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A Voice for Men’s Paul Elam finally admits that he’s been pocketing an unspecified chunk of site donations

Your donations will help change the life of this suffering man-child!
Your donation will help change the life of this suffering man-child!

Here are some of the things Paul Elam of A Voice for Mens has said in the past that the $80,000 plus in donations his site aims to take in every year go to:

Dedicated servers, image royalties, legal fees, internet radio premiums, various kinds of computer and media hardware — and now traveling to different locations, like Toronto, in order to do what has been in the plans all along.

Here are a few things Elam has not said the donations have been going to:

Buying him sandwiches. Paying for the down payment on a condo. Paying his cable bill. Paying for DVD rentals. Buying tasteful framed art for the walls and tchotchkes for the end tables. Buying him suits for his big important media interviews.

Well, now he’s fessed up — sort of.

After a bit of a kerfuffle about financial transparency in his site’s comments section, Elam has finally admitted what a lot of us have been assuming but that he’s been loath to admit: that he’s been living off of his supporters’ donations — and a generous girlfriend. As he explained in a post yesterday:

Donations are used to meet my personal living expenses (with the help of a supportive partner), especially as I have not yet figured out a way to do this 14-16 hours a day and also hold a full time job.

Was that so hard to admit? Apparently it was, so hard, in fact, that he chose to admit it in the quietly evasive passive voice, so as to symbolically avoid responsibility for taking his donors’ money even as he acknowledged that this was what he was doing.

Now, is there anything wrong with making a living, or a part of a living, off of a “donate button” on a web page? Of course not. I have a donate button, and I run regular fundraisers; all of the money I collect — which I greatly appreciate, though it is only a small fraction of what AVFM takes in — goes directly to me, as I’ve always made clear.

Is it wrong for activists to make a living off of their activism? No. Plenty do, though few live lavishly. Most serious activist organizations depend both on paid staff and volunteers.

But I think there are two problems with what Elam has done.

The first is that he’s basically been fundraising under false pretenses, claiming that the money was going for various other costs and never — until now — admitting that a chunk of the money was going directly to him. He still won’t say what percentage of the money goes to him — and his silence on this point suggests to me that it is probably a large one.

His unwillingness to offer any real transparency beyond admitting that some of the money goes to him seems a tad, well, ironic in light of his site’s bad-mouthing of former AVFM-er Kristina Hansen for her alleged lack of transparency with regard to a much smaller sum of donated money.

The second big problem is the hypocrisy. Elam has been essentially urging his followers to adopt vows of poverty in order to devote more money to AVFM — and thus to him. He’s bragged, on several occasions, about getting $100 donations taken from a donor’s unemployment checks.

And in one notorious post, he literally offered a big “fuck you” to men who came to AVFM seeking help, telling them explicitly to “go fucking bother someone else with your problems” — if they hadn’t already offered help to AVFM by hitting the donate button.

I am tired of seeing a handful of men and women fight for a cause that should include millions. I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them.

After a bit more ranting, he offered this advice:

If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.

Emphasis mine in both quotes.

Apparently the main “other” that doners have been helping has been Elam himself.

And as far as I can tell Elam hasn’t exactly taken his own vow of poverty. The photo at the top of the post is a partial screenshot from a recent AVFM video, which evidently shows Elam at home. To me, that doesn’t look much like the bleak studio apartment of a man living a “meager existence” on Ramen noodles.

Still, if there are men out there who want to send in hundreds of dollars from their unemployment checks to support Paul Elam in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed, that is their right, I suppose. They should just be aware that’s what they’re doing when they donate to AVFM.

NOTE: I should make clear that I don’t know what exactly Elam has spent his donors’ money on. It is possible that he has not spent any of his donors’ money on sandwiches, condos, cable bills, DVDs, art, tchotchkes, or suits. Those were just guesses. As for me, I do spend some of the money I get from donors on sandwiches, rent, cable bills, Netflix, and of course cat food.

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CassandraSays
10 years ago

@ kittehs

But my hair got dark all by itself, it was only red when I was little. But (thinks some more) aging is misandry, right? So either way I’m pissing some asshole off.

This pleases me.

kittehserf
10 years ago

::applauds::

MISANDRIC HAIR!

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

“AVfM: A place where people are so gullible that they believe server space costs $80,000 a year.”

$72 for two years, with domain and Whois privacy, shared server space. Dedicated is a couple hundred a year, tops.

DeutschundMusik
DeutschundMusik
10 years ago

Nalahverdian (Nicholas Alahverdian, no privacy issue here) is the King of Bombast: check youtube for the “trailer” for his “documentary” due out later this month, esp. the music, wow, Wagnerian!

Paul Elam is the Executive Producer (see credits at the end of the “trailer”.). Wonder where he got the money to promote himself to that? http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Executive_producer

So avfm is bankrolling this guy’s obsessive personal quest to destroy a young woman he has been convicted of molesting. And Elam’s bucks aren’t enough; on Nick’s site the big plea is for more money.

And he’s here commenting, as though he himself is not scrounging for donations under the guise of a Legal Defense Fund.

As for Elam’s partner, he’s been quite public about calling her Stacey and eulogizing her father R. D. Harvey. Some MRAs seem to be upset that she’s collecting the unemployment money for Paul and generally doing the grunge work around the place. Plus supporting him.

I’m not linking to the sites involved because of their toxicity, but google will take you there as needed.

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
10 years ago

Speaking of scottish grannies, my dad’s mom’s family is primarily scots-irish (I’m a European mutt–I’ve had ancestors in the US since New York was New Amsterdam). He was out with his grandmother when he was a boy, and went around to all the fireworks shops in town, comparing prices before he bought any, to get the most bang for his buck (literally).

One of the shopkeeper asked, “Is he Jewish?” and great-grandma said, quite proudly, “No! He’s a Scot!”

His last name is French, however. Grandma’s maiden name is Scottish, though.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
10 years ago

I found AVfM’s post about Alahverian. Lots of “we saw some secret document and talked to unnamed people and we’re sure he didn’t do it, and you should just trust us.

If he WAS sentenced without a jury trial, that’s messed up and should be fought. But when MRAs are involved (especially with a rape case), I tend to assume they aren’t telling the truth.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
10 years ago

*Alahverdian. Sorry.

seleukosnicator10
10 years ago

Didn’t they freak out when Anita Sarkeesian didn’t disclose her financial statements? Do I smell MRA hypocrisy afoot?

DeutschundMusik
DeutschundMusik
10 years ago

In just about every state, there’s no right to a jury trial for certain classes of misdemeanors. And that’s what this ginormous fuss is about – misdemeanors.

Bina
Bina
10 years ago

Nalahverdian (Nicholas Alahverdian, no privacy issue here) is the King of Bombast: check youtube for the “trailer” for his “documentary” due out later this month, esp. the music, wow, Wagnerian!

Paul Elam is the Executive Producer (see credits at the end of the “trailer”.). Wonder where he got the money to promote himself to that? http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Executive_producer

So avfm is bankrolling this guy’s obsessive personal quest to destroy a young woman he has been convicted of molesting. And Elam’s bucks aren’t enough; on Nick’s site the big plea is for more money.

And he’s here commenting, as though he himself is not scrounging for donations under the guise of a Legal Defense Fund.

As for Elam’s partner, he’s been quite public about calling her Stacey and eulogizing her father R. D. Harvey. Some MRAs seem to be upset that she’s collecting the unemployment money for Paul and generally doing the grunge work around the place. Plus supporting him.

I’m not linking to the sites involved because of their toxicity, but google will take you there as needed.

In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny: “Such an innnnnnnteresting monstah!”

And yet, he comes here to poop…and brag of his buddy Paulie the Grifter.

I guess shame is only for us womenfolks.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

What a shock the MRAs are hypocrites!

I’m so glad to have found this site. It’s great. I linked to the article about MRAs lying about the CDC study to claim half of rapists are women when I was troll slaying over at Jezebel. Of course they never addressed the lying about the data part and just accused me of not caring about male rape victims. Interesting that when a woman makes a rape accusation the man is innocent until proven guilty, but when a man accuses a woman it’s gospel truth. Ugh.

Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to say I appreciate your work David. I don’t think I could stomach all that peering into the void you have to do. Thanks for allowing evil females like me to mooch off your hard work!

pecunium
10 years ago

What branch is Teh Husband in?

cloudiah
10 years ago

@emilygoddess, Alahverdian had no right to a jury trial because he was charged with two misdemeanors (is my understanding). He had no more right to a jury trial than someone contesting a speeding ticket.

kiki
kiki
10 years ago

ELAM’S A GOLD DIGGER.

Now I ain’t sayin’ he’s a gold digger
No wait, I totally am saying that

Adam
Adam
10 years ago

The main thing I find amazing is the guy who runs AVFM is financially dependent on his girlfriend. That’s like if Malcolm X got his money from wealthy white donors.

Wetherby
Wetherby
10 years ago

He’d be more manly if he could just say “Know what? I live off my girlfriend, and anybody who doesn’t like it can blow me” instead of going through all these contortions.

On my side of the pond we call this the Steven Norris response. At the turn of 1993/94, following an ill-advised speech by the then prime minister John Major about going “back to basics” (which was widely interpreted, not necessarily fairly, as a call to go back to traditional morality), the tabloids published a seemingly endless series of exposés of MPs getting up to adulterous things that they shouldn’t – they’d been sitting on many of these stories for years, and had finally received what they interpreted as a “public interest” green light.

With one notable exception, the response on the part of the wayward MPs was denial, bluster and bullshit – which of course made things far worse for them as the tabloids merely dug deeper into their private lives, inevitably ending up exposing the fact that they were liars as well as adulterers and guaranteeing that their stories would be front-page news for far longer .

But when Conservative MP Steven Norris was the subject of a shock-horror “MP Has Five Simultaneous Girlfriends” front-pager, his response was essentially “Yeah? So what? Are you jealous, then?”. And as a result, his personal popularity shot up, he gained the affectionate nickname “Shagger Norris”, and a few years later he became a serious candidate for Mayor of London, coming an honourable second in two elections.

There’s a lesson there somewhere.

HeatherN
10 years ago

Paul Elam: The Televangelist of the MRA

Excuse me…MHRA…

Gen
Gen
10 years ago

That Steve Norris story is awesome. And Paul Elam is one huge hypocrite. But the first fact is more interesting and shocking.

Falconer
Falconer
10 years ago

“look, magic, which is really offensive”

bzuh. habbuh. gnar. what.

I don’t remember if her husband was offended or if she took that on for him.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she did. They are very hooked on outrage over there at the ‘Ville.

I also have the feeling that if she wants her husband’s opinion, she will issue him one. If she’ll manipulate her commenters with flouncing and shame….

Timbles
Timbles
10 years ago

Now I ain’t sayin’ he a gold digger…

dallasapple
dallasapple
10 years ago

He says he spends 14-16 hours a day fighting for the cause . + he has volunteers + $80,000 ? What exactly is he doing again ? What is he providing exactly that would take that much time and money ? How much does it costs exactly to tell the men e-mailing him with their stories asking for advice to tell them fuck you ,bend over ,lube up and get on your knees ?

He also said he was tired of seeing only a handful of men and women fight for a cause that should include millions. He’s dreaming big . Wouldn’t that be nice to have millions of readers oops I mean activist who all “cough up” a minimum of $5 each a month ?Sounds like a minimum of about $10 million a month to me.

Did he ever entertain the thought that there aren’t EVEN “millions” of men getting fucked over by the courts ? Did he even check the divorce stats ? There are 1.2 million divorces a year . 98% are uncontested . Another interesting fact I did not know 66% of divorced couples are childless.

There simply are not millions and millions of men out there getting fucked over to have any desire to “cough up” $5 a month to have the privilege of moaning and groaning about the “cause.” $80,000 a year should cover it .

kleptonetic
kleptonetic
10 years ago

Paul’s a snake oil salesman? Surprise, surprise.

They’re even worse than the smarmy life-hack gurus and whatnot because at least people trying to sell you stuff by claiming they can give you the secret to life, the universe and everything, are at least trying to keep you happy (ish) and hopeful (ish) while manipulating you out of your money. Which, if nothing else is at least giving something somewhat positive. These Paul E types instead get rich off of encouraging misery. And why shouldn’t they? They can’t get rich off of actually alleviating any actual suffering they claim they and they alone care is happening.

I tend to think THIS is why most of the MRA crowd leans libertarian. “Free markets” = free to swindle you out of house and home (sometimes literally, it seems), then blame someone else for it

Salacious
Salacious
10 years ago

@DeutschundMusik

I just watched the trailer and OMG the music bwahahaha are we scaling Mount DOOOMM!? What an utter tool.

dallasapple
dallasapple
10 years ago

I guess I’m slow LOL>>>I just went and investigated what the H stands for in MHRA. But now I’m even more perplexed . Exactly what human right in the U.S.A specifically is being denied men ? But even more specifically perpetuated by women or the feminist movement?

I can think of one I would call a human right that in IMHO is being violated against males .The practice of male infant circumcision . Of course that is hotly debated .But also that is not a practice brought on by women or by feminism. And it could fit squarely under “human right .” too .No need to add “men” . Like FGM is a human rights cause.

I guess I don’t get the “men” part in front of human .By that I mean there are no “men human rights” and “others human rights ” . Are there ? It would be like saying “children’s human rights activist ” .

Am I splitting hairs ? Well one guy over there started a thread on it . He said the H was redundant . But one guy posted the H needs to be there because men aren’t considered human . Another guy said its not redundant if they (men) are in action and in value “denied their humanity .”

So that puts me back to HOW are men denied their “humanity .”

dallasapple
dallasapple
10 years ago

what IS the MRA party line on women working outside “the home”? Do they think women are supposed to be dependent on their menfolk nowadays, or am I confusing them with xtian fundamentalists? I genuinely have never seen anything to indicate the MRA stance on this subject. I’ve only seen a lot of bitching about women being gold diggers or too independent.

I think you are getting them confused . Even though some xtian fundamentalists are also MRA’s .

But what I have seen of the MRA they more or less expect women to work . And ask him out for a date and pay for it then get married to him while she is still fresh (not very used preferably a virgin ) for his lifetime sex supply and co-bill payer..(and while you’re at it outlaw divorce and decriminalize rape in marriage) What they don’t seem to like is women who spend too much time building a career /putting off marriage /in the meantime screwing any guy they want besides them .Then deciding when they are old and worn out at 31 they wan’t to get married .

Oh and on the xtian fundamentalists they become MRA when their wife divorces them because hes an ass hole …she takes “all his wealth”, he has to pay child support and sometimes alimony (cash and prizes) Suddenly his wife who he wanted to be dependent on him is now a gold digger.. So those two groups do have in common the solution is to outlaw divorce / alternatively ban child support /alimony . OR get a mail order bride from a 3rd world country who “knows how to be a wife.”

Hope that explains it .

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