Looking through the search terms people have used to get to my blog, I can’t help but feel a little sad, even a tiny bit guilty.
Clearly the searchers who came to Man Boobz looking for information about “airport lesbians” or “sexual spanking in animal kingdom” or even “all metaphors of bread” were likely to be a bit disappointed when they got here and discovered what the blog was really about. I’ve written about this once before.
But today, as a sort of public service, I’d like to see if I can help out some of the hapless searchers who’ve come to Man Boobz by providing answers to, or at least some sort of opinions about, their more puzzling queries. Just so you know, these are all real. I’ve left out the most perverse ones.
why women spoil easier than men
Fewer preservatives?
why do girls like animals
Because animals are awesome? (Except bedbugs. And lice. Not fond of bugs in general.)
famous pople wirh cats
Obviously that second word is a typo. Here you go.
kittens in war
stefan molyneux is an idiot
Yes he is.
want does a slut want
Pretty much what we all want, I’m guessing: Good friends, a decent job, a nice place to live, a bowl of snacks, a subscription to Netflix, and regular consensual sex with cool people.
do women love sperm
You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis.
do military guys hate eating pussy
You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis too.
women are just holes
I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, bud. I think you have women confused with sponges.
Here’s are some women. (I’m not quite sure what they find so funny.)
Here’s a sponge.
Sorry, here’s a sponge.
Happy to help!
no sympathy for lonely women
Huh. That seems a little dickish, dude.
i detest women
Yeah, we get it.
i hate women so much
We get it. WE GET IT.
i’m a straight man who hates women
Yeah, seriously. WE GOT IT.
i hate women and i don’t respect them
What the fuck, man.
why do i hate women
I don’t know, dude. But at least you’re asking the question.
how to halve your vagina-age
Maybe have it wear a jaunty hat?
what happens to women butt as they age
Women’s butts build cocoons, and transform into beautiful butt butterflies!
what do men think about periods
Speaking for myself, I find them useful to end sentences with. Semicolons are much more interesting; trust me on this one!
the west is a cunt controlled matriarchy
I’m going to say no to that one.
show mewhere tofindyoung females tohavesexwith
No.
breeding european women
I think you might be looking for Stormfront, not Man Boobz.
when do guys pour their sperms?
I … don’t know? Is sperm pouring even a thing? Is this what the cool kids are into today? I feel so old.
how make a tide penis
No. First you need to ask yourself “why make a tide penis?” Actually, before you ask that, maybe you could explain to me what a “tide penis” is in the first place. Actually, scratch that. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.
ugly girls eating cream
Can’t help you there, but here are some sad women eating ice cream. There seem to be as many stock photos of this old trope as there are of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.
why men should not have cats
Wait, what? What are you talking about? GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG.
These are deep questions for which I have no answer.
Also, why does just the liver get to wear a veil? What about the kidneys? Why does nobody think of the kidneys?
The kidneys can wear a bustle.
Is that pope benedict with a cat? That makes me detest him a little less.
Cute!
My appendix wears a cute little hat with a jaunty bow on it.
Sarah – yeah, that’s the only good thing I can think of about Benedict: he’s a cat person. Apparently the turdbag Vatican bureaucracy wouldn’t let him have his kitties live in the Pope’s chambers.
My spleen has recently been sporting a bow-tie. I am appalled by its lack of sartorial standards.
Back again after a brief post on the short-haired women abomination thread (thanks for the welcome package) because I wanted to say that I have been laughing like a maniac for five minutes, and my three-legged dog Ranger is staring at me in bewilderment. I haven’t had such a good laugh in weeks.
But I’m confused, since I am not an old-timer here … what’s with the Kittehserf headshots? Are these photos? Are they the real person? Please tell me. I clicked on the blog and am totally baffled.
My spleen goes for the punk look.
@Andrew
Richard Garfield, creator of Magic: The Gathering? NGL, I googled this, and I guess I can see why it’s a thing. I read your post (it was at the top!) and I can totally see how a certain type of nerd would fixate on how “lucky” he is for being married to an Asian woman. But enough for it to be a thing someone would search for?
Seriously?
@David,
I’d be interested to see AvFM and /redpill’s search term lists. Despite their claims that they’re gaining converts or convincing men to take the red pill, I wouldn’t be surprised if most of their newcomers found the manosphere by typing “I hate women” into Google.
@Leftwingfox, your comment caused a coughing fit! (to be fair, the “cold” I haven’t been able to shake since Xmas probably had something to do with it)
Sharks are in Rohan. Obviously.
My adrenal glands are wearing their tinfoil helmets. All these weird-ass searches are making them paranoid.
@everyone The tide penis may be looking for a tidy penis. Not sure what that exactly means though.
My work here is done. 😉
The headshots are 1) a real person 2) not me 3) not direct photos. They’re composite portraits made from photos of a different real person who looks very similar to my husband.
My husband was known in his earthly days as Louis XIII. There are plenty of portraits of him from that time, but the camera hasn’t been invented yet that can photograph people who’ve passed into Spirit (gnashes teeth). These pics are my best substitute. The ones I’m in, or our various kitties, are taken from photos of us. It’s all a composite to give an idea of how things look.
🙂
I just hope he wasn’t intending to tidy with his penis. That seems like it would cause chafing.
Ah. all becomes clear. I think.
Can I have Abraham Lincoln as my second husband?
PS sueinnm, did you get a welcome package?
sue, this isn’t a joke or fiction or anything else, and that joke wasn’t in the least bit welcome.
I’m sorry. I must have missed something. I’m leaving now.
Seriously? You’d think that since he (was) ostensibly in charge he’d tell the vatican bureaucracy where they can go stick it. I mean, I don’t care what it is you’re offering me, you’ll get my cats away from me when I’ve reached room temperature!
I mean, that’s probably why they were googling it? To learn?
Or maybe they’re jealous of you and hoping there’s a Louis lookalike for them somewhere.
cassandrakitty, Ouch!… won’t that hurt? I can’t get that mental picture out of my head, lol.
emilygoddess – I’d hope so, but there’s so much Dumas garbage out there (films and the like) that it sent me straight into “this is not French history 101” mode. 😛
Not that they’d learn anything about that little fable on my blog anyway.
There is a Louis lookalike … he’s lacking in the hair department these days and needs the photoshopping, but he can still belt out a song! 🙂
It would be the world’s least efficient broom.
Sarah – yeah, you’d think so, wouldn’t you!
Imagine if he’d told them they could have him with his cats or not at all.
sueinnm – you don’t need to leave, just to understand that this is my real life, with my soulmate (literally), not some tale. He’s my partner, same as other manboobzers’ have theirs.