also saw Paul Darrow (Avon) in an early-70s version of Murder Must Advertise, as Tallboy.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Granny is in her 80s, but still around! Which reminds me, I need to go to See’s and get her some candy. I’m thinking she might like the white chocolate strawberry hearts.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Oh gods yes, Tristan Farnon. Peter Davison was pretty much branded in my brain in that role, too.

Now Robert Hardy (Siegfried) – he was pretty easy on the eye as a young man. He played Leicester in Elizabeth R and was such a good likeness for him.

ContraPangloss
ContraPangloss
10 years ago

@ Leatapp,

🙂 So much love for your house, right now.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

O, o, o… Martin Shaw in MacBeth, Sinbad, and The Professionals. All that curly hair!

My female crush on the “goodies” side in Blake’s 7 was Dayna:
http://www.blakes-7.co.uk/chars/Dayna/dayna.shtml

kittehserf
10 years ago

Oh, yes, he was beautiful as Banquo!

Jon Finch was very eye-candyish as MacBeth, too.

Ah yes, Dayna! Never can remember the actor’s name, but I’ve seen her a few times since. She was in episodes of Dalziel and Pascoe and Lewis.

Shadow
Shadow
10 years ago

@Kiwi Girl & pecunium

My personal experience has been that non-American black people can find it annoying and/or erasing to be subsumed under the African American label (true for many of my black friends but not all) so I tend to use black when referring to mixed groups or unknown groups of people. This is, of course, the world according to me, and I’m not black myself, so disclaimers apply.

*waves at Argenti*

pecunium
10 years ago

emilygodddess: Your link to the models didn’t work.

pecunium
10 years ago

My favorite bit of disconnect where race/nationality intersect is the people who have emigrated to the US from Africa, and can’t call themselves “African-American”, because they aren’t black.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

Oh, coding for disability is an even worse quagmire than ethnicity (YMMV). Back in the late 90s, Stats NZ did a disability survey using a subset of people from the census. As with ethnicity, disability is also person-defined in NZ with some provisos (e.g. people like me with chronic myopia but aren’t legally blind, aren’t defined as having a disability because of corrective lenses). The bits they did that were awful, was that they created subgroups of false positives and false negatives. Given that disability is self-identified, it’s a bit mindboggling how someone can be considered as a false negative, in particular.

That’s along the lines of: I know you don’t think of yourself as having a disability, but actually you do, because I know more than you do about your own body and its functions. I don’t even want to think about how they conceptualised the false positives.

o.O

kittehserf
10 years ago

Grrr, this thread is doing the “bounce back to the top of the previous page” thing.

&^%$#@ wordpress!

kittehserf
10 years ago

Spectacle wearer’s curiosity: how bad’s your myopeia, Kiwi girl? I can’t focus properly much past arm’s length.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

I’m about -1.5 in both eyes, so not too bad, need corrective lenses for driving and seeing people’s faces across the room. It’s been pretty stable over time. But not enjoying the hyperopia that’s coming with age. 🙁 Good light and magnification for fiddly crafting bits is my secret now. 🙂

kittehserf
10 years ago

Mine’s been pretty stable too; I went for about a decade before I needed to change prescriptions, but I’ve just had the second new one in two years, for the same reason – age and decrepitude of the eyes. 😛

I use magnifiers for close work, too. The days of holding sewing or other craft work practically against my nose are long gone! Be interesting to find out how the close-up part of my new scrip works. The current one hasn’t been any help for some time.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

I’m going to ask my optometrist to prescribe me contact lenses again. I hate glasses – especially the rain marking them, and eyelash smears. I saw an opthalmologist about what I thought were styes, turns out they were chalazions and I have developed dry eye syndrome. That normally means no contact lenses, and no corrective laser surgery either, but I’ve been taking my fish oil tablets as per instructions for 4 years now and my eyes are much better, so I am hoping to go back to contacts. Apparently the ratios/levels of omega-3 oils are incorrect in my body so I needed to do diet change to fix them. The opthalmologist was silent on whether being a vegetarian was a contributing factor or not. Apparently I can’t use flaxseed oil as the fix as the ratio of DHA to EPA(?) is wrong.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek I’d never heard of chalazions till now!

I thought blepharitis was bad enough. 🙁

I tried contacts years’n’years ago, when the choice was hard or soft. Bloody things would fold in half inside my eyelid if I ever made the mistake of rubbing an itch. I didn’t mind going back to wearing glasses, and I’m looking forward to the new pair I should be picking up next week.

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