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Attention-seeking manosphere douchebag offers how-to guide for abusive boyfriends

Not the model for a happy and successful relationship
Not the model for a happy and successful relationship

Apparently hoping to gin up another flood of hate-traffic to his blog, the attention-seeking human stain whose name rhymes with Batt Gorney has posted what is essentially a how-to guide for would-be abusive boyfriends under the charming title “How to Crush a Girl’s Self-Esteem.”

“Gorney” has conveniently arranged his suggestions into a numbered list, so let’s proceed through them one by one. (If you’re triggered by explicit discussions of psychological and physical abuse, please stop reading now.)

Step one, in “Gorney’s” not-so-unique 6-step-plan: “Constantly make her feel inadequate.”

And how do you do that? Easy as pie.

Every time she does something for you, find out what she did wrong and remind her of it. If you can’t find any problems, make some up.

And try some mild gaslighting while you’re at it.

[Y]ou should always sound calm and collected, like you’re talking about the weather. Denigrating her in a neutral-but-firm fashion will trip her submissiveness circuitry, making her think about how she can better serve you. And every time she reaches the goalposts, you move them, forcing her to play an eternal game of catch-up.

Like the salesmen in Glengarry Glen Ross, you should Always Be Criticizing:

The concept is that if you criticize girls for minor mistakes, they’ll be less likely to commit major ones, as their mental energy is expended on dealing with your every complaint. For example, if you constantly critique the way she dresses, you won’t be arguing with her over whether she should get a tattoo or nose piercing to express her “individuality.”

In step 2, “Dominate her physically and sexually,”“Gorney” encourages his readers to violate their girlfriend’s personal and sexual boundaries at every chance.

Repeatedly violate her boundaries in small, petty ways, small enough that she’ll feel petty for complaining to you.

That’s right: abuse her strategically, and in such a way that she feels crazy for complaining about your abuse. “Gorney” is thinking like a true abuser.

For example, if you’re into anal sex and she’s not thrilled about it, the next time you take her from behind, stick your finger into her asshole. If she doesn’t like facials, cum in her hair instead. Lightly clasp your hand around her throat during sex like you’re going to choke her. (Do not actually choke her. That is dangerous.) Smack her on the behind when you’re out in public. The possibilities are endless.

The message you want to send her is simple: it’s not her body anymore.

This is all textbook abusive behavior.

“Gorney” follows this with a lovely bit of rationalization:

Most girls want you to dominate them anyway, but the rationalization hamster and their conscious minds prevent them from articulating this desire.

And then it’s back to more strategic abuse:

[I]f she lets you get away with minor violations of her boundaries, she’ll accede to your bigger demands later on, letting you mold her into the perfect plaything. If she doesn’t violently resist getting her anus fingered, a little more pressure and you’ll be full-on sodomizing her, grinning as she whimpers between each thrust.

Apparently the only sexual pleasure “Gorney” can imagine from anal sex is the pleasure he evidently gets from forcing women into it against their will.

Oh, and make sure you never give her the chance to say “no.”

Never ask her for anything, because asking is begging, and begging is contemptible.

Yep. Avoid the thorny issue of consent by never asking, and assuming that anything other than violent resistance is a “yes.”

Step 3 in “Gorney’s” program takes the creepiness into overdrive: “Isolate her from her friends and family.”

I don’t have much to say about this one; there’s a reason this is a favorite technique of cults and domestic abusers alike. Here’s Gorney’s take on it:

You need to be the primary emotional influence in her life, and you can’t do that if she’s leaning on anyone else for support. Gradually wean her from contact with anyone other than you.

What’s in it for you?

Not only will this increase her emotional dependence on you, it will make her more willing to please you; she’ll be less likely to wreck the relationship if she knows she’ll be all alone if it goes south.

For step 4, “Gorney” puts away the stick for a moment and pulls out a carrot, urging his readers to “Reward her at random intervals.”

But his emphasis is as much on the random as on the rewards; this is yet another gaslighting trick.

If you reward her every time she does good, she’ll see the pattern and use it to manipulate you. But if you reward her at random, her little hamster brain will run itself ragged trying to figure out your endgame.

Step 5 carries the slightly misleading title “Give her an emotional release.” In fact, what he suggests is that you physically “discipline” your girlfriend when she does “wrong” in your eyes.

By spanking a girl until she starts crying and sobbing, you give her an emotional release, turning her into a soppy puddle of goo and making her more inclined to serve you. As a friend of mine put it, all girls crave spankings; it’s their way of making up for Eve’s sin.

“Gorney” seems to be confusing consensual BDSM — which can bring bottoms or submissives intensely emotional releases — with domestic violence.

In step 6, “Gorney” tries to convince his readers — and himself — that it’s an abuser’s incredible sexual prowess, and not his manipulative abuse, that allows him to keep control over an abusive relationship.

You absolutely must have good cocksmanship if you want to ruin a girl’s self-esteem. Girls are enslaved to their vaginas as much as men are to their penises …  Girls will do anything for a man who can fuck them good … .

Your dick is heroin, she’s the junkie and you’re the dealer.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

If you can make her cum on a regular basis, she’ll side with you over her parents, her friends, everyone.

Really? I hate to break it to you, dude, but “[m]aking her cum on a regular basis” is not really an extraordinary achievement, dude. It’s not a sign that you’re some sort of exceptional “cocksman” with a dick of pure heroin. It’s actually kind of, you know, basic? Expected? Also, most women can give themselves orgasms on a regular basis.

Additionally, don’t make her cum every time you have sex. Think like a dealer: you give the customer the pure stuff when you want to get them hooked, and when they’re addicted, you sell them shit that’s been cut with rat poison to increase your bottom line.

Somehow I don’t doubt that sex with guys like this would be a lot like taking drugs laced with rat poison.

[R]ationing out her orgasms at random will keep her on her toes trying to satisfy you.

Or send her off in search of someone who’s not such a complete asshole in bed?

“Gorney’s” advice is so over-the-top awful — it sometimes reads like he’s literally copied it from some textbook on domestic abuse — that it’s hard not to wonder if he just trolling. And to some degree, I’m sure he is. But he also clearly believes a lot of the shit he posts, and so I can only assume he believes, and possibly follows, at least some of his “advice” here.

This is a guy, after all, who admitted plainly to hitting a previous girlfriend, in a post in which he also declared that

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Actually, that’s not true. In fact, there’s some research that suggests male chimps terrorize female chimps — and beat them with branches —  to punish them for mating with other males. So men who abuse women are in fact the ones behaving like chimps.

Every time I think that the manosphere can’t sink any lower, something comes along and proves me wrong.

NOTE: I don’t want to give “Gorney” any traffic for his terrible post. But I also feel obligated to link to my source. So I have. I’ve just hidden the link randomly in the middle of the post.

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cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Damn, I didn’t know it was possible to knock over one of those big cat towers.

AIT
AIT
6 years ago

The super tall one makes sense to me, since there’s such a narrow base, but I didn’t think that would happen with Navi’s little tower, until she charged at it after having destroyed a catnip carrot toy.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

It’s like road rage for cats.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Ah, cavorting under the influence, I see.

jessica
jessica
6 years ago

do these guys hate their mothers?

Merbo
Merbo
6 years ago

This man is literally the scum of the earth. If we’re lucky, he’ll hook up with one of the merry murderesses from “Chicago.” And accidentally run into her kitchen knife. 10 times.

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

Or maybe if we’re lucky, no one will be abused or murdered & this man will realise how horrible he is And stop being so.

cloball
cloball
6 years ago

The thing I think I found most worrying is how the ‘breaking her boundaries down sexually’ to get what you want in the end actually reminded me of past boyfriends (when I was younger and less sure of myself).
I don’t for actually think any of these guys actually related to MRA as such but the amount of girl friends and past experiences of guys ‘accidentally’ putting it somewhere they knew you weren’t happy with or ‘slipping’ leads me to believe this attitude might be more wide spread and subconscious even just pestering and coercion into doing something that makes the other uncomfortable. That somehow guys can get what they want in bed eventually even if they know it’s not what the other person wants.

mildlymagnificent
6 years ago

Accidentally?

The litmus test for this is whether they react to the “accidental” incident in the same way as they do when they accidentally step on your foot or spill something on the floor. The appropriate reaction is always 2 simple steps – apart from the sincere apology.

1. Stop it instantly.
2. Do whatever is needed to fix it.

If they don’t react to sexual “accidents” the same way as they do to other accidents, you have your answer. (Of course, if they’re always oblivious or offensive, you wouldn’t be with them anyway. A person who responds to stepping on your foot by pressing harder is a person who should be avoided at any cost.)

Joeldipops
Joeldipops
6 years ago

Just a heads up, I clicked the link wholly because it was a mysterious link in the middle of the page and now having finished your article, regret it. My strategy would be to have the link spaced out and or filled with annoying characters, so only the dedicated would bother formatting it properly and following it. Eg. goo!gl3e DOT c,om

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Joeldipops, what are you talking about?

If you commented just to say that someone liked this enough to link to it, and you’re bitter because someone linked, the correct peson to whine at about the accessibility of the link would be the linker, not the linked to.

The linked to often have very little say in who does the links and how.

Besides, this blog is pretty good. Did you actually have anything to say as a legit criticism, or were you just being silly?

You don’t have to answer, of course.

cloudiah
6 years ago

@contrapangloss, I think it refers to David’s NOTE: at the very end of the OP.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Ah, that makes sense.

I totally just skipped over the random linked d, because I generally do links last. Kind of on my last nerve, at the moment. Hit the critical troll treshold for the Rodgers thing, and might be way over-reacting to everything, now.

Sorry, Joeldipops: that was totally my bad. Sorry for the rawr-ing. I really should have stared at the post longer, and been more willing to try and figure out what was up. I really shouldn’t have just jumped on that. So sorry, and I’ll try to do better.

Cloudiah, thanks for the catch. Really. I needed that.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Joeldipops, I’d only suggest that you can take it as a given that links David provides will be to vile stuff, because that’s what he’s writing about and referencing. I know, shutting the stable door and so on, but he did explain his reason for just hiding the link like that; he didn’t want it to stand out. A character string would stand out, and it wouldn’t make it any better for someone who went to the bother of sorting it out and following it and still finding out that the linked page was horrible.

confused
confused
5 years ago

So, making bombs is illegal and I believe posting “how to” manuals is likewise. Sexual abuse is illegal so why is posting a “how to” guide for that not considered a crime?

Amber
Amber
5 years ago

You know what frightens me? Every boyfriend I’ve had has done all those things to me. Every single one. And I know how they are. I now know that they premeditated making me their plaything. I am truly pathetic that this has happened to me with four men I truly loved. What is wrong with me?

pallygirl
pallygirl
5 years ago

There is nothing wrong with you. There is everything wrong with them. You are not pathetic. They, on the other hand, are abusive men.

Nothing you did “deserved” or “provoked” their behaviour.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
5 years ago

@ Amber

You’re not pathetic, you just had the back luck to meet a succession of horrible people. The fault lies with the abuser, not the people who they abuse.

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