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Yet more proof that Men’s Rights activists live in an imaginary misandrist dystopia of their own making: this post on Reddit, which has the Men’s Righsters there in a tizzy:
Yeah, fellas, assuming that this even happened, I’m pretty sure what we’re dealing with is what the rest of us human beings call a “joke.” A dumb joke, but a joke nonetheless. This young lady, I feel confident in saying, does not actually intend to spermjack some innocent lad so she can spend the next 18-plus years of her life raising a child herself while trying to squeeze child support out of someone who hates her.
But don’t tell that to the Men’s Rightsers, who assume the worst about this young woman — and then some.
Indeed, some of the regulars there are so angry about it they literally want to get the young woman fired or at the very least admonished for making such a terrible, terrible comment in front of young, impressionable students who, I guess, have never heard a joke before.
Another commenter wonders how it is possible for a chubby woman to also be cute. Because fat women are hambeasts AMIRITE FELLAS HIGH FIVE!!!1!
If you scroll down far enough in the comments you will find some Men’s Rights Redditors wondering if maybe, perhaps, possibly, the woman might be making a joke. But these aren’t the comments getting the upvotes. In the Men’s Rights subreddit, anti-woman hysteria trumps rational skepticism pretty much all day, every day.
Q: How many Men’s Rights Activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: MISANDRY! SPERMJACKING! MALE DISPOSABILITY! THAT’S NOT FUNNY!
I do think that the Umbridge-hate is partially due to the familiarity of her particular kind of evil – petty, vicious and cruel, but acted out in ways that shield the perpetrator from recourse by the victim. Think of almost every high school administrator you ever met, frex. In the books, her voice is described as “poisoned honey”. Voldemort, by contrast, is NOT someone most of us will ever meet. Also, he has a back-story almost as tragic as Harry’s.
IIRC, Rowling has said that Umbridge was inspired by her dealings with school administrators who had never been teachers, but believed themselves eminently qualified to tell teachers what they were doing wrong.
Someone really needed to tell Snape that the unwashed hair look a la Roosh was a bad idea.
FWIW I am waaaayyy behind on Naruto, but hold out hope that Sasuke can reform like Gaara did (and even Pain did, at the very end)
Favorite though? My gravatar before the kitties took over was Haku. Cuz androgynous ninja.
“FWIW I am waaaayyy behind on Naruto, but hold out hope that Sasuke can reform like Gaara did (and even Pain did, at the very end)”
0_0 *resisting the urge to spoiler*
DONOTSPOILERDONOTSPOILER
OMG I want to tell you all of the things!
You read the manga!?
http://mangastream.com/
I haven’t seen any of the movies, but I’ve read all the books and I wouldn’t woobiefy Snape.
But I would woobiefy Alan Rickman playing just about any character possible. I blame seeing “Truly Madly Deeply” (is that the right title, are there commas? too lazy to google right now) at an impressionable age.
Quick update everyone:
I am doing ok. I did not have time in therapy to cover this and will be taking about this early next week. After getting some rest this morning, I ran what happened by with a family member. She tried seeing if maybe bf said things in a different way but was really taken aback by him calling me crazy. She did not think that was ok, and this is someone who isn’t necessarily up to date with language and social justice the same way most people here are, for example. She also noted that he and I argue a lot and he exhibits a lot of argumentative behavior with his mother (he and Ihave been dating 5 months, but my relationships move fast in the meet the family stage).
I called him and spoke with him about last night. I communicated that I had concerns with the relationship. I mentioned everything here, how if I felt I needed a break or for things to end, that that was something he would need to respect. I also mentioned how I felt hurt when he called me crazy and that it wasn’t a compliment (“crazy is my type!” No. No thanks.) I also apologized for anything I said thatmade him feel like he was bring compared or treated the same as people from my past.
He was quiet but said he would work on being less manipulative. I told him I was not calling him that, that I knew he wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt or upset me, and he said I was essentially calling him manipulative, which was like a punch in the gut. Did not want to hurt him like that. I talked with him again later today and he said he had been feeling down and taking it out on me because he graduated from uni months ago and is still unemployed. He apologized and said it didn’t justify it. I talked with him for a bit. Conversation went ok, but he called himself crazy, which is not ok (he has bipolar disorder and had been in treatment for years). We’ll see how it goes. He has made a change in the past. He could again but my family member doesn’t think he will.
And thanks for all the support. This community is such a safe space and I know that’s because so many of you (cassandrakitty, argenti, kiwigirl, kittehs, samiwas, AIT, and anyone else I’m forgetting) work hard to make it that way (and David writes the awesome posts!!). I appreciate this.
“What’s under your cape, Severus Snape?”
@catgirl, Glad you came back. You’re the best judge of your situation; just know we’re here for you. All the hugs, if they’re wanted.
Catgirl, I’m glad you’re doing okay.
Hey catgirl, thanks for checking back in. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.
@catgirl, thanks for the update, and you are handling things in such an awesome way. It sounds like BF has insights into his behaviour. That is a good start for having things change in a positive way, regardless of how you wish the relationship to continue. It’s also wonderful how you have a family member that you can talk to, as well as the therapist.
Mez: Stop ‘splaining. You are apologising for behaviors which, as described by the affected person aren’t acceptable.
It’s possible that catgirl has misunderstood that, but (and this is the important part) gaslighting her by making excuses for behaviors which (as described) aren’t acceptable, is bullshit.
1. Take time to figure out if you are ready to be in a relationship right now. If, and only if, you are, spend the time to figure out whether or not you want to be in a relationship with HIM. I have to admit, I don’t believe in “taking breaks” from relationships.
Good for you. Now be so kind as to not say that sort of crap again. Your personal morals aren’t relevant. If someone describes themselves as in a relationship (barring outside evidence) take them at face value. As to your personal opinion of “taking breaks”… who cares? It’s not your life.
3. You both played a part in blowing up the argument. If you two are going to stay together, you should apologize for whatever part you played.
Were you there? No? Then shut up.
catgirl: I don’t think you are overreacting. I’d say that his reaction is a bit (at the least) insensitive.
PTS (and PTSD) is strange stuff. Even in it’s mild forms it’s not something to trivialise.
That he has issues from his past is immaterial to your present.
To expand on something Argenti said, it never ends, but it changes. When I got back from Iraq (as someone reminded me this past weekend) I was in a very different place (it seems I was both scary, and removed. The former I can’t address, but the latter… yeah). I was looking for thing which not only weren’t there, they were things which couldn’t be there. Sometimes I look for them still.
But anyone who dismisses that at, “it never gets better,” is an ass.
Mez: We should simply agree to disagree.
Personally I find this to be a problematic phrase. What it often means is, “I think your wrong, but don’t want to say so in a non-passive agressive way”, which is what I see you doing here.
Because the only times one can agree to disagree is when things either not related to matters of fact (e.g. evolution), or don’t touch on matters of actual import (e.g. was Tony Gwynn a better hitter than Ted Williams).
This, however is an issue which has actual affect on someone’s life. You are telling catgirl her method of dealing with the world (and in particular her emotional life) isn’t right.
Sorry, I don’t, “agree” to disagree. I flat out disagree. You are out of bounds to propose three hypotheticals, all of which end with, “three weeks later catgirl has a better outcome” because she didn’t “take a break”.
Again, that’s bullshit.
Marie: I’m not sure why, but this paragraph is striking me so the wrong way.
Because it’s wrong. When Mez says, But that is expected, because you have your experiences, and your biases, and I have my experiences, and my biases. Maybe I am being dramatic as well? 🙂
The implicit argument is that Mez isn’t being dramatic (or that zie is aware of the dramatic elements, and has ameliorated them). It’s a backhanded escalation of the charge of drama.
Catgirl — glad to see you’re doing what feels right by you and respecting your opinions (is not the right word but it’s the closest I’ve got). I hope he does commit to changing, if not for the affect on your relationship then for his own sake in the future.
As for calling himself crazy…I do it too, in part because it bothers me less than saying I’m mentally ill (yea for internalized ableism?) and in part because I have to be able to laugh at myself or I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
Pecunium — I agree to disagree with you about mangos 🙂
@kiwi
No, YOU are not being dramatic, and dramatic seems like it was the wrong word to use here anyway. My bad. No drama llamas here, I’m referring to ARGUMENTS, not PEOPLE. I will try to reword this, and again, I am referring to ARGUMENTS here.
You seem to be 100% certain that the only reason why he could be acting like a jerk is because he is manipulative, and probably abusive. I disagree, in that I am not 100% certain that this is the only possible reason. I feel that there are others, such as;
1. He was hurt and confused himself by her behavior and is acting out.
2. He thought she was joking when she said that she is offended by being called “crazy”. Unlikely, but hey, it’s another possibility.
3. He’s insensitive, and has doubled down because he feels attacked, but if he is given some time to think things through, he MAY realize the error of his ways.
4. ETC.
So, in short, we disagree about the probabilities of what he’s thinking. Face it, neither of us can be 100% sure of what’s going on in his head, so that’s what all the “In my opinions” and hedging is about. For fucks sake it’s not gaslighting. I’m BETTING that things are one way, but I realize that because I can’t be 100% certain that it’s A GAMBLE. You’re making a gamble as well; what if you’re wrong? Then she throws out a salvageable relationship. Is she ok with that? It’s her choice as to what gamble she wants to make.
You probably won’t believe me, but nothing I said was meant to be an attack on you as a person (or anyone else). My comment about being a “chump” was meant SOLELY to apply to my, non-abusive, relationship. I am well aware of how abusive relationships escalate. Sorry I triggered you, but I simply disagree with your assessment here. I’ve seen you around before, and you’re a smart cookie, and I have all the respect. Again, sorry for triggering you.
@scott1139
Don’t worry, I have my problems as well. I struggle with writing and getting my point across, hence all the poor grammar. Please bear with me as I’m trying my best.
The comment about her playing her part is because it takes two to argue. No, she’s not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. If he’s hurtful, then it is 100% on him. But sometimes we have to make the first move to reconcile. This isn’t about being “right” or “sucking up”. This is 100% beyond pride, beyond being right, and only focusing on problem solving. To paraphrase a saying, “do you want to be right, or to solve things”?
There is no winning with an abuser anyway. They always assume that they’re right. If she apologizes, she loses. If she doesn’t apologize, she loses. The only way to win with an abuser is to leave.
The smilies are just that; smilies. They’re meant to be friendly. I never considered how they would look when placed next to something “hurtful”. I never meant for anything to be “hurtful” anyway. When I ask for advice, I expect that everything I say about the situation will be critiqued. That’s why I ask for advice; to be critiqued. For people to rip everything that I say apart. For people to give me different views that I may not have noticed, so that I can see all angles of the situation. I expect that someone will tell me what they would do, so that I can compare it to my plan. I expect that all my assumptions will be challenged.
When I want support, I ask for support. When I want to be challenged, I ask for advice. This is how I run, this is how my friends run, this is how my family runs. However, I see that this is not how this blog runs. This is my bad. I’ve lurked for a while, but this is the first time I’ve seen actual advice asked. It is my responsibility to conform to the culture of this blog, not the other way around. I will be more cautious in the future, but for now, I’m not going to allow myself to be misinterpreted.
However, whenever you see me use a smilie, you should think “Mez thinks she’s being a friend here”. And probably failing at it. Miserably.
@Argenti Aertheri
Ehhhh no. More like “You may be wrong and I might be too but I’m sticking with what I think because we don’t have any conclusive proof either way”.
I’m not defending it. I said (repeatedly) that he’s a jerk. What I disagree with is the (repeated) assumptions made by the people on this blog as to what’s going on in his head or as to his motives. We can’t mind read here.
@Marie
Yes this is true. Let me expand. When I say “being considerate to their feelings” I mean trying to be truly empathetic towards someone’s POV, and not just polite. I don’t even think that people should always be polite; sometimes you have to defend yourself. Sometimes you have to be impolite. “Polite” is a behavior that greases the wheels for communication, it’s not a character trait.
Basically, there’s always two sides to an argument, and you never really know what’s in another person’s head.
This is REALLY getting off topic. But I’m explaining the reasoning for the advice I gave. I’m getting sick of talking. 🙂 Either way, does this answer your concern? 🙂
It’s “stringing you along to keep you around”, not “stringing you along to give you a glimmer of hope”. The continued access is the goal, giving someone hope is just proximal to that. And yes, most people say what they think they mean. Most people are not aware of all their subconscious motives. I think catgirl is a good person. But let me ask you something, if the problems are so severe that she feels she needs to exit the relationship to fix it, that she feels that can’t fix it while in the relationship, then what does she hope to accomplish by taking a break and not just ending it? What does it even mean for her to “take a break”? Is she going to date? Is he going to date? Or is he expected to wait? You say that people say what they mean, but I’ve found that’s often impossible when people are confused. If they could say what they meant, then they wouldn’t be confused.
That’s my problem with “taking a break”. It’s not my “rules”, it’s my opinion. She should do whatever she feels is best.
Let me repeat that, as I think that some people thought I was ordering her to follow my advice or something. I told her what I would do, because that is how I give and receive advice. She should do whatever she feels is best. Let me repeat this again.
She should trust her own judgement. She is the only one that will suffer the consequences here. She is strong and capable. I am confident that she will make the choice that is correct for her.
Oh and no, I haven’t read Naruto, just watched it. And really need to catch up (again, I seem to watch it for a year and then take three off), so please no spoilers! I left off right around water sword shark dude not actually being dead, if that helps any.
You peoples were fighting about mangoes last month, right? I got one softening in my kitchen right now. I need to go attack it soon. Somewhere I found some nice Filipino person who said, yes, mangoes are best eaten in private.
*sigh* checked. Needs another day at least:(
MEZ: So, in short, we disagree about the probabilities of what he’s thinking. Face it, neither of us can be 100% sure of what’s going on in his head, so that’s what all the “In my opinions” and hedging is about. For fucks sake it’s not gaslighting. I’m BETTING that things are one way, but I realize that because I can’t be 100% certain that it’s A GAMBLE. You’re making a gamble as well; what if you’re wrong? Then she throws out a salvageable relationship. Is she ok with that? It’s her choice as to what gamble she wants to make.
And you are telling her that her choice of what to do is wrong.
The thing is you ARE gaslighting her. You are also making bets (to extend your gambling metaphor) with her life, not yours.
Ehhhh no. More like “You may be wrong and I might be too but I’m sticking with what I think because we don’t have any conclusive proof either way”.
But you are willing to tell people what they are doing is wrong, because you know best, even in your ignorance.
Cut that shit out.
eli: We were not fighting about mangos. Argenti is under the delusion they are edible.
I know better.
Eli — last month? More like for a year. But not fighting, Pecunium hates them, I think they go wonderfully with vodka. More like friendly teasing than fighting.
I imagine they’re best eaten in private because I, for one, am messy and ending up orange and sticky could be embarrassing.
His taste buds are broken 🙂
Argenti: That’s why the proverb. Apparently those who can eat them are prone to almost sexual excesses with them.
Which is something civilised people don’t need to see.