As requested, an open thread. I’ll try to get these up more often in the future. This one will be overseen by Morrissey with a cat on his head.
No trolls, no arguments.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: January 2014 Pretty Cats Make Hats Edition
Eli, so glad to hear that puppy is feeling better!
Ally, I’m happy to hear that you are starting your journey. Stay safe & sending up thoughts for you. And many kitty hugs 🙂
I’m trying my hardest to be positive and think about this situation in an optimistic way. Even if I’m scarred by the family rejection, I’ll try to see everything that happens as a learning experience. There is a chance that I will end up making my life extremely miserable but I have to take that risk.
Yep! It’s really happening!
Ally, that is so brave and I wish you all the safety and well-being in the world.
@Sam-I-Was? — Thank you.
Ally, could it be more miserable than it is now? Yes, some of your family may reject you, but you’ll still be 1) physically safe and 2) able to start living as who you are, not who you’ve had to pretend to be. You’ll also be free to contact people who are your real friends and do support you, and meet more people you want in your life, not ones who’re there because of blood relationship. I know your family mean a lot to you, but you’ve also had a perishingly small group of friends with which to compare them.
(Safe from your father, I mean.)
Ally, we’re all here for you!
Eli, great news about your doggie!
Also, a friend of a friend just checked out the book at the library so now my dad has no reason to ask me for it. And so I’m safe from the possibility of him finding out I’m not going to school.
Good luck, Ally, and I’m so glad you’re getting out.
Oh god, I feel like I’m about to cry. I’m going to end up causing disappointment, hurt feelings, worrying and anger just because of my actions. I feel horrible. I know I have to leave, and my plans are set now so there’s no turning back, but still… I just wish this could be a win-win situation for everyone affected by my actions.
There’s also a chance that you will end up being gloriously happy! Keep breathing. Change is scary and big change is terrifying. It’s always been worth it to me, in the end.
Ally, I wish there was a way that you could make yourself and your family happy at the same time. It doesn’t sound like there is, though, and you deserve happiness just as much as they do.
It’s going to hurt, but it’s going to get better. I wish I could show you yourself in six months or a year, being happy and beautiful, and not having to hide who you are.
Ally, your actions are ethical and reasonable. You can’t control anyone else’s reaction.
You’re going to be okay.
Ally.
Disappointment is part of life. Have you been disappointed by your family? Frequently! Have they wilfully hurt you? Damn right, your father’s an abuser who should be in prison and your brother, for all his general support, needs a smack with a clue-by-four.
You’re not setting out to hurt them. Any hurt they feel is caused by toxic social/religious norms, unrealistic academic/professional expectations they’ve dumped on you, and ignorance of who you are (ie. a woman).
Fuckit, Ally, they’re adults. They’ll cope. You have enough on your plate without having to be their emotional nursemaid as well.
Well, what’s wrong with crying? I cried so hard this week that my face was all blotched and puffy and my green eyes turned blue.
Crying is healthy. I’ve been crying a lot lately too.
Tomorrow night I’m going to get rid of most of my body hair as part of a little “ritual” I want to do in preparation for leaving. And the day I leave will mark the first day I begin transitioning. I’m going to end up looking very androgynous, but that’s better than being seen as a guy.
Some (like Cassandrakitty) might say it’s SUPERIOR to look androgynous…
I hope so. I wish I didn’t have to do all of this alone…
You don’t . :: hugs ::
Ally, as strange as it sounds you have me rooting for you. I know you don’t know me but I am so proud that you are embarking on your life as it should be and not just dealing with the hand that you have been dealt in life. Change is hard, hell change is terrifying but you can, and I think will, come out stronger on the other side. It won’t be an easy trip and you will feel a range of emotions but in the end I think not only will you come out as a happier person but I think you will even open minds and maybe just sway how your family thinks.
I’ve been lurking here quite awhile before I posted and your’s is one of the stories that I’ve really rooted for. You deserve to live life as it should be, you deserve to be HAPPY!
My dad just confronted me about the book and got very upset at me because he found out it’s no longer at the library. So now he wants me to go to the library “again” (in quotes because I didn’t actually go there) and ask them if I can obtain the book via an “interlibrary loan” as my dad calls it; apparently UC Berkeley has the book as well.
I feel sick.
ILL doesn’t get delivered the next day. You can tell him you requested it. It doesn’t necessarily get sent from the closest institution.
Often, a library will tell you to place a “hold” on a checked out book, rather than placing an ILL request for it. My library will only ILL request books they don’t own, or books that have been declared missing/lost.
This just means the person who borrowed it gets a slightly shortened lending period, and then you’re next in line.
Right! I totally forgot, I’ve been out of academia so long. That’s how it worked at my school: we own it, you have to put in a request and wait.