So I’ve been reading Reddit’s CreepyPMs subreddit a lot lately, where the recipients of bizarre and, well, creepy personal messages share them with the world. As you might imagine, some of the creepiest come from complete strangers on dating sites, like the following message received by a young woman on MeetMe, who put up a profile stating that she was looking for friends only (she already has a boyfriend) and that she would talk to anyone.
Well, one young man didn’t quite believe her, and sent this message:
He doesn’t judge, huh? That’s the most judgy non-judgemental message I’ve ever seen.
If you haven’t already checked out CreepyPMs, go take a look. You can lose hours in there.
JoJo, if you want to see a little bit of why women *in general* do not respond to every person who writes/approaches them, see this experiment I linked to in a previous thread (and someone else also linked in another thread after that). This man wanted to “prove” that women have it far easier in online dating. His female profile was up for a mere two hours before he took it down after being deluged with abuse. Most of the commenters agreed that he received that abuse because he made sure to respond to everyone who messaged him, even to say “No.”
http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1uqym6/as_a_guy_i_wanted_to_know_what_it_was_like_to_be/
**I do not mean to imply that responding to every comment in any way justifies abuse! I just meant that in general, there is a reason that women might be hesitant to engage with a stranger. We just don’t know how the other person is going to behave, and it can get very scary very fast.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with not responding to someone because they just don’t strike your fancy. Whether that’s about looks or something they say in their profile or something in the message that you don’t like, the idea that a response should be expected is fundamentally flawed, and would be even if it didn’t so often lead to abuse.
That’s also true, cassandrakitty. No one is obligated to reciprocate your interest if they do not share it.
I wonder what they think they are trying to accomplish too .When your entire first contact with someone the entire message is one gigantic red flag not even just a part of it ?
Like Hi ,we haven’t met yet but you’re an asshole .You’re selfish and self centered and shallow . You don’t give a shit about me and never will .I know that and you know that. You are exactly like the rest . I know what you like and it isn’t me that’s for sure .I will bet my life you won’t even respond this because that’s the way you are .Completely indifferent to me like I don’t even exist in your world. But hey you’re the one missing out because because unlike you I’m caring ,loving ,respectful, and deep .
I won’t be holing my breath that I will be hearing from you soon .Proving my point exactly.
It really bugs me that an underlying assumption in a lot of the conversations about this is that women should reply to all attempts at initiating contact, and that if we don’t we need to explain why. It ties into a lot of other sexist stuff centered around the idea of women as endlessly nurturing and that we should always put other people’s wants before our own.
Chie:
Reminds me of an experiment one of the columnists from the comedy site Cracked.som did:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-i-learned-from-worst-online-dating-profile-ever/
Except the guy purposefully tried to be the most repulsive person he could come up with (but got a friend’s permission who was a model to use her picture)
I think some of those guys are trying to make the person they messaged with their whine to have pity on a poor schmuck like them while trying to make them feel bad for not wanting to join the pity party.
@auggziliary: I laughed *too long at that!
*that’s a lie; it can never be too long
@JoJo I read that article, it was a hoot. Especially in the comments where some guys tried to defend the guys who messaged the fake.
*except the WOMAN wrote the article like that. Sorry, that was a mistake on my part.
Reminds me too of the horse_ebooks dating experiment which proved even incoherent strings of words will still get hit on, depressing in a lot of ways.
This isn’t the same thing but it reminds me . I went to this hip younger crowdish (compared to me I was maybe mid 30’s) bar one time with my sister. Mainly at that point I would go for her I really didn’t enjoy that scene much anymore .Not just because i was married I had been married since 20 and my sister and I still clubbed and went out to be out and among the young and to just let it all hang out .But by this point I had grown out of that need.
Anyway this guy took a fancy to me I guess and struck up a conversation . I talked to him a while but when it got to personal like so can maybe I call you .I said oh ..no actually Im married .(I had on a friggen wedding ring, big gold one to be exact with the engagement ring with it with a diamond) I figured he knew that but was just enjoying talking to me or maybe he thought that didn’t matter to me because it didn’t matter to him ? He was like well then WHAT are you doing here if you are married where is your husband ? I’m like sorry I didn’t see a sign at the door that said SINGLES ONLY .(in fact young married couples hung out their too) ,OR a sign that said if married must be accompanied by spouse! Then he said I know what…you aren’t even married .You just wear that ring as an excuse to turn some guys down instead of being HONEST and just saying you aren’t interested in them!
I mean really ? If I was NOT there to be picked up by HIM why was I present???????Like I had no right to be there because I was not a possibility for HIM ? And that wasn’t even a “dating site”
Normal female anatomy, to a guy with the endowments of a mosquito.
Well if women have whale vaginas, men must be Moby DICKS. And btw men look at a woman’s pic first to check if she’s hot enough to even reply to so it doesn’t half make me laugh when they accuse us of it.
That’s another thing I was going to say .You know the dude looked at her picture first before he even bothered to contact her with the reasons why she would not be interested in him which was his picture.
Hi I saw your picture you are really HOT so I contacted you to tell you that you won’t be interested in me because I’m not . YOU are SO SHALLOW!
Yeah, fuck that shit. I don’t reply to most of the messages I receive on OkCupid because they’re generally boring as hell. Seriously, if your message consists solely of “hi ur cute”, and there is nothing in your profile to indicate that we have any interests in common (or, sometimes, that you have any interests at all) then why the hell should I waste my time responding?
I generally answer messages with actual content, but so much of what I receive is just empty spam.
Plus there was the weird middle aged guy who was trying to set me up with his wife – even though my profile was quite clear that I was in a monogamous relationship. He was creepy. And weird.
I bet he thought that would show HER, that stuck-up bitch. Yeah, it showed her, all right. It showed her that he really was not worth bothering with.
Guys like him aren’t interested in building character or making themselves better people, they are not interested in following their passions and cultivating themselves in anyway…they are just to shallow and lazy to actually do something that would make them interesting to other people
Whats funny too is that picture ? First of all those guys are too young for me .So I look at them as more like….mmmm…I could be their mom even if I think they are cute . And I don’t know if maybe its because I have this no man but my husband , no matter how attractive doesn’t “do anything for me ” LOL because they aren’t him I don’t know. Having said that if I was young and single there is only one guy in that picture that based only on looks alone I would go out with .The very bottom row guy furthest to the right.To me he’s the most attractive out of all those cute guys. I like his face the best, his eyes,his smile,,,,OOPS… And his tossy floppy hair style .And he is not “over buff” . He could even be way less buff .
Sorry didn’t mean to turn it into a beauty contest .But guess I’m shallow like that.
lana, seconding all that! I don’t like buff and those guys … well, yeah, way too young, and some of them have nice faces, but I’d still be Just Not Interested. Might be different if (other things being equal) I knew one and liked him enough to form an interest, but as it is … nope. Easy equation: does guy X remind me of Mr Kittehs? If yes, he might get a “Cripes he looks like Louis” look, or “This is weird, I’m sitting near someone with hair like Louis’s” (that happened on the train once). If not, he might get a “Yeah, nice looking guy.” And that’s all. Because it’s what I wrote in a poem once: for me, all other men are ghosts. (He isn’t, btw: I used the term to emphasise the distinction.)
Arg that got long. 😛
…I think I love you.
(And this belongs on the Artistry for Feminism and Kittens queue.)
Misogynysts usually hate the fact that women could chose their mates, it just drives them crazy, because they don’t see women as autonomous human beings, but as something they can buy or conquer, the spoils of war.
Or more simply that women should understand they are put on earth for .What men are entitled to that she owes him otherwise whats the point of her existence ?
Like that guy had posted that ladies should understand that there are men out their that would rescue her out of a burning building and go back in for her cats . I’m like and ? Doesn’t sound like with no strings attached .Sounds more like that’s the reason she should fuck every guy that wants to even if he never does save her from a burning building or her cats either. Somehow that he says he would do that she owes him sex.
Or the way men work tirelessly and “thanklessly” FOR her in ways she never knows………
Well last I checked most guys work in occupations they get PAID for .”Men” aren’t working volunteer work for “women” unless maybe some of them work specifically for free for organizations that strictly benefit women I don’t know what the fuck that means. Especially if somehow that translates to now women “owe men”
And how can it be for me if I don’t even know about it ?
Whatever.