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Search Term Extravaganza Part 2: All Your Questions Answered!

The Searchers: Scanning the horizon for signs of "airport lesbians."
The Searchers: Scanning the horizon for signs of “airport lesbians.”

Looking through the search terms people have used to get to my blog, I can’t help but feel a little sad, even a tiny bit guilty.

Clearly the searchers who came to Man Boobz looking for information about “airport lesbians” or “sexual spanking in animal kingdom” or even “all metaphors of bread” were likely to be a bit disappointed when they got here and discovered what the blog was really about. I’ve written about this once before.

But today, as a sort of public service, I’d like to see if I can help out some of the hapless searchers who’ve come to Man Boobz by providing answers to, or at least some sort of opinions about, their more puzzling queries. Just so you know, these are all real. I’ve left out the most perverse ones.

why women spoil easier than men

Fewer preservatives?

why do girls like animals

Because animals are awesome? (Except bedbugs. And lice. Not fond of bugs in general.)

famous pople wirh cats

Obviously that second word is a typo. Here you go.

Famous Pope With Cat
Famous Pope With Cat

kittens in war

Kitten in war
Kitten in war

stefan molyneux is an idiot

Yes he is.

want does a slut want

Pretty much what we all want, I’m guessing: Good friends, a decent job, a nice place to live, a bowl of snacks, a subscription to Netflix, and regular consensual sex with cool people.

do women love sperm

You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis.

do military guys hate eating pussy

You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis too.

women are just holes

I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, bud. I think you have women confused with sponges.

Here’s are some women. (I’m not quite sure what they find so funny.)

women-laughing-4

Here’s a sponge.

elamheadphones

Sorry, here’s a sponge.

sponge

Happy to help!

no sympathy for lonely women

Huh. That seems a little dickish, dude.

i detest women

Yeah, we get it.

i hate women so much

We get it. WE GET IT.

i’m a straight man who hates women

Yeah, seriously. WE GOT IT.

i hate women and i don’t respect them

What the fuck, man.

why do i hate women

I don’t know, dude. But at least you’re asking the question.

how to halve your vagina-age

Maybe have it wear a jaunty hat?

what happens to women butt as they age

Women’s butts build cocoons, and transform into beautiful butt butterflies!

what do men think about periods

Speaking for myself, I find them useful to end sentences with. Semicolons are much more interesting; trust me on this one!

the west is a cunt controlled matriarchy

I’m going to say no to that one.

show mewhere tofindyoung females tohavesexwith

No.

breeding european women

I think you might be looking for Stormfront, not Man Boobz.

when do guys pour their sperms?

I … don’t know? Is sperm pouring even a thing? Is this what the cool kids are into today? I feel so old.

how make a tide penis

No. First you need to ask yourself “why make a tide penis?” Actually, before you ask that, maybe you could explain to me what a “tide penis” is in the first place. Actually, scratch that. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

ugly girls eating cream

Can’t help you there, but here are some sad women eating ice cream. There seem to be as many stock photos of this old trope as there are of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.

emotional-woman-eating-ice-creamice-cream-in-bed-001article-2021454-0D4493AC00000578-323_468x313

why men should not have cats

Wait, what? What are you talking about? GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG.

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vaiyt
10 years ago

If that contest was honest, the trolls would make the entire Top 100.

kittehserf
10 years ago

pecunium – yeah, but it’s not like MRAs are saying “female heads of state make the same shitty decisions for the same reasons male heads of state do.” They’re saying the general populace of women start wars because we expect men to go off and get loot or prove how manly they are or something. Even when it’s “men only start wars to prove how good they are to those b*tches” it’s still got nothing to do with women as politicians, or any other reality for that matter.

katz
10 years ago

It’s funny that they single out “it’s not men getting punished more, it’s women getting punished less” as a stupid comment, since they then go on to agree that women definitely need to get punished more. Pick a position, guys.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

AIT — no apologies needed, I induced that teal deer after all. And yeah, you have my agreement. I am not military material, idk, maybe I could’ve been but I turned 18 in 2003 and vehemently disagree with Bush’s wars, so I wasn’t about to sign up and find out. I do with I was sane enough to join MSF though — basically it seems I’d be okay risking being shot, but not okay risking having to shoot, idk, I’m weird. But these guys don’t even seem willing to get their hands dirty in any way, not so much as volunteering at a soup kitchen — a relatively safe thing!

Yet they go on, and on, and on, about how women need to die in war when it’s so fucking obvious they’re just using service members for their agenda and couldn’t care less about how men in war are treated, just want more women killed. Multiple levels of sick and twisted right there.

Anyways, congrats to your brother, tell him to keep his pants on if he decides to sunbath on the deck 🙂 (my mother’s father didn’t, needless to say that went over poorly, including that folks of pure British ancestry will burn in the South Pacific!)

——

Speaking of MSF, the 2013 polio data is in. It isn’t good. Somolia had a nasty outbreak and 2013 topped 2012. India is probably actually polio free at this point though, so that’s incredible, for the longest time India was thought to be the hardest country to do it in and they’ve been polio free nearly long enough to officially declare it gone. Also, I need to double check, but I think the outbreak wasn’t wild polio, which makes it easier to stamp out.

Here’s hoping 2014 doesn’t have any outbreaks! (I should note that even with the outbreak there were ~400 cases last year, versus the thousands not so long ago and absolute terror it caused a half century ago)

——

Pecunium — yeah but that wasn’t what they meant, they meant ALL wars, not just the ones actually started by female heads of state.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

Oh look, I summoned a teal deer. Sorry about that.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

Checked. Somilia’s outbreak is wild poliovirus but not endemic. So it was imported, just not in the way I thought. The difference is that there’s wild polio — that caught because it’s there — and vaccine derived — the cases caused by vaccination (not common but when it happens where there isn’t herd immunity it spreads just like wild polio)

In any case we’re at six cases so far this year, clustered on the Afghanistan // Pakistan borde (it’s endemic in both countries)

katz
10 years ago

This page has the stories for some of those war-kitty pictures (and MORE pictures!). That last one was actually a Korea kitten, not a Vietnam kitten.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

Even the forgotten war’s kitties have been forgotten?

eli
eli
10 years ago

I love the “I’ll be in my bunk” picture! And great to read the story of Miss Hap.

Goes off to check out the doggy page.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

So, this one has happy news and sad news, but that tiny kitten intrigued me so I went digging — http://www.historybyzim.com/2013/06/animals-in-war-miss-hap-korea/

For those who don’t want to know about the rest of her kitty family, she survived the war. Despite being raised on canned fucking milk and weaned to rations. That’s one hardy cat!

kittehserf
10 years ago

Love the guys on the Olympia using a mirror to play with their cat. Imagine the clips if hand-held movie cameras had been around!

Wockle looks seriously unimpressed by something.

Lovely Pooli, much-decorated kitteh veteran!

kittehserf
10 years ago

Argenti, thanks for finding that! I wasn’t game to go looking for Miss Hap’s story, I didn’t think it could be good. Gonna follow that link now.

katz
10 years ago

She survived? Wow! I was feeling a little uneasy about that picture because I was having trouble imagining an ending other than “And then she dies of diarrhea.”

kittehserf
10 years ago

The guy was watering down the milk for her, and she graduated to army ration meat – a very tough kitten indeed, poor baby. She’s half the age in that pic that Hadj was when we rescued him, and our vet was all “it’d be kinder to put him down”.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Meeping angels, love it! 😀 😀 😀

Now that’d be worth seeing … Dr Who as played by the Muppets.

LBT
LBT
10 years ago

If AIT and Freemage still around, thanks guys! I passed off my list of phone numbers to my landlord today, so hopefully it’ll get to the tenants from the beating earlier this week. Fingers crossed dude gets the help he needs and there is no more screaming or bleeding.

skybison
skybison
10 years ago

@ Pecunium

“Yes it does. People start wars. Women are people. I can name three women who started wars. Golda Meir, Indira Ghandi, Margaret Thatcher. One can debate the neccessity of the conflicts the first to initiated, but Thatchers was purely one of national ego.”

I agree that women are just as capable of starting wars as men, but I’m not sure if any of those three deserve sole blame. Especially Indira Ghandi, the war in Bangladesh was already killed over a million people when she joined. Even Thatcher honestly, the dictatorship in Argentina deserves at least as much blame for invading the Falklands in the first place.

pecunium
10 years ago

As I said, the first two are debatable. The issue with the Falklands/Malvinas didn’t require the response Thatcher made. It was a question of both national, and personal, ego. Diplomacy wasn’t tried. The indications were that it wasn’t even entertained.

cloudiah
10 years ago

While Thatcher’s response was not in any way required, it was certainly precipitated by the cynical and self-serving actions of the all-male Argentinian junta. I mean, I don’t have a dog in this fight — I don’t think that women are better than men, and I certainly expect that as more women (e.g. Hillary Clinton) move into positions of power we will see them start wars as often as men, and for equally valid/invalid reasons. But I think it would be fairer to say that the Argentinian junta started the war by invading, while Thatcher/England could have avoided escalating the hostilities by using diplomacy (and most likely should have). Nearly 1000 people died for no good reason.

Note: Good friends of mine lost family to various undemocratic Latin American juntas, so I may not be entirely objective on this front. Good friends also suffered under Thatcher, so I hope I don’t come across as an apologist for her. She was terrible.

pecunium
10 years ago

The Argentinians had a defensible case that Britain wasn’t entitled to the islands.

They didn’t kill anyone when they invaded.

But Britain had no need to engage in force as an immediate response.

I’ve hung out with John Kiszely. As wars go this one was (esp. for the modern age) played by the rules (the Islanders only real complaint was about one who was appointed Chief of Police, the Argentinians were well behaved, did no looting, and refused to fortify Pt. Stanley).

I have friends who were in Argentina at the time (one of whom I served with in the Army… probably the closest Army buddy I have, actually).

Talking with them probably has more to do with my opinions than anything else (though I recall following the news closely).

What sanctions (or blockade) might have afforded is open to debate. Thatcher felt the need to “throw some crappy little country against the wall” and the Junta’s need to distract things from unrest in Buenos Aires gave her the excuse she needed to try to reverse the “damage” that “losing” the Suez Canal did to her idea of the appearance of Britain.

cloudiah
10 years ago

Well I’m neither going to defend the Argentinian junta or Thatcher. But I do not agree that Thatcher is solely responsible for starting that war. I’m not going to overlook the Argentinian junta’s motivations for their actions. While I stand by my characterization, I’m also willing to consider counter arguments. (I’m blaming England/Thatcher AND Argentina’s junta at this point.)

I’m also doing one of my insomnia-fests. Yay. Fuck insomnia.

skybison
skybison
10 years ago

“The Argentinians had a defensible case that Britain wasn’t entitled to the islands.”

So? Nearly every country in Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe etc has territory that someone else feels they have a defensible case should belong to them. It doesn’t justify them just marching in and annexing the the land you want. The only thing that should count is which country did the people who live in the Falklands wish to be a part of, and correct me if I’m wrong but I from what I’ve read the majority wanted to stay part of the British Empire.

“They didn’t kill anyone when they invaded.”

So? It still counts as an invasion. They still broke international law and instigated the whole mess.

I’m not saying I agree with Thatcher’s overreaction, I don’t, but the dudes running Argentina deserve just as much blame for the war as she does. I mean, it’s not like they were acting diplomatically either.

kittehserf
10 years ago

All this going on about a particular war and whether a particular female head of state bears this or that much responsibility is still missing the point. MRAs aren’t talking about individual responsibility for any given war, they’re blaming women as a class for war. Could we please not go down their path with this X woman was bad/responsible stuff?

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

Kitteh — pecunium’s gone into history of war mode, good luck with that. It is, of course, irrelevant to whether women, as a group, start all wars, but it’s military history, so yeah.

In any case, even if all three bear sole responsibility (something clearly open to debate) it says fuck all about all the wars started by male heads of state. Like, idk, the mess Bush started in the Middle East? Oh right, that was to protect Teh Wimminz. WWII then, how’d women start that one? Ah, right, the girl Hilter never so much as spoke to is to blame, if she’d magically known he had a thing for her he wouldn’t have been so violent!

Ok, they really can find a way to blame women for everything.

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