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So over on A Voice for Men, young Jason Gregory seems faintly jealous that young women who put up dating profiles online tend to get flooded with messages — and the occasional dick pic — from horny guys.
F]ree cock is everywhere. Men give it away like it’s worthless. … I doubt that it is unusual at all for a woman to get 300 messages in her inbox from men who are desperate for female affection, approval, and sex. There is no doubt in my mind that men send “dick-pics” and clamor, bother, and sometimes harass women for their affections and attentions.
But Jason feels no sympathy for young women who put up profiles hoping to meet some nice young fellow who’s also into Sherlock and Neil Gaiman and Indian food and instead get messages from guys who introduce themselves by expressing a desire to ejaculate in their hair.
No, Jason is angry because he’s convinced all these offers of “free cock” only serve to make the women of the world into snooty-stuck stuck-up so-and-sos who think they’re all that and a folder full of dick pics.
All you men who give it away, all you do is reinforce the entitlement mentality of women who believe that their being present is plenty. You reinforce the idea that women don’t owe anything to the relationship—that they deserve a free-ride of cocks and that they don’t even have to break a sweat.
Jason, I should add, means this last bit literally. He’s resentful that when he allegedly engages in the act of coitus he has to do all the work while his alleged partners allegedly lie there like inflatable love-dolls.
Anyhoo,.Jason has a plan to take these stuck-up ladies down a peg or two: A cock strike.
Yep, he wants men to start saying “no” to women who are interested in them, just to see how they like it. But he doesn’t want them to just say no. He wants them to be giant dicks about it.
Try telling a girl no. Tell her, after she makes it clear that she wants your cock, that you’re not interested in giving it to her. Tell her that she isn’t interesting, that her soul is dog-shit and that she has nothing to offer other than boobs and booty, that she is a piece of shit and a total failure as a human being, that you don’t find her attractive and that she isn’t even good enough to be a cum-bucket. Tell her that she is never going to be any good at sucking cock and that she needs to stop pretending that she is doing any favors and learn to compensate for her inadequacies by becoming “kinky.” Tell her that her vapid life of shoes and pop-culture and materialism are soulless pursuits of dog-shit. Watch what happens. If you Jez-ladies wanna know what “hostile” means, see this rejected woman.
Emphasis mine.
A Voice for Men, you may recall, sees itself as leading the most important civil rights movement of the 21st century. I am sure Jason Gregory’s post here will be remembered alongside Martin Luther King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail as a classic in civil rights literature.
EDIT: I added a couple more “allegedlys” to a sentence I thought needed them.
I see; I had thought Cassandra had addressed her comment nicely, so I misinterpreted the aim of yours auggz: sorry! For my part I find y’all plenty welcoming 🙂
You’re right Ally, the welcome package did go over the ableism bit and it must be frustrating to put work into a thing with community guidelines and have it ignored in such a jarringly rude way; I hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps a bit of shortness when mess-ups happen is to be expected then, since there already has been warning.
OT- whoever said the puppy looks like she might have Australian Shepherd in her was dead-on, at least for the weight-range and build she’s turning up with.
I have been here as a lurker and a commenter since the first year! I remember Captain Bathrobe!
I don’t always comment, but staying away from something hurtful is just good manners if you want to be part of a commentariat.
As a “long-time regular” I am ambivalent about that designation.
1: I am seen as such because I put myself out. I comment a lot, defend my positions (sometimes too much), and I am not shy about sharing my opinions.
2: Being a “long-time regular” doesn’t keep me from getting called out.
3: My personal ideas about what is/isn’t acceptable use aren’t relevant. No, that’s not true, my personal (i.e. for myself) ideas about acceptable usage aren’t the local norm. My opinion on “acceptable use” is that we, as a community, have a right to set standards. We set them on system of modified consensus.
4: By “modified consensus” I mean that we have a habit of decrying use we find personally offensive. The group chimes in, and those who are most affected tend to be listened to, on the idea that doing the least harm to the those who are most affected is the best policy.
5: I have “run afoul of one of the big group” myself. Hard though it may be to believe it caused me to censor myself in some pretty drastic ways. Not in choice of language, but in terms of subject. This was a bad thing; because there were those in our number (at the time) whom I would say were militantly intolerant of certain things; not just in terms of phrase, but of ideas; they judged people not on what they did, but on things that group thought about things they assumed other people believed.
That circumspection, and second guessing, which I engaged in, were painful. I understand that the idea one dare not address an issue without fear of being jumped on is horrible. Had I not been who I am, and had I not been an established figure here I would have left. As it was I came close to leaving.
So, if the idea that using,terms like crazy/tard/derp/lunatic/schizo/batshit/deranged makes you feel you can’t talk about how evil, small-minded, ill-informed, lack-witted, anti-social, etc., that the misogynist objects of scorn,mockery, and ridicule the subjects of Dave’s Posts (and those who come to defend them get) I’m sorry, but those words aren’t essential to the ideas in play.
We aren’t saying you can’t insult them, upbraid them, mock them, abuse them. We are saying you can’t do it in a way which passively does those same things to members of our community.
I think that was me! ::preens::
Well, in that case, thank you kitteh for helping me play mystery puppy genealogy! I was shocked when she passed 25lbs at 4.5 months, so I have you to thank for having any kind of inkling of a heads up at all.
re 2: above, I have quirks of language which aren’t acceptable here. I’ve been called out for them. I have (at least once) made a qualified defense of my use (because that usage seems to be becoming divorced from gender) but also stopped using it that way here (and become sensitised to the ways in which it is still used in really gendered ways).
So I understand some of where JoJo is coming from (in that the usage doesn’t seem to be ableist), but it’s also selfish to insist that one’s personal interpretation of a word be accepted by everyone else.
My pleasure, chimisaur!
Sounds like she’s gonna be a BIG pup! 🙂
auggz – it’s both, isn’t it? Some people here are affected by the slurs in being included in the harm they do, but don’t feel hurt by them; others get it both ways, it’s hurtful and harmful. Whether it’s either/and, it’s not acceptable, we’ve all said So. Many. Times it’s not acceptable and why, but there’s still pushback and hair-splitting about it. It’s so arrrrrrrrrrrghnotagainisthissohardtounderstand! And the simplest phrase: if someone asks you to get off their foot, do you get off their foot or start complaining about being asked to?
auggz: I’d say the issue isn’t using/not-using slurs, it’s that they ARE slurs. That they are directed at others doesn’t change that.
It varies from site to site, too. I called something idiotic on Feministe a while back and it got redacted as an ableist slur. I had a rather WTF? reaction to that, privately, but their site, their rules.
it’s also selfish to insist that one’s personal interpretation of a word be accepted by everyone else.
This was articulated extraordinarily well – I think you hit the nail on the head here with what you guys have been generally trying to get at, pecunium. There are several levels of insult to the community and people in general that come with poor word choice here, but in the end it boils down to a simple choice between selfish pettiness and being a decent person by not forcing one’s tastes on the people around you.
I’m not sure anything needs to be done. Can a thing just be frustrating without it being anyone’s fault?
Yeah kitteh we’re bracing for HUGE now, and to think I was almost sure she was going to be a smallish breed (15-20lbs tops) – she was such a little thing when she came home with us! XD
You might have to rename her Dogzilla!
You might have to rename her Dogzilla!
For serious. We named her Chimichanga because she was about the size of my partner’s lunch that day.
pecunium said: “it caused me to censor myself in some pretty drastic ways. Not in choice of language, but in terms of subject” “whom I would say were militantly intolerant of certain things; not just in terms of phrase, but of ideas”
What sorts of ideas and/or subjects should I avoid bringing up? Err, in general–I imagine listing all the specific ones would take quite a while.
I suppose I should go ahead and mention I have Asperger’s Syndrome. Mine is rather mild, but I still sometimes have trouble recognizing and/or understanding sarcasm, metaphor, and deception. Reading comments by internet bigots has significantly improved my ability to recognize some of the more subtle forms of deception, though. >_<
That was two people in particular, long gone from the site, that I think pecunium’s referring to, Scott. They were – well, there were other issues, but a fair bit of Asshole Atheism was mixed up with Queerer Than Thou stuff.
chimisaur – LOL!
So the puppy in your icon is your puppy, chimisaur? She’s really cute! I was thinking either Australian Shepherd or possibly beagle. But if she was that big that young then yeah, probably not a beagle.
Are Aussie Shepherd personalities like Border Collies, who they kind of/sort of look like?
I think they are, Cassandra. They’re derived from collie-ish dogs, I think – or Australian crosses brought to the US.
My problem is that I’ve gotten so used to enjoying the non-sexist, non-ableist etc conversations here that it makes it harder to deal with places where it runs rampant. I mean, amongst my group offline friends, they are good with this stuff without even trying, but I just kind of accepted it online. Now, I really notice it, and avoid it.
P.S. emilygoddess, you might not feel like one of the core group, but I (and I’m sure others) see you as one of the regulars who says things worth reading.
Yep, that’s Chimichanga; thanks, cassandra! I think she’s pretty cute as well, and she totally knows it. Has my mate wrapped around her not-so-little paws, too. She’s still got kind of a case of hound face, so the vet tells us she might be mixed with beagle or similar; good catch. The one border collie pure bred I’ve met was a bit more high-strung than our Chimi, and I’ve never met an Aussie in real life, but from what I can tell from her, she’s more German Shepherd chill/kind of squeak-y-whiney than high strung.
Absolutely!
Plus, Greebo. 🙂
Yep, seconding kittehserf. I’ve thought of emilygoddess as one of the regulars for ages.
I think my Gran might have had a weird border collie, because she was pretty chill. Used to herd me when I was a kid and prevent my idiot toddler self from falling down the stone staircase.
Seconding Kim. I’ve been here (lurking included) for about 2 years, and emilygoddess is one of the first folks I saw comment regularly.
Thirding*
There is a fun book you could read to learn to better recognise deception – Aristotle and an Aardvark Go to Washington: Understanding Political Doublespeak Through Philosophy and Jokes
For all those times you’re like “I know they are being shifty, but I can’t put my finger on how”.