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Search Term Extravaganza Part 2: All Your Questions Answered!

The Searchers: Scanning the horizon for signs of "airport lesbians."
The Searchers: Scanning the horizon for signs of “airport lesbians.”

Looking through the search terms people have used to get to my blog, I can’t help but feel a little sad, even a tiny bit guilty.

Clearly the searchers who came to Man Boobz looking for information about “airport lesbians” or “sexual spanking in animal kingdom” or even “all metaphors of bread” were likely to be a bit disappointed when they got here and discovered what the blog was really about. I’ve written about this once before.

But today, as a sort of public service, I’d like to see if I can help out some of the hapless searchers who’ve come to Man Boobz by providing answers to, or at least some sort of opinions about, their more puzzling queries. Just so you know, these are all real. I’ve left out the most perverse ones.

why women spoil easier than men

Fewer preservatives?

why do girls like animals

Because animals are awesome? (Except bedbugs. And lice. Not fond of bugs in general.)

famous pople wirh cats

Obviously that second word is a typo. Here you go.

Famous Pope With Cat
Famous Pope With Cat

kittens in war

Kitten in war
Kitten in war

stefan molyneux is an idiot

Yes he is.

want does a slut want

Pretty much what we all want, I’m guessing: Good friends, a decent job, a nice place to live, a bowl of snacks, a subscription to Netflix, and regular consensual sex with cool people.

do women love sperm

You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis.

do military guys hate eating pussy

You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis too.

women are just holes

I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, bud. I think you have women confused with sponges.

Here’s are some women. (I’m not quite sure what they find so funny.)

women-laughing-4

Here’s a sponge.

elamheadphones

Sorry, here’s a sponge.

sponge

Happy to help!

no sympathy for lonely women

Huh. That seems a little dickish, dude.

i detest women

Yeah, we get it.

i hate women so much

We get it. WE GET IT.

i’m a straight man who hates women

Yeah, seriously. WE GOT IT.

i hate women and i don’t respect them

What the fuck, man.

why do i hate women

I don’t know, dude. But at least you’re asking the question.

how to halve your vagina-age

Maybe have it wear a jaunty hat?

what happens to women butt as they age

Women’s butts build cocoons, and transform into beautiful butt butterflies!

what do men think about periods

Speaking for myself, I find them useful to end sentences with. Semicolons are much more interesting; trust me on this one!

the west is a cunt controlled matriarchy

I’m going to say no to that one.

show mewhere tofindyoung females tohavesexwith

No.

breeding european women

I think you might be looking for Stormfront, not Man Boobz.

when do guys pour their sperms?

I … don’t know? Is sperm pouring even a thing? Is this what the cool kids are into today? I feel so old.

how make a tide penis

No. First you need to ask yourself “why make a tide penis?” Actually, before you ask that, maybe you could explain to me what a “tide penis” is in the first place. Actually, scratch that. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

ugly girls eating cream

Can’t help you there, but here are some sad women eating ice cream. There seem to be as many stock photos of this old trope as there are of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.

emotional-woman-eating-ice-creamice-cream-in-bed-001article-2021454-0D4493AC00000578-323_468x313

why men should not have cats

Wait, what? What are you talking about? GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG.

368 Comments
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Ally S
10 years ago

The worst kind of rule 34 stuff aside from the rapey and hateful kind: any rule 34 stuff that exploits cartoon/game characters that many people grow up with. Once I accidentally saw rule 34 terribleness involving Sonic the Hedgehog characters. I will never be able to unsee that.

kittehserf
10 years ago

I wonder if whoever’s into that gets plane costumes? Aluminiumies instead of furries.

katz
10 years ago

Apparently “Messerschmitt 109” is another phrase that wouldn’t pass the Deviantart Challenge.

(The Deviantart Challenge requires you to search a two-word phrase on Deviantart without turning up furries or porn.)

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I’ve never quite recovered from running across Care Bears porn on Weeping Cock. That whole LJ is an homage to Rule 34.

eli
eli
10 years ago

Um…those planes are pretty sexy and all. But they seem to be lacking something…like…

Wings?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Wings might block your view of the aluminum boobs. Then again, I guess the artist could just draw boobs on the wings too.

eli
eli
10 years ago

It’d be hard to hide those aluminum boobs!

But, then again, you’d need some massive wings to get those tail sections into the air.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
10 years ago

Don’t look at the results for “rule 34 helicopter”. I am scarred for life.

Fibinachi
10 years ago

The most amazing part of that link is the comments.

aran said:
me-262 sooooo hot
——-

WTF? That’s a BF-109.

Yes.
Yes let’s discuss the technical aspects of these planes, and what model and make they are.

Ah, sex. Fun times for all!

Well, so long as they’re having fun.

vaiyt
10 years ago

After the furniture porn site, all bets are off, really.

emilygoddess
10 years ago

I’ve never quite recovered from running across Care Bears porn on Weeping Cock.

Was it “Slave Bear of Care-A-Lot”?

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

Those anthropomorphized plane women have really unrealistic body proportions.

That’s all I’m going to say about that.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: CassandraSays

I just want to know if the people who’re into that ever attempt to fuck actual planes, because it could make for the funniest arrest scenario ever.

Considering the stories my roommate, who’s a civilian worker with the cops, has told me about various arrests, I would bet anything that this has happened. I mean, if dude can get arrested throwing a turtle through the windshield, and Florida man can be arrested for “everything,” surely someone has tried to fuck a plane.

I’ve never quite recovered from running across Care Bears porn on Weeping Cock.

OH MAN I REMEMBER THAT!

katz
10 years ago

You know what those planes remind me of? The weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

Thank you SO MUCH for that mental image, katz. Thanks a lot.

(BTW, the Borgcritter story got posted! Not sure if you saw it or not.)

Marie
Marie
10 years ago

@katz

(The Deviantart Challenge requires you to search a two-word phrase on Deviantart without turning up furries or porn.)

*casually scoots away to waste time finding out what phrases won’t result in porn*.

@kiwi girl

Don’t look at the results for “rule 34 helicopter”. I am scarred for life.

::tries to resist urge to look at ‘rule 34 helicopter’.

@auggz

Car tentacle porn was one of the weirdest things I’ve come across. The cars weren’t anthropomorphic or anything. They were just cars… being fucked by tentacles.

O_o that sounds so weird.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

DON’T GOOGLE IT MARIE

WE LOVE YOU

katz
10 years ago

The only time I’ve ever won was “Islamic tile.”

I lost with “Vladimir Putin.” Predictable, really.

Marie
Marie
10 years ago

@LBT

OH CRAP NOW I’M EVEN MORE TEMPTED!

Bina
Bina
10 years ago

Memo to the weird dude who drew that airplane ‘toon: If you’re gonna draw planes with boobs, try making them anatomically correct, at least. No one has a pair that sit right on top of her collarbones.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

RE: katz

I lost with “Vladimir Putin.” Predictable, really.

This made me laugh, and then I felt bad.

Re: Marie

NOOOOOOO

kittehserf
10 years ago

Sometimes I test the boundaries of rule 34, and it’s pretty sad how hard it is.
What I’m saying is, avocado porn exists

… what about mango porn?

Marie
Marie
10 years ago

Sometimes I test the boundaries of rule 34, and it’s pretty sad how hard it is.
What I’m saying is, avocado porn exists.

O_o :is surprised:

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
10 years ago

Car tentacle porn was one of the weirdest things I’ve come across. The cars weren’t anthropomorphic or anything. They were just cars… being fucked by tentacles.

I’m so, so sorry to be posting this:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-having-sex-with-1000-cars.html

Money quote: “There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them.”

kittehserf
10 years ago

😯

It’s the doing it to other people’s cars or ones in showrooms that gets me. I mean EWWWW I hope he takes a cleaning cloth …