Having previously taken on such dire threats to Western Civilization as “fat girls,” “manginas,” and “rape tourettes,” the pickup-artists-cum-worldly-philosophers over at Roosh Valizadeh’s Return of Kings blog have decided to take on an even more insidious danger: Women — sorry, girls — with short hair.
In an alarming expose, guest blogger Tuthmosis reveals the shocking tuth, er, truth:
No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks.
So why are so many women choosing to cut off the long hair that men so universally admire (allegedly)? Tuthmosis has a few theories. One is that other women are convincing them to do it so that they can have all the short-hair-hating men to themselves. Yep. It’s hair sabatoge!
Women are quick to encourage other women to cut their hair by telling them how “cute” it is. While I’m no scientist, I’m convinced this is some deep, genetic programming at work, one that forces women—who compete with one another on a physical level on a daily basis—to encourage any behavior that might eliminate competitors in the dating pool.
And straight men contribute to this sorry state of affairs, too. Well, “cowardly and deluded men” anyway, according to Tuthy — though why exactly being “cowardly and deluded” would cause men to encourage women to cut their hair is never quite explained.
Tuthy also blames gay men, who apparently have the power to sway the minds of women en masse.
The plaudits a Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, or Anne Hathaway receive when they cut their hair off—from people who have no business commenting on the attractiveness of women, like gay men—creates a copycat cycle that increases the trend geometrically.
So what exactly is the problem with short hair? Don’t get Tuthy started on that!
Seriously, don’t get him started, because what he says makes no fucking sense.
The truth of the matter is that long hair’s almost universally attractive to men, when they’re actually speaking honestly (without trying to appease women in the room). Furthermore, it’s a symbol of youth, femininity, and health. Why can’t old women grow long hair? Because it’s an ephemeral trait of your fertile years.
Women instinctively know this, which is why every American girl who cuts, and keeps, her hair short often does it for ulterior reasons. Short hair is a political statement.
A political statement of what? A political statement that she won’t put up with assholes like you?
And, invariably, a girl who has gone through with a short cut—and is pleased with the changes in her reception—is damaged in some significant way. Short hair is a near-guarantee that a girl will be more abrasive, more masculine, and more deranged.
Ah, ok. So it does mean that she won’t put up with assholes like you.
I’d developed that belief on years of platonic interactions alone. The bitchiest work colleagues, the most difficult cashier, the most confrontational, aggressive cunts in bars have all shared one trait—short-ass hair.
Yep, it definitely means that.
Tuthy then relates the horrors he faced during his own brief experiences dating women with short hair.
One had rape fantasies and used four-letter words! (These are your complaints? The guy who runs the blog you’re posting on is an actual admitted rapist, and you yourself just used the word “cunt.”)
Another used racial slurs and later got an unflattering “soccer mom” haircut! (Racial slurs? I mean, that’s a dealbreaker for me, but you’re writing for a blog that’s crawling with out-and-proud racists. Aren’t racial slurs right up your alley?)
Yet another jerked him off while texting! (You’re not going to at least give her credit for her manual dexterity?)
He concludes with this:
Not only is short-hair unattractive, it’s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair.
In other words, short hair on women appears to repel a certain kind of asshole. Make use of that information as you wish.
EDITED TO ADD: Oh dear. Apparently Tuthy’s dumb post was so dumb and offensive it managed to “go viral”” and generate a ton of hate-traffic for Return of Kings. Roosh, naturally, has decided to try to fan the flames with a “publisher’s note” reiterating Tuthy’s, er, “argument” and helpfully revealing to his new readers what a shithead he is.
Here are some quotes, along with some photos to remind us just who it is who is lecturing women about their hairstyles.
Sadly, the women who are blasting us right now with vulgar speech and masculine manner are treading the line of self-mutilation with their pixie cuts. If you know a girl who has voluntarily chopped off such a reliable indicator of female beauty and fertility, nothing short of an intervention with all family and friends is necessary to force the victim to grow her hair back out.
I part now with a message of hope. Women: unless you have a smushed pig face, your attractiveness increases at least 6% for every inch your hair passes your shoulders. Don’t listen to people who are trying to sabotage your beauty by encouraging you to adopt a lesbian haircut.
We are the only ones who will be brutally honest with you. We are not shy to state where objective female beauty comes from, unlike the saboteurs in your life who are just trying to make it harder for you to find a good husband.
And for those of you especially sick women who think that you are going to punish us by cutting your hair, you’re only punishing yourself. Being lonely and having to settle for a brood of cats is not a good life for a woman, but that’s what will happen if you keep your hair short.
Omg! I didn’t know the monkey tail was a thing! That is adorable.
My short hair is a political statement for the fact that when it’s long, it’s too much of a pain to care for. (Curly in a way that causes it to get matted within a day if not brushed 2-3 three times a day, and so thick that brushing it was a pain in itself. Washing it sucked too. It took hours of care, which I never had the patience for, so I looked a like a troll.)
My short hair is also a political statement for the fact that I look better with short cut, because of my sharp facial features. I just prefer it in every conveivable way. I also like to dye it with outrageous colors. Currently, I have Rainbow Dash hair, whcih was completely cut short on the other side. It’s grown now though, which means I have to cut it and redesign the entire thing o/
I change hairstyles 2-3 times a year, but I’m not going back to long. I only let it grow because people kept telling me long hair is so pretty if I’d just take better care for it, even though I hated it. It was one of the few ego boosts I got from other people – it reached my butt! Didn’t know others whose hair was as long.
But taking care of it sucked, and drove my mother crazy for having to do special treatments for the giant knots and mattyness all the time. Eventually everyone agreed that short is better. For me.
My short hair is also a political statement that my boyfriend doesn’t care, because he can’t remember what my hair looked like previously anyway.
Though it’s obvious my long hair allowed me to snag him in the first place. Then, once he was all ready captive, I cut it short!
You see, he can’t get away anyway, not anymore. And it also shows I’m off the market!
Here’s an interesting discussion from back in the day about the merits of bobbed hair vs. long hair. As usual, the issues were far more complex and nuanced than the MRAs are capable of understanding. I happen to be growing my short layered hair out to top-of-shoulder length, and can relate. The awkward stage is a long, long, time. http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5117/
No one ever tell these guys about the Dorothy Hamill “short ‘n’ sassy” cut. That much cuteness would obviously overload their delicate sensibilities.
On gods, the awkward stage >.<
I pretty much shellacked my hair into submission from the point of reaching into my eyes until it would stay behind my damned ears. Had I not been a freshman on a bubble campus I might've caved and cut it, but that was more work than applying gel.
I have wiry, annoyingly thick hair down to my waist, I wish I could have it short but then it just mushrooms. Long and one length at least makes it lie down. I just hack a couple of inches off every few months and get Mr M to even it out for me.
@scarlettpipstrelle, thanks for the link, I spent a happy half hour looking up pictures and bios of the ladies who were featured. Now I’m going to watch Jeeves and Wooster and imagine I’m a flapper. 🙂
My hair is long again after I’ve donated my hair twice (first was 15 inches to Locks of Love, then after I found out what they do with the extra hair, and that they request background checks from the kid’s family, I donated 8 inches to Pantene Beautiful Lengths the second time). In about a year, it should be back to hip length.
I personally really like long hair on myself, and I love the pastel-and-flowers, ultra-feminine look. But these guys make it seem like a bad idea.
Ayn Rand appears to have short hair for most, if not all, of her adult life.
1) Hide the blow-up doll before the selfie. Don’t advertise you can’t get laid so you fuck plastic replicas instead… (It’s supposed to feel warm when you stick it in man…)
2) Pert-plus that greasy ass mop. And its a few bucks for a disposable razor man…
3) You’re pretty fucking hairy dude, but then again some I’m sure that appeals to some. But hair grease doesn’t.
4) Look @ the size difference between his right and left bicep even without flexing, haha!
5) Do you even lift, bro?
(Gotta chirp a greaseball.)
Dude even spends so much time on the computer he has a recliner/armchair so he can stay comfy. Really man…?
LOL all the signs of a totally cool dude and PUA guru! Makes you wonder just how gullible/willfully stupid his customers must be. Not that there can be too many of them, since he’s not exactly living the high life.
Scene: Lower middle class suburban living room, late 1960s
Young Me, Flipping through a photo album.
Tight shot, over shoulder, a yellowing photograph. Two young women in flapper dresses, laughing. One is sitting in the driver’s seat of a car, the other stands , one foot on the running board. Both have bobbed hair and are smoking from long stemmed cigarette holders.
YM: Hey, who is this?
White Haired Elderly Relative: Oh, land sakes*, look at us. We thought we were so naughty, with our bobbed hair and our flasks-
YM: Flasks?
WHER: Going dancing almost every night-
YM: Flasks?
WHER: Out ’til all hours. I’m sorry what did you say?
YM: Flasks? Flasks of what?
WHER: You children always think you invented getting up to no good.
* Yes, she really did talk like that.
And it’s about to get even lower. Sunlight is the best disinfectant…and it also sends moths and cockroaches scurrying!
>whispers< Bathtub gin.
Sadly, that’s probably true. I suspect a lot of these guys are armchair PUAs.
Bina- Or straight up, real booze brought in from Canada,as I suspect the picture was taken while she lived in Chicago.
I found a couple of Tumblr posts about “Frozen” that I’m having a bit of a train-wreck reaction to. They’re not really rage-inducing for me because they’re just so out there. But the second one makes it clear that long hair is also “androgynous” as long as it’s in an updo, so I guess I’m safe, seeing as how my Disney-princess-length hair is usually up whenever I leave the house. (If you’re growing your hair to donate, or just trying to keep it as long and split-end-free as possible, keeping it up will help protect it from damage. And I find it’s much less work to detangle that way, too. But a lot of it for me is just that it’s too much of a pain when it’s down.) The writer isn’t exactly a [fe]MRA as far as I know (I don’t think she’d fit in–too much celebration of femininity)–but I doubt the MRAs/PUAs feel any different. (For reference, Elsa’s super-butch hairstyle is shown here and here (far right).)
She seems to have a real… thing… about women being feminine. (I think the writer’s female, but I don’t know for sure.) The sort of pedestalizing of delicate femininity and damsels in distress she’s doing in these two pieces are things that I think of as very Victorian, but apparently she’s outdoing the Victorians, because IIRC the Victorians also tended to idealize Queen Victoria, but apparently even the non-physical sort of power of a queen is too much for her:
I read the first linked post before the 2nd, so it was weird to read it and find myself agreeing with a lot of the stuff about which scenes are well-animated and such, and slowly realizing that something was very strange (and not in a good way) about this person.
A rehash of the Snow Queen fairy story is supposed to show a ruler’s administrative work? What did they want, a shot of Elsa sitting at her desk going through piles of ministerial reports, petitions, committee findings, letters from ambassadors, relatives, and dictating responses to them all?
Being an absolute monarch is a FUCKING BORING DESK JOB a lot of the time and has really shit hours.
I can just see Disney getting into that.
scarlettpipstrelle: That’s an interesting link; thanks for sharing!
I could no more imaging myself wearing a long, trailing skirt in 1927 when all the world was wearing short skirts than I could wear long, trailing tresses when all the world (or nearly all of it) had wisely come to the conclusion that bobbed hair was more youthful, more chic, and, if I may say so, much more sanitary.
Sanitary???
Looks like Mary Pickford did eventually bob her hair, according to Wikipedia.
Dunno about more sanitary, but it’d certainly be easier to wash short hair if one had to do it over the bath or sink, rather than with a shower (how many homes had showers in the 20s? Plenty of homes still didn’t have running water (hell, even some mansions were short on plumbing!)
Hmm, a parenthesis and a half! 😀
No, no, kittehserf, they were GLAD it didn’t show a woman exercising “masculine” power by doing the “tough” stuff of actually ruling.
::rolls eyes:: I shoulda known!
I think with long hair, even when down, long pieces of hair are more likely to cling to the other hair and less likely to fall out and into the soup–and back at the time the article was written, I think women with long hair usually kept it pinned up. I’ve found a longish piece of hair in my food maybe once? (Longer than bob-length hair, still not ultralong.) I’ve found short hair in my food a lot more often. With home-cooked food I’ve most often found pet hair, actually, even though the pets aren’t involved in making the food or allowed on the counter. I suspect the most common mechanism is for everything to get a little bit of pet hair on it when it’s washed together, including the kitchen towels…
If you have your hair down while cooking and it’s positioned wrong I supposed you could dip the ends of your hair in the food, though.
I have to admit, I have long hair and it does get in sink drains, and in my food sometimes. When I brush it sometimes small pieces break off. Sometimes it even falls INTO my food! Or crumbs get all tangled in it like a beard.