Having previously taken on such dire threats to Western Civilization as “fat girls,” “manginas,” and “rape tourettes,” the pickup-artists-cum-worldly-philosophers over at Roosh Valizadeh’s Return of Kings blog have decided to take on an even more insidious danger: Women — sorry, girls — with short hair.
In an alarming expose, guest blogger Tuthmosis reveals the shocking tuth, er, truth:
No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks.
So why are so many women choosing to cut off the long hair that men so universally admire (allegedly)? Tuthmosis has a few theories. One is that other women are convincing them to do it so that they can have all the short-hair-hating men to themselves. Yep. It’s hair sabatoge!
Women are quick to encourage other women to cut their hair by telling them how “cute” it is. While I’m no scientist, I’m convinced this is some deep, genetic programming at work, one that forces women—who compete with one another on a physical level on a daily basis—to encourage any behavior that might eliminate competitors in the dating pool.
And straight men contribute to this sorry state of affairs, too. Well, “cowardly and deluded men” anyway, according to Tuthy — though why exactly being “cowardly and deluded” would cause men to encourage women to cut their hair is never quite explained.
Tuthy also blames gay men, who apparently have the power to sway the minds of women en masse.
The plaudits a Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, or Anne Hathaway receive when they cut their hair off—from people who have no business commenting on the attractiveness of women, like gay men—creates a copycat cycle that increases the trend geometrically.
So what exactly is the problem with short hair? Don’t get Tuthy started on that!
Seriously, don’t get him started, because what he says makes no fucking sense.
The truth of the matter is that long hair’s almost universally attractive to men, when they’re actually speaking honestly (without trying to appease women in the room). Furthermore, it’s a symbol of youth, femininity, and health. Why can’t old women grow long hair? Because it’s an ephemeral trait of your fertile years.
Women instinctively know this, which is why every American girl who cuts, and keeps, her hair short often does it for ulterior reasons. Short hair is a political statement.
A political statement of what? A political statement that she won’t put up with assholes like you?
And, invariably, a girl who has gone through with a short cut—and is pleased with the changes in her reception—is damaged in some significant way. Short hair is a near-guarantee that a girl will be more abrasive, more masculine, and more deranged.
Ah, ok. So it does mean that she won’t put up with assholes like you.
I’d developed that belief on years of platonic interactions alone. The bitchiest work colleagues, the most difficult cashier, the most confrontational, aggressive cunts in bars have all shared one trait—short-ass hair.
Yep, it definitely means that.
Tuthy then relates the horrors he faced during his own brief experiences dating women with short hair.
One had rape fantasies and used four-letter words! (These are your complaints? The guy who runs the blog you’re posting on is an actual admitted rapist, and you yourself just used the word “cunt.”)
Another used racial slurs and later got an unflattering “soccer mom” haircut! (Racial slurs? I mean, that’s a dealbreaker for me, but you’re writing for a blog that’s crawling with out-and-proud racists. Aren’t racial slurs right up your alley?)
Yet another jerked him off while texting! (You’re not going to at least give her credit for her manual dexterity?)
He concludes with this:
Not only is short-hair unattractive, it’s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair.
In other words, short hair on women appears to repel a certain kind of asshole. Make use of that information as you wish.
EDITED TO ADD: Oh dear. Apparently Tuthy’s dumb post was so dumb and offensive it managed to “go viral”” and generate a ton of hate-traffic for Return of Kings. Roosh, naturally, has decided to try to fan the flames with a “publisher’s note” reiterating Tuthy’s, er, “argument” and helpfully revealing to his new readers what a shithead he is.
Here are some quotes, along with some photos to remind us just who it is who is lecturing women about their hairstyles.
Sadly, the women who are blasting us right now with vulgar speech and masculine manner are treading the line of self-mutilation with their pixie cuts. If you know a girl who has voluntarily chopped off such a reliable indicator of female beauty and fertility, nothing short of an intervention with all family and friends is necessary to force the victim to grow her hair back out.
I part now with a message of hope. Women: unless you have a smushed pig face, your attractiveness increases at least 6% for every inch your hair passes your shoulders. Don’t listen to people who are trying to sabotage your beauty by encouraging you to adopt a lesbian haircut.
We are the only ones who will be brutally honest with you. We are not shy to state where objective female beauty comes from, unlike the saboteurs in your life who are just trying to make it harder for you to find a good husband.
And for those of you especially sick women who think that you are going to punish us by cutting your hair, you’re only punishing yourself. Being lonely and having to settle for a brood of cats is not a good life for a woman, but that’s what will happen if you keep your hair short.
Heh, just noticed the doll in the background. Stick to those Roosh, for the safety of all women.
Men who encourage other men to cut their hair ARE PROBABLY GAY, FACT.
The pressure to cut women’s hair is coming from an uptight business woman-hating perspective, pressuring women that they should not be both powerful and sexy, while cutting their hair reduces the envy of the ultra-special boss men.
I am a man, I had short hair once, it was humiliating, being in a room with 5 other men who all had short hair and I was the only one with any sense how f—ed that was.
Xen – I saw that; way to show what a stud you are, Roosh, having a sex doll propped up in the corner.
So Tuthy’s on the same bandwagon as William Prynne, back in the 1630s? His rationale was that women’s long hair is needed to cover our bodies (apparently nobody told him humans have invented clothes) and that short-haired women were all actresses and WHORES. Oh, and men with long hair were all sodomites and blahblahblah.
Guess what the fashionable hairstyles were when he did his little rant?
He might have got away with it, but his little actresses-are-whores diatribe included Queen Henriette Marie, who liked performing in masques. King Charles was less than amused, the law took its course and Prynne ended up minus his ears.
He then had to grow his hair long to cover the scars.
(Henriette is Louis’s youngest sister, btw.)
Reminds me of the story my mom tells about how she managed to get short hair even though my dad did not want her to. She cut it a little bit at a time over several years, then — short hair! This of course was forty years ago.
The level of control a dude attempts to exert over my hairstyle choices is an excellent barometer of when to bail the hell out of that relationship. So again, Roosh, thanks for making it so easy for us to see the creepers and abusers well in advance.
It’s one thing to prefer longer haired women, but to be such whiny little shits about it is pretty amusing. Meh, they will just have to live. They’ll be ok.
Citation needed. And that’s real.
Yep, cos women’s style is totally to please men. Alwways everywhere. And no businesswoman has ever worn killer heels …
So how do you know you were the only one thinking that was fucked? Why did you think it was fucked?
Of course, women MUST have long hair to be attractive, and it should never be just up in a simple twist or bun because long hair worn down is The Right and Proper Way of All Things Everywhere and Always.
But of course those women shouldn’t spend lots of money on shampoo, conditioner, gel or mousse, combs and brushes, pins, clips and bands, blow dryers and curlers, perms or straightening, etc., etc., etc., because spending all that money is MISANDRY!!1!1!!1! and just serves to keep women working bullshit jobs that the economy doesn’t need, or unfairly spending her husband or significant other’s hard-earned cash that he spent hours toiling for in the bitcoin mines.
And they shouldn’t take more than three minutes TOPS to style that hair, because otherwise they would be wasting manly male time that would be better spent playing Grand Theft of Duty or ogling the waitresses at Hooters.
Of course they are on to exactly one thing: wearing your hair long and always down or in an elaborate updo because that’s what men prefer (as opposed to because it is what you like and enjoy) is proof that you care more about someone else’s opinion than your own time, comfort, and ability (or need) to engage in activities like work or sports, and therefore does make you perfect in the eyes of douchenozzles like Rooshy-poo and his band of whinging wankers.
@auggziliary, I know! It’s sort of insulting. Like, f you’re going denigrate my entire gender, at least be consistent and keep your facts straight, lads. You know, make it challenging! Sometimes I’M tempted to write a misogynist rant just show them how to do it right.
Much science. Wow.
Chie Santonaka:
To paraphase John Green: the venn diagram of men who try to control my appearance and men I do not want to date IS A CIRCLE.
Well hey, at least they won’t be criticizing me for having short hair; I’m a “guy” to them. Thanks for your support, RoK.
Here you go.
@cupisnique:
I’m just gonna leave this here.
http://xkcd.com/37
I’ve had short hair (a 1920s-type bob) and long hair, and intend to stick to long hair for the forseeable future, but that’s because I’ve had a thing for long hair since forever – more on men than women, actually. I was born in the sixties, IT WAS A THING.
I look equally good with long or short hair, and have been mercifully free of creeps hitting on me either way.
The only man whose opinion matters has never spoken about it, but he has been seen by other people standing idly playing with my hair, twining a curl round his fingers. I suspect he prefers it long, but it’s not like he’d try to tell me how I’m “supposed” to have it cut.
@FromAfar –
Seconded!
Are there any posts featured on the RoK site that don’t insist that women listen to the ‘important’ notes from men’s boners?
Is there a tally somewhere? 🙂
Ahahaha, Roosh should rename RoK “Notes from my Boner”… at least then it would be 100% accurate.
Ugh, bad memories. I let a cute hairdresser talk me into a Clooney-style conformed caesar. Never again. Came out of there looking like Quentin Tarrantino on a
badworse hair day.The women who want their hair short don’t give once single gram of fuck about what anyone else finds attractive. They act like the idea of men liking longer hair is news or something. “Holy shit, men like long hair? I will have to grow it out so the manosphere kids will like me again,” said no woman ever.
anonymous: “Pwned?” How? From posting a picture of Roosh? I mean, he does tend to nauseate, but still?
Even in that picture, he looks like he hasn’t washed his hair in years. So yeah, not taking hair advice from him.
Could RoK be any more obvious? They are really saying that they think women with short hair are less influenced by what others think and therefore less likely to be manipulated by PUAs’ crappy mind games.
katz, I love it!
One is that other women are convincing them to do it so that they can have all the short-hair-hating men to themselves.
Hey, I saw that episode too! Rachel convinces Ross’s girlfriend to cut her hair off, hoping that Ross will dump her as a result.
Oh, were we talking about real life, not Friends? Then bullshit.
RoK seems to be saying that the only thing that matters about a woman is her physical appearance. And that that is all that (hetero) men care about.
And we’re supposed to be the misandrists.
You know, my wife and I both prefer long hair on one another. But I’ve dated/been attracted to women pretty much up and down the hair-length tree over the years (and in particular, celebrity women with short hair, especially brunettes and blondes [thinking about it, I most go for long hair on redheads, which my wife is], tend to draw the most attention from me). My wife and I have agreed, though, that if I ever cut my hair significantly, it will probably be in preparation for going full-shaved bald. I look like a complete doofus with short hair, always have.