Looking through the search terms people have used to get to my blog, I can’t help but feel a little sad, even a tiny bit guilty.
Clearly the searchers who came to Man Boobz looking for information about “airport lesbians” or “sexual spanking in animal kingdom” or even “all metaphors of bread” were likely to be a bit disappointed when they got here and discovered what the blog was really about. I’ve written about this once before.
But today, as a sort of public service, I’d like to see if I can help out some of the hapless searchers who’ve come to Man Boobz by providing answers to, or at least some sort of opinions about, their more puzzling queries. Just so you know, these are all real. I’ve left out the most perverse ones.
why women spoil easier than men
Fewer preservatives?
why do girls like animals
Because animals are awesome? (Except bedbugs. And lice. Not fond of bugs in general.)
famous pople wirh cats
Obviously that second word is a typo. Here you go.
kittens in war
stefan molyneux is an idiot
Yes he is.
want does a slut want
Pretty much what we all want, I’m guessing: Good friends, a decent job, a nice place to live, a bowl of snacks, a subscription to Netflix, and regular consensual sex with cool people.
do women love sperm
You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis.
do military guys hate eating pussy
You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis too.
women are just holes
I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, bud. I think you have women confused with sponges.
Here’s are some women. (I’m not quite sure what they find so funny.)
Here’s a sponge.
Sorry, here’s a sponge.
Happy to help!
no sympathy for lonely women
Huh. That seems a little dickish, dude.
i detest women
Yeah, we get it.
i hate women so much
We get it. WE GET IT.
i’m a straight man who hates women
Yeah, seriously. WE GOT IT.
i hate women and i don’t respect them
What the fuck, man.
why do i hate women
I don’t know, dude. But at least you’re asking the question.
how to halve your vagina-age
Maybe have it wear a jaunty hat?
what happens to women butt as they age
Women’s butts build cocoons, and transform into beautiful butt butterflies!
what do men think about periods
Speaking for myself, I find them useful to end sentences with. Semicolons are much more interesting; trust me on this one!
the west is a cunt controlled matriarchy
I’m going to say no to that one.
show mewhere tofindyoung females tohavesexwith
No.
breeding european women
I think you might be looking for Stormfront, not Man Boobz.
when do guys pour their sperms?
I … don’t know? Is sperm pouring even a thing? Is this what the cool kids are into today? I feel so old.
how make a tide penis
No. First you need to ask yourself “why make a tide penis?” Actually, before you ask that, maybe you could explain to me what a “tide penis” is in the first place. Actually, scratch that. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.
ugly girls eating cream
Can’t help you there, but here are some sad women eating ice cream. There seem to be as many stock photos of this old trope as there are of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.
why men should not have cats
Wait, what? What are you talking about? GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG.
@falconer
You’re babies are so cute! 😀
The only search strings I see anymore are from someone looking for advice on how to write a story from a shark’s point of view. I will admit that there is a dearth of literature on cartilaginous fish, but the name is a metaphor, guys.
Here’s the kind of crap I used to get:
other dialects for shark
i am not interested in blogging
richard garfield asian women
who are the people that are fabulist
wu zetian sex story
i hate david brooks
the twitter trap
chinese shark firecrackers
iaido nerd socially awkward
difalt sex.com
About 20 variants on “what kingdom are sharks in”
ADORABLE BABBIES!!!
Falconer:
I was made in a factory?! WHAT ARE THESE LIES I HAVE CALLED MEMORIES?!
…Excuse me, I need to go get my tablet.
Cloudiah, what are you talking about! I’m jealous of “pube terror,” “war capybara,” and “udders under skirt.”
The thing that perplexes me about the search terms I get is the number of (guys, presumably) who just sit down at their computers and type generic statements of their hatred of women into Google. I mean, are they hoping that Google will talk back to them, tell them “I know buddy, ladies are the worst, have another beer.”
I can’t believe that “pube terror” doesn’t turn up Manboobz – remember that long long thread after the whole oral-is-impossible-on-hairy-pussy debacle? I’m sure I remember endless
discussionsjokes about pube terror. With suggestions for film titles.This is the first hit on Google for my search for “war capybara.” Have no idea what capybaras have to do with it.
SPONGEPAUL ELAMPANTS.
That is all.
How to make a tide penis:
1. Go to a street corner and procure some sweet, sweet Tide.
2. Take it home and pour some into a bowl. A half cup should do it for a medium-sized penis.
3. Add something to it to make a paste. Cornstarch maybe? Use about the same volume as the Tide in your bowl. Stir it all together to form a stiff paste.
4. Form the tide-cornstarch mixture into a penis.
Bonus: your new penis will be blue and smell nice.
Cloudiah, I want to see cat spaghetti now.
*cough* A search for “pube terror” on cloudiah’s blog would be me. Titianblue, it was a long thread here, after Dogbreath the Naive’s witless “you can’t do oral on a woman with pubic hair” remark. Cloudiah collected it into an entry on Artistry For Feminism. And Kittens.
Likewise!
freemage – love the War Kittehs!
Falconer – babbeeees!
“Fuck those stains! Get Tide Penis today!”
Is Vagina Age the new game from Bioware? Where can I preorder?
*wanders off to Cloudiah’s blog to search for “pube terror”*
Maybe a tide penis is when the bloodflow to your genitals is dependent on the phase of the moon?
Something about the phrasing struck me as weirdly familiar, then I wondered if there was any chance that one was just looking for this song but couldn’t remember the lyrics:
(Warning: NSFW lyrics)
I wonder if the YouTube War Capybara will wonder where all these views of zir 2008 video are coming from. Looks like they’ve doubled since I posted it here. 🙂
It sound hilariusly dumber in Spanish, lmao. Thanks for cheering up… my hell of a day.
Hmm, my blog has some odd ones but not the comedy gold here or on cloudiah’s blog!
paralyzed legs nude
vivaldi’s veiled beauties
nude vignettes
liver veil (wut?)
louis xiv claims citrus light (he’s never said any such thing in my hearing)
hair vignette for logn dark hair
the veil+louis+kitteh (okay which one of youse lot was that?)
did louix xiv have a twin brother (NO. PISS OFF AND READ SOME HISTORY.)
fiction novel look inside a mans mind
nafld joke
what is scaffolding in relation to diary writig
astral oats – space porridge ritual (sounds like one for the herd, Argenti)
hen louis xiii
venice gondola girl sex (I hope they were very disappointed)
PS Astral Oats is Space Porridge Ritual’s debut album.
Just finished a book that had a character called Long Tall Short Fat Sally. She was a witch who had Tides. Her shaped depended on the phase of the moon.
So I am guessing a Tide Penis is similar; a condition where a man’s private bits are either long and slender or short but “girthy”, depending on the moon. I think a man is able to be fully aroused in either state.
Skepchick just smacked around Roosh’s ‘hair length’ opus:
http://skepchick.org/2014/01/bad-chart-thursday-hair-length/
They even charted out his Hair Length : Attractiveness 6% ratio thing.
Is the veiled liver coy, or perhaps a follower of a religion that requires veiling? Is it getting married, and if so does its veil match its dress?
I was going to make a joke about the liver getting married too. Weird minds think alike!
Between the veiled liver and the battle capybaras it’s been that kind of day.