Having previously taken on such dire threats to Western Civilization as “fat girls,” “manginas,” and “rape tourettes,” the pickup-artists-cum-worldly-philosophers over at Roosh Valizadeh’s Return of Kings blog have decided to take on an even more insidious danger: Women — sorry, girls — with short hair.
In an alarming expose, guest blogger Tuthmosis reveals the shocking tuth, er, truth:
No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks.
So why are so many women choosing to cut off the long hair that men so universally admire (allegedly)? Tuthmosis has a few theories. One is that other women are convincing them to do it so that they can have all the short-hair-hating men to themselves. Yep. It’s hair sabatoge!
Women are quick to encourage other women to cut their hair by telling them how “cute” it is. While I’m no scientist, I’m convinced this is some deep, genetic programming at work, one that forces women—who compete with one another on a physical level on a daily basis—to encourage any behavior that might eliminate competitors in the dating pool.
And straight men contribute to this sorry state of affairs, too. Well, “cowardly and deluded men” anyway, according to Tuthy — though why exactly being “cowardly and deluded” would cause men to encourage women to cut their hair is never quite explained.
Tuthy also blames gay men, who apparently have the power to sway the minds of women en masse.
The plaudits a Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, or Anne Hathaway receive when they cut their hair off—from people who have no business commenting on the attractiveness of women, like gay men—creates a copycat cycle that increases the trend geometrically.
So what exactly is the problem with short hair? Don’t get Tuthy started on that!
Seriously, don’t get him started, because what he says makes no fucking sense.
The truth of the matter is that long hair’s almost universally attractive to men, when they’re actually speaking honestly (without trying to appease women in the room). Furthermore, it’s a symbol of youth, femininity, and health. Why can’t old women grow long hair? Because it’s an ephemeral trait of your fertile years.
Women instinctively know this, which is why every American girl who cuts, and keeps, her hair short often does it for ulterior reasons. Short hair is a political statement.
A political statement of what? A political statement that she won’t put up with assholes like you?
And, invariably, a girl who has gone through with a short cut—and is pleased with the changes in her reception—is damaged in some significant way. Short hair is a near-guarantee that a girl will be more abrasive, more masculine, and more deranged.
Ah, ok. So it does mean that she won’t put up with assholes like you.
I’d developed that belief on years of platonic interactions alone. The bitchiest work colleagues, the most difficult cashier, the most confrontational, aggressive cunts in bars have all shared one trait—short-ass hair.
Yep, it definitely means that.
Tuthy then relates the horrors he faced during his own brief experiences dating women with short hair.
One had rape fantasies and used four-letter words! (These are your complaints? The guy who runs the blog you’re posting on is an actual admitted rapist, and you yourself just used the word “cunt.”)
Another used racial slurs and later got an unflattering “soccer mom” haircut! (Racial slurs? I mean, that’s a dealbreaker for me, but you’re writing for a blog that’s crawling with out-and-proud racists. Aren’t racial slurs right up your alley?)
Yet another jerked him off while texting! (You’re not going to at least give her credit for her manual dexterity?)
He concludes with this:
Not only is short-hair unattractive, it’s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair.
In other words, short hair on women appears to repel a certain kind of asshole. Make use of that information as you wish.
EDITED TO ADD: Oh dear. Apparently Tuthy’s dumb post was so dumb and offensive it managed to “go viral”” and generate a ton of hate-traffic for Return of Kings. Roosh, naturally, has decided to try to fan the flames with a “publisher’s note” reiterating Tuthy’s, er, “argument” and helpfully revealing to his new readers what a shithead he is.
Here are some quotes, along with some photos to remind us just who it is who is lecturing women about their hairstyles.
Sadly, the women who are blasting us right now with vulgar speech and masculine manner are treading the line of self-mutilation with their pixie cuts. If you know a girl who has voluntarily chopped off such a reliable indicator of female beauty and fertility, nothing short of an intervention with all family and friends is necessary to force the victim to grow her hair back out.
I part now with a message of hope. Women: unless you have a smushed pig face, your attractiveness increases at least 6% for every inch your hair passes your shoulders. Don’t listen to people who are trying to sabotage your beauty by encouraging you to adopt a lesbian haircut.
We are the only ones who will be brutally honest with you. We are not shy to state where objective female beauty comes from, unlike the saboteurs in your life who are just trying to make it harder for you to find a good husband.
And for those of you especially sick women who think that you are going to punish us by cutting your hair, you’re only punishing yourself. Being lonely and having to settle for a brood of cats is not a good life for a woman, but that’s what will happen if you keep your hair short.
@leftwingfox:
I’ve noticed that a lot of these MRAs/PUAs claim to be into BDSM, particularly the sadism aspect. They’re hiding their own messed-up personalities under the guise of being “sexually liberated” and “kinky,” it seems. If they claim not to have a fetish, then they turn around and claim that it’s the “natural order of things.”
My concern is that sooner or later these guys will try to justify lust murder by claiming that it’s “natural.” After all, Heartiste once claimed that *all* women are attracted to “bad boys” and violent predators. When law enforcement acts and locks these guys up, the PUAs all claim that society is “demonizing male sexuality.”
I bravely (stupidly?) checked out the post and the comments. Thankfully, most of the comments are men and women saying “Uh… no? How about no?” and only a small handful of fanboys are agreeing with the original post. I’d say “not all hope is lost” but this really is too silly for it to have any impact on humanity as a whole, so I say “meh.”
I’m still not sure why jerking him off while texting is supposed to be a bad thing. Is it because she’s not paying her full attention to him? Or is he just letting his double standard shine through: “If you fail to play with our peen, you are actively oppressing us! And if you do play with our peen, you are dirty and ruined!”
Oh, and if one man’s boner is enough to what’s historically and universally appealing to men, I hereby declare that all men everywhere ever like assertive women with short hair and a Venus of Willendorf figure. Can’t argue with it, it’s genetics.
Apparently Tuthy’s post has gone viral, as they say, and Roosh has written a little “publishers note” about it. I added some quotes, as well as some pics of Roosh and his various styish hairdos.
I love having long hair because I’m lazy, and a hairstyle that requires nothing more than a few trims, conditioning, and a bun at night is the winner for me. Clearly though my laziness was really just fertility and youth all along?
How cute when these people think the worst fate is not getting with a man like themselves, because they can’t imagine a life that doesn’t revolve around them.
To prove what’s historically…
My reaction to the edit:
http://www.thinkimpractically.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Laughing-Cat-Picture.jpeg
http://www.returnofkings.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/432x631xroosh-v.jpg.pagespeed.ic.Op-wUQ9TlI.jpg
Pwned
Hair advice from a guy who seems to have never heard of shampoo or soap.
Okay.
See, that’s why it’s important to have a good Ignorance Seal. That way you don’t have to worry about inconvenient facts soaking into your psyche and making you question your assumptions! Beads up, runs off, ignorance intact!
bodycrimes:
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, that was good. I needed that. I’ve had a long day at work.
I’ve had short hair since I was sixteen, bar a period in my final year of university, when it grew out because I was too lazy and stressed and broke maintain a short style. My boyfriend at the time was open (in a polite and no-pressure way) about the fact that he was a fan of long hair on girls. But after finals, I got it all cut off again, and the next time I saw him, his jaw dropped and he said, “OK, shit. I was wrong about everything, you look ridiculously hot.” And I was like, “I know, right? It just suits me better!”
But you know, obviously he hated me and just wanted to sabotage my objective female beauty by lying to me. Thank heavens I have Tuthy and several hundred whining man babies to be honest with me. Because it’s very clear that they have the best interests of all women at heart.
What about all the women with long hair that think he’s a fucking ass hole creep?(like me) Wonder how he explains that ?
Also why would women be trying to convince other women to cut their hair short to “eliminate competitors ” in the dating pool ,when the whole issue for these guys is they are “involuntarily celibate ?” Dude the “girls” are not competing for you remember ?
The idea that a woman’s hair wont grow long because she is old (past fertile years)???
Dude!
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000443/
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000510/
Way to go, Roosh. You see somebody sticking themselves in a hole, and show up to help with a digger.
I will defend to the death my (personal) opinion that short hair is easier. Yes, you need to cut it, but mine is so short that it literally can’t be styled. Hairdressers as me “where do you part it?” and I’m like “if I can part it, it’s too long.”
Hahaha, I also like the way Tuthy’s short-hair comparison picture of Anne Hathaway is of her in character as Fantine. She’s playing a dying 19th-century prostitute, she’s not exactly supposed to be glowing.
But the blow-up doll in the background of one of his pics doesn’t have long hair. Interesting…
I can only then assume that when I encouraged my wife when she wanted to cut off her hair, it was not because I thought she might look good in short hair too. No. It must obviously have been because I am a Beta Mangina and by encouraging her to get rid of her natural, long blond beauty booster I was taking her off the Alpha Cock Carousel.
It feels good that someone finally explained this to me. All this time I thought I was just being supportive and that I find many short hair styles to be beautiful on women, when I was truly just being a really prudent Beta.
“My personal fetish reflects fundamental truths about the human mind” sums up every view of MRAs about attractiveness.
Ironically, I remember in my youth reading somewhere that hetero men found the nape of a woman’s neck arousing and that this explained why, for a vast amount of history, western women with long hair put their hair up. You know, cos that whole thing about girls had their hair down and putting their hair up signified they had reached womanhood.
Like to see these assholes turn her down for a date. I wouldn’t, and I’m not even a lesbian.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000932/
“Not only is short-hair unattractive, it’s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair.”
Wow, I didn’t know cavemen could use the internet.
Roosh, I’m glad you posted your pictures online so now I can avoid you. And guess what? come summer the hair is being shorn. And a good thing too, I don’t want freaks like you to be attracted to me.
This is also why the Jazz Age is well-known for being a time of abstinence.
Emily, you got cross-cultural awareness all over the place! Someone get a mop! (seriously, awesome comment– and yeah, gotta “love” how he forgets some women with “lesbian haircuts” might actually be into women)
Here’s the funny thing: As a straight woman who had shoulder-length hair until this Halloween when I cut it all off, I’ve actually gotten significantly MORE attention from guys. It could be because, yeah, I do look older (I’m 21, but with my long hair, could have passed for high school– now I look my age), but I think mostly it just flatters my features. I’ve also been on-and-off involved with a guy who LOVES short hair on girls. He used to ask me to cut mine– never said it would be “cute,” said it would be “hot”. Although tell you the truth– “long, healthy hair” is not always “friendly” hair. My hair was long and thick and dark, but it was the kind of Jewfro that had a mind of its own, and the only products to tame it would kill it. Of course, since Mr. Tut’s primary interactions with women’s hair seem to be shampoo ads he wanks to, well…..
If being alone from this guy is my “punishment” for cutting my hair, sign me right on up!
Didn’t you know that the updo is also misandry and magically turns attractive women into ugly short-haired mimics (thankfully only temporarily, whew)! Which is why no one ever has an updo for their wedding. EVER!!
https://www.google.com/search?q=updo+for+a+wedding&safe=off&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=s2HhUuSCMM-ysAT424HoBA&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1920&bih=979