Hey ladies! Better not read today’s post, as it’s only for ALPHA DUDES and would-be ALPHA DUDES. For while I was out looking for Man Boobz material I happened to run across some excellent and not-at-all ridiculous advice from a dude called FISTO on how ALPHA DUDES can use sex to totally control the ladies.
This advice is so totally ALPHA I feel I can only dispense it in small doses, so here are a few tips. Only after you have totally mastered these tips to totally master the ladies should you even consider reading the rest of the post I got them from. (Also, to be serious for a moment, it’s also fucked up and possibly triggery, so you may not even want to read my post.)
First of all, you need to know that
Women fall in love with you when you Make them feel special + Make them feel feminine …
When they love you, you have the power. …
You will become the man she desperately needs and is terrified of losing.
Ok, so how do you do this? Easy as pie!
Women release the hormone OXYTOCIN during sex, the more intimate and powerful the pleasure for her, the more you will own her ass.
And that means ORGASMS, baby!
The most common orgasm a woman has is the Clitoral Orgasm. Most people know you can stimulate her to climax with your hands or tongue or when fucking you can angle your body so it gets rubbed by your rock hard abs.
Wait, what?
you can angle your body so it gets rubbed by your rock hard abs.
You can angle your body to rub her clit with your abs.
Ok, I am just going to have to take his word for this. Granted, I don’t actually have rock-hard-abs, but I’m pretty sure that unless you are literally this dude
no part of your abs — not even your lower abs, down there between the six pack and the you-know-what — are going to be rocking her clit.
Anyhoo, if you want to make her feel especially feminine and special, you need to
do what a Lion does when it hears a wounded animal and go in for the kill.
And what that means is spitting. Lots of spitting. Possibly NONCONSENSUAL spitting.
Ladies love spitting!
Making her open her mouth and spitting in it, spitting on her face, baby smacking her face, her tits, really throwing down on her ass leaving big red handprints, making her tell you that’s your pussy, and on and on. That’s what bonds her to you, that’s the Greater Alpha Male Long Game.
Ok, you say, I’m totally down with this ALPHA stuff but do the ladies really like all of this spitting?
Well, that’s exactly what some dude asked in the comments to FISTO’s totally ALPHA post, and FISTO laid down some TRUTH on him:
You gotta amp up the intensity of the encounter, you have to escalate by kissing her and making her swallow big drips of saliva, then when you start fucking her tell her to open her mouth, she may say no. Tell her “DO IT”. She will whimper and then do it, and let it drip right in there. Then when you get going hard and the smacking ensues let her rip. It’s not for everyone, but you’ll likely be THE ONLY ONE that does it to her. And that’s leaving a mark.
Pressuring women into doing humiliating things after they say no … what could be more ALPHA than that?
… and I don’t really have any more jokes for today.
I can only hope that all of Fisto’s alleged sexual experience is made up, not just some of it.
I found Fisto and his Red Pill advice through the excellent Blue Pill subreddit. It was also posted in r/sex, where it was, thankfully, downvoted and ridiculed.
NOTE: Added a trigger warning of sorts.
(I should have specified cis women in my last comment, but obviously with Fisto we’re talking basic reductive gender binary stuff.)
Fisto,
I’m not telling you about my sex life so that you can go spank to it. Nice try, dipshit.
I can
We’re not the ones blogging about how half the human race is just aching to be abused and mind-controlled.
…
I still think that Slippery Nipple is the strangest drink name ever, but that comes pretty close.
It’s a good thing someone is here to remind women that we have no idea what pleases us sexually; only men know that, and they’ll do it to us for our own good.
And by “a good thing” what I actually mean is that thing as old as time that has led to countless rapes and sexual assault. A terrible, horrific thing that Fisto would like to perpetuate.
OMG!!!!!! My two favorite flavors!!!! I want TWO!!!!! And you don’t even have to chew them up first and spit them in my mouth in a drizzle while I whimper and say NOOO>>>I will eat them voluntarily!!!!!
That’s right, Cloudiah and if we don’t appreciate the mansplainy wisdom bestowed upon us, then we’re just haters.
FISTO,
Trying to pretend you wrote something other than what you did won’t work. We have memories longer than goldfish and screencap is a thing that exists.
I didn’t know I couldn’t be anti-rape instruction unless I’d had a squirting orgasm. I’ll leave you to your work and come back when I’ve had one.
Aw, he left without talking about immature orgasms. I was going to give him a diagram that shows the internal part of the clitoris and everything.
Fisto, if you spit in someone’s mouth nonconsensually, that’s assault.
If you spit in someone’s mouth nonconsensually while fucking them, at the very least that’s sexual assault. If you’re pressuring someone to do nonconsensual things — like open their mouth to have it spit in — while fucking them, and they feel they have to comply, I think that suggests that their consent to the sexual act at that point is no longer a given. That would make it rape.
Cassandra, I’ve met waaaay too many dudes like that. And those dudes have to keep finding new partners because they don’t get invited back to bed by the currant partner.
Shorter Fisto: “Nobody is buying it! Better scramble back to my blog!”
Well you know what ? I think that’s a good start . I appreciate that. I’m sure most others in the world will too.
As a sub woman, I find your description of it as a “zesty enterprise” childish and cartoonish.
I can only assume you wear a monocle to bed.
Seriously, the moment you hear that kind of “I have a script and by God we’re going to follow it” thinking you know the guy is a lousy lay. The nonconsensual spitting is just a minor variation on the theme, really.
This guy is creepily obsessed with female ejaculation, and for some reason think all women are capable of having them and that all women here should be having them. Because he said so. That’s just creepy.
But anyway, he knows bubkis about female anatomy and orgasm.
First, the Skene’s gland is a gland near the urethra that is the equivalent of the male prostate. Some women have larger Skene’s glands, some women have smaller Skene’s glands, some women don’t have them at all:
http://www.princeton.edu/~achaney/tmve/wiki100k/docs/Skene_s_gland.html
It seems that some women do ejacate, some don’t; the link between the Skene’s glands, female ejaculation, and G-spot orgasm has not been widely studied, so at this point it’s all speculation. Some women ejaculate; some don’t.
http://m.netdoctor.co.uk/sexandrelationships/female_ejaculation.htm
Some women have G-spot orgasms: some don’t:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/G-Spot
I highly doubt that Fisto has personally experienced a clitoral orgasm himself, so he really wouldn’t be able to declare so inferior compared to a g-spot orgasm.
THANK YOU!
Actually, I read recently that Rwandan women expect their lovers to make them squirt, and (though the practice has lost popularity recently) may even stretch their labia throughout their adolescence to facilitate this.
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
It’s tequila and OJ, served in one of those squeezy bath toys.
When someone says “zesty” I think of lemon or lime juice, maybe grapefruit, none of which I want anywhere near my ladybits.
But my last girlfriend really liked it!
I’m off to make a woman orgasm with my trapezius muscles and for her to share half a jelly doughnut. Because that’s totally how relationships work, amirite?
I hope fisto keeps posting, he’s a lulzcow.
Justabrowngirl: Cool! I’m embarrassingly stoked that Cartoon Netwrok is bringing the PowerPuff Girls back. 🙂
Fitso’s gone? Good riddance. Not betting he’ll stick the flounce, though.
… You’ve eaten all the blueberry-lemon muffins, you wretches!
Its really scary he doesn’t get that . He saying no while they are having sex to opening her mouth …him saying DO IT! and she whimpers and complies and he spits in her mouth ?
TELL a cop that and ask THEM if its assault.
Then of a sexual nature ?
They will tell you DUDE you can’t to that .You’re going to go to jail .
Seriously I feel sorry for you that you honestly don’t know that “Fisto” …No wonder again so many guys say “falsley” .You don’t even seem to know what qualifies as sexual assault.
You need to do a field trip ..Go down to your local police station ask to speak to a sexual a dtective in their sexual crimes unit … and say its for a paper you are writing for your 4th grade men’s studies class. They will educate you since you do not believe evil mean feminist.
He really is the best lolcow in a while. Zesty! That’s some Fifty Shades-worthy dialogue right there.