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Attention-seeking manosphere douchebag offers how-to guide for abusive boyfriends

Not the model for a happy and successful relationship
Not the model for a happy and successful relationship

Apparently hoping to gin up another flood of hate-traffic to his blog, the attention-seeking human stain whose name rhymes with Batt Gorney has posted what is essentially a how-to guide for would-be abusive boyfriends under the charming title “How to Crush a Girl’s Self-Esteem.”

“Gorney” has conveniently arranged his suggestions into a numbered list, so let’s proceed through them one by one. (If you’re triggered by explicit discussions of psychological and physical abuse, please stop reading now.)

Step one, in “Gorney’s” not-so-unique 6-step-plan: “Constantly make her feel inadequate.”

And how do you do that? Easy as pie.

Every time she does something for you, find out what she did wrong and remind her of it. If you can’t find any problems, make some up.

And try some mild gaslighting while you’re at it.

[Y]ou should always sound calm and collected, like you’re talking about the weather. Denigrating her in a neutral-but-firm fashion will trip her submissiveness circuitry, making her think about how she can better serve you. And every time she reaches the goalposts, you move them, forcing her to play an eternal game of catch-up.

Like the salesmen in Glengarry Glen Ross, you should Always Be Criticizing:

The concept is that if you criticize girls for minor mistakes, they’ll be less likely to commit major ones, as their mental energy is expended on dealing with your every complaint. For example, if you constantly critique the way she dresses, you won’t be arguing with her over whether she should get a tattoo or nose piercing to express her “individuality.”

In step 2, “Dominate her physically and sexually,”“Gorney” encourages his readers to violate their girlfriend’s personal and sexual boundaries at every chance.

Repeatedly violate her boundaries in small, petty ways, small enough that she’ll feel petty for complaining to you.

That’s right: abuse her strategically, and in such a way that she feels crazy for complaining about your abuse. “Gorney” is thinking like a true abuser.

For example, if you’re into anal sex and she’s not thrilled about it, the next time you take her from behind, stick your finger into her asshole. If she doesn’t like facials, cum in her hair instead. Lightly clasp your hand around her throat during sex like you’re going to choke her. (Do not actually choke her. That is dangerous.) Smack her on the behind when you’re out in public. The possibilities are endless.

The message you want to send her is simple: it’s not her body anymore.

This is all textbook abusive behavior.

“Gorney” follows this with a lovely bit of rationalization:

Most girls want you to dominate them anyway, but the rationalization hamster and their conscious minds prevent them from articulating this desire.

And then it’s back to more strategic abuse:

[I]f she lets you get away with minor violations of her boundaries, she’ll accede to your bigger demands later on, letting you mold her into the perfect plaything. If she doesn’t violently resist getting her anus fingered, a little more pressure and you’ll be full-on sodomizing her, grinning as she whimpers between each thrust.

Apparently the only sexual pleasure “Gorney” can imagine from anal sex is the pleasure he evidently gets from forcing women into it against their will.

Oh, and make sure you never give her the chance to say “no.”

Never ask her for anything, because asking is begging, and begging is contemptible.

Yep. Avoid the thorny issue of consent by never asking, and assuming that anything other than violent resistance is a “yes.”

Step 3 in “Gorney’s” program takes the creepiness into overdrive: “Isolate her from her friends and family.”

I don’t have much to say about this one; there’s a reason this is a favorite technique of cults and domestic abusers alike. Here’s Gorney’s take on it:

You need to be the primary emotional influence in her life, and you can’t do that if she’s leaning on anyone else for support. Gradually wean her from contact with anyone other than you.

What’s in it for you?

Not only will this increase her emotional dependence on you, it will make her more willing to please you; she’ll be less likely to wreck the relationship if she knows she’ll be all alone if it goes south.

For step 4, “Gorney” puts away the stick for a moment and pulls out a carrot, urging his readers to “Reward her at random intervals.”

But his emphasis is as much on the random as on the rewards; this is yet another gaslighting trick.

If you reward her every time she does good, she’ll see the pattern and use it to manipulate you. But if you reward her at random, her little hamster brain will run itself ragged trying to figure out your endgame.

Step 5 carries the slightly misleading title “Give her an emotional release.” In fact, what he suggests is that you physically “discipline” your girlfriend when she does “wrong” in your eyes.

By spanking a girl until she starts crying and sobbing, you give her an emotional release, turning her into a soppy puddle of goo and making her more inclined to serve you. As a friend of mine put it, all girls crave spankings; it’s their way of making up for Eve’s sin.

“Gorney” seems to be confusing consensual BDSM — which can bring bottoms or submissives intensely emotional releases — with domestic violence.

In step 6, “Gorney” tries to convince his readers — and himself — that it’s an abuser’s incredible sexual prowess, and not his manipulative abuse, that allows him to keep control over an abusive relationship.

You absolutely must have good cocksmanship if you want to ruin a girl’s self-esteem. Girls are enslaved to their vaginas as much as men are to their penises …  Girls will do anything for a man who can fuck them good … .

Your dick is heroin, she’s the junkie and you’re the dealer.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

If you can make her cum on a regular basis, she’ll side with you over her parents, her friends, everyone.

Really? I hate to break it to you, dude, but “[m]aking her cum on a regular basis” is not really an extraordinary achievement, dude. It’s not a sign that you’re some sort of exceptional “cocksman” with a dick of pure heroin. It’s actually kind of, you know, basic? Expected? Also, most women can give themselves orgasms on a regular basis.

Additionally, don’t make her cum every time you have sex. Think like a dealer: you give the customer the pure stuff when you want to get them hooked, and when they’re addicted, you sell them shit that’s been cut with rat poison to increase your bottom line.

Somehow I don’t doubt that sex with guys like this would be a lot like taking drugs laced with rat poison.

[R]ationing out her orgasms at random will keep her on her toes trying to satisfy you.

Or send her off in search of someone who’s not such a complete asshole in bed?

“Gorney’s” advice is so over-the-top awful — it sometimes reads like he’s literally copied it from some textbook on domestic abuse — that it’s hard not to wonder if he just trolling. And to some degree, I’m sure he is. But he also clearly believes a lot of the shit he posts, and so I can only assume he believes, and possibly follows, at least some of his “advice” here.

This is a guy, after all, who admitted plainly to hitting a previous girlfriend, in a post in which he also declared that

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Actually, that’s not true. In fact, there’s some research that suggests male chimps terrorize female chimps — and beat them with branches —  to punish them for mating with other males. So men who abuse women are in fact the ones behaving like chimps.

Every time I think that the manosphere can’t sink any lower, something comes along and proves me wrong.

NOTE: I don’t want to give “Gorney” any traffic for his terrible post. But I also feel obligated to link to my source. So I have. I’ve just hidden the link randomly in the middle of the post.

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FromAfar
7 years ago

This bit “And every time she reaches the goalposts, you move them, forcing her to play an eternal game of catch-up.” The trolls do it on purpose! Trying to trigger our “submissiveness circuitry”! We are on to your game!

bodycrimes
7 years ago

I don’t believe for one minute that Mr Gorney has any actual experience with soul-crushing girls and making them beg for his approval. In his dreams. He’s read somewhere about abuse and has ripped it off.

bodycrimes
7 years ago

@FromAfar – thanks for explaining how they do it! Sometimes I see trolls at work and start searching for aprons to tie on. I never understood why that was.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

Kitty hugs to anyone who read that. ‘cos that is an abuser’s guide.

Amanda Ching
7 years ago

God, I can’t take any jackass seriously when he spells it “cum”.

radegunde
radegunde
7 years ago

I feel sick. This is what was done to me, with a helping of “I can fuck anyone I want to” on the side. This is how I lost the years between the time I was 19 and 24. And thank god I got out.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

1) thank you, I’m ripping off this for a Borg post on red flags (I’ll give you an actually link back)

2) “cocksmanship”?!?

BritterSweet
BritterSweet
7 years ago

“The message you want to send her is simple: it’s not her body anymore.”

Welp. Time for the brain bleach.

Seriously, holy shit.

BritterSweet
BritterSweet
7 years ago

Aha! Finally found what I was looking for.

http://media.yourdailymedia.com/4/flip_off_gif.gif

kittehserf
7 years ago

Yes, well, Bat Guano should remember what happened to Charles Boyer’s character in Gaslight.

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

Well, this made me physically ill.

AbsintheDexterous
AbsintheDexterous
7 years ago

For example, if you constantly critique the way she dresses, you won’t be arguing with her over whether she should get a tattoo or nose piercing to express her “individuality.”

Uh, this is a woman who is your partner, not your child. If she wants a tattoo or piercing, so what? And this wouldn’t work with a teenage daughter very well, either. All that’s going to happen is tattoos and piercings after the divorce, and that’s not a bad thing.

BabyLawyer
BabyLawyer
7 years ago
vida
vida
7 years ago

“R]ationing out her orgasms at random will keep her on her toes trying to satisfy you.”
So this poor sod has no clue that masturbation is actually doable by the ladies? Hmm, probably just as well.

shayla
shayla
7 years ago

I wish everyone could read this, not for personal dating tips, but for recognizing the signs of abuse right from the horse’s mouth.

AbsintheDexterous
AbsintheDexterous
7 years ago

In fact, this guy is so vile, I want to go out and plaster my body with tattoos and piercings, in the hopes that will ward away him and anyone like him.

fromafar2013
fromafar2013
7 years ago

“Uh, this is a woman who is your partner, not your child.”

Yeah, notice how he keeps saying ‘girl’ and ‘girls’ and has an elaborate fantasy about spanking to make her cry. Plus what you pointed out about controlling what she wears and who she talks to… WTH!? I smell a pedophile… 🙁

MaudeLL
7 years ago

He enters meta-rationalization territory when he rationalizes his assholery by asserting that women rationalize their desire to be abused.

AbsintheDexterous
AbsintheDexterous
7 years ago

Hilarious meows.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

In fact, this guy is so vile, I want to go out and plaster my body with tattoos and piercings, in the hopes that will ward away him and anyone like him.

I got my first tattoo, last year, & one of the things that ended me procrastinating about it was one of these ass-hats proclaiming that “girls” with tatts were abrasive sluts who should be avoided. 😉

kittehserf
7 years ago

::applauds::

yaoi huntress earth
yaoi huntress earth
7 years ago

Have you read any of his other articles? It’s people like this who make you temporarily like men just a little less.

Just Saying!
Just Saying!
7 years ago

He should send a copy of his ‘work’ to his mum and get her opinion on it.

seranvali
7 years ago

This looks as if he’s gone through a list of red flags in a domestic violence textbook point by point and advocated the use of every single one.

Is he serious or is this just another attention-getting device?

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

He should just stick with a blow-up doll. Added bonus, if he thinks the doll is getting too fat, he could just let some air out.

yaoi huntress earth
yaoi huntress earth
7 years ago

He’s also one of those guys who thinks that all non-American women (especially Asians) will be these perfect, submissive little Stepford Wives that will fall to their knees for him, Forgetting that those women are human beings, not robots.

fromafar2013
fromafar2013
7 years ago

“Have you read any of his other articles? It’s people like this who make you temporarily like men just a little less.”

Men like him make me want to go snuggle with my boyfriend. Cause my boyfriend is awesome.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

Blah. Not feeling up to do more than skim this article.

@ragegunde

I feel sick. This is what was done to me, with a helping of “I can fuck anyone I want to” on the side. This is how I lost the years between the time I was 19 and 24. And thank god I got out.

That’s terrible 🙁 Internet hugs and a side of brain bleach from me, if you want either.

AbsintheDexterous
AbsintheDexterous
7 years ago

making her more inclined to serve you

Apparently, he’s never seen that Twilight Zone episode.

I smell a pedophile

It really has that vibe to it. I’m completely creeped out by this.

titanblue – I kinda sorta want to get one, but every time I think about it, there’s other things I want to buy instead. I’m thinking I probably won’t get one until I’m about 40 or so, maybe for my 45th. And I know that I will look young until I’m well into my 60s, so that probably won’t entirely stop the creepers. Just this year at the ripe ol’ age of 36, people are starting to guess my age at 25-27, up from about 23-26 when I turned 30.

I can’t wait for 80. It’s going to be awesome. I’m going to dye my hair a brilliant purple and learn to crochet dildo cozies. I get so excited about getting old, people think I’m nuts.

fromafar2013
fromafar2013
7 years ago

“I’m going to dye my hair a brilliant purple and learn to crochet dildo cozies.”

I want to do this NOW and I’m only 30. I did just start learning how to crochet…

Anonymous
Anonymous
7 years ago

@bodycrimes:

“I don’t believe for one minute that Mr Gorney has any actual experience with soul-crushing girls…”

There are a lot of terrible things about what this guy is doing, and I hope no one is going to think that I believe otherwise. But can we please not make this about degrading people who don’t have sex/relationship experience? I’ve been seeing this around a lot, and (as a *woman* who doesn’t have a lot of experience,) I find it really upsetting and unfair.

The problem with this guy is that he’s an abuser who wrote an abuse guide, not that he presumably doesn’t have a lot of experience. If that is true, it’s not something that’s wrong with him – and there are a lot of despicable, disturbing things to fault this guy for. And I doubt that it is true, because I’ve seen it a lot more often from people who do have a lot of experience and high social standing than from people who can’t get a date. People without a lot of connections or experience aren’t evil.

rjjspesh
7 years ago

WELL. That was fucked up. I just *had* to go read the actual article, didn’t I? I had to read the comments, didn’t I?

The main article might be trollin’, possibly, so I guess it’s bearable, But the comments. Good fucking god, the comments 🙁 Those people aren’t doing it for attention. They really seem to believe this shit.

Bitter Sweet- thanks for the brain bleach. I NEEDED it

me and not you
me and not you
7 years ago

Welp, that’s a creepy description of abuse from the other side. As someone who is actually into S&M and was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I’d give that a big pile of nope on both counts. S&M = consent; gaslighting = not consent. ew.

fromafar2013
fromafar2013
7 years ago

@rjjspesh

I have an urge to go spam the comments section with videos of the Yip Yip Martian muppets saying NOPE!

steampunked (@steampunked)

The only thing this makes me do is make a mental note for later conversations to have with my daughter about how to spot anyone behaving like this.

I suppose it does force me to re-examine my pacifism and try to work out what I actually WOULD do if someone attempted to do this to my child. I mean, ideally, there would be legal defense, prosecution, and the high road, but realistically, I think I might grab a fire iron.

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

rjjspesh:

WELL. That was fucked up. I just *had* to go read the actual article, didn’t I? I had to read the comments, didn’t I?

Yep, me too.

But I did find this little gem, from the original’s comment section:

The best part about this post is the unspoken truth it speaks.

It speaks the unspoken truth!

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

@sparky, Chthulu says no, that is not the unspoken truth. And the flying spaghetti monster agrees with Chthulu.

kittehserf
7 years ago

AbsintheDextrous, my mum and I got tattoos a few years back. I was in my forties and she was in her seventies. 🙂

fromafar2013
fromafar2013
7 years ago
cupisnique
7 years ago

“I can’t wait for 80. It’s going to be awesome. I’m going to dye my hair a brilliant purple and learn to crochet dildo cozies.”

The plus side of dying your hair fun colours when you are 80 is you don’t need to bleach first!

Old Reader
Old Reader
7 years ago

“Apparently hoping to gin up another flood of hate-traffic to his blog, the attention-seeking human stain whose name rhymes with Batt Gorney ”

– Ha ha. So that’s what *you’re* calling him. I have my own names for him. One of them being “something-n-Horny”.

The guy is thoroughly unattractive ass of a human being who I’m positive cant’ get a date off the calendar, what to speak of even coming close to having a “girlfriend”.

The Manosphere is filled with virgins and even men who have absolutely zero experience with women (never been kissed) dishing out “relationship and game” advice.

What a frickin’ joke.

booburry
7 years ago

Someone who hates and thinks so little of women shouldn’t have a girlfriend. Why would they even want one? This was one of the more sickening posts I’ve read here lately. 🙁 I would post brain bleach as well if I weren’t on my phone.

Tzeenj
Tzeenj
7 years ago

That’s it! I’m done with my gender. I’m completely writing it off and longing for the day when artificial sperm cells can be created and we can go the way of the dodo!

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@cupisnique

The plus side of dying your hair fun colours when you are 80 is you don’t need to bleach first!

That’s what I tried to tell my mom, but she doesn’t like dying her hair fun colors near as much as me 😉

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@Tzeenj

That’s it! I’m done with my gender. I’m completely writing it off and longing for the day when artificial sperm cells can be created and we can go the way of the dodo!

eh. Nothing wrong with feeling done with your gender b/c sexism, but this is just a reminder that has sperm =/= is a man and has eggs =/= is a woman.

buttboy69
buttboy69
7 years ago

Matt Forney’s own insecurity is so glaringly obvious that I sometimes wonder if it isn’t an intentional part of his shtick in whatever bizarre game he’s playing.

Anyway, he’ll regret this whole charade when he gets older and realizes that it’s all he’ll ever be remembered for.

cupisnique
7 years ago

Not to suggest that these tactics don’t work, because obviously that’s how domestic abuse happens, but does he realize this is simply psychological abuse that any human being (not just “girls”) would be susceptible to and in no way makes you as the abuser particularly special?

I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, but I have dealt with emotionally manipulative people and it fucking sucks. It is seriously uncool to undermine someone’s mental health.

Old Reader
Old Reader
7 years ago

“[R]ationing out her orgasms at random will keep her on her toes trying to satisfy you.”

– No. It will just make her frustrated and will cause her to prefer masturbation to you.

fromafar2013
fromafar2013
7 years ago

Here Tzeenj, I got you this: http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m13luvDrvp1qbw0gqo1_500.gif

And it’s okay, not all men are like that, I’m sure you know. Most men are decent human beings 🙂

PS: I feel like posting silly memes is the only response I can have because thinking about it too hard would ruin my evening 🙁

cupisnique
7 years ago

This person’s comment is all kinds of twisted:

“Criticize every little thing she does? That’s nitpicking and nagging, which is a girly trait. It makes more sense for a man to be HONEST. Don’t ovepraise her and tell her “this is the best sandwich anyone has ever made for me!”, but also don’t nag her because she cut it into rectangles instead of triangles.”

Yeah, man! It’s not bad because you know, it’s abuse, it’s bad because it’s something a giiirrrlll would do. WTF are you trying to make us a bunch of sissy whiners? Men are HONEST!

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