Looking through the search terms people have used to get to my blog, I can’t help but feel a little sad, even a tiny bit guilty.
Clearly the searchers who came to Man Boobz looking for information about “airport lesbians” or “sexual spanking in animal kingdom” or even “all metaphors of bread” were likely to be a bit disappointed when they got here and discovered what the blog was really about. I’ve written about this once before.
But today, as a sort of public service, I’d like to see if I can help out some of the hapless searchers who’ve come to Man Boobz by providing answers to, or at least some sort of opinions about, their more puzzling queries. Just so you know, these are all real. I’ve left out the most perverse ones.
why women spoil easier than men
Fewer preservatives?
why do girls like animals
Because animals are awesome? (Except bedbugs. And lice. Not fond of bugs in general.)
famous pople wirh cats
Obviously that second word is a typo. Here you go.
kittens in war
stefan molyneux is an idiot
Yes he is.
want does a slut want
Pretty much what we all want, I’m guessing: Good friends, a decent job, a nice place to live, a bowl of snacks, a subscription to Netflix, and regular consensual sex with cool people.
do women love sperm
You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis.
do military guys hate eating pussy
You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis too.
women are just holes
I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, bud. I think you have women confused with sponges.
Here’s are some women. (I’m not quite sure what they find so funny.)
Here’s a sponge.
Sorry, here’s a sponge.
Happy to help!
no sympathy for lonely women
Huh. That seems a little dickish, dude.
i detest women
Yeah, we get it.
i hate women so much
We get it. WE GET IT.
i’m a straight man who hates women
Yeah, seriously. WE GOT IT.
i hate women and i don’t respect them
What the fuck, man.
why do i hate women
I don’t know, dude. But at least you’re asking the question.
how to halve your vagina-age
Maybe have it wear a jaunty hat?
what happens to women butt as they age
Women’s butts build cocoons, and transform into beautiful butt butterflies!
what do men think about periods
Speaking for myself, I find them useful to end sentences with. Semicolons are much more interesting; trust me on this one!
the west is a cunt controlled matriarchy
I’m going to say no to that one.
show mewhere tofindyoung females tohavesexwith
No.
breeding european women
I think you might be looking for Stormfront, not Man Boobz.
when do guys pour their sperms?
I … don’t know? Is sperm pouring even a thing? Is this what the cool kids are into today? I feel so old.
how make a tide penis
No. First you need to ask yourself “why make a tide penis?” Actually, before you ask that, maybe you could explain to me what a “tide penis” is in the first place. Actually, scratch that. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.
ugly girls eating cream
Can’t help you there, but here are some sad women eating ice cream. There seem to be as many stock photos of this old trope as there are of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.
why men should not have cats
Wait, what? What are you talking about? GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG.
LOL wtf XD
If any of the really perverse ones were funny then I bet we’d enjoy those too.
Sounds like a lot of searchers get a rude awakening on arriving here.
Clearly a Tide penis is made of laundry detergent. It’s part of the evil gynocentric plan to take over the world by not just getting men to do their own laundry, but getting them to de-penis themselves in the process.
And unfortunate side effect of this plan is that men can no longer take showers unless they’re OK with their cocks dissolving.
Men pour their sperms into a beaker, in biology class. So that women can take the beaker and use it as part of the scented candle making process.
Well, I think we should oblige with some “metaphors or bread.”
1. A slice of bread is like a pillow for sliced cheese and lunch meat.
2. My heart was squished like a loaf of bread thrown carelessly at the bottom of the grocery bag, buried beneath the canned goods and the bag of onions.
3. The books were lined up neatly on the shelves like slices of bread.
And I can only think of similes today, not metaphors, apparently.
Your search terms are better than mine! Here’s a sample:
slave to a manhater
udders under skirt
hurding cats limerick
feminism in importance of being earnest
this is not my point
rodney james alcala november 2012
nuns and kittens
mixed metaphor with deer
broken heart emo robot boy
war capybara
canadian travel advisory
connections between kittens and feminists
cat spaghetti
cheetos are hunting
pube terror
life stories and writings about prison life
lesson about judas
remarks about nasals victory
see boobz
IMO, bugs are awesome too.
What can beat war capybara?
@cassandra has ruined scented candles for me. I am now trying *not* to think about what scent they have. 🙁
Bread metaphors:
Traditionally, men were the bread-winners.
Hypergamic women know which side their bread is buttered.
Metaphors are my bread and butter.
You do know that sad women eating ice cream is a giant conspiracy? We do this to deceive men so that they will think ice cream makes you sad. It’s part of our secret diabolical plot for ice cream domination.
Okay, Paul Elam as a sponge made me laugh.
I dream of punching Elam in the bread basket. (not really)
A tide penis inflates and deflates depending on moon cycles.
@ cloudiah
Does a war capybara wear armor? For some reason I’m charmed by this mental image.
“Sorry, honey, I can’t – the moon isn’t full yet.”
A war kitty does … http://www.etsy.com/listing/175112598/cat-battle-armor?ref=shop_home_feat_1
@titanblue
D’awww. That kitty armor is adorable :3
Unleash the capybaras of war! I really want to know WTF the person who entered that search term was actually trying to find.
Nthing the Elam = Sponge gag.
I know! Let’s check the specs at the Military Guy Factory. Here’s some earplugs: The ginormous WHUMP that the press makes four times a minute can be pretty overwhelming.
The Military Gal Factory, by comparison, turns them out on lathes, so the noise isn’t an assault so much as an atmosphere.
The movie’s called A.I., buddy.
Off-topic:
BABIES
BABB EES
Mine, all mine.
The best, and only possible answer to this question.
WAR CAPYBARA.
They’d be the AT-AT walkers of the rodent combat world.
I cackled like a man-hating feminist witch at the “sponge” bit. And the last response is gold, too.
@Cloudiah,
Your search terms look like someone’s been Googlewhacking. Also, slave to a manhater makes me think some of the MRM’s doom and gloom diatribes about Teh Matriarchy are just elaborate fantasies…
Titanblue: While I must concur that leather cat barding is awesome, it should be noted that it represents cat warfare from a technologically unsophisticated age. Nowadays, one would best be prepared for (and if at all possible, target for recruitment) Tank Cats:
http://mightygoods.com/system/pictures/0001/5558/cat-playhouse.gif?1291768678
http://i.imgur.com/ipM24.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/P7JHZ.jpg
Of course, in the future, the Furrinati will roll out their ultimate weapons–the Catmechs:
http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/12/56/e29b7c3d2c546d85429bc92a6e5eb147-cat-in-cardboard-mech-suit.jpg
http://timberhowligan.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/v8abf.jpg
(Broke this post up to evade the spam filter.)
Oh my god, I love the cardboard Mad Cat.
Are we sure it’s not a Timber Wolf?I’ve always kinda wanted to try BattleMech but the closest I’ve ever come is Mechwarrior 2 and a couple of the novels.