So I’ve been reading Reddit’s CreepyPMs subreddit a lot lately, where the recipients of bizarre and, well, creepy personal messages share them with the world. As you might imagine, some of the creepiest come from complete strangers on dating sites, like the following message received by a young woman on MeetMe, who put up a profile stating that she was looking for friends only (she already has a boyfriend) and that she would talk to anyone.
Well, one young man didn’t quite believe her, and sent this message:
He doesn’t judge, huh? That’s the most judgy non-judgemental message I’ve ever seen.
If you haven’t already checked out CreepyPMs, go take a look. You can lose hours in there.
I had something like this happen to me. This was when I was an undergrad. I was in the classroom with my fellow students waiting for class to start. This guy was drawing something, it looked good, and I was about to even say something about it when he turned to me (we were all sitting in a circle) and said, “I know you hate me. Don’t even pretend that you could possibly like someone like me, you stupid selfish bitch.” I didn’t hate this guy – I had always been friendly to him. I was shocked. For a long time I wondered what I had done to give him that impression – but then I realized that he was probably actually projecting and that he most likely hated me instead.
I just remember the biting hatred in his words when he said that me. I felt that same way reading this message.
I think the most pernicious thing about porn with regards to sexual performance is that, to someone inexperienced, it is very very easy to make the assumption that “looks good in porn” = “feels good in real life”.
Porn will usually try to make everything as visible as possible. So there’s an emphasis on positions where you can see the penis, see the vulva, see the clit, and see the breasts. There’s very little full body contact.
But that stuff is often not what actually feels the best. For me anyway, body contact is very very important. And you can tell when a lover has been unduly influenced by porn, because they don’t touch your body, but make a bee-line to the naughty bits.
Actually, he was most likely projecting hatred for HIMSELF onto you.
I’ve mentioned before that I dipped pretty heavily into the whole “Nice Guy” mindset in the past. It’s a very self-centered attitude that can trap people in their own fantasies and nightmares.
(Deletes a long emotional glurge)
Let’s just say that I’ve been there. I’ve never fallen that deep into the hole, but I can see where he’s coming from from where I’d been.
It’s no excuse for his behaviour towards you, though.
I just saw this . Hmmm maybe they can exclude their mothers and realize her “in ways he will never know ” sacrifice and work ,because they don’t want to fuck their moms ?
And yes that was partly my point .I don’t know of any work that men do FOR women ONLY .And in the occupations they may have that are more high risks 1st they get PAID 2nd I can’t even think of any occupation like that ,that MEN don’t also benefit from .Including firemen.
That’s why he had to say “in ways we will never know” because there is nothing to know.
It has to be “shrouded” in mystery that way I suppose all the women will say …hmm…”men” are doing all these for ME and thanklessly . I have no idea what these things are ,but HE said they are so WE women just better show how thankful we are to “men! ” Otherwise they may just get to tired and stop doing whatever it is they are doing that I will never know about.
Quoted for truth. And my wife and I often comment (sometimes mid-act!) about the massive gulf between actual lovemaking between a couple who are totally into one another and nobody else, and two porn stars who are performing for the gaze of a third party (the camera, and the ultimate viewer). Most of our favourite real-life positions simply wouldn’t work on camera: there’d be nothing to see.
I am not going to argue that porn doesn’t deliver the wrong message about human sexuality because I think that it does, just as pro-wrestling delivers a wrong message about masculinity and violence, porn delivers a message that is unrealistic because like pro-wrestling…it is fake.
In both genres we see people treat each other like baggage being handled by baggage-handlers at LAX without consequences…the violence in both genres have to no effect but in real life it just does not work out that way. We see unrealistic portrayals of what a man is and what a women is…in both genres. I am very sure that these portrayal do effect how the way people who actually do believe there is some reality these fictions think.
But has a witness to certain cultural changes (I am an old guy), I cannot blame porn for the whole shaving thing, it was there before. The first people I had seen who were completely shaved were not porn workers but women in my social circles, and this was back in the early 80’s and they did it because of certain fashion trends of the day. The fashion industry has had more of an effect on how women view their own bodies than porn ever has.
I don’t know how I’ve been so fortunate because the vast majority of men’s attitudes towards pubic hair on women I’ve seen expressed are derogatory but I’ve NEVER had a male partner respond negatively to my pubic hair. I don’t know how that can be, given the vast majority of attitudes I see expressed by men regarding the matter are very, very negative. It’s either not mattered to everyone I’ve had sex with or they’ve liked it though.
What I find super sad is most of the attitudes I hear from women on the issue of pubic hair on women reflect those of most men – it’s gross, it’s uncomfortable, it makes you sweat, it’s dirty, it’s unhealthy, it’s masculine, etc. This coming from the same women who tell me they remove pubic hair for themselves, because it’s their preference, not because of what anyone else thinks. They’re completely blind to the reality their “preference” is based entirely on other people’s bigoted, ignorant opinions about their genitals.
Both QFT. Louis and I don’t compare, because we don’t watch porn, but I much, much prefer full body contact to any other position. We’re not interested in sex for its own sake; we’re making love sexually. (He always says everything we do is making love, whether sex is involved or not.)
“There’d be nothing to see” reminds me of a line from Oliver’s Travels, where Oliver asks in some horror “Do we look like that?” and Diane says “I expect so. We’ve four buttocks between us, I suppose they heave in the regulation fashion.” š
OK, TMI time, perhaps – I haven’t shaved or trimmed anything for over 2 years now, including legs and armpits. I go swimming, and I wear short sleeved and sleeveless things and shorts and short skirts out and about and in that time not one single person has ever said anything to me about it. No pointing and laughing, nothing. I think almost nobody has actually noticed, and if anyone has they haven’t been that strongly moved by it. The number of guys who hit on or otherwise bother me in public has not changed at all, and I’d think that lot would be the most likely to have noticed something like that and be weird about it. I get lots of idiots come up to me or scream across the road to inform me that I am ginger, or tell me my legs look too pale and they are disgusting or various other things they feel are wrong with my body. But – hairy in public gets me nothing. And I also work as a life model fairly often, I get a fair few repeat bookings so I’m not grossing out the art students too much I suppose.
I am really suprised actually, because it isn’t like I live somewhere female body hair is completely OK, I’m in the UK. There are jokes and comments about how leg and underarm hair on women is gross or manly or whatever (from people who wouldn’t have seen mine) and I have noticed that increasingly younger guys expect/want women to be shaved (I’m 26 and IME its been sorta slowly gathering momentum since I was maybe 14-15 at least, less and less hair is acceptable down there each year it seems, some of it to do with tiny swimwear rather than porn at least) and think a bush is gross or weird, and lots of people seem to think shaving is basic hygiene for women but not men. I’m just kind of suprised that considering how repellant and awful and unhygenic and shocking people find the idea of a ‘hairy’ woman, the ones who have seen hairy little me out in public don’t actually seem to notice, even the ones who are looking for something to criticise. I am sure that eventually someone will notice it and take it upon themselves to tell me how gross my body hair is but wow, it has been a really long time. If it was truly as inappropriate and gross as people make out, surely I’d have been told about that rather than how horrible my pasty legs are.
Also I read back and FFS, yes, English people do say C***, and it is used slightly differently to how the US seems to use it but it is still the strongest swear here and if you think it is more acceptable in wider society then you must have a very limited social life and are probably quite unpleasant.
Also gosh, I just realised what a tealdeer I just made, sorry…
Also the thing where they slap random body parts with their cock. I’ve luckily never encountered anyone silly enough to do this, but friends have, and in terms of timing it seems to have been a direct result of that becoming a thing in porn.
(I still want to know why people do that even in porn. Is it supposed to be a dominant thing? Because it just looks like what happens when the picture goes out on a TV and someone hits it in the hope it’ll start working again.)
I once had a guy I was chatting up text me that he would like to throw me into a bush and slap me with his cock, so I text back something about it being silly (I thought it was a joke!) and he was serious, he thought it was a legit general sexy thing to say to partners you’re flirting with but don’t really know. I was confused, because it was kinda out of place, then I lol’d, then I stopped chatting him up. But I’m still confused years later.
It really does come across as “shit, why isn’t this thing working?” (smacks against nearest available object).
yeah, it’s like someone forgot to brief the dude on what goes where beforehand. Hit it on enough things and eventually something will happen!
Slapping you with his penis?
That sounds like “If you really want me to grab it and TWIST you’re going the right way about it.”
I don’t know about porn, but I’ve done it before, and it was hilarious. (And hilarious was what we were going for.)
Penises are kind of funny.
I will cheerfully admit to pruning my bush for comfort and tidiness once in a while (especially during bike season), but I’ll be damned if I mow it down, uproot it or (Bog help us all!) burn it to the ground with a laser. Can’t understand the fetish for baby-bald genitalia on a woman at ALL.
And if any guy ever ties that dick-as-a-drumstick thing on me, I am just straight-up gonna ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing. Because that looks silly as hell.
@ kittehs
If you watched porn at all you’d definitely have seen it. It’s the funniest thing, but done in a way that makes it clear that both participant and viewer are supposed to find it super sexy. Like, there’s a woman, there’s a guy slapping her thigh with his cock for no apparent reason…how or why this is supposed to be arousing eludes me.
I’ve never personally encountered cock slapping in anything but a humorous context (and it can be hilarious), thank goodness. How can you possibly consider that sexy or domly, smacking body parts with one’s dick? It’s just fucking silly.
It’d be one thing if it was for a giggle (I can see Mr K and myself being that silly) but as Serious Sexy? Pffffft.
Penii are funny?
My partner asked if he could use one of my breasts to smack himself in the face (I have very large, jiggly breasts) while we were in the shower. I consented and he proceeded. How we laughed.
Boobies, too, are funny.
You know some of us men take our dinky-winkys very seriously.
I read Man Boobz and mistakenly think that makes me worldly wise, but I still seem to have blank spots. For instance, willy slapping? Really?
But then, up until a couple of months ago I was still wondering why guys were complaining that their partners didn’t like facials.
I just kept thinking that facials were expensive so I thought the guys would be glad if their partner didn’t want one. Also, my skincare routine has nothing to do with Mr M, I’ll moisturise if I damn well please!
Yeah…::facepalm::
I do however know all about Goatse and the two weird girls and their cup (hygiene people!) Also ‘penis beaker’. But that could be because I love Somegreybloke so much. (If you don’t already know what these are, Google with very great care! Or better yet, preserve your innocence.)